Wife split!

[Wayne]

She came on a K-1 in March 2008.  Married in late April.  Sent in green card application soon after.  Went to USCIS for interview.  Passed except that wife has latent tuberculosis.  She went to local health department for treatment.  Sent back letter to USCIS saying treatment was started.  Green cards should arrive soon.

A little over a week ago, she got angry again, started an arguement.  Actually, it was all her anger.  Next day, came home from work, found wife and step-daughter gone, everything packed up and gone.  I called school Monday morning.  Step-daughter was in school.  Wife has old girl friends in many different states who came on K-1's.  Thought she may have gone to stay with one of them, but not. 

Wife took new car that is in my name; computer, cable modem, etc.  Bought a new modem and hooked up old computer.  Many debts ran up because wife likes to buy things and has expensive tastes.

Two days ago, wife shows up at house.  Angry!  Demands her mail, but she did not receive any.  Looking for green cards to arrive, probably.  Wife admits she has a boyfriend and moved in with him.  I wondered how she was getting all the expensive new clothes.  Tells me her immigration lawyer says she has to live with me for the green card issue.  Says she is moving back in. 

Everyone advises me to change the door locks to keep her out.  Don't think that is legal to do unless you get a court order.  Remember, I am responsible for them.  I have to provide. 

Before the visa interview in Moscow, the medical exam and tests are done and the results are picked up later that day or the next morning.  The TB skin test is usually checked after three days.  I think she new there was a problem and did not tell me about it before our wedding.

No sex since the wedding night.  Wife? moved into seperate bedroom.  Believe this was planned all along. She doesn't clean, cook or do laundry for me.  House was never so dirty before.  Lets her dog mess all over the house and does not clean it up. 

Any ideas?  Help!

[Mishenka]

Wayne, I'm so sorry to hear this devastating news. I feel your pain. I wish we could hear both sides of this. I wish  you could sit and speak with her in a civil way to understand what brought this on and if possible get beyond the anger. This could happen to any of us.  As I understand it, you are way past that. It's NOT easy to judge when we don't have all the facts from both sides.  In this case you present us, if you can prove she scammed you and unknown to you it was a marriage of convenience, file an annulment to the marriage and buy her a one way ticket home.  Get some legal council, speak to your attorney and if you are beyond giving her a second chance,  start the annulment.  This is kinda news always shatters trust and puts questions in all our minds, I hear it all to often. If you are smart you will Block the green card by reporting her ASAP to USCIS. They will deny the card bassed on your testimony. DO it now!

Best of luck
Mishenka

[Gator]

Wayne,

Bad news!  Sorry to read of your problem.

While some may say give her a second chance, your description is that of an irretrievably broken marriage.  She never gave you the first chance so why give her a second chance.  To protect yourself, see your attorney ASAP and file for a divorce now.  He will tell you about your obligations to provide for her.

Have you read Maxx's story?  Do not spend any time with her.  Do not meet your wife without a witness or two.

Good luck.

 

[groovlstk]

Sorry to hear this, Wayne.

Please do yourself a favor and disregard the foolish advice about sitting down and talking to her or giving her second chances. You need to do as Gator said and speak to a knowledgeable attorney immediately before you make a mistake that she can ultimately use against you.

[Misha]

Believe this was planned all along.

Based on what you wrote, this is pretty much a given. I agree with Gator and Groov. Go see a lawyer immediately, now, this moment. Ask the lawyer about changing the locks. Under no circumstances should you be alone in the house with her at any time. 

[Kuna]

Wayne,

Sitting down talking to your wife is the worst thing you could do.  IMHO you need to take decisive action to protect yourself.  From what you've said in your post you just need to close this down as quickly and efficiently as you can.

I looked back at your history and realise such a decision will have serious ramifications (because of the previous IMBRA waiver) but things COULD get much worse if you don't act.

Whilst you may not want to post all details in here in future I'd encourage you to use RWD and it's members for support during the tough times ahead because I know EVERY man here will empathize with your situation and want to offer you support and encouragement.

All the best,

Kuna

[Jack]

Any ideas?  Help!

Any Ideas!  Hell yea, I got a few ideas.

So as not to effect the few pansies who might object to my public advise to you, please feel free to call me.  214 878 9260.

[Mir]

I think she new there was a problem and did not tell me about it before our wedding.

No sex since the wedding night.  Wife? moved into seperate bedroom.

Look at the bright side, she possibly saved you from catching TB. 

[Diplomacy]

PO Box may be a good idea too.

[Maxx2]

Hello Wayne

This happened to me 5 years ago. Since then I have educated myself to the in's and out's of the process. I and another fellow created a website for this sort of problem, www.immigrationfraudvictims.com Here is some advice I have given in regard to people in your situation.


http://www.immigrationfraudvictims.us/faq4.html

4) I am a victim! What should I do now?

a. Get a good divorce attorney! If you can afford it, get a good immigration attorney too.
b. Do not confront your spouse regarding your suspicions. Do not speak to mutual friends about your suspicions. Talk to your lawyer!
c. Keep your legal strategy between you and your lawyer. If you need to talk to someone, do so only to a trusted friend or family member.
d. Do not allow your spouse to provoke you, and do not react to his/her provocations.
e. Do not under any circumstances talk to your spouse, or friends of your spouse, whether on the phone or in person, without a witness present. Do not post any specific information regarding your spouse on the web.
f. If possible, move out of the marital home, and have witnesses available for verification. It is best to establish a temporary residence somewhere else. Do not let your spouse know where you are living. Do not return to the home or your spouse could twist this into a stalking charge.
g. If your spouse has already moved out of the marital home, change the locks. Check with your lawyer about the legality of this first.
h. Secure the bank accounts. Move money ASAP. Get legal advice about possible 50% rule. Get all valuable documents that might be of use in an immigration or divorce case out of your house and locate them to a safe deposit box at a bank or someplace else that is safe.
i. Keep written copies of your exit plan such as an attorney's brief with you at all times. The attorney's brief should stress the need to separate and make no contact with your spouse, as well as steps that have been taken. These papers can be shown to the police if they show up at your new residence on some false charges made up by your spouse, as well as in court.
j. Keep a paper trail of your exit plan. These are useful at an abuse trial to show your rational and legal reaction to a marriage that needs to be ended. Abusive people do not use rational legal means to exit a marriage. They use intimidation or force to keep a hold on their victim. Act like a law abiding citizen. Do not waiver with your heart, but keep advancing forward using your head.
k. Don't sign anything for your spouse.
l. Record and document everything. If it is legal in your state, carry a tape recorder!
m. Check your state laws regarding legal grounds for an annulment. If allowed, an annulment shows the USCIS that you were defrauded. Follow up with a letter and proof that you've filed for annulment and the final decree of annulment.
n. You must withdraw sponsorship of your spouse as soon as it is evident that things are not right. If you and your spouse have applied for a change of status, and your spouse has not received the 2 year green card, withdraw your application immediately! Send a notarized letter to the USCIS and include as much information as possible. Write a very detailed synopsis of your relationship with your spouse from the first time you got in touch until the present. Be sure to send it so that someone has to sign for your letter. If your spouse's change of status has already been approved, you can still withdraw your support, but this unfortunately does not end your financial obligations.
o. Write your local US Representative and US Senators. Have them send a letter to the USCIS on your behalf.
p. Try to get a contact person at your USCIS local office, and be persistent in forcing them to do something about your claim, with investigation.
q. Do not hide, destroy, damage or take your spouse's immigration documents, passport, etc. This could be used against you in a court of law or with the police.
r. Google your spouse. You would be surprised at what is out there on the web about people.
s. Do a background check on your spouse. It's worth the money.
t. Report any suspicious activity to the FBI or USCIS.

I also add that if you have any guns in your house arrange to have a licensed gun dealer to hold them for you for a specified period of time. Why? the reason is that a gun in the house if your wife knows about it is an almost guarantee that a restraining order will be issued. Judges do not want to take any chances. If you can prove that your guns where removed and are held under a contract you might avoid this. Also if a restraining order is issued then it is a Federal crime to have in your possession any guns, rifles, ammunition, explosives or swords until the restraining order expires. Restraining orders are one of the first things these women ask for as they are considered "primary evidence" in granting an I-360 spousal abuse petition. So I would go over all of this and the above with your lawyer and do it very quickly.


Maxx

http://www.russian-detective.com/scams/gcg.htm

  

[groovlstk]

Max,

You're like Batman, Commissioner Gordon just flashed the big M in the sky and here you are to save the day. 

[ukguy1977]

I'm sorry to hear your situation, it's not good. Simply you have to get rid of her asap and move on. Do everything in your powers to get the marriage annulled and ensure she gets as little money from you as possible. Best of luck mate.

[Mishenka]

 MAXX2 good work, well done,


Wayne, clearly giving her a second chance is out of the question when she is already living with a new guy. (why I said she is beyond second chances) If I were standing in your shoes, I would take tomorrow off and get yourself in front of an attorney. Get your car back, do the annulment, its much cheaper and easier than divorce. You've already spent too much as it is. Cut all ties and let immigration send her and her daughter back where she came from. You have a solid case to stop her green card if you act now. Still I would want a clear answer if this was planned from the start. From what you tell us, it's clear this was the case. Looking at your past posts, you went through so much to get this woman here, 2 K1's and all the work, really sorry for you. The reason I said speak to her is because there are so many misunderstandings in these relationships. It would  help you make closure in the relationship if she confessed what her intentions were from the start.  IMO Her anger comes from her guilt, but I know how women can be very calculating. Looking back through your posts, this is her 3rd marriage and divorce. Any other obvious Red flags?

Mishenka

[Maxx2]

Also let me make this very clear. The ONLY reason a woman who has never slept with her husband and has a boyfriend wants to get back together with her husband is to set him up on a false domestic violence charge. A staged incident will happen and it is likely (better than 90%) that you will go to jail and when you get out be served with a temporary restraining order. Get to a lawyer ASAP. Show him/her what I wrote to you and look over my website. Most lawyers however do not understand the strength of the motivation for an immigrant woman to file a DV claim.           

[Maxx2]

MAXX2 good work, well done,


Wayne, clearly giving her a second chance is out of the question when she is already living with a new guy. (why I said she is beyond second chances) If I were standing in your shoes, I would take tomorrow off and get yourself in front of an attorney. Get your car back, do the annulment, its much cheaper and easier than divorce. You've already spent too much as it is. Cut all ties and let immigration send her and her daughter back where she came from. You have a solid case to stop her green card if you act now. Still I would want a clear answer if this was planned from the start. From what you tell us, it's clear this was the case. Looking at your past posts, you went through so much to get this woman here, 2 K1's and all the work, really sorry for you. The reason I said speak to her is because there are so many misunderstandings in these relationships. It would  help you make closure in the relationship if she confessed what her intentions were from the start.  IMO Her anger comes from her guilt, but I know how women can be very calculating. Looking back through your posts, this is her 3rd marriage and divorce. Any other obvious Red flags?

Mishenka

Thanks Mishenka. I would not however talk to a wife in these circumstances. It is quite different in these marriage to an immigrant than with a domestic marriage. The courts expect you to act in a cold calculating legal way with no soft kind hearted emotions. This is very difficult to do and the nice guys get slaughtered in the process. I know one case where the wife called her husband and urged him to come back home and kiss and make up. This was after she had a restraining order on him. He did and when he got there the woman from the shelter (who plotted this whole thing) and the police were waiting for him. 


Maxx

[Mishenka]

seems like the site server is burping and belching again.

[Andreas]

Wow! This really sucks!

Its stories like this that makes me glad I'm Norwegian.
In Norway you automatically keep whatever you brought into the marriage (more or less). So if some crap like this were to happen here you'd simply get a divorce, inform the police and they'll be esorting the harpy out of the country. If the marriage has lasted for more than three years, she gets a permit, but at least she's no longer your problem. Also, changing the locks will not get the police fired up, its refered to as "private business".

You've really got my sympathy in this matter, Wayne. Hang in there!

[Mishenka]

Agree 100% Maxx2  Your advice makes sense,  especially this advice,

"You must withdraw sponsorship of your spouse as soon as it is evident that things are not right. If you and your spouse have applied for a change of status, and your spouse has not received the 2 year green card, withdraw your application immediately! Send a notarized letter to the USCIS and include as much information as possible. Write a very detailed synopsis of your relationship with your spouse from the first time you got in touch until the present. Be sure to send it so that someone has to sign for your letter. If your spouse's change of status has already been approved, you can still withdraw your support, but this unfortunately does not end your financial obligations."


Experience is the best teacher.  I Was married 22 years when I did my divorce, the girls were over 18 and it was uncontested. She never answered the complaint, I won by default, the girls stayed with me, ex wife moved out of state. I did the divorce myself and cost less than $400.  I hope for Wayne that it could be that easy, but I doubt it. This woman came here with her daughter for a green card. The daughter complicates things. The best thing Wayne can do is prevent or block it from being granted by withdrawing his support.  Imagine the balls she has to confess she went to live with the boyfriend and then expects him to allow her back in the house to get the green card?  insane, totally insane.  The best advise  when going through divorce is "say nothing to anyone about anything".
 
Mishenka

[Maxx2]

Imagine the balls she has to confess she went to live with the boyfriend and then expects him to allow her back in the house to get the green card?  insane, totally insane.  
Mishenka

Yes, and it happens so often this boldness that I consider it the norm. I know of one case where she asked the husband to move out of his place and allow her boyfriend to live there instead and to a pay her a $1000 a month and get her a green card. When he said "no" she struck him in the face with a cell phone. Called 911 on him. Got him arrested. Got a restraining order on him. Then lived in his place with her boyfriend and he had to rent another place. Plus she sued him for $250,000 for a scratch on her neck we think her 18 year old son did to her for "proof" of abuse. It gets really crazy.   

[Jumper]

Wayne, so sorry to hear.

youve gotten good advice here.
mostly to visit a divorce attorney well versed in immigration /fraud cases asap.


I do have  a curiosioty questiion,
 there was a wayne here before  that had a previously failed K1, with a RW
who returned to ukraine or russia before they married.

just curious if that is that you?
(if bad luck struck twice)

[Maxx2]

mostly to visit a divorce attorney well versed in immigration /fraud cases asap.

I usually advise that one go to an immigration attorney for a consultation visit and after telling him/her your story ask what attorney he/she would use for a divorce.

In regards to annulments. They are usually hard to get. Many/most men try that and the judges do not allow this as they know it may affect the woman's immigration status. I have heard of two cases recently where the judge would not allow the annulment petitioner to present their case. Would not hear their witnesses and so on. Expect anything.


Maxx

[Ade]

Wayne, so sorry to hear.

youve gotten good advice here.
mostly to visit a divorce attorney well versed in immigration /fraud cases asap.


I do have  a curiosioty questiion,
 there was a wayne here before  that had a previously failed K1, with a RW
who returned to ukraine or russia before they married.

just curious if that is that you?
(if bad luck struck twice)

Of course it was him, take a look at his previous posts; there was a Svetlana the artist at one time too. One morbidly ironic comment from 24-08-2005, "I believe Oksana and Yana have passed the medical exams.  However, Oksana is a very honest person and she would not lie to get a sooner interview." Hm.

Anyway, luck hasn't a lot to do with it and I'm sorry to sound harsh but there are men that seem to be prime targets for this sort of scam; too trusting, too naive, and they get married far too quickly; and yes, he knew this woman for years remotely but how much face to face time did he actually spend with her? Sure, even the best of us can be conned but there are ways of reducing the risks dramatically, and one is lots and lots of face to face time. Unfortunately the US system is not exactly geared up for that unlike Europe that allows us 90 day tourist visas every 6 months.

Life sucks sometimes.

Wayne, next time, stick with an AW.

[ImJustAvg]

Depending on what state you are in (fault or no fault state).  I would recommend that you also hire a private detective to try to get the true story on her.

I know the pain and indecisiveness that you are going through, because I went through it in my marriage to a Russian.  In fact, I probably won't ever recover completely financially because waited until I had absolute proof that she had only married me to get her green card and what she could get from me monetarily. 

A few things you should do right away:  Change the locks (you fear for your life); contact all your credit card companies and close your accounts - bank accounts too!  Don't just think that she doesn't know about them - she does!  Make sure that you send everything registered so you have copies of everything for the court.  DO NOT MEET HER WITHOUT A WITNESS and in a public place so that she can not clain that you abused her.  Send a complete documented report to immigrations on everything!  And you need to do all this now!

Don't wait like I did and lose everything you worked all your life for!  Getting to court and being accused of domestic abuse can be devastating if you are innocent. 

She had all this planned before she ever met you, so you have to be ruthless. 

[William3rd]

I usually advise that one go to an immigration attorney for a consultation visit and after telling him/her your story ask what attorney he/she would use for a divorce.

In regards to annulments. They are usually hard to get. Many/most men try that and the judges do not allow this as they know it may affect the woman's immigration status. I have heard of two cases recently where the judge would not allow the annulment petitioner to present their case. Would not hear their witnesses and so on. Expect anything.


Maxx

They are pretty good about annulments in San Bernardino and LA counties. Keep in mind that the longer the marriage goes on, the less likely that you will be successful. If there are children of the marriage, forget it. Also keep in mind that her support group of like minded women will be aware of the dangers of annulment and will be trying to set up those factors that show that the marriage was real all along.

[Misha]

I'm sorry to sound harsh but there are men that seem to be prime targets for this sort of scam; too trusting, too naive, and they get married far too quickly; and yes, he knew this woman for years remotely but how much face to face time did he actually spend with her? Sure, even the best of us can be conned but there are ways of reducing the risks dramatically, and one is lots and lots of face to face time.

I agree with you here. There are other factors that certainly exacerbated the risks here. In reading all of Wayne's posts, I gather there is a large age difference (she is or was 33 and Wayne is in at least his late fifties). She was likely very attractive (a hairdresser fixated on appearance), which would have clouded any man's judgment. She seemed to be quite demanding even before arriving in the United States: there was one post where Wayne explains that she wanted him to sell his house and move to Russia.

There is a useful Russian word to know to fully understand the mentality of some Russians: "лох" (lokh), is slang for a person who cannot understand that he is being lied to and deceived. A лох is seen as someone so naive that they almost deserve to be tricked and taken for all that they are worth. If what Wayne wrote is correct, his wife clearly takes him for one, if she expects him to take her back for two years on her terms until she is eligible for a permanent green card (or whatever they are called in the United States).

It is really sad when these things happen, and Wayne seems to be a genuinely nice fellow based on reading his posts. I truly hope that he is not hurt too badly by this (emotionally and financially). However, such cases should highlight the importance of not rushing into marriage with a woman until you are certain that you understand her true intentions.