Moscow or Bust!

[groovlstk]

Classic Russian female strategy there huh fellas?    So, I said simply, "I didn't understand you before" and that was the end of that.  The truth is I do not doubt her at all.  I had been wondering how she could afford to be in Moscow and she kept avoiding explaining everything.  LOL if she only knew about some of the orgies I lived in during my University days...

Sculpto, you need to be really, really cautious here... It's certainly possible she's telling you the truth, but why didn't she tell you about the roommate situation earlier? From the way you write of her, you're not wishy washy about this relationship and she's known you long enough to understand she can trust you with such information. If she's telling the truth, she must've known for some time there was a risk that a man might answer her phone, why didn't she forewarn you?

An OMB who doesn't post here much anymore, Leslie, used to stress a "trust yet verify" approach and after dating a good number of FSU women I couldn't agree more. Obviously you'll know a lot more after you meet in person, but whatever you do don't allow yourself to get p*ssywhipped enough to make excuses for her behavior.

[Sculpto]

Groov,
I know it is a yellow flag for sure.  I do not know why she didn't mention male roomates before, but, I am pretty sure it is because of the reasons I stated.  She is pretty conservative in many respects and I doubt she has any real clue how liberal San Francisco is, even if I have tried to explain it to her and have shown her a lot of freaky web sites.

The Folsom Street Fair is coming up in two weeks, http://folsomstreetfair.org/ for anyone interested in knowing what the "real world" in SF is about.. this page is not for the timid! and the kink.com studios are a mere five blocks from my own art studio.  This town is not vanilla.. we like to say, "all the freaks in the world went west and when they got to the Pacific Ocean they made SF into the strangest place on earth" 

so... aside from trying to keep me from worrying she may have also been embarressed to admit she was living in the same house as strange men. 

I will give her the benefit of the doubt for the following reason.  About six months ago when our online chat sessions started turning into very long marathon sessions.. once even exceeding 6 hours.. well.. at some point we ran out of the superficial things to talk about.  She asked me why I never got married, (for the tenth time) I had always glossed over this topic before, in part because I did not want to say bad things about American women.  But this time, I asked her if she really wanted the whole story and she said yes.  So, I demanded quid pro quo.. she had to tell me in detail about her dating history instead of "I not been with a man in long time".  Well.. to make a long story short.. she started young, probably very young, with a much older man.. If she was 25 and he was 45 people might raise eyebrows but look the other way.. subract ten years from both and you get the picture.  She was with him for several years.. in the USA, if parents would have found out, the man would have been put in jail for a very very long time.. but, when her Cop Father found out he simply got his buddies together and they beat the hell out of the guy, beat him to near death, not while in uniform of course.  She has not been with another man since and has devoted herself to her career.  That is why at her young age she is going to places like the Urals, Chechnya, and other "exotic" locations on her own as a freelance reporter and given the opportunity to establish small newspapers in Tomsk and Moscow.  It is also at least a little bit of why she has been hesitant about going from a virtual to a real relationship, and I can not blame her for it.  She is quite beautiful and gets a lot of attention from men, and then she usually eats them alive because she also happens to be brilliant.  In her words I am the ONLY man that has ever stood up to her intellectually and did not try to talk her into a sexual relationship and that is why she has developed trust in me.

In the year I have corresponded with her this is the first and only time she has broken trust.  She has never missed an online "date" or a planned phone call.  Three months ago when she began planning to go to Moscow she told me about a man there she had met on a previous trip that liked her a lot and he had offered to help her with some things but I should not worry about him because she wasn't interested in him.  It turns out this man is her current boss who is holding her money back.  I knew about him being her boss before she left and when she explained all he was offering to do for her I warned her about his possible agenda.  She said she knew and she could handle him, though, I am sure she did not expect he would hold her money for ransom.  That situation is still not resolved by the way although I got the impression she has not been back to the newspaper in several days.  I will get this cleared up tomorrow.

You are right about not letting her get me p-whipped.  It will not happen.  That is the exact major mistake I made before I train wrecked in Kherson, along with a bunch of smaller mistakes.  I have taken a number of VERY unconventional personal steps to make sure p-whipping doesn't happen again.  I would be happy to discuss them in private with anyone interested.  My method is highly unconventional, but, in a very big way succeeded in giving me a much thicker skin and a much deeper understanding of normal female motivations/psychology than I ever had before.

I also just realized I am revealing a lot of very private information.  I hope it will be possible to edit/remove parts of this thread at a future time.

[Shadow]

Sculpto, the term Roommate should be seen very loose, and you should not think about orgies and such.
Probably she is living in a 'Community flat' where people share the kitchen and bathrooms, and have their own room. This 'own room' can be shared with another girl, with the men having their own, separate, rooms and lock on thir doors to keep the girls out at night 
Under communism such flats were very common, and they still exist today as cheap housing.
So no big deal, as roommates and flatmates are something very different.

Regarding holding the money, unfortunately it is not uncommon. And it does not hav to be related to the boss wanting any favours, its just scumbag behavior.

[groovlstk]

You are right about not letting her get me p-whipped.  It will not happen.  That is the exact major mistake I made before I train wrecked in Kherson, along with a bunch of smaller mistakes.  I have taken a number of VERY unconventional personal steps to make sure p-whipping doesn't happen again. 

I went through a similar episode in the years before I met my wife, so I hate watching other guys fall into the pit.

Good luck and keep your wits about you

[Sculpto]

Sculpto, the term Roommate should be seen very loose, and you should not think about orgies and such.
Probably she is living in a 'Community flat' where people share the kitchen and bathrooms, and have their own room. This 'own room' can be shared with another girl, with the men having their own, separate, rooms and lock on thir doors to keep the girls out at night 
Under communism such flats were very common, and they still exist today as cheap housing.
So no big deal, as roommates and flatmates are something very different.

Regarding holding the money, unfortunately it is not uncommon. And it does not hav to be related to the boss wanting any favours, its just scumbag behavior.

Shadow.. I know.. I am not worried about it.  If she says there is nothing to worry about, I believe her.  She has never given me any reason to doubt her and her call today and apology for the confusion made everything clear.  I have certainly lived in my share of communal housing situations or communal art studios and it by no means indicates that everyone is screwing each other, in fact, the contrary would be more correct as most people in such situations would be more concerned with being the source of drama than with the pleasures of casual sex and when true romance evolved it always took a lot of time and people "went public" after being very secure in the relationship. 

My posting about the craziness of my university experience should not be taken too literally with regard to the word orgy.  It was certainly wild, lots of sex drugs and rock and roll as one would expect from a typical art school in the 1980's.  The way it worked was freshman year everyone messed around with everyone and by senior year hardly anyone talked to each other anymore, and, after we all dispersed around the country and world, well, get togethers are awesome as now that we are all out in the real world it is easy to see how good we had it in the ivory tower. 

As far as the guy holding her money.. well.. I certainly hope it gets resolved before I get over there.. that man will have hell to deal with if things are not as they should be and I am put in the position of having to protect my girl.    I am not the biggest or most muscular guy in the world but I can channel that kind of Hells Angel insane vibe that typically scares the heck out of people who could probably tear me to pieces.   

side note.. one thing I love about my job.. I get to meet people from everywhere.. I just spent 20 minutes talking with Vladislava from Minsk and Elena from Odessa.. I am always amazed how the stone cold faces of former Soviets turn into smiles and warmth when they find out I have been over there and I throw five of my fifty words of Russian at them. 

[docetae]

Sculpto, you must relativise all of this ... you are not engaged with her, she is in her twenties and not engaged with anybodies, so the possibility of a sex friend is very high.... but this is not bad for you. This just show that she likes sex, which is a good thing ... after, when you will engaged, fidelity is a different thing, but now, nothing link her to you ...You are probably her wish for the future, but I know no RW who are only in platonic love... So don't be afraid or worried, let just the good time roll...

[SANDRO43]

As far as the guy holding her money.. well.. I certainly hope it gets resolved before I get over there..

Couldn't she ask her Cop papa to come over and have a quiet word with her boss ? He seemed pretty convincing in a previous situation involving his daughter .

Maybe even hearing a gravelly voice over the phone could move things along .

[Sculpto]

Doc.. I hear you.. I do not think she has a sex friend though if she did I wouldn't hold it against her.. the only thing that would be a violation of trust in my book is if I am busy planning to visit her, spending thousands in prep and she was putting me off because she is banging her roomate.. but.. I do not believe that is happening.  I have called her at 7 am.. midnight.. 3 am.. middle of the day.. pretty much whenever I want.. i don't always get through but if she was in bed with someone I am pretty sure there would have been more evidence and a lot sooner.  When she first got to Moscow and I was having no luck reaching her for almost three weeks.. and then I finally did.. I was very suspicious that she was bedding down with someone and I asked her straight up.. she laughed and said.. "you know me why you ask stupid question, no I not with any man, I working very hard and look place for live"  That was also when they sent her to Chechnya.. so..

I should probably, in the intial description of the entire scenario of the last day, mentioned that when I called her at 9pm my time last night.. 8 am Moscow time.. its was the third time I had called already.. she has told me before.."let it ring if I sleeping I need find phone" and, "if I not answer you call again little later maybe I busy at work or I very sleeping"  So, now knowing there is a house full of people.. probably woke everyone up..  

So anyway, no worries.. I'm good.  

Some of you might understand what back in the AOL days was known as AOLOVE.  AOLOVE is when you fall for someone online, you think you have feelings for them.. and in fact those feelings are quite real, in your own brain, and may very well turn out to be real in real life, but, you have not actually met the person in real life, so there is no way to know if the feelings are justified.  Way back in 1993 I had my first major disappointment with AOLOVE.  I had been corresponding with a 5'6 120 pound blonde california beauty.. we were sending each other poems.. the more we wrote the more I was falling for this unkown person who I had never seen a picture of.  It became a daily thing.. then finally after several months she agreed to meet me in real life.  She lived in a town north of SF about a three hours drive away.  I put on my best clothes.. washed my car.. and drove out there on a Friday night.  I appeared on her doorstep with flowers in hand.. I rang the bell.. the woman who opened the door was 6'3 and about 350 lbs.. and oh yeah.. she was blonde.  I swear I do not exagerate one bit her size.  The poor girl had lied to me about her dimensions, and, it was back before it was easy to send a digital photo.. most people didn't have them at that time, and the connections were still all 14.4 dial up.  Well.. that was the night I learned about AOLOVE.  I was as polite about it as I could be though I should have just turned around and left... I figured if she was so lonely as to have lied like that I would at least be her friend for the night.  But i never talked to her again, and I did feel like an idiot for a long time after that.  In other AOLOVE situations that turned out to be losers I have learned to get over it practically instantly..

Right now I admit.. I am smitten.. the girl is awesome.. on digital paper she is everything I have been looking for... but.. if in real life the chemistry is not the same as it has been after all these chats and phone calls... I will forget her in about as long as I will have known her in real life.  But.. given the 15 years of experience I have with online dating.. at this point I can feel it when its going to work.. most of the time anyway with pretty good accuracy... anyway.. I will know what I am actually doing tomorrow before noon and hopefully I will be on a new adventure in one month that will result in the end of one very long and lonely chapter and the beginning of a brand new book filled with promise.

[Sculpto]

Sandro..

her Dad is undergoing cancer treatment of some sort in Tomsk.. her situation with her boss is taking place in Moscow.. I do not think he would be much of a threat... and, I know her.. she will NEVER admit to her Father that she failed to earn the money needed for his treatment.  She is the "wonderchild" in the family..

[SANDRO43]

her Dad is undergoing cancer treatment of some sort in Tomsk..

Sorry, forgot about that .

Out of curiosity, is your work abstract, figurative or otherwise ? Mind posting a pic or two ?

[felix8787]

Glad to read things are working out Sculpto,
I'll be leaving for my adventure on Tues and sure as hell looking forward to it!!!

felix8787

[Sculpto]

Sandro..

I am currently in a very conceptual stage of my art.  I have not done production for a few of years as I have been more focused on getting my personal/love life settled.  In the past I have done things figurative.. abstract.. interactive.. site specific.. conceptual.. performance.. and large scale collaborative.  If you google-images Burning Man Festival you may run into some things that I was doing in the 90's or certainly stuff some of my friends have done.  My all time favorite piece is something so "out there" most "modern" people have no idea how to respond to it.

In 1987 when I first went to live in Mexico I was out wandering around in the mountains one day and happened upon the entrance to a cave.  I went in and discovered a very deep cave with several massive chambers.  Now, there was evidence that others knew of this location but the cave was in very pristine condition.  The location of the entrance itself was rather spectactular perched on an outcropping of a ridge 2500 meters above the central valley.  One could over 100 kilometers to the Sierra Madre on the other side of the valley as well as the Rio Grijalva, the second biggest river in Mexico, on the valley floor.  I was very inspired.  So, the next day I went to the flower market and the candle market and I went back to the cave.  I went in and down until I found the deepest, darkest chamber in the cave.  In this space totally devoid of light I lit a small candle and looked around.  I found some loose boulders and I moved things around and created a shrine from the rocks.  I arranged all my candles and flowers and I left a full bottle of "Posh", the local home brewed rum variation, and some little carvings in amber done in the style of Picasso.  15 years later I returned to the cave and my little shrine had grown.  There were hundreds of candles and expired flowers and dozens of full bottles of "Posh", including the untouched bottle I had left there in the exact same spot I had put it, as well as the little amber carvings.. moved and observed, but each one still in its spot as I had arranged them with the addition of dozens of small ceramic animals, mostly cows, pigs, sheep, chickens and turkeys, the typical farm animals of the region.  The local native Mayan Indians had discovered my little shrine and made it their own.

One of the things that has hampered my relationships in the past is the obsession with art.  Most of the women I have ever been involved with.. even artists themselves.. were not as supportive as they should have been.  In fact, the artist women were even worse than "civilians" because they also had the "artist disease" and usually proved to be not only jealous of the time I spent with it but with my finished product also.  My Mexicana GF in the 80's was the best in this regard.. but.. as lovely and sweet as most Mexicanas are.. I do not find much to talk to them about...

Ok.. so back to my lady in Moscow.. I am chatting with her right now on Yahoo.. will report in a little while

[Sculpto]

Well, we got things cleared up.  As suspected by some here she did have a one time fling several weeks ago.  She felt very guilty because she had promised to wait for me and that is why she has acted strange over the last weeks.  I reminded her that just before she went to Moscow I told her if she needed "it" to take care of herself and just be honest with me.  At the time she promised she wouldn't need "it" but.. hey.. people have needs and as was mentioned I have no right to demand fidelity from someone I have not met in real life.  I take it is a very good sign that she was able to confess it.  I am not sure if the tables were turned I could be as honest, and, if an opportunity had presented itself I might have done the same, I have needs too. 

so, we moved on ot the bigger topic.. does she want to meet me and where?  Her answer.. "BUY THE TICKET" and so we will meet in Moscow.  I offered to go to her in Tomsk and she said she would rather make it easy for me and will find a way back to Moscow after she sees her Father.  I offered to pay her ticket and she refused, again.    She is looking into apartments for me, though, I found some good leads from cheap-moscow.com.  I did buy my ticket today so I am set to depart on the 25th of October and stay for 9 days.  The travel agent here in SF will take care of the visa/voucher for me on Monday.

Her biggest concern, or worry is a better word, is we will not connect in real life as we have online. 

I have the same concern, which is normal to any internet relationship. 

So, feedback please and if it has to be harsh give it to me.

[BillyB]

Well, we got things cleared up.  As suspected by some here she did have a one time fling several weeks ago.  She felt very guilty because she had promised to wait for me and that is why she has acted strange over the last weeks.  I reminded her that just before she went to Moscow I told her if she needed "it" to take care of herself and just be honest with me.  At the time she promised she wouldn't need "it" but.. hey.. people have needs and as was mentioned I have no right to demand fidelity from someone I have not met in real life.  I take it is a very good sign that she was able to confess it.  I am not sure if the tables were turned I could be as honest, and, if an opportunity had presented itself I might have done the same, I have needs too. 

Sculpto, you're getting pussywhipped accepting this behavior. Based on your earlier reaction of her having roomates, this is affecting you in a big way although you're acting as if it's not a big deal in this post. I think you need to contact more women and find one that won't get you worried. One that you can 100% trust. They are out there. Your gal sends you kisses on the phone and is banging at least one other guy. Of course you're not in a commited relationship and she's free to date others but she made you some serious promises to not do that. One too many red flags for me. Keep in mind that people put their best foot forward in the intial stages of a relationship.

[SANDRO43]

In 1987 when I first went to live in Mexico I was out wandering around in the mountains one day and happened upon the entrance to a cave. 

Read any Carlos Castaneda in that period ?

[docetae]

Well, we got things cleared up.  As suspected by some here she did have a one time fling several weeks ago.  She felt very guilty because she had promised to wait for me and that is why she has acted strange over the last weeks. 

Again, I don't know if this North America versus Europe, but "wait for me" means that she will wait for you to be engaged in relationship. The time you are not engaged, you must accept difference between having sex and being in relationship ! So for me, she is respecting her promises.

Having sex is just an healthy behavior, not a sin. (after being engaged, this will be your role to travel often too to be sure the promise is not too much difficult to keep..)

[Sculpto]

LOL..Sandro.. do you know of Maria Sabina?  The Shaman of Cuatla?  Even today there are people in Mexico possessed of amazing ancient knowledge.  I am humbled in their presence.

Billy.. so I am wondering something.  A young woman from the middle of nowhere goes to Moscow where she knows almost no one.  Her internet boyfriend who has been unsuccesfully trying to visit her gives her approval to take care of her "needs" if it is required because he is unable to take care of her needs for her.  She doesn't think she will have "needs" before she goes to Moscow, but, in her struggle after her arrival with work and other problems which motivated the move to Moscow in the first place, she, finds herself lonely and in need of affection, so, she decides to take care of her "needs" in the pre-approved fashion, "one time and do not be afraid to tell me".  In a struggle with her own guilt she pulls away slightly from her internet boyfriend who finally calms her nerves and she admits her weakness and her humanity.  So, how does that make the internet boyfriend p-whipped?  

She is a good girl.  I am glad she told me and I am glad she took care of herself.  I speak with her almost every day and I know the tone of her voice and she was suffering before and I know she suffered holding back telling me because she was afraid to hurt me.  I have nothing to forgive because she did nothing wrong.  There is no pattern in her behavior over the last year to indicate she is a sex addict or has any major emotional issues that would give me reason not to trust her after we meet and make a mutual decision to go forward with a relationship.  That is not justifying, that is simply being mature in regards to an adult situation.  I am not a virgin, neither is she and she chose to live in the moment.  Given the chaotic nature of my lifestyle and chosen place of residence I take what she did as a positive and a sign that she respects me enough to tell me the truth.. even if it was a little late in coming.

As Docetae mentioned in an earlier post her having sex is not a bad sign, it means she likes it, which I already knew and I am not telling how.    And, given her history, it would be VERY easy for her to hate sex and also have some sort of dysfunctional or unhealthy behavior regarding sex.  

Unlike last year before the train wreck in Kherson when I was wracked with anxiety regarding the behavior of the girl and chose to ignore all the red flags and advice of others, this time I am calm, I believe in the girl, I have no agency BS to contend with, can communicate with her easily enough in English and feel confident a positive result will come from this trip.  Plus, I get to go see one of the great cities of the world to add to my list.

[Sculpto]

Docetae,
You are exactly right.  I do not see anything wrong with what she did.  Even if she didn't tell me it would still be ok.  I am still just words on a screen, sounds in a phone, image on a web cam...

You know what else?  This is going to be funny.. back when i was still on HRB I was spending some time in chat with a real beauty from Lugansk.  I never really believed in her and one night I turned on her web cam and caught her exposing her breasts.  I had been talking to this girl Marina for a while and i had her phone number and I busted her giving a light sex show.  Afterwards.. she asked me to call her up and well.. you can guess the rest.  Well, then the next day this Marina from Lugansk actually told me she was a virgin.  HAHAHAHA 25 years old and giving almost free sex shows on the web and she is a virgin hahahaha!  You know who else told me the same crap?  The world famous Elnara from Yalta, though she didn't take her top off.  LOL

Anyway, back to my Siberian sweetheart...

It is however a wake up call in some ways.  Well, actually, a few minutes ago I figured out exactly when this happened.  Several weeks ago she said to me something like, you need to come see me soon or I will lose interest.  Its been a long time to wait.  Sorry, no cute accent on the quote because I do not remember exactly how she said it.. but.. she made it clear at that moment and the more I think about it the more I realize her behavior over the last few weeks was not only due to her having some guilt but also her pushing me take action.  For the most part she is one of the most controlled, deliberate and focused people I have ever known so even though a few hours ago my reaction and thoughts were based purely on her feeling some guilt.. I actually know her better than that.. she wanted a specific reaction.. she wanted me to come to her.. and she behaved in a way that has motivated me step up to the plate.  In fact, I think it is now that things will get more interesting than they have been all year with her.  Now, I predict she will to some degree play hard to get and she will probably try and confuse me to see how I react.  This is a girl with high self esteem, she is not going to settle for a shlub, and in reality she has no real picture of what kind of man I am except what I have shown her on the web, which is who I really am.. or try to be anyway.  She is very smart and to will win her heart I will have to be very smart also.  The door is open, she is sitting at the edge of the bed.. all I have to do is walk in and take what should be mine. 

[Shadow]

Sculpto, if I see the time you have been corresponding it is not strange you got some kind of a 'ultimatum' set by her.
I hope you understand that if it does work out, you will have to step up your travel and plan to be together in as short time as possible.
Patience is not something that RW are famous for.

[Sculpto]

Shadow,
I have the ticket and will depart from SF on October 25th and arrive in Moscow the next morning.  So, everything is set up.. now it is all about chemistry.. and of course there is no controlling that.. but.. I am feeling very positive about things.

[Sculpto]

I just called my girl.. it was really interesting..

Yesterday when I told her I was coming.. I was suprised her reaction was a little quiet.. I had a minute of thinking i made a mistake...

When I called her just now.. her first question was.."Ereek, you have ticket?" I said yes.. she responded, "KISS YOU KISS YOU KISS YOU KISS YOU, I very happy now"

I have noticed this before.. she seems to have a delayed reaction to things.. very NON American LOL.  It is something I will have to get used to.. I tend to think and act quickly, rarely making the wrong move... I will need to get used to her "following" in this regard.

Man I am SO excited!  I never thought I would be so into going to Moscow.. but after realizing I will be visiting Dostaevsky's house and a ton of other cultural landmarks.. things that have been part of my awareness for many years.. wow.. it is going to be awesome!

[BillyB]

Sculpto,
 Based on your earlier reaction of discovering men living in her apartment, you were worried and your nerves got worked up. Nothing wrong with that. I would have answered Docetae differently if he was in the same situation since the woman's behavior is acceptable to him. Your worst fear came true that she had sex with another man and now you're acting as if it's no big deal. I don't think you would tolerate a big lie if it came from a male friend. I don't know exactly what kind of commitment you got from your gal but talking to her hours a day multiple times, I think you made yourself clear though. Too many men blame the language barrier and cultural differences as an excuse to dismiss red flags. In the early stages of any relationship, partners are evaluating how each other perform according to certain circumstances. If your commitment was to focus on each other before you would buy the ticket, then she broke a commitment to you. A crucial one IMO that helps distinguish who is and isn't wife material.

This endeavor is a long one. I hope you don't plan on proposing on your first visit. With multiple visits and the length of the visa process, you could be looking at over a year easily before she gets to you if you two do get serious. I'm sure all kind of things will be running in your head when you're apart after the first visit especially after you've given her the green light to take care of her needs. How is she paying her share of the rent with those men? How much vodka they keep in the place and how much do they share with your gal freely? Will she get pregnant? If so, is it yours? Will she catch a disease? etc... The questions running in your head could give you more sleepless nights. Not healthy. You should trust 100% and if the trust was violated, you should cut your losses and walk away. Could you elaborate what kind of commitment you asked her to make before you commit to a visit? Has she told you it's okay to take care of your needs too when you two are apart? If you did, she probably would not be as forgiving as you have been to her.

Personally, I don't need the drama and I know there's plenty of women out there that won't give men any. Take condoms when you go. Based on the currrent events, you know you're going to get some.

[Sculpto]

Billy,
I appreciate your concern and you make valid points.

My shock at the roomate answering her phone had more to do with the fact that I either did not understand her telling me there were male roomates or she omitted the fact, deliberately or in trying to protect me from worrying.  The bottom line though, when I called her last night the whole household was hanging out getting drunk.. I said, "Tell them I said hello", she did and I heard a big Privet Ereeek from several voices, male and female.  I doubt I would have gotten such a reception if there was any hanky panky going on in that flat. 

I gave her permission to take care of her needs before she left for Moscow.  She gave me the same permission.  Now that it actually happened I told her not to stress out about it, but, if we do end up a match it would not be the same and the same freedom would not be part of the deal.  She answered that she already knew that and then asked me if I had gotten any during this time.  I havent, and told her so, but, frankly, not for the lack of trying, but I did not tell her that. 

My worst fear was not that she had sex with someone, but, that she started a relationship with someone, which she did not.  She had a one time fling.. shoot dude, I even asked her if the guy was good.. she laughed and said.. not very.  I don't know, maybe you missed the links I posted to the freak town I live in.  I am not the polyamorous lifestyle type.. but.. a very large percentage of my friends are and I am therefore around people who openly have sex with other partners, sometimes with their own husband or wives not very far away, and which has on more than one occasion, back in the day, been offered to me, though they all know I am not into it and so they don't ask me anymore.  Sex and love are two very very different things.  I am on a search for someone I can talk to for the rest of my life who will always inspire me.  You know what John said about Yoko?  "She is the smartest person I know, and, we can f..."  That is who I think I am going to meet in one month, the smartest woman I have ever known who can talk with me about anything and everything and I hope we rock each others world in the bed.   

I will not ask her to marry me on this trip, no matter how good it is with her.  However, what I will propose, and was already discussed after she found out getting a visa as a journalist would be more difficult than we expected, is that she follow through with an application to San Francisco State which has an excellent Russian program as well as Journalism, so, she can finish her degree which she started at the Uni in Tomsk and has been put on hold because of the situation with her father and working in Moscow.  She is very open to this idea and is mostly worried that her English is not good enough.  And, as an alternative, should the economy here take an even bigger nose dive and force my employer to close his doors, I would have nothing stopping me from just going over there to wait out the recovery.  As Chivo has shown it may be possible to have a great lifestyle in Russia simply teaching English for someone who is smart enough to make it happen.

I know I am in for the long haul and I think she is also, and, if the trip has a positive result and afterwards there are any breaks in the trust I will move on without a second thought.  If that should happen I doubt I will return to the FSU and rather focus my effort on Latin America because I already speak Spanish fluently and the much lower cost of travelling there.

last year when all the stuff was happening in Kherson, prior to me going and especialy during the flight over, I was full of incredible anxiety.  In this situation now, I had a moment of panic, which in retrospect was due more to fear of a repeat of disappointment than anything really being out of order.  But, in all other respects my empathic response to her explanation is actually a deep calm and excitement that I am doing the right thing.  If you could have heard her voice today.. the excitement that we will finally meet, the recognition that I am keeping my word after a year of promises.. you would understand why I am not worried that she had one night of stress relief with a near stranger.

As far as our virtual committments at this point, now that I have a ticket, she is well aware and knows and has agreed to fidelity.  She is committed to being a great hostess and promised that even if we do not match she will not abandon me in Moscow.  After a year of friendship, even if only on the web and in the phone, I know she will keep her word in that regard. 

Nevertheless, please continue to be my devils advocate.. your thoughtful opinions are helping me keep my head on straight.

By the way.. do you really believe there is ANY woman in the world that is drama free?  Frankly I need a little drama so I do not forget I am ALIVE. I mean, maybe some sweet little peasant girl from rural Thailand might wait on a man hand and foot and never make any demands, but, I doubt it for one, and two, I don't look for someone like that.  I will leave those kinds of girls to the mongers who can't get and keep a woman their intellectual equal.

[ibsb05]

if you want some romantic outing, I can recommand a nice place on Petrovka, I think at no 5 , so not far from kremlin and Teatralna metro station! It is in Berlin DOM and there are 3 restaurants ! I prefer the italian at level -1 ! all good, and reasonably priced for Moscow! Also a very nice mexican place with Outstanding food acrosss from french embassy ! Enjoy! Yves

[BillyB]

After a year of friendship, even if only on the web and in the phone, I know she will keep her word in that regard. 

I don't know if you read it anywhere here yet but a year is too long for most ladies to wait. More men than not make promises to visit and never deliver. With uncertainty for a length of time, RW will move on to better pastures if the man they're interested doesn't make the move fast enough. I'm surprised your gal waited that long for you to finally visit.  When I was youger BillyB, I would have been pussywhipped and forgiven much from a woman and ignored red flags. I would definately be going to visit a woman in the same scenario as you if I were in your shoes. I've now seen a lot of different type of women and I know what I'm looking for better. You're right that not all women are drama free but there's still enough drama here for the older BillyB to keep searching. Sculpto, I sincerely hope all goes well for you. Take backup contact info just in case. She's still young surounded by people living a party atmosphere life. She could still be inmature and infatuated with having a foreign boyfriend and not ready for marriage. She may not know what she wants in life yet and thus she would be high risk to marry as she will change when she finds out what she really wants. If you don't get intimate with her, do not make excuses that she's a good girl and playing hard to get. She did confess to you that she went to bed with a man that she's not emotionally attached to and is capable of getting physical without emotional attachment. If she is cold with you, it's because something about you is turning her off. If that is happening, don't force a relationship. Walk away, salvage the rest of your trip, and find someone that you will turn on.