Russia soon, for 30 days, still have doubts about the girl's feeling...

[Filipp]

Hi there, here is my story, I'm a guy in my mid 20's living in Brazil, since the beginning of the year I have been in contact with several girls from other countries, mostly Russia, trying to find my special someone, and from all girls I have ever talked there has been only one that I trully liked, only her made me make real plans about going in a different country just to meet somebody from the internet.


This girl wasn't the prettiest girl I have talked (I'm not in love with her pictures), she wasn't the most kind and good girl out there (far from being kind actually), but after talking with her for around 5-6 months I have developted a strong felling for her, something so strong that makes me think about her almost everytime I'm not doing something, I really believe I can build a strong love life with her, I been counting the days to meet her... I have contacted other girls before for 2-3 months and didn't develop this, just this one girl made me that way...

Let me tell a little about her, a few months before I started to talk with her, she used to talk with this other guy, she felt in love with him over the internet and one day he just message her telling that he found a girl in his country and didn't want to talk with her anymore, this crushed her, this idiot never really wanted to meet her but she didn't want to give up on him, even after that she had the crazy idea of one day just go to his country without telling him and showing up in his house just to meet him....

when I began talking with her it was mostly a friendly thing, she still had the crazy dream about going and meeting the other guy, it was very hard to me to make her like me just a little, for long time she just saw me as a internet friend, and told me she didn't want to comit the same mistake twice, she didn't believe I would ever be able to meet her, it was very hard to make her try to forget this other guy and try to think about building something new with me..


My main concern is that even now that I have the ticket and the visa right here with me just waiting to go in the plane next month I still have doubts about her feelings towards me, I'm not wishing her to declare love for me, I think true love should come after you meet the person, I never exchanged love letters with her, but still we talk about every day for hours, ours chats are mostly always chit-chat, or talking about her world and life, for some reason she just don't care a lot when I talk about things on my life, even when something happens with me like for example I once messaged her that I had been in car accident and she didn't even ask any question about it like if she didn't give a damn.... and most time when I try to break this chit-chat thing and try to ask about what are her feelings for me and expectations, or try ask things about  love etc, she just doesn't like talking and ask me to talk about something else or tell me to wait until we just meet, and if i insist in talking about feelings with her than she just gets in a VERY bad and angry mood and will tell me something like "ok, I'm going to sleep now, stop asking those idiot questions"

this thing about her not wanting to talk about feelings with me until meeting really drives me nuts, on the few times I was able to make her talk about it I learned a lot about her, I know that she dreams about finding a man for her to love more than anything else in the world, I know that she does likes me but not as much as I like her, and I wounder if its normal that she hates talking about certain things in the internet maybe its because she was hurt a lot by the other guy she talked before, and maybe in person she will finally be able to let her feelings flow with me... or in person she will just be a cold hearted person just like she is most time in the internet... this worries me a lot.. is asking her about her feelings about me in the internet or over the phone too much?



I read this forum a lot, and do realise that its a terrible idea to make the first trip over 7 days.... and I thought about this a lot and I really decided to stay there for 30 days with her, I know that in some cases people maybe will hate eachother after just a few minutes, but I have talked with her for months we are not lovers but we do have become almost friends, and in fact we even talking about staying in the same apartment, also she does not have any friends in this city and doesn't know anyone there (she going to move there to study) so even if we don't build a relantionship we will still be spending time with eachother.

I have this strong feeling that I will really love her when I meet, I'm just not sure about her, my only backup plan that I have is to try to win her over in the 30 days that i'm there, this is also my work vacation that i haven't had for 2 years so i want to rest, will bring in some books, and will try to enjoy my trip with her even if I don't find love...

I feel like I'm going for a all or nothing trip, either she will be happiest thing in my life, or she will be the biggest deception that I ever had... am I expecting way too much from this trip? any advices for me out there from the more experienced guys?

[steviej]

Filipp, so you say you are going for a month to visit a lady who, by your own admission, is rather cold toward you and is not interested in what happens to you in your own life. But you are hoping that somehow, when you see her, that will change, and she will be warm to you romantically, and be very interested, concerned and caring, about you and your life. Hope is indeed the right word for it. It sounds like you know what you are doing: spending a lot of time and money to see a woman who has not expressed much interest in you. You are hoping that the very act of traveling to see her will change her feelings to you much for the better. You have your tickets and visa, correct? Unless your tickets are refundable, there may not be much advice to give at this point. Sounds quite fatalistic to me.

You didn't say where you were going, but wherever it is, prepare yourself for a good vacation there. Maybe you should check out plans for local travel from there to other places that may be interesting to you. Maybe there's a reliable dating agency in the city, and you can walk in and work with them on getting some introductions. In 30 days, you should be able to meet some women, I would think. Life's an adventure. I don't think anything good will happen for you with this girl, but you can still make it overall one of the best adventures of your life if you want.

[Shadow]

Flippy you have been a good friend to her, and the person who helped her rebound. This holds a risk that she might not be able to offer more as friendship to you. On the other hand, with her bad experience in mind, she might just want to hold out on showing feelings until you meet.
Try to see through your own feelings when meeting her. See if when you meet she will react equally cool and distant. If so, then give up on her as potential lover, and have a straight talk about it. After this there will be less tension in your friendship, and she might be able to introduce you to someone else.
I hope things will turn out allright, but be prepared for anything.

[Doll]

is asking her about her feelings about me in the internet or over the phone too much?

Yes, it IS

[KenC]

Filipp,
From what you wrote here, I am of the opinion that the woman you are writing and talking to is a bit more mature about your relationship than you are.  She is trying not to get in too deeply on an emotional level before actually meeting.  (Which is very smart in my book)  You, on the other hand, are in way over your head, sir.  I hope that she lives up to the fantasy you have created in your own mind.  Unfortunately, that is not usually the case.  Don't leave home without a few local agencies in your pocket as you may have 29 days in the fsu to fill.
KenC

[Filipp]

steviej, she isn't always cold and distant, sometimes she is very open and warm to me, for example earlier this month she had to go to a vacation with her family and knew she would not have internet there and phone conversations would not be always possible since she didn't have enough money to pay for the mobile roaming, the night before she left we talked using the webcam for so many hours until it was morning already in russia, she just didn't want to leave, it was a rather emotional conversation cause we would both miss eachother for many days. But on average days trying to have emotional conversations with her is a big no-no.

i think I expressed myself a little wrong in the other post, altough most time we talk about her world she does have expressed interested in me, in fact she was the one that suggested that we meet, and also convinced me to spend most days possible with her so she can know me much better in person, its like she wants to know about me on my inside, but at same time don't care so much about things that I do.

there is a reliable dating agency in that city, and the main reason why I found it was because I may need their help to registre my visa once I'm in there, in fact I even told her about it cause she was very worried about my visa registration since I will be staying in a appartment and not in hotel, and I'm not sure if the landlord will want to registre me.

I have talked a lot with her about the meeting, and we both agreed that even if we don't build a love relantionship we can still spend time doing tourism, going out, etc, she is new to the city as well so that will be interesting to her too.

[Mishenka]

Friends is a great place to start. Enjoy it as long as you can. Don't worry about her feelings. she will "show" you how she feels when you are face to face. When the chemestry is right, you will both know it. 

[Gator]

If I had posted earlier. I would have echoed:

Doll:  "Yes, it IS" (too much to ask her about her feelings about me in the internet or over the phone).

KenC:  "I am of the opinion that the woman you are writing and talking to is a bit more mature about your relationship than you are."

Both of you are young, very young!  Have fun together, be her friend, and be patient about how quickly your relationship progresses.   You have 30 days.  If  you do not feel (not words but your heart's feelings) something really special from her after 7-10 days, however, move on.   

[Filipp]

Thanks Y'all for the advices, and you guys are right I was wrong to expect a lot of her from the internet, but I'm not so worried about it anymore

anyway I still haven't gone, will leave on the next weekend, and this month the girl has become much more excited about me coming, she is looking very foward for this now, she been helping me a lot, she is looking for a flat for us to stay (I mean us cause she wants to stay with me in same place but different rooms while im there) and also helping me with the visa registration

she mentioned about me to some of her friends, and to my surprise at least 2 other girls want to meet me when im there, one girl in particular has also been helping about flat and registration, i will be buying a gift for her as well this week.

I will write a trip report about it when I'm back in late octuber

[topofthekey]

sounds like you've got some great advice. but since we are the same age I felt I should post something. I just scheduled my first trip to the FSU (ive traveled but just not out that way).

I just suggest if you are traveling out for a month that you have a back up plan. again ive not yet been to the FSU, but from my traveling- if you are at least a decent looking guy you will generate a lot of interest from foreign women.

This is just me. But I'd back off the love and getting to serious. Have a blast on your trip. If you arent 100% thrilled with your meeting- then go out and meet a bunch of other ladies. Take the pressure off yourself. We aren't 40 or 50. We are in our mid 20s. No pressure!

[Shadow]

Have a good trip, and enjoy the culture. Take a warm coat, as Russia is different in temperature from Brazil 

[Mishenka]

sounds like you've got some great advice. but since we are the same age I felt I should post something. I just scheduled my first trip to the FSU (ive traveled but just not out that way).

I just suggest if you are traveling out for a month that you have a back up plan. again ive not yet been to the FSU, but from my traveling- if you are at least a decent looking guy you will generate a lot of interest from foreign women.

This is just me. But I'd back off the love and getting to serious. Have a blast on your trip. If you arent 100% thrilled with your meeting- then go out and meet a bunch of other ladies. Take the pressure off yourself. We aren't 40 or 50. We are in our mid 20s. No pressure!

When it comes to meeting RW, UW or any FSU women in general, age is not such a big deal. I was between 48- 54 and never had any problem attracting women ages mid 20's mid 40's the last 6 years.  These women are so different than western women. They seek  men that are confident leaders, they want security, not men without direction. They want experience and education, a man who is not a drinker and will provide stability in her family home. 

Still if all you want is to  play, there are plenty of young girls who are not serious about falling in love and make a game out of taking all they can from your wallet as you pass through town.  These women are wise as serpents, read you like a book and know exactly what you are looking for. No pressure at any age really. They know the rules

[topofthekey]

hey Mishenka not disagreeing with you. I was just concerned about the amount of pressure he was puting on one online relationship (and the whole traveling for a month without a backup plan thing).

I'll reserve judgement until I've actually been there and come back, but from my other travels I think younger guys (never married, have no kids, educated, good job) are in a pretty nice situation.  I wont compare my situation to others until I've seen with my own eyes. I don't really want to start an age debate, but I have my own opinions on it. The only thing I roll my eyes at- at this point is old men going after teenagers. I can see 10 or 15 years- but after that I do start to have serious reservations. But at the end of the day its not my relationship and not my problem- so to each their own.

[Mishenka]

hey Mishenka not disagreeing with you. I was just concerned about the amount of pressure he was putting on one on line relationship (and the whole traveling for a month without a backup plan thing).

I'll reserve judgement until I've actually been there and come back, but from my other travels I think younger guys (never married, have no kids, educated, good job) are in a pretty nice situation.  I wont compare my situation to others until I've seen with my own eyes. I don't really want to start an age debate, but I have my own opinions on it. The only thing I roll my eyes at- at this point is old men going after teenagers. I can see 10 or 15 years- but after that I do start to have serious reservations. But at the end of the day its not my relationship and not my problem- so to each their own.

I agree, you gotta have a Plan B for sure.  I have never traveled without a backup plan.  Leaving for a 30 day trip you better have one.  You can go anywhere for 1 week or 10 days and find plenty to do and see but, 30 days? You better have some great travel plans or some extra cash set aside to change airline tickets because if it doesn't work out, you might be wanting to cut your losses and fly back home early.

Anyway, you younger guys have it better in a lot of ways, your whole life is ahead of you to earn more money in your careers and start a family, still paying off college loans, where as with older men, the kids are all out of the house, it's our second time around. We enjoy a different set of freedoms. Looking towards retirement in 20 years when we hit 70 something     

11/1/2007 I met Galina again, this time in her own city, not Moscow. Her birthday was yesterday, she is 4 years younger than me, so I past your test.  We are as great match. We connect on every level. Spirit soul and body. She sent me photo's today taken last night at her birthday dinner where she still looks late 30's maybe 40. She takes good care of herself. I would never believe her real age until I saw her passport. Still, I shake my head. There must be a mistake on the date of birth!  Compare her to any western woman her age and she easily looks 10- 15 years younger. So few wrinkles and not over weight.  She loves to dance and sing and play.   Galina is a sharp business partner, has weathered her share of storms in life.  We are an anchor of stability for each other. Living under old communism makes a difference in older FSU women compared to young girls that didn't.  I am amazed at the quality of character in these women. Also amazed at how these RW stay so young looking and keep in great physical shape. I don't think anyone I dated were ever a pound over weight all their life until they had kids.   American women are a different story. Compare the way they dress and act, RW always dress to look their best,  AW don't seem to care a how they look anymore.
Mishka

[topofthekey]

 still paying off college loans,

11/1/2007 I met Galina again, this time in her own city, not Moscow. Her birthday was yesterday, she is 4 years younger than me, so I past your test.  We are as great match. We connect on every level. Spirit soul and body. She sent me photo's today taken last night at her birthday dinner where she still looks late 30's maybe 40.

Screw college loans. Just get the parentals to pay for it 

Yea sounds like you are one lucky guy. Hopefully folks wont read my remark and take anything I said about age personally... because I've got no interest in attacking anyone's relationship.

I just remember reading up on international dating online when I got curious about it. Not long after that I end up on an AFA website. I don't no much about any of this at the time and I see a man older than dirt feeling up some 18 year old at a dance. I just remember staring at that picture not knowing what to think. Thats what gives international dating a black eye.

[BillyB]

Thanks Y'all for the advices, and you guys are right I was wrong to expect a lot of her from the internet, but I'm not so worried about it anymore

anyway I still haven't gone, will leave on the next weekend, and this month the girl has become much more excited about me coming, she is looking very foward for this now, she been helping me a lot, she is looking for a flat for us to stay (I mean us cause she wants to stay with me in same place but different rooms while im there) and also helping me with the visa registration

she mentioned about me to some of her friends, and to my surprise at least 2 other girls want to meet me when im there, one girl in particular has also been helping about flat and registration, i will be buying a gift for her as well this week.

I will write a trip report about it when I'm back in late octuber

I'm looking forward to your trip report.

Out of curiosity, why did you pass up the other girls you were corresponding with that were more good, kind, and prettier in your words? It's not a good sign your lady showed no emotion or even concern for you being in an auto accident. Even if you're just a friend, she should be somewhat concerned about how you're doing.

After I committed to visiting my fiancee after a few months of correspondence, she told me she was developing feelings for me right before flying off. I responded by telling her I am visiting her as a friend. She admired the fact I'm a "careful" guy as she put it. Slow down with your feelings and it'll be better for everyone.

Filipp, I don't if you understand body language much but you need to evaluate hers when you get there. If she doesn't keep eye contact with you much when you're talking to her, doesn't like you sitting close to her and turns the other way, or is cold to you if you attempt to hold her hand, then you need to find another woman.

[groovlstk]

After I committed to visiting my fiancee after a few months of correspondence, she told me she was developing feelings for me right before flying off. I responded by telling her I am visiting her as a friend. She admired the fact I'm a "careful" guy as she put it. Slow down with your feelings and it'll be better for everyone.

I tried the same thing with my wife before our first meeting and she indignantly told me I should stay home if I felt nothing but friendship for her

Managing your own expectations is difficult, managing someone else's is sometimes even more difficult.  My advice as a first meeting approaches would be to be flexible and never make a promise you can't keep.

[Filipp]

I'm looking forward to your trip report.

Out of curiosity, why did you pass up the other girls you were corresponding with that were more good, kind, and prettier in your words? It's not a good sign your lady showed no emotion or even concern for you being in an auto accident. Even if you're just a friend, she should be somewhat concerned about how you're doing.

a lot of girls I talked before were very pretty but weren't always interesting for conversations, or lacked other attributes, some girls were very kind to me but didn't have the look that i wanted, the girl that I like isn't the most pretty, but she is pretty enough for me, and she has a lot of other attributes that I like in her, such as her good humor, very sincere, great conversations, I like her personality a lot

and I feel like I was a little hash when I wrote about her here the first time, her kindness to me really depends in her mood, if something doesn't go right in her day, even sometimes a stupid thing she becomes a hard to deal with person, sometimes angry, but when she is in a good day she is very sweet and kind, unfortunally i can't predict how her mood is in everyday... good thing is that lately she has been more in her good mood

the auto accident was a strange thing, maybe I told it to her in such calm way that she assumed nothing serious happened (it was minor anyway), however in the past days while she was looking for a flat she did show a lot of concern to find one that was good enough and not expensive, and I know this wasn't so easy and used a lot of her personal time because the first flats she saw were expensive, despise the fact that I was willing to pay and accept whatever flat she found.

After I committed to visiting my fiancee after a few months of correspondence, she told me she was developing feelings for me right before flying off. I responded by telling her I am visiting her as a friend. She admired the fact I'm a "careful" guy as she put it. Slow down with your feelings and it'll be better for everyone.

i have slowed it down this month, there isn't a point in talking about it since we will meet in a few days, luckily I haven't made the mistake to direct her the L word yet, but this week she did mention to hope for more than just friendship after meeting, so thats good thing for me to hear.

Filipp, I don't if you understand body language much but you need to evaluate hers when you get there. If she doesn't keep eye contact with you much when you're talking to her, doesn't like you sitting close to her and turns the other way, or is cold to you if you attempt to hold her hand, then you need to find another woman.

ya, im not that inexperienced.. I will move on if things turn that much bad

anyway part of the reason why I wanted to make this trip so long is because of how the vacation system works here in Brazil, I'm stuck in a situation where even If i didn't have any trip planned my company would force me to stay home for at least 22 days in octuber.

I wrote the original post when i was feeling negative about something she said while she was in on of her bad mood days, i dont even remember what was it, in the past days she has been so much more kind and concerned about me that I ain't worried about it anymore, I know for sure that even if I don't build a relantionship with her I can still build a good friendship.

[Mishenka]

Hey Philip, I hope you can give a lot of grace to this girl at first.  She will have a great mood when you arrive. As you spend a lot of close time together, Im sure there will be times that a word is misunderstood or some "stupid" thing happens that changes her mood and yours.  So give her some space to communicate and figure things out. Emotions run high on the first visit. There will be lots of excitment.  If and when her mood changes, bring up a good memory for her, something to make her smile, show her you care.  RW are very sensitive creatures. Sensitive and sensual. Enjoy the ride, it's a challenge  and worth the work involved to feel secure in your relationship. Remember there are all kinds of cultural differences between your country and hers. Have a  great trip!   I hope you find joy!

Mishenka

[Diplomacy]

Body language tips

1.  Try to in a casual manner touch her arm or hand in explaining something.  If she pulls away not good,or in a positive manner uses it to hold your hand are good indicators.  Example wow see that statue, casual and just touching to explain.

2.  Which way are the knees pointing when sitting on a bench talking.  Pointed toward you is good. 

3. Eye contact, looks away or into the eyes.

4. You really are the prey, so be careful!  I was hunted on more than one occasion, it got to the point I told her son he needs to play with the other boys at the park.  They are very forward if they think you are a beautiful man as the kept calling me.  A man playing in the park with a boy, is equal to having a porsche, wheel barrel full of $$$, a puppy, and a baby in a stroller combined in the Ukraine. It very much felt like being a piece of meat, but I am over it now j/k

5. They are not using the words as we use them.  Almost like they learned from the 1950's and some words are just straight out wrong.  So, take things in context lol. 

Be yourself!  They want a real man, not a wall flower.  Take charge and be kind at the same time.   Do not let being in a strange place ruin things.  Anytime I spoke English, it was kinda funny to see the people's eyes get big like I was a ghost.  I am pretty pale though, so there is a chance they thought they did see a ghost. 

For the love of God, be an ambassador of your country.  This crap I saw from other pats is horrible.  You are a guest act like it, not some obnoxious drunk at a Nascar race.