Do NOT fall in love! - lol

[Ade]

That 3 months out of 6 visa is certainly a game-changer in how to navigate this romance. While courting my wife, there was no such option for US visas. I would say, after spending 5 weeks together, you sure know a lot about each other now. If you do the 2 month visit, man, that's gotta be everything you need, probably. I guess one important question is: do you want to be married? That's a different state of mind than wanting a serious girlfriend. It's kind of a life-style choice on top of a romantic choice - not just a romantic choice, if you see what I mean.

Do I want to be married? Good question and one that would have had a negative answer 4 years ago I'm sure. But time heals the wounds from previous disasters I guess; it's been 8 years since I broke off my 10 year marriage. Still, it's hard not to be more careful after the first time around especially if it seemed at the time that it was also the right choice.

I knew my first wife for much longer than I knew my current wife. I'm not convinced that longer exposure is always revealing. Don't know why, it's just an experimental observation. For example, the divorce statistics in US show that the divorce rate for couples that lived together first is about 5% higher than couples who did not live together before marriage. Intriguing, isn't ? I'm not sure how to interpret that.

I think it will depend on the circumstances of the exposure; I think it would be far too easy to misjudge if it's entirely based on 2 week holidays to the FSU no matter how many which is what happens to at least some of the train wrecks from what I've read.

I know from personal experience that certain traits in some women have not shown up until many months after we've been dating/living together; there's also the warm fuzzy glow factor that's experienced during the initial part of most relationships which has a tendency to skew our judgement somewhat no matter how hard we try to be objective.

Ah, statistics.  I think that there are so many other factors involved that trying to draw a direct causal relationship between living together before marriage and the probability of divorce is suspect at best.

I think what a man wants in a wife, and a woman in a husband, is often in our subconscious, perhaps not recognized. I think it is different from what we want and expect in a girlfriend/boyfriend. Having had a bad end to my first marriage, I spent a lot of time, even writing it down, as to what I wanted and needed in a wife. Not the woman I loved. I presumed I would love the woman I marry, but what, in my deepest desires and needs, did I want in a wife. I worked a lot of that out ahead of time, and I talked with the ladies about it. Some resonated with it, some not. But its not the usual stuff that comes out from dating. Not even long term dating in many cases.

Glad to see you're less seriously jaded   Good women have that affect on us!

One of the things I noticed during the month that my girlfriend was here is that there was absolutely no friction, no clash of egos, no awkward moments, it was just so, um, easy (as well as immensely enjoyably ) to have her around. I'm the first to admit that I have a rather large and sensitive ego and it's not unknown for silly arguments to ensue with my partners because of that especially if they have large sensitive egos too; strangely, the women I'm usually attracted too tend to have large egos but she doesn't fit that profile at all.

What I am concerned about is her long term reaction to the relocation; it can have a decremental effect on anyone and it's difficult to predict the outcome. I saw it with my ex wife (she moved from Norway down to Geneva where I was working then) and on the partners of friends too. It certainly put a substantial strain on my relationship with my ex wife and may have even sown a few of the seeds that eventually ended the relationship years later. I'm hoping that having her here for extended periods will be enough, not only for me to get to know her better, but also for her to get a true understanding of what it will mean to move to Norway.

[Caddydaddy]

Hi again,

Thank you KenC, very good advice, priceless!

To clarify the situation a bit, the whole thing works with an agency. I did my best in research to get one with good reputation and it seems it is. I avoided the big cities of Russia. On my research I found this forum too and be happy about that.

Now the agency director, a reliable and honest woman as far as I could observe, and me will fix a date for the call.

Ok,  , that slacker gets up now from his couch, kicks himself in the a**, is absolutely unromantic, talks things like an ice cube and avoids bad a** cowboy manners.

And yes, I try hard NOT to fall in love, before a personal meet     MAAAN!!!

Regards
CaddyDaddy

[Caddydaddy]

Short interim report 2:

WooooHoooo 

Today I had my first phonecall with my favorite. Yes, she is existing  . All went well, we had a nice talk - no I WASN'T romantic, lol. I was astonished how good her English is and she has a nice voice. She will give me her phonenumber and we talked about a visit to plan in future. Unfortunately she hasn't internet at home but a mobile phone, so we can talk by phone or SMS. And I noticed that we had some warmly loughs, one detects at once if it comes from heart or not. Another step taken I guess.

Nooo, nono, I do not fall in love, in no case

Regards,
CaddyDaddy

[Doll]

I am too late with my answer   - there were 30 minutes between his first email and our phone talk.
-What if we talk on the phone right now?
-Sure, go ahead.
That was it.

[BillyB]

I am too late with my answer   - there were 30 minutes between his first email and our phone talk.
-What if we talk on the phone right now?
-Sure, go ahead.
That was it.

That's fast!  If a woman is attracted to a man's looks and what he says in his email, then she'd have no problem wanting him call to get to know him better.

I read a number of trip reports where guys have never even called the ladies they went to visit. After being rejected, some claim letter writing didn't do them any good instead of blaming themselves of not moving on to the next form of communication. How do they even know the girls they visited wrote the letters without calling them? How can anyone expect a stranger to marry them by them just showing up in their country? Get to know one or more ladies before spending $3000 on a vacation. Visit the ones that are enthusiastic about you calling and ask you serious questions sizing you up to be their partner.

[Doll]

It IS fast but this is what happened. He probably wanted to hear the voice or something else - we just talked.
 The way a person talks is important- almost no time to lie. 
Anyway we talked right away.

[steviej]

It IS fast but this is what happened. He probably wanted to hear the voice or something else - we just talked.
 The way a person talks is important- almost no time to lie. 
Anyway we talked right away.

He obviously got a quick feeling about you, and vice versa. Sometimes those feelings, maybe many times, are internal projections and fantasies, but sometimes they are based in something real. As in your case, there was substance to it. Cool !! 

[Caddydaddy]

Hi all,

Some of you may know that I contacted an agency in Siberia.

# Do not fall in love with photos!!
- I did not, I just "liked" them ( I am "old" enough, hehe)

# Work to eliminate any agency from your communications.
- I've contact to two Ladies via agency and what's going on just now?

With one I phoned and asked her directly for email and cellphone. She gave me her cell phone number a day later, I guess she first had to discuss that with the agency director. I SMSed her, got a reponse, last week I sent 3 short notices, no answers at all any more!

With the other I am still in letter corresponding stade, asked too for address, Email and phonenumber and a phonecall, heard nothing any more since a week and a half.

There was a discussion with the agency about a visit in Siberia and then - ahhh, yes, just pay that amount and all is included. Buawahaha... cool  The letters were all very nice, maybe too nice... 

I guess I know what's going on and I would like to write them a short mail "Thank you and best wishes".

Now I want to check with you if I am right or not, I am not ready to throw some thousands of $ out of the window just for meeting two agency protected ghosts, hehe.

Regards,
CaddyDaddy

[OlgaH]

Now, hum, what's clever to talk about with a RW...

Three centuries-old subjects to discuss:

Is there life on Mars?
Is there life after death?
Is there sex after wedding?

Just kidding 

[Caddydaddy]

Three centuries-old subjects to discuss:

Is there life on Mars?
Is there life after death?
Is there sex after wedding?

Just kidding 

LOL, Olga, I reckon that I got you  .
Be assured that I know what to talk with a woman when there is a certain "click" in communication, with a Western Woman at least. I wanted to verify that I don't infringe cultural differencies.

btw. I sent a mail to the agency with my open questions, I'll be up for the answer 

Regards,
CaddyDaddy

[Caddydaddy]

My red flags turned into lime.
I will be there mid November to meet two Ladies, but to be honest, I actual want to meet only the ONE 
There means Siberia - WOW!

Regards,
CaddyDaddy

[Shadow]

Siberia in mid November.... the golf courses will be closed, but you can get a lot of ice. 

[Caddydaddy]

Three centuries-old subjects to discuss:
Just kidding 

I had several phonecalls with my Siberian Sweetie (to early to say this I know, but the hell ... she is marvelous!)

She talks - and I listen     WONDERFUL!!!          best are the hearty laughs.

Not sure about all that back up plan stuff, ok, I have it, but thinking about it I probably may be an icecube to these Ladies, in a way not very fair, hum 

Regards
CaddyDaddy

[msmoby_ru]

I had several phonecalls with my Siberian Sweetie (to early to say this I know, but the hell ... she is marvelous!)

She talks - and I listen     WONDERFUL!!!          best are the hearty laughs.

Not sure about all that back up plan stuff, ok, I have it, but thinking about it I probably may be an icecube to these Ladies, in a way not very fair, hum 

Regards
CaddyDaddy

Hi CD,

*I* have an "aversion" to paying agencies ANYTHING ( qualifying that uneccessarily paying)  - I hope you are now communicating directly and making your own travel arrangements.. if she is a "good 'un" - she want to help , there !

[Caddydaddy]

Hi msmoby,

Thank you for your concern, yes, I am talking to the Lady (ies) directly and yes, I make my flight arragements and hotel payment myself. The Invitation Visa stuff I will do with the agency, they also offer transfers and any help 24/24 one may need there. Why not??
To be sure of the agency, of course I made tests, hehe. One Lady appears to be a German language teacher at the University and I wrote a part of a letter in German. I got back an SMS in German language from her and I am sure it wasn't translated by google or something. Since my Favorite "doesn't like computers", I propposed on the phone to the agency to buy her a laptop with their help. They refused!! If my experience of life and common sense will not cheat me completely, I think they are very ok. And about the costs, it is cheaper than 4 new whitewall tires for one of my classic Cadillacs...

btw. just for fun I joined a "recommended" dating site and THERE are scammers, both, of the Nigerian and Ukrainian group, but it is so apparent  and, hehe, seems, sorry being so blunt, there are "whores" from the Baltic States looking for their clientele... and some serious women too 

Regards,
CaddyDaddy

[msmoby_ru]

Hi msmoby,

Thank you for your concern, yes, I am talking to the Lady (ies) directly and yes, I make my flight arragements and hotel payment myself. The Invitation Visa stuff I will do with the agency, they also offer transfers and any help 24/24 one may need there. Why not??
To be sure of the agency, of course I made tests, hehe. One Lady appears to be a German language teacher at the University and I wrote a part of a letter in German. I got back an SMS in German language from her and I am sure it wasn't translated by google or something. Since my Favorite "doesn't like computers", I propposed on the phone to the agency to buy her a laptop with their help. They refused!! If my experience of life and common sense will not cheat me completely, I think they are very ok. And about the costs, it is cheaper than 4 new whitewall tires for one of my classic Cadillacs...

btw. just for fun I joined a "recommended" dating site and THERE are scammers, both, of the Nigerian and Ukrainian group, but it is so apparent  and, hehe, seems, sorry being so blunt, there are "whores" from the Baltic States looking for their clientele... and some serious women too 

Regards,
CaddyDaddy

Hi, again, CD..

"invitation Visa" ?! ..Why not a simple Tourist one, I wonder ..especially if you're staying at a hotel.

Anyway, Good luck, and I hope you enjoy the trip as much - if not better than the tyres - it's still remarkably warm in Siberia !

[Caddydaddy]

short interim report

Today I got my visa for Russia, flight and hotel is booked. Now I still have 3 weeks time to get some Swiss chocolates and French perfum for the Ladies, especially for the ONE! Has anyone of the experienced members a hint what could be a nice small present, or maybe the Ladies here could give me a tip?

The comminication with my favorite is promising, after x SMS and phonecalls we like to talk together 

Let's see what turns out, in any case I do not fall in love, maybe rather go down the drain (to her, hehe)    

Regards,
CaddyDaddy

[OlgaH]

Now I still have 3 weeks time to get some Swiss chocolates and French perfum for the Ladies, especially for the ONE! Has anyone of the experienced members a hint what could be a nice small present, or maybe the Ladies here could give me a tip?


Regards,
CaddyDaddy

CaddyDaddy,

The perfume is a very personal taste. May be it would be better if you ask her what perfume she likes 

[Caddydaddy]

Olga,

You won't believe it, but I already did  . After an animated discussion about "colors" I switched to "smells", and noticed that small gap while she was thinking: what is this crazy guy asking me now? LOL
After a "you shouldn't" I thought "the heck" and then I got a pretty good description what she likes 
I hope I wasn't to personal before a face to face meet, but I just try my best

[BC]

As far as fragrances go, D&G seems to go over really well.  Decently priced too.

http://www.nextag.com/dolce-and-gabbana-light-blue/search-html

[msmoby_ru]

Hey BC,

I'm with OlgaH - perfume is an incredibly personal thing...

But.. a little research and CD's lady will allude to her preferences..

[Caddydaddy]

Thanks BC for the link, helped me to find a fragrance which will fit her description, but I will test it in the shop and listen to what my nose says.

Well, I think it is, of course with her approval, better to bring her a nice perfume instead of a quarter pound of Swiss Cheese, LOL.

Btw, msmoby, I checked out your link with the pics, wonderful story!!! Hope, such stories can be repeated 

[msmoby_ru]

Thanks BC for the link, helped me to find a fragrance which will fit her description, but I will test it in the shop and listen to what my nose says.

Well, I think it is, of course with her approval, better to bring her a nice perfume instead of a quarter pound of Swiss Cheese, LOL.

Btw, msmoby, I checked out your link with the pics, wonderful story!!! Hope, such stories can be repeated 

Siberia is a BIG place and it is certainly not all  the "frozen wasteland" most of us might "avoid".

it's been mentioned here a few times, but *may be* the fact that Siberia is so "far" puts many guys off, and the further east one goes the fewer men bother to travel...

I, for one, am following your progress with interest

[Jumper]

caddy..

hey who are you kidding, only yourself ,not us! lol
you are already head over heels,,
so good luck!

personally i think you're toast!!
(maybe in a good way)

but it is ironic considering the threads title?


have fun, relax ,see where it goes.

i can think of a lot worse places to be than in siberia with a nice tour guide/companion.
its not like your headed for the Gulags! ?

 

[OlgaH]

i can think of a lot worse places to be than in siberia with a nice tour guide/companion.
its not like your headed for the Gulags! ?

 

AJ, as I'm from Siberia I know some pretty cosy GULAGs that are right for spoiled by civilization Americans  would like to try?