Hi guys, I am a new bie here and need an urgent answer.

[Ade]

This statement confuses me.  It may be true in a legal sense.  But when it comes to marriage vows?  If the wife or husband were to engage in extra-marital affairs does this not present a problem for the longevity of the marriage and the security of the children involved?

Pehaps Jaded has no intention of marrying or being in a committed relationship.  That's fine as long as he lets that fact be known up front.  Few FSU women are interested in that when they start up communicating foreign men.  I confess I met several women who realized after years of meetings with men, mostly from Europe, that there was no marriage on the horizon and discontinued the relationship.

So let's get this straight; you take my statement about consenting adults being free to do what they like with each other and from that you extrapolate that not only am I uninterested in marriage but that I'm probably going to cheat too?  Damn, I'm not entirely sure where you got you logic from. lol

FWIW I've already been in a 10 year international marriage that I didn't cheat in and neither did she.

And as an aside I've talked to several married couples over the years that claim to be very happy in open relationships. It's not something I would feel comfortable with but if they are happy, who am I to judge?

Oh, and what was that American divorce/infidelity rate again? 

[groovlstk]

So for our Indian OP, he said he has already had a Russian gf.  Perhaps she was one who realized he had no intent to marry?  Perhaps Indian men or less appealing to RW because they stereotype them as chauvinistic and unfaithful?  I have to say that in my previous location, I knew a small handful of Indian men - all married, none faithful.  They were very open, even boastful about this, otherwise I wouldn't have known. 

Where did you come up w/such conclusions? The OP asked a simple question and never even remotely suggested a desire to sleep around or act like a chauvinist. 

[Ronnie]

So let's get this straight; you take my statement about consenting adults being free to do what they like with each other and from that you extrapolate that not only am I uninterested in marriage but that I'm probably going to cheat too?  Damn, I'm not entirely sure where you got you logic from. lol

FWIW I've already been in a 10 year international marriage that I didn't cheat in and neither did she.

And as an aside I've talked to several married couples over the years that claim to be very happy in open relationships. It's not something I would feel comfortable with but if they are happy, who am I to judge?

Oh, and what was that American divorce/infidelity rate again? 

I apolgize for making it appear I was judging you to be less than serious about marriage.  However, you do seem to be defending "open" marriage.  I don't know if that's what you believe it or not.  I don't care.

I think my point was that there must be constraints on what two consenting adults are free to do when they are already married to someone else.

[Ade]

I apolgize for making it appear I was judging you to be less than serious about marriage.  However, you do seem to be defending "open" marriage.  I don't know if that's what you believe it or not.  I don't care.

I think my point was that there must be constraints on what two consenting adults are free to do when they are may already married to someone else.

Actually no, originally I never mentioned "open marriages", that was you.

Although I will reitterate that I don't think there's anything wrong with consenting adults doing what they like with each other. In case you jump in with some silly example I should qualify that with "within reasonable limits"; so for instance even if they agree I don't think one partner should be allowed to kill the other.

[Ranetka]

Can I offer a different perspective here? I think for a girl going on holiday with someone she has never met is not so much about morals as confidence. I would have no problem meeting someone in a third country since if I do not like anything I would have no problem walking away or saying I am not ready yet. I mean put me in any corner of civilized world and I will find my way to a hotel just fine.

I went to see my husband first time in a resort. I knew there will be enough people willing to wire me money if I had any trouble. I paid my fare myself anyway. And now if I were to do that again I would again only ask for the hotel to be paid (if it was out of my reach financially).

[Ronnie]

Actually no, originally I never mentioned "open marriages", that was you.

Is this something different?

And as an aside I've talked to several married couples over the years that claim to be very happy in open relationships. It's not something I would feel comfortable with but if they are happy, who am I to judge?

[Ronnie]

Where did you come up w/such conclusions? The OP asked a simple question and never even remotely suggested a desire to sleep around or act like a chauvinist. 

Last I checked, sentences that begin with the word "perhaps" end in a question mark are hardly conclusions.

So for our Indian OP, he said he has already had a Russian gf.  Perhaps she was one who realized he had no intent to marry?  Perhaps Indian men or less appealing to RW because they stereotype them as chauvinistic and unfaithful? 

[Ade]

Is this something different?

Let's try to untangle the misunderstanding that seems to have occurred here.

I asserted that consenting couples have a right to do whatever they like with each other as long as there's no coercion involved.

Besides deriving from this that I wasn't interested in marriage you also talked about extra-marital affairs which I took to mean "open relationship" because if both partners consented to it, that's what it would be, an open relationship. Maybe you meant that one would have an affair without the others knowledge? But that's not what I said would be ok in my original statement - operative word is consenting.

It's all about what is agreed upon between a couple. You should try to understand that some people have a totally different view on sex than others and don't necessarily link it with a loving relationship as most others do; so yes, a couple can have a committed loving relationship and still have sex with other people. Yes, I know it sounds a little unintuitive but it's true regardless.

[groovlstk]

Last I checked, sentences that begin with the word "perhaps" end in a question mark are hardly conclusions.

You're right, Ronnie. I'm sure no one here would ever, ever accuse you of jumping to conclusions or going off on wild tangents based on the flimsiest of evidence, or perhaps I'm wrong?

[2tallbill]

You're right, Ronnie. I'm sure no one here would ever, ever accuse you of jumping to conclusions or going off on wild tangents based on the flimsiest of evidence, or perhaps I'm wrong?

 

Ronnie, I like you and many (not all) of your posts but Groove busted my gut.
If he said the same about me I would roll on the floor as well.

Take care,


Bill

[Ronnie]

You're right, Ronnie. I'm sure no one here would ever, ever accuse you of jumping to conclusions or going off on wild tangents based on the flimsiest of evidence, or perhaps I'm wrong?

Let me see, this is personal attack number 5...but who's counting?  T'would be more proper and civilized to attack the idea rather than the person delivering it...might make the point stronger.