Does Your RW Get Jealous ??

[steviej]

Does Your RW Get Jealous ??

I’m the kind of person that strangers will approach to ask for directions, information, and so on. I guess because I have that “safe” and “intelligent” look. It’s been that way all my life. I can be approaching a street corner and I’ll see a woman there looking around like she’s not sure where to go. There will be several other folks in the vicinity. The woman will give a quick scan and then, the odds are high, she’ll stop me as I go by and ask me how to get to where she’s going. She doesn’t stop me because I’m the most attractive guy she sees by any means. No, I just seem to look like the kind of guy that’s safe, I won’t hit on her, and I look knowledgeable. At least, that’s my best guess. I certainly don’t walk into a room and magnetize ladies like Brad Pitt would. This will happen to me on the street, in the grocery market, in an office building, just all the various places where people might be looking for someone that knows what’s going on. And believe me, this woman is not hoping I’ll hit on her .. just the opposite. ( I know when the vibe is there and when its not.)

Now here’s what’s funny If my wife is with me and a woman stops to ask me for directions or information, my wife gives her a laser dagger stare until she breaks off. Then, she’ll turn and say to me, in a soft voice with acid in it something like, “She thinks she’s so innocent, pretending to want directions …” Or, “I can’t stand these desperate women trying to get near my squeezie (sorry folks, that’s one of her nicknames for me ) … “ Or she’ll whisper to herself, directed at the woman in the distance for me to hear, “Why don’t you find your own man you cow … “  . I’m not kidding. She’s never unpleasant to me about it at all. 

There is something very “Russian Woman” in all this to me. You would think that maybe I’m some kind of hot guy or something. But that just isn’t true. I’m basically average and pleasant looking. I can tell you, if we walk into a room together, it isn’t me that magnetizes the place .. all eyes are on Ulyana, that’s for sure. On the other hand, if a woman approaches her, it’s very different. Women will often come up to her and comment “Oh, I love your shoes, or your purse, or your hat .. or whatever ..” My Ulyana is very friendly and then the two ladies will have a very serious discussion for a few minutes about shoes or something. Then they say goodbye, nice meeting your or whatever, and we go on our way.

I confess I even enjoy it. It’s flattering that her claws come out when a woman approaches me. It makes me feel like, “Gee, am I hot ?? “  . She makes no false attitudes that she’s “cool” with it or whatever. She definitely doesn’t like it or hide it. She’s always very sweet to me. I mean, she knows I never flirt with anyone and she trusts me completely. But she doesn’t trust other women !  :burnedup: It reminds me in a way of KenC’s comment that it took Lena 8 years to believe that not “all men cheat.” I think my Ulyana has a belief that “all women want her husband.”  I would even guess that her mother and grandmother told her that and they believe the same thing.

I had an AW wife, and a few AW girlfriends over the years, and that was never their reaction. Maybe they were feeling something and never showed it. In our culture I think its’ more likely that those feelings would be repressed if they’re there. Or they just don’t have that instinct or feeling that  “other women want your husband.”

Have any of you guys noticed that? Does your wife get her cat’s claws out a bit when other women are around, maybe talking to you?

[Lily]

 
 I think my Ulyana has a belief that “all women want her husband.”  

 

Steviej, I think that Ulyana may be right I talk like a typical RW now.

RW are used to think that their man is never entirely theirs. This is not quite they would not trust you, this would be essentially in her firm belief that man is a commodity. A fine man is precious thing, she is lucky to have one, while many other women, who may be eventually better, prettier, nicer than her, do not have a man. Or they do have a man that is not as good as hers. Again, this is not a mistrust to you, but rather a proof of your quality

[ConnerVT]

Again, this is not a mistrust to you, but rather a proof of your quality

Gee... I must be of low quality then!      

It is very rare that I see my wife exhibit any jealous qualities.  At least, any that are made outside of jest.  But then, she is a woman who is confident of herself, and of our commitment to each other.

Although I work in the engineering trades, I've also spent a number of years in jobs that have a large part dealing with the public on a daily basis.  So my nature is to be very friendly and personable with people I come in contact with daily -- store clerks, servers in restaurants, etc.  I've found that I get better service, a better hotel room, a bigger, unknown discount, just by making the other person's day a little brighter.  At first, my wife questioned why I behaved like this, but she now appreciates this quality in me, as it tends to make better things happen for our family.

We both realize that there is little that people outside our relationship can do to change it.  The only people that control how we think and feel about each other is ourselves.   

[Fashionista]

Well, Steve, judging by your post, you are a flirt, pretending to be innocent, lost and confused, while slipping in a message of how popular you are.  I can perfectly understand your wife, you re not that different from that lost girl at intersection   

[steviej]

Well, Steve, judging by your post, you are a flirt, pretending to be innocent, lost and confused, while slipping in a message of how popular you are.  I can perfectly understand your wife, you re not that different from that lost girl at intersection   

Gee, Fahsionista, you are a sour pill, aren't you? I think I remember your other posts being the same. Insults are free on the internet, and that's what some folks seem to likek about it best.

The post is about are there differences, in a general way, about the reactions of a RW compared to an AW, about these things. As usualy, you have nothing of any use to add to that.

[steviej]

Gee... I must be of low quality then!      

It is very rare that I see my wife exhibit any jealous qualities.  At least, any that are made outside of jest.  But then, she is a woman who is confident of herself, and of our commitment to each other.

ConnverVT - first comment - funny! Lily, as always, is generous in her feelings towards others.

Second comment: you are relating the post to personal qualities, such as confidence or commitment. I am addressing differences in cultural attitudes and behaviors. You are saying you have not seen your wife do this. Fine. Your projection that my post is about the lack of commitment in our relationship and my wife's lack of confidence, is simply a cheap shot.

[BC]

Jealousy?.. no need.. she knows I ain't wanderin' off and works quite hard to keep it that way. Me?.. I'm fed, clothed, happy and appeased..

The day she gets jealous is the day I start worrying about our relationship (based on past experience).  Jealousy is a symptom.

[steviej]

Jealousy?.. no need.. she knows I ain't wanderin' off and works quite hard to keep it that way. Me?.. I'm fed, clothed, happy and appeased..

The day she gets jealous is the day I start worrying about our relationship (based on past experience).  Jealousy is a symptom.

OK. I give up. End of thread. Bad idea.

[ConnerVT]

Second comment: you are relating the post to personal qualities, such as confidence or commitment. I am addressing differences in cultural attitudes and behaviors. You are saying you have not seen your wife do this. Fine. Your projection that my post is about the lack of commitment in our relationship and my wife's lack of confidence, is simply a cheap shot.

Sorry.  Honestly, I wasn't even thinking about you or your relationship when I was writing.  I was just thinking that I had not seen my wife exhibit these traits, and was trying to explore the reason why.  No slight was meant to you or the Mrs., and I apologize if it came across that way.

I have experienced this behavior with AW before.  Although, it is usually the man who ends up taking the brunt of the wrath...  

[BC]

OK. I give up. End of thread. Bad idea.

Wrong.

[Fashionista]

Gee, Fahsionista, you are a sour pill, aren't you? I think I remember your other posts being the same. Insults are free on the internet, and that's what some folks seem to likek about it best.

The post is about are there differences, in a general way, about the reactions of a RW compared to an AW, about these things. As usualy, you have nothing of any use to add to that.

Steve, it was (and normally perceived as) a small innocent joke.  Did I hit too close to home? Ask your wife what means "На воре шапка горит", When she explains, laugh at it and have a good day.  Peace.

[BC]

Wrong.

Guess I had better qualify that statement a bit LOL...

Take the following scenario:

A convention in the US, great dinner with a lot of interesting men and women from all over the world...  Instead of sitting beside me the whole time while talking to these men and women she would often sit on my lap and/or run her fingers through my hair while the 'business' conversations continued..

The women present noted that I was 'quite claimed' and the men noted 'no chance until hell freezes over'..

Often repeated even in more private circles.

Two birds killed with one stone and a cat with ear to ear grin.

Jealous no... territorial, maybe yes.

Can't beat it.

 

[Zmejka]

I wouldn't probably get jealous but i as a woman would feel uncomfortable if i'm with my man and some woman approaches him and asks him questions about directions looking only at him and making eye contact with him excluding me like i don't exist. That's excluding from the conversation - even from the eye contact position - that would hurt me - myself if approaching a couple for directions i would address and look at both of them and in the end - thanking them both too.
May be with your wife steviej is also the case. Unfortunatelly nothing much can be done here - it depends on the inner tact of the approaching woman i think.
And there's also a chance that she's insecure as many Russian women who had some not pleasant experience in the past. I hope she can overcome that

[steviej]

I wouldn't probably get jealous but i as a woman would feel uncomfortable if i'm with my man and some woman approaches him and asks him questions about directions looking only at him and making eye contact with him excluding me like i don't exist. That's excluding from the conversation - even from the eye contact position - that would hurt me - myself if approaching a couple for directions i would address and look at both of them and in the end - thanking them both too.
May be with your wife steviej is also the case. Unfortunatelly nothing much can be done here - it depends on the inner tact of the approaching woman i think.
And there's also a chance that she's insecure as many Russian women who had some not pleasant experience in the past. I hope she can overcome that

I've definitely given the wrong impression of this thing. Somehow I've made it sound like a concern or problem. That was not my intent. I was thinking its something funny that RWs do that, in general, Aws do not (based on my experience). Maybe there's no common thread among RWs like this. It may be a funny habit only my Ulyana has. I can also imagine her mother and grandmother doing the same thing. It reminds me of the way a peasant would chase a deer out of the vegetable garden. These three ladies (Ulyana, her mother and her grandmother) have the same reactions and sayings about so many things, it's really cute. Maybe that is also something that is more common in Russia than in US.

As BC mentioned, perhaps a better word would have been "territorial" rather than jealous. There certainly are kinds of jealousy that can be toxic to a relationship. For example, if the husband's been out for a while, and upon return, the wife is angry and doing all that "where have you been? I've been trying to call you .. " and he's saying, "what are you talking about? why are you alwasy upset ..." etc. stuff. That was not at all the flavor of the experience I was trying to describe.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Well, those words that she says that you mentioned don't actually seem like a joke or something unimportant to me. She is upset and tries to 'offend' that other woman and is angry about it.
Which means insecure and afraid to loose you. If the marriage is great and there are no really reasons for being jealous then she wouldn't react this way.

Not that there are any reasons, i am still very glad that Tim and me work at home... 

[msmoby_ru]

Well, those words that she says that you mentioned don't actually seem like a joke or something unimportant to me. She is upset and tries to 'offend' that other woman and is angry about it.
Which means insecure and afraid to loose you. If the marriage is great and there are no really reasons for being jealous then she wouldn't react this way.

Not that there are any reasons, i am still very glad that Tim and me work at home... 

Good point Anastassia

Working from home means she knows where I am In my "old life" I was an in demand corporate network/ comms specialist and travelled the UK troubleshooting.. the pay was GREAT but I spent many a night in hotel rooms and my "ex-wife" hated it...

In Cyprus, when I worked - Veta was not ALLOWED to work - the autorities ruled incorrectly - but that is another story - and she would spend time on the beach !!

*I* should have been jealous as she was always being chatted up - to the point she would take TWO towels and make out I was swimming

I don't think I or she have ever given each other any reason to be jealous  - and we have had to spend too much time apart... 

I've never noticed her looking daggers at another lady and I'm probably like Steve - quite gregarious - some might say a flirt - but Veta knows I prefers her steaks to hamburgers

I've always made it clear she can read my emails or mail or answer my phone so I don't have anything to hide..

Jealous women worry th hell outta me...


Sorry, Steve, but you guys need to sort this out... how CAN your wife get jealous of a stranger in the street :-0   ? !

We are western men - not Russian guys - remind her of that

[steviej]

Well, those words that she says that you mentioned don't actually seem like a joke or something unimportant to me. She is upset and tries to 'offend' that other woman and is angry about it.
Which means insecure and afraid to loose you. If the marriage is great and there are no really reasons for being jealous then she wouldn't react this way.

Sorry, Steve, but you guys need to sort this out... how CAN your wife get jealous of a stranger in the street :-0   ? !

That's what I get for trying to start a thred ... LOL ...     I'll know better next time ..   

[Misha]

Now here’s what’s funny If my wife is with me and a woman stops to ask me for directions or information, my wife gives her a laser dagger stare until she breaks off. Then, she’ll turn and say to me, in a soft voice with acid in it something like, “She thinks she’s so innocent, pretending to want directions …” Or, “I can’t stand these desperate women trying to get near my squeezie (sorry folks, that’s one of her nicknames for me ) … “ Or she’ll whisper to herself, directed at the woman in the distance for me to hear, “Why don’t you find your own man you cow … “  . I’m not kidding. She’s never unpleasant to me about it at all. 

There is something very “Russian Woman” in all this to me.

Why? It is not very logical. Let's say that the woman is interested in you, asking you for directions on a street when you are with your wife does not give her much: what is she going to do, follow you for a few hours until your wife leaves you so she can swoop in? If anything, she is likely choosing to ask directions from a man who is with a woman as it is safer for her. Presumably one woman trusts him enough to be with him and he won't do anything but give her directions if he is with another woman.

Sorry Steve, but I don't buy that this is a Russian woman thing. For my wife to be jealous, she would have to know that the woman posed a real threat in some way, and strangers in the street are not a threat.