Experiencing the Cinderella Complex: I married a FSU woman

[gousa]

I went to bed last night unable to get the vision out of my head of his 40+ year-old wife, in a strange country and no job pleading with her sole protector not to leave her. 

"NUTS!"   -Brigadier General Anthony Clement McAuliffe

Who was going to protect me from her?   She was trying the DV trap she learned
from her attorney on me when I turned it around on both of them.   I knew the law and I used it.   I knew about the DV trap so  I used it instead of her.     She was getting ready to use it on me I just beat her at her own game am I'm proud of that as well as all my decisions, except the one to get married in the first place, of course.    As I said once before I had a marriage counselor throughout the last two years of the marriage.
The counselor was a woman and she had many reservations about my RW's behavior.  But the counselor couldn't do anything about it because my ex would not come to the table.   After all, what would counseling do but bring a compromise to the one way street anyway?     My counselor said if I feel the need to get away then I should do it, and don't worry about it.   But I did worry about it, and I'm getting over that now.   I like to hear stories like mine and there seem to be more than a few.   I speak about my inheritance alot because it became her target.

I grew up in a small town in a forrest region.  I've worked all over this country.   For the last eight years befor the marriage I managed the trailer park and prepared for my surviving parent to enter her last years.  Before that  I worked for a few years as a programmer at the Oak Ridge National Lab.   But it was a temporary assignment, as many IT jobs are.

My ex's region was a farming region in the south.   She spent her last few years working, living with her mother, spoiling her child, and being followed around and stalked by her deranged ex husband.   She couldn't find another man there because they were either afraid or intolerant of her ex.   Although I don't know what they were afraid of, since he was a ninety pound weakling.   I think they just didn't want him around.  There are no stalking laws in Russia so she was looking for a way to move away.    She also wanted to get her son out of Russia before he got beat up in the military.  Sure seems like a damsel in distress, doesn't it?

I would have loved to get another job in Florida just to get away from her for the day.  But the region there is lacking in IT jobs and I had to continuously take care of her problems everyday anyway.  If I got an IT job now it would have to be with IBM or something where you travel around and take care of problems on the road, but I haven't been in the business for a long time.   And I don't need to be as long as the
bills stay within reason.  I'm content to do my restorations and chores around the old homestead.

Ladies and gentlemen my ex and her attorney were fighting a war.  A war to extract everything out of me that could possibly be extracted and then some, she just happened to fall in love with me for whatever reason.  She wanted to be spoiled AND put my bank account in her pocket.   I spent endless weeks and months catering to her and I really pity the fool who supports this kind of situation.   In life you have to protect youself.   And I'm surely not going to roll over and let some calculating, coniving stirva matrushka get even close to separating me from my heritage.   That will happen only over my dead body.   And I'm not going to get a job just to support her high lifestyle and disrespectful offspring either, or anyone else for that matter.

Myself and some wise old men I know think it was my inheritance she was really in love with, she just tried hard to transfer that love to me.  There are a lot of people out there, not here, who are proud of everything I did, except starting this entire process in the first place, of course.  

I'm glad that many people here who have RW partners that are not as odd as the one I had.   I wasn't sure they existed.    I think it's safe to say that she is/was as odd as or more so than anyone around here.

I have a acquaintance/friend who has an absolutely HUGE inheritance that dwarfs mine.
He hasn't figured it all out yet, but he's working on it.   His AW has been with him for a long time and she tells him where he can go, what he can do and she probably owns half of his inheritance because they have been together married for a long time.    But the war is just now beginning for them and soon his inheritance will be divided.  She dominates the relationship and he lets her.   He is going to get a divorce, and she will get a large settlement.    My nest egg isn't as large as his so I'm a little bit more protective.  I chose to avoid a situation like his.

 

[BC]

"NUTS!"   -Brigadier General Anthony Clement McAuliffe

Who was going to protect me from her?   She was trying the DV trap she learned
from her attorney on me when I turned it around on both of them.   I knew the law and I used it.   I knew about the DV trap so  I used it instead of her.

Interesting term.. care to explain how such a trap works?

She was getting ready to use it on me I just beat her at her own game am I'm proud of that as well as all my decisions, except the one to get married in the first place, of course.

I am assuming all the above was after your BIG 'D' intentions were known? 

As I said once before I had a marriage counselor throughout the last two years of the marriage. The counselor was a woman and she had many reservations about my RW's behavior.  But the counselor couldn't do anything about it because my ex would not come to the table.   After all, what would counseling do but bring a compromise to the one way street anyway?     My counselor said if I feel the need to get away then I should do it, and don't worry about it.   But I did worry about it, and I'm getting over that now.

Were there any aspects discussed with the counselor that regarded modifications of your behavior?  Were her language skills good enough to constructively participate?  Would your wife have felt comfortable with an AW counselor or vice versa?

I like to hear stories like mine and there seem to be more than a few.   I speak about my inheritance alot because it became her target.

Commiseration feels good, but the effects are usually temporary.  I'm sure gaining financial security at that point were on the top of her and her legal advisor.  RW AW XW any letter you pick.. it gets nasty.  Sort of universal.

I grew up in a small town in a forrest region.  I've worked all over this country.   For the last eight years befor the marriage I managed the trailer park and prepared for my surviving parent to enter her last years.  Before that  I worked for a few years as a programmer at the Oak Ridge National Lab.   But it was a temporary assignment, as many IT jobs are.

My ex's region was a farming region in the south.   She spent her last few years working, living with her mother, spoiling her child, and being followed around and stalked by her deranged ex husband.   She couldn't find another man there because they were either afraid or intolerant of her ex.   Although I don't know what they were afraid of, since he was a ninety pound weakling.   I think they just didn't want him around.  There are no stalking laws in Russia so she was looking for a way to move away.    She also wanted to get her son out of Russia before he got beat up in the military.  Sure seems like a damsel in distress, doesn't it?

I noted such passages in your previous posts drawing comparisons between her country of origin and yours..  a sort of 'what did she have to complain about' type argument..  been there, done that very briefly and never will again.

I'm sure the interests of her child were a top priority.  It's tough to accept that second place position at least initially. 

I would have loved to get another job in Florida just to get away from her for the day.  But the region there is lacking in IT jobs and I had to continuously take care of her problems everyday anyway.  If I got an IT job now it would have to be with IBM or something where you travel around and take care of problems on the road, but I haven't been in the business for a long time.   And I don't need to be as long as the
bills stay within reason.  I'm content to do my restorations and chores around the old homestead.

Understand.  I work at home too.. it can be tough.  There are other factors that keep me here though, among them being able to spend as much time with family as possible while the kids are young.

Ladies and gentlemen my ex and her attorney were fighting a war.  A war to extract everything out of me that could possibly be extracted and then some, she just happened to fall in love with me for whatever reason.  She wanted to be spoiled AND put my bank account in her pocket.   I spent endless weeks and months catering to her and I really pity the fool who supports this kind of situation.   In life you have to protect youself.   And I'm surely not going to roll over and let some calculating, coniving stirva matrushka get even close to separating me from my heritage.   That will happen only over my dead body.   And I'm not going to get a job just to support her high lifestyle and disrespectful offspring either, or anyone else for that matter.

A woman scorned....

Myself and some wise old men I know think it was my inheritance she was really in love with, she just tried hard to transfer that love to me.  There are a lot of people out there, not here, who are proud of everything I did, except starting this entire process in the first place, of course.

It's pretty natural for others to think this way about a MOB situation.  I've heard the word 'she's after your money' before... usually from either men who may be jealous, or women that might see a chance (not necessarily romantic) should our relationship fail.  

I'm glad that many people here who have RW partners that are not as odd as the one I had.   I wasn't sure they existed.    I think it's safe to say that she is/was as odd as or more so than anyone around here.

My ex wife is odd.. she's nuts.. strangely enough I married her.

I have a acquaintance/friend who has an absolutely HUGE inheritance that dwarfs mine.He hasn't figured it all out yet, but he's working on it.   His AW has been with him for a long time and she tells him where he can go, what he can do and she probably owns half of his inheritance because they have been together married for a long time.    But the war is just now beginning for them and soon his inheritance will be divided.  She dominates the relationship and he lets her.   He is going to get a divorce, and she will get a large settlement.    My nest egg isn't as large as his so I'm a little bit more protective.  I chose to avoid a situation like his.

I'm sure that your inheritance is one of your top priorities, and nothing wrong with that.. After all it is your source of income.  When did you first mention your inheritance to your wife, and why?  Simply stating that you make a decent living running a lakeside trailer park should have sufficed.

Sorry for all the questions.. not just nitpicking though.. I am thinking in constructive directions.. I won't badger you for any answers you are not willing to share with us.

[KenC]

I'm glad that many people here who have RW partners that are not as odd as the one I had.   I wasn't sure they existed.    I think it's safe to say that she is/was as odd as or more so than anyone around here.

Am I missing something here?  I do not see any "odd behavior" from her, only from goUSA.  Wives are always asking for things.  At least mine does.  Some of the things she asks for I consider, others I laugh at and don't consider at all.  Parameters need to be set and as DKMM said up thread, you need to learn to say "no".
KenC

[steviej]

For the newbies, the single biggest mistake that gousa, (and his lady), made was to visit her only ONCE, and then get married. Do NOT ever do that. Do NOT visit your lady once, propose marriage, get K-1, then get married. Just say NO! There may be some happy marriages after 2 visits. I would say, 3 minimum. Worse still was his reason for not going again. He didn't want to spent the money! For you newbies,  you HAVE to spend the money. Or risk disaster.

[steviej]

... when someone we meet or know ask about finding a mate in RU (and there have been a few), the standard answer I give is 'forget it'.  ...

Do as I say, not as I do, eh? I understand that feeling. I've had guys ask me about it. I look at them and I think to myself, "You're just not man enough for it." There has to be something about the man inside that is really solid. I can't quite find the words for it.

[GreginGa]

For the newbies, the single biggest mistake that gousa, (and his lady), made was to visit her only ONCE, and then get married. Do NOT ever do that. Do NOT visit your lady once, propose marriage, get K-1, then get married. Just say NO! There may be some happy marriages after 2 visits. I would say, 3 minimum. Worse still was his reason for not going again. He didn't want to spent the money! For you newbies,  you HAVE to spend the money. Or risk disaster.

This is true. I also think you have to be brutally honest about every facet of your life. If you live in a cornfield in Kansas, show her a picture of that cornfield. I'm a local coordinator of an exchange student program and the perception of America is somewhat misleading to almost everyone including new Russian/Ukrainian/Nepalese wives. I dont think you can be too honest with someone with whom you might be trying to marry. When I say too honest, I dont mean conversations about ex girlfriends. I certainly never made that mistake.

[Ronnie]

Am I missing something here?  I do not see any "odd behavior" from her, only from Guss.  Wives are always asking for things.  At least mine does.  Some of the things she asks for I consider, others I laugh at and don't consider at all.  Parameters need to be set and as DKMM said up thread, you need to learn to say "no".
Ken

KenC is about the wisest OMB around, I guess because he's been one  longer than anyone.

For the newbies, the single biggest mistake that gousa, (and his lady), made was to visit her only ONCE, and then get married. Do NOT ever do that. Do NOT visit your lady once, propose marriage, get K-1, then get married. Just say NO! There may be some happy marriages after 2 visits. I would say, 3 minimum. Worse still was his reason for not going again. He didn't want to spent the money! For you newbies,  you HAVE to spend the money. Or risk disaster.

Stevie...you're in a multi-way tie for second IMHO.  I/O, BC, Groove, Turboguy, et. al. are there with you and it's clear that "speaking from experience" gives them a distinctive voice.

  I think there also are some incredibly wise RW here.  But I won't name them because they need to be kept in their place    What's that my wife says of herself from time to time? (translating) "I won't die of humility" 
 
GoUSA has, through his last post, convinced me of something I thought was true, but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Now he has removed from my mind any doubt about his ability or should I say, inability, to consider anything but his own needs.  I doubt now that counseling would make difference. He's convinced he is perfectly normal.  His last post is like the BBC in Europe when they show video without comment...none is required.  GoUSA's post speaks for itself. 

He might consider changing his screen name from GoUSA to GoOdin or GoAlone.  I hate to think of a good woman from any country having to suffer his narcissism.

[Ronnie]

This is true. I also think you have to be brutally honest about every facet of your life. If you live in a cornfield in Kansas, show her a picture of that cornfield. I'm a local coordinator of an exchange student program and the perception of America is somewhat misleading to almost everyone including new Russian/Ukrainian/Nepalese wives. I dont think you can be too honest with someone with whom you might be trying to marry. When I say too honest, I dont mean conversations about ex girlfriends. I certainly never made that mistake.

I only knew one FSUW who would have changed her mind had she seen pictures of the cornfield.  She didn't want to correspond with a guy because he lived in Rancho Santa Margherita, California.  When the word "Rancho" was translated, she said, "I don't want to live on farm!"  She did eventually marry a guy from California..maybe the same guy, I don't know.  She may have done a little research on the community and found out the average home price there is well over $1m.

[mark2353]

After reading this thread from top to bottom I am also glad that I join such a well meaning and versed group of people. the questions have been always well pointed to the inconsistencies that Gousa has presented.
I still come to the conclusion that he was happy to bring a doctor and its $$$ back home. He has not checked how much the board certifications would have cut into his precious inheritance.
She was coming to the comfortable life of a beach trailer owner $. Without a salary and surviving from family inheritance. (he did not tell the whole story!)
Ronnie, I to read the line about the lady keeping the marriage together and got rather sick. Because I though of my mother who also was a married lady in a foreign land with limited english and a son (me!). However I was very lucky I have a stepfather that was a man, with a little money from previous businesses (perhaps not as much as gousa) but he was responsible to his actions and deliver on his promises. I have a very nice career because of this man and very grateful.
Also my mother in a 30 yr mariage was never, not once asked to get a job!.
I was married to one that acted like his ex and she does have a severe depression problem (recently discovered!). So whomever said it might be correct.
Bottom line Gousa does not know how to provide for others ie family. It is not about going through trash cans if you want that well ... I repeat does know!
All the degrees and certifications ???? perhaps he has a IT AA and has use it once outside the family business. Was hard so return home to the inheritance... 
sorry I feel no pitty for this guy! Turboguy got it right the first time!

[I/O]

Oh crap...!!! I just came in and saw gousa's last post. I take back anything I said in his favour, reading the opening two sentences was where I finished. The guy is an.............just for the Mods benefit, I'll leave you to fill in the gap.

gousa, go back huntin' dem squirrels and pillin' up logs. Do the world a favour and stay away from anything female, much less women...........forever!! You pissed a bit of gandpappy's money up against the wall on a fettish. Get over it...!!

I/O

[Ronnie]

There is a very valuable lesson in this thread for single RWs.

Don't measure the man by what he has.  Measure him instead by how he earns it and in particular, how he manages what he has.

[Wolf]

  Despite all his errors, you are  nailing this man   , and despite he wouldn´t have to marry his ex  you are freeing her ex-wife of all the sins. With all your talk you are suposing that his wife doesn´t have any freewill at all, she seems to be like a  plant who can´t take her own decisions. He only visited her for one time but the same could be said the other way around, or would you marry a man without knowing a little more about him or where does he live?
   If I were a man wisiting a russian woman and I said to her that I were as rich as Bill Gates, and you were the woman , would you believe me?  wouldn´t you visiting me in first place to see where  do I live? or wouldn´t you take more time to know me better?
   Here both of them comited errors but you seem to take a big delight crucifixing this guy, but I still haven´t seen any russianwoman  giving any strong opinion like you do.

[Maxx2]

It's a pretty rare AM or AW who is in the early stages of a divorce to a foreigner to not appear bitter and unbalanced. Usually they go temporary nuts for a while. The first thing I usually get asked by one of them in e-mail or PM is "How can I deport her/him?". I had one American woman contact me who wanted to deport her Hispanic husband and they have been separated and divorced for 10 years. Besides he's a USC for several years now.   


Maxx

[Shadow]

Gousa, I have a math question.

You were 16 when your father had the accident. He died 14 years later. Then you spent 8 years caring for your mother. That makes you 38. You met your ex-wife when your mother was alive in a nursing home. Marriage lasted 3 years.
Still you told your age is 47. I seem to be missing 5 years here.

[Turboguy]

GoUsa, you are right.  There are a lot of sad stories about AM who married a bad RW.    I just really have a very hard time based on what you have said so far putting your problems in the same category as those faced by Maxx.

Yes, perhaps if I saw the whole picture, knew all the real agony this woman put you through, understood all of the deceitful things she did to you I would know without a doubt you were the best possible husband and really married a horrible woman.

However, based on what you have said so far I can't look at it that way.  Based on what you have said to date if I take the vague unsubstantiated inferences out you come out as someone with a little too much greed, much too little initiative and drive, far short on the sincerity and determination to make a happy marriage,  way naive on what it takes to make an international marriage successful and as a bit of a conniver yourself.

This is how I score it based on the data to date.

GoUSA,
lots of degrees but not much desire to work,
Worries non stop about protecting his inheritance but not about a happy marriage.
Very limited effort at helping her adapt to a new life,
Living a life that would not be acceptable to most RW, IE shopping at Goodwill.
Set up a domestic abuse trap for her even though he was not abused.
Lots more that I won't repeat.

Score GoUSA 1 (I am not sure for what)

Cinderella,

Provided great sex, kept a clean house and cooked for the first year.
Did not file domestic abuse charges.  (you can file counter charges, she didn't)
Tried desperately to make the marriage work, even holding onto you clothes.
Was accepting of a life most RW would walk away from in a heartbeat.
Worked at the same point in time most RW do.
Was demanding but no real explanation of what she demanded,

Score for Cinderella 9   I will take one off because she was demanding,
(probably to shop at WalMart not Goodwill. )

[Bluebell]

What's this Goodwill, btw? Something similar to Red Cross or second hand shop?

The way I see is that gousa got panicked seeing his inheritance money melting away on household expenses for 3 people and felt seriously threatened of reentering the labour market if did not get quickly rid of the wife and child. Had the money been enough for the next 40 years for all the 3 of them, gousa would have been probably still happily married, enjoying the high quality love of his wife.
 
The initial plan  seems to have been to find and marry a woman with serious earning capacities (hence his choice for a doctor) who after a few months would be able to earn enough to support herself and the child, thus the inheritance money would stay intouched (or spent only on gousa's needs).  Alas, she may be a doctor but not a linguistic genius, 3 years passed and still struggling with the language (plus, instead of cleaning 50 m2 as before, now she has to clean 300 m2of house , learning to cook, wash and iron for 3 people which she never did before, and besides all this, staying an always happy, always undemanding, always high quality love delivering wife) .
 Gousa quickly needs to act otherwise, instead of sending his wife to work, he himself will be forced to look for a job (and when someone has an inheritance to protect, that is an outrageous thing to do) and so he finds the perfect solution, invoking uncleaned dishes and socks, too many pairs of shorts and t-shirts, chips and coke, he divorces.

You know gousa, you had other options too, like trying to find a job yourself to protect your inheritance money. Or, you could have tried the trick of loving husbands, giving enough love, time and moral support to your wife until she becomes again a useful member to your family and society (remember, before you married, she was working, she was studying to become a doctor, she was a mother, she could have not been that awfully useless as you describe her).

[Turboguy]

Yes, Goodwill stores sell used clothing and clothing that is donated, sometimes new things with tags that either didn't fit right or they didn't like when the original owner bought it.

I think that was a good analysis Bluebell.  In my case I am looking a paying for years of eduction before VWRW brings home a paycheck and to be honest it is because it is what she wants.   If she told me she wanted to sit home and do nothing I would accept that because her happiness is what is important to me.   

It just seems to me that if you get into an international marriage making her happy and making that marriage successful needs to be your top priority in life.   After all she gave up everything to come with you.  Why should you worry about what you may have to give up including your inheritance.   So what if you have to work like most people.   

[BC]

I think that was a good analysis Bluebell.  In my case I am looking a paying for years of eduction before VWRW brings home a paycheck and to be honest it is because it is what she wants.   If she told me she wanted to sit home and do nothing I would accept that because her happiness is what is important to me.

 

could use a little 'tweak'..

I think that was a good analysis Bluebell.  In my our case I am looking a paying for we are investing a years of eduction before VWRW brings home a paycheck and to be honest it is because it is what she wants.   If she told me she wanted to sit home and do nothing I would accept that because her happiness is what is important to me.   

Just a side note from an experience long ago.  I came home and my wife handed me the mail.. bills, statements, etc etc.. all dutifully opened.  For a split second I was dumbfounded, but luckily stepped back and reflected... The first words that had popped into mind was "My mail".. 

I learned to always watch out when using words like "My" or "I".. after all we are married.

As mentioned above, the most important adjustments were my own.

btw.. she now takes care of the mail, bills etc etc..

[Blues Fairy]

I see nothing wrong with expecting the wife to bring home a paycheck - the US have long become a country of two-income families and only a very naive RW would expect that any average AM should be able to support a family on one income.  Sure, there has to be an adjustment period, but isn't 3 years VERY ample time to adjust and get ready for contributing to the family budget? 

Gousa thought they'd have enough inheritance money - but their new lifestyle required that he get a job.  Which he did.  Why was he wrong to expect his wife to do the same?  Was she shackled to a newborn baby or at school full time?  Was she an invalid?

I've been in the country less than 8 months and I'm working already.     

[ambach123]

Amazing, BF and I can agree on something. I could have written the same.

A RW who comes here thinking she does not have to work is incredibly naive, or looking for an easy way out of her life in  FSU, either should be avoided. BF got to work ASAP of her arrival, that is not unusual; that should have been clearly explained and understood. I think the problem may have been the lack of communication from the get go or unrealistic expectations.

I see in many retail places, there are many immigrants working who can barely get by with broken English, but they work.

I have plenty of income, nonetheless I want my RW to work from the get go, not sit around and twiddle her thumbs, within a month of her arrival; the lesson I learned that I would make sure she understands what is expected of her very explicitly before coming here.

[groovlstk]

I learned to always watch out when using words like "My" or "I".. after all we are married.

I've had the same experience, every once in awhile I slip up and say "I" in such situations, after which I always correct myself.

I got flack from some unmarried guys months ago when I counseled full disclosure of finances prior to doing a K1. I'd like to be able to point to gousa's situation as exhibit A and say, "See? This is what can happen if you don't set your girl's expecations before she arrives!" However, that's not really true... I believe it's much more than that, you have to be sure your fiancee is your PARTNER and that you share mutual goals in creating a family - as TG and VWRW clearly have. It's not about saying no and setting limits. I can understand some guys' reluctance to go from "my money" to "our money" when he's putting up the lion's share of their net worth, but if your fiancee understands your limits and wants a secure future for you and your children, she'll protect that nest egg and support you with the ferocity of a tiger.

I'd also agree w/BF that gousa wasn't being unreasonable in expecting his wife to work... but how many discussions did they have prior to her coming to the US in regards to this? I'd bet this subject was never broached until it became necessary to bring in income.

[BC]

A RW who comes here thinking she does not have to work is incredibly naive, or looking for an easy way out of her life in  FSU, either should be avoided. BF got to work ASAP of her arrival, that is not unusual; that should have been clearly explained and understood. I think the problem may have been the lack of communication from the get go or unrealistic expectations.

The only way she could be 'incredibly naive' is if her mate did not tell her these conditions in the first place.  This going to be in your prenup?

I did not expect my wife to work outside the house and told her so. She does want to but we agreed that the time for that is when the kids have grown up.

[Blues Fairy]

I have plenty of income, nonetheless I want my RW to work from the get go, not sit around and twiddle her thumbs, within a month of her arrival;

No chance ambach.  It takes anywhere from 3 to 6 months to get a work permit from the AOS filing date and another 2-3 months to find a reasonable job.  Or do you expect her to work at Starbucks, with all your plentiful income?  Seems kinda unfair.

I'd also agree w/BF that gousa wasn't being unreasonable in expecting his wife to work... but how many discussions did they have prior to her coming to the US in regards to this? I'd bet this subject was never broached until it became necessary to bring in income.

So ok, his wife arrived with certain expectations.  Situation changed and imposed new demands on both of them.  He could have gone broke or fallen ill - s*** happens to all of us!  How is this possible that in a family, one does all the adapting to new circumstances and the other one attempts none?  Why should RW be entitled to absolute 100% predictability when NO real families in the real world can enjoy such a thing?

[KenC]

Blues Fairy,
As usual you bring a refreshing point of view to this thread.  I agree, that as a family, everyone needs to do their own part in making the family strong.  You are also correct when you say regardless of the promises made, life does throw us all an unexpected curve ball on occasion.  Some things to consider however:

From the way I read the story, goUSA did not hold a job during the marriage and yet he wanted his wife to go to work to cover the additional expenses she created for him.  I may be a little old fashioned here, but that is no way for the man of the family to behave.  Maybe she should have gotten a job, right after he did.
KenC

[BC]

So ok, his wife arrived with certain expectations.  Situation changed and imposed new demands on both of them.  He could have gone broke or fallen ill - s*** happens to all of us!  How is this possible that in a family, one does all the adapting to new circumstances and the other one attempts none?  Why should RW be entitled to absolute 100% predictability when NO real families in the real world can enjoy such a thing?

Easy.. He dumped her.. she did not dump him.  She eventually did get a job.. just wasn't one that he wanted her to have because it did not pay well.. he didn't get a job and she still tried to hang on to his shirt tail to keep him.. - maybe his 'trap' so that he could file DV charges..

Considering this.. who did more adapting?  Or even who was the only party adapting at all?

Her english skills were not good.. kinda understandable living in a location where interaction with others may have been sparse..