BeSmart's trip to Crimea, Part 1 - Preface

[BC]

I'm sure I have SO much to learn about her.

I guess that's the "growing on each other" part that we're talking about, which also involves finding out both of us are not perfect. Isn't a big part of a happy, loving relationship embracing someone's faults as well as their perfections? The married folks here are a wonderful source for these insights.     

You haven't learned squat... - yet.

[Misha]

Isn't a big part of a happy, loving relationship embracing someone's faults as well as their perfections?

Well, the "loving relationship" is a key part of it. There is a Russian term, брак по расчёту, which might be translated as a marriage of convenience. At its worst, it would involve one partner deceiving the other and hiding their true intentions. Or, IMHO, it might involve both agreeing that the other other is not ideal, but a good marriage partner. Both will figure that they will grow to love each other as they seem to be suitable and meet each other's needs. Maybe in some cases this will happen. However, there is a danger that in such a relationship, love will not grow and that the faults that would be overlooked or even considered endearing in a sound marriage based on love and respect will become intolerable over time. It is all relative. Those faults that would be overlooked in a loving marriage, will raise the ire of a man or woman in a loveless marriage and provoke conflict.

[BeSmart]

Wednesday 8/27

Not much to do till dinner. I go mess around on the internet and take a walk around and go swimming. Mostly eastern European tourists on holiday with their kids. It’s very nice but next time I’m getting an apartment in the city center so there will be more to do within walking distance on my off time. I don’t mind traveling alone, I think it’s better in this situation, but it would be fun to have buddy along in Ukraine.

I was looking forward to seeing Oksana and talking to her. As hoped, I had somehow gained a certain perspective on everything that had happened so far. There were some things that I wanted her to know and I wanted to understand her too. Mostly, I just wanted to be with her and continue our nice time together.

I put on a nice shirt and meet Oksana around 7 at a place called 40 Mile, a complex of bars, clubs, shops and restaurants. She looks fantastic as usual and we go upstairs to a little sushi place she likes. Tonya told me she would be purposely late so we could enjoy our first dinner together. Service is slow but eventually the waitress comes. I tell Oksana I like the same thing she likes because I’m not about to decipher a Russian sushi menu. We chat over a glass of very good white wine. Our lack of a common language is no longer weird but fun, and we seem to have drifted towards English primarily because hers is better my Russian. Yet I seem to know the words to fill in her blanks! And there’s always our little dictionary that she has taken to carrying everywhere. It’s nice.

During a break in the conversation, I pull out the other fashion magazine that I brought for her. It was the hugest one I’d ever seen, like an inch thick! Glamour or something. This time I know how much she’s going to love it so I pretend to look at it myself with great interest. She’s laughs and tries to reach for it and I say nyet, dle menya and she laughs even more. So I give it to her and we have fun with it over dinner.

Tonya arrives and I buy her a drink and Oksana and her talk for a minute so fast I wonder if I’ll ever grasp this language. Eventually:
 
Me: Oksana, Listen, I have had a wonderful time with you. I never expected to see all these amazing places, your parents are great, and I am so happy to meet them. And as you know I am here in hopes of meeting a very special girl to share my life with. And I think you are the right kind of girl for me. You’re fun, smart, and beautiful and we enjoy each other. But I admit I have not been sure how you feel. I’m not asking you to tell me because I realize you might not know yet, which is okay.

But she interrupts to tell me anyway.

Her: I like you very much! And my parents do too.

Me: That’s great to hear! I guess I have noticed that you have not wanted to spend any just-you-and-me time and it is strange to me. I don’t know much about your experience, but for me I think it’s kind of necessary to hang out together to see if we have that “chemistry” that’s so important.

She then briefly tells me about her experience in love and relationships. I’m not going into details but it is very little and explains a lot. She is just not sure what to expect and I guess that’s a little scary for a girl, especially with the only American she‘s ever known and the circumstances of our meeting.

Me: I understand and it’s okay. And I want to know that you are safe with me. I don’t expect anything from you. I am happy to just talk or take a walk or watch TV with you. I would never want to do anything together that we both don’t equally want. I will always gladly take personal responsibility for your comfort and I would never be careless with you.  Again, we are in no rush.

I am never really sure if words like that really sink in when I say them. Only later do I see that they actually do. Maybe she needs to think it over or like I said, needs to experience something for it to be real, but it’s all okay. I understand. She is more appealing to me than ever. I adore her. I want to show her the very best of what can be. I have this great desire to have a solid month to spend here. And would that be enough?

We goof around some more and drink more wine. It gets pretty silly and I think about how different this would be if Tonya were only my interpreter and  not the cool friend that she has turned out to be. Makes a huge difference when your interpreter and your girlfriend get along. (Wow, that’s a sentence I’ve never written before.)

Oksana’s parents want me to go to Balaklava tomorrow and I’m all for it of course. Her out of town friends are waiting for her at home so no problem, we stumble out and I put her in a taxi. I walk Tonya home and she tells me that Oksana is for real, she is just going to take a lot of patience. I have plenty.

I feel good. Very excited for her tomorrow. 

[BeSmart]

Thursday, 2/28

Two more days. Where did the time go? What did I forget to do?

I taxi over to Oksana’s around 10AM. Her Dad is washing the dust off the car windows and is happy to see me. I ask “Swimming Today?”  and the answer is yes. Cool. She and Mom come out. I just love the way my name sounds when Okana says hi to me in that cute accent.

We get going and it’s another crazy drive to Balaklava. An enjoyable ride in the back seat. Fun conversation, lots of smiles and giggles. But we are behaving for her parents.

I know when we arrive in Balaklava because it’s cool. A little town with little streets, very quant. I’m sure I could spend a full day poking around. We park at the base of a big hill and begin climbing it toward the Genoese Fortress ruins, built in 1365! It’s quite a hike too. Dad is filming everything as usual and it’s hot, as usual.

Oksana and I drift ahead and before I know it we are at the top, looking down the cliff onto the valley and harbor below. It’s breathtaking. We hang out up there for a minute catching out breath. You can see a few tunnels where submarines used to go in and out of the mountain. I tell her this would be a perfect place to jump off into the water and she laughs and calls me crazy. We take photos and mess around in the ancient remnants. Then it’s time to hike (slide) down again. I go first because I’m afraid she’ll end up tumbling down on the loose gravel and I’ll never see her again. But all this seems very normal to her.

We wander back towards the car and poke around in some shops until Mom and Dad catch up. Could it be they were purposely leaving us alone? Then we’re off to some other unknown destination. Oh, it’s time to swim! This is where Oksana was telling me about that they go as a family rather than the tourist beaches in Sevastopol. There are lots of steps down a cliff and then we are on a rocky beach. Dad jumps in without a moments hesitation and I get ready to do the same. Oksana’s sitting this one out because of her illness earlier in the week and Mom is staying with her. Man, the water is awesome! It’s cool and clear and totally refreshing. Dad and I swim around a little and then I ask Oksana to throw me the mask and snorkel. It’s not like the tropical reef type scenes I’ve seen, but still clear and interesting. I gather a few colorful shells and bring them back to Oksana. Then we skip rocks and goof around till it’s time to leave.

It’s still early and I ask Oksana to spend the afternoon with me. She says she wants to take a nap but then come over and I say that sounds great. At the apartment, I try to give the snorkel back and they refuse! It was a gift? I try to say thanks but I don’t have room in my luggage (and already have several) and Oksana understands but I feel like they really wanted me to have it. Was I supposed to take it anyway? Then next day I remember to tell Oksana to please save it for me till next time I come. I hope the message gets through to her parents. I say goodbye and thank you so very much for everything. I am so glad that I got to meet them. I feel like they genuinely approve of me which is priceless.

I take a nap too, shower and go to meet Oksana at the bus stop.  I’m excited to give her the chance to feel comfortable with this. She looks wonderful as usual but seems nervous. I take her hand and we walk back to the place. She takes her shoes off and for the first time I see her true height next to me and I like it. I pour us some wine and we go into the bedroom and sit on the bed. Yes, she’s nervous but I’ve got just the thing. I’ve been holding on to a bottle of perfume for the right moment to give it to her. She loves presents before she opens them, it’s precious to watch her face. She tears off the wrapping paper, opens it up, and sprays some on her wrist. I love this stuff and so does she! It’s her favorite she tells me and is just thrilled! I decide to play a fun little game with the three types of cologne that I have. I spray a little of each one on each wrist and the best one on my neck. I ask her to tell me her favorite and she slowly smells each arm, them my neck. And that’s her favorite. Nice. It’s very romantic in here all the sudden. Then I ask her to spray some of hers on her neck. I smell and say mmmmmm. I pull back but not too much. I look at her eyes, then her lips, notice them slightly parted, then back to her eyes. They say yes and we kiss. It’s our fist kiss but it’s oh so nice. Not too much, but soft and  sweet. We part for a second and go right back in. She actually opens up first and I feel the slightest tongue along my lips. Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

After the kiss, we smile and laugh a little, she gives me that flirty bashful look and I know we are both really glad that it happened. But I also know it’s a sensitive moment. She’s very comfortable right now alone with me and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want to press for more and have her feeling like that’s what I’m after here because it isn’t. A kiss can just be a kiss. This is that sweet intimacy that I love so much.

I break out the movie that her dad bought me and we watch it on my laptop. It’s nice because we are snuggled up on the pillows together. Very nice. I don’t pay much attention. We kiss again and some light touching. 

She brought a flash drive and gives it to me and I plug it in. It’s all her photos from a few photo shoots that she’s had. I’ve come to associate these professional photos with agency BS but these are terrific. I’ll probably keep them to myself because they are quite sexy and I’d seem like I was bragging if I showed them to my friends. My little secret.

We have some more kissing and stuff that I won’t divulge, then decide to take a walk down to Omega. I tell her that tomorrow is my last day and I want to take Tonya and Robin out to  a nice dinner with us so we call them and make a plan. We have a few strange snacks from the street venders and delicious ice cream. She has no interest in going out to the discos when I ask and I consider it a good thing, I don’t want a party girl. I kiss her goodbye and put her in a taxi.

I feel really good. I’m sure she does too. There is no longer the question about her feelings for me and I’m glad I could show her that time spent alone with me is nothing but enjoyable. I wish we could have gotten here days ago but that doesn’t seem to matter right now. I walk home smiling.

[DonAz]

Hey when do we get to hear about the last day 

DonAz