Wife split!

[Doll]

In the end though, with this couple we are all only guessing.

Guess and give straight advises. Go and change the locks - he did. And what?
Now he has a police record.
"Go get her mail and the car". Watch what is going to happen if he listens.
Hire the attorney and kick her out of the country. Just watch, guys, how much it would cost him and how fast he is going to loose his money.

[William3rd]

Do you really want this question answered?)))

not really- you are what you are.

Evil is still evil, whether you put sugar on it or not.

[Ade]

Actually, this is just silly; Dolly is just assuming that Wayne's wife is something we have no knowledge of whereas we know what Wayne has posted and by his past posts we can predict with quite a strong confidence that he's not a psycho-killer type of guy.

As I said, the advice was given based on what we can reasonably predict given what information we had. Dolly is just making things up as she would like them to be; given that, I'd be as accurate by saying, "the butler did it".

[groovlstk]

So the wife who understands it (they all do) will never leave the husband if he is a decent man. See- I didn't say "love" or "beloved", I said "decent"- caring, providing etc.
Again- 1% for  brainless women.

If only life were that simple... there would be a lot more one-week wonder success stories out there. When you force yourself to live with someone you don't love, all the little idiosyncracies that are otherwise endearing become irritating and ultimately intolerable. All these things add up and ultimately it becomes easy to justify cheating and exiting a marriage.

There are many reasons why these marriages fail - controlling SOBs for husbands is certainly high on the list, but I'd guess the top reason is the absence of mutual love.

[Misha]

Actually, this is just silly; Dolly is just assuming that Wayne's wife is something we have no knowledge of whereas we know what Wayne has posted and by his past posts we can predict with quite a strong confidence that he's not a psycho-killer type of guy.

I agree. It is Wayne that stated: "Wife admits she has a boyfriend and moved in with him." Based solely on what Wayne has posted, this is what I surmise: wife found boyfriend, possibly with more money and/or younger and more attractive. Wife thought she would be better off with new boyfriend. Things either did not work with new bf or she realized that she would hurt her chances of getting a permanent green card if she left her husband. The overall impression that I got from reading Wayne's posts is that he is very nice, but a tad naive (sorry Wayne, I don't mean it as an insult).

[kievstar]

I think people need to read all of Wayne's posts since joining here as he talks a little about past relations.  Several times he was going to Russia to live with this girl.  I would really like to hear this girls side because I am getting the feeling he may not have told the truth on what this girls life was going to be like or she needs a strong man to deal with her culture shock.  Also, where Wayne lives is nice about 4 months of the year and terrible 8 months unless you like living in nature with nothing to do.  Wayne seems like a nice guy but a successful marriage needs more than a nice guy.  Some AM are not meant to deal with a strong RW or AW.

I think they both should see a marriage counselor.

[daveyj]

Wayne must surely be following this thread.

I think he should respond to some of the opinions and suppositions expressed here.  If he doesn't, it makes it that much harder for him to receive useful advice.

[Turboguy]

HEADS

Wait until he leaves then hit yourself with something so you have cuts and bruises, then call the police and file charges against him.   It is very important to go to a woman's shelter and make sure there is documentation.  Hoard as much cash as you can, get his credit cards.  Perhaps find another place and move all his furniture there while he is at work.   Get a very good divorce and immigration attorney.  He will have to pay for it anyway.  Etc.

TAILS

Change the locks on the door.  File for divorce before she can.  Get a restraining order on her.  Take all of the money out of the checking account and freeze all the credit cards.  Watch and try to get the car when she is not around.  Move all the furniture out of the house.  Hire a private detective.  Send any photos and info about her unfaithfullness to immigration.   Etc.

HEADS

The kind of evil advice those green card whores pass out on Anti-date.  How to really screw the guy and make sure you get your green card.  Whatever you have to do is OK if it gets you your green card and you don't have to put up with that jerk.

TAILS

The kind of advice the wise and caring guys on RWD post to protect our poor guys from the abuse of those evil women.  We are experienced in the undeserved evil things these women can do to their loving husbands and need to help them protect themselves and to deal wisely with the problems they are likely to encounter.

===========================================

OK, I am posting this a little tongue in cheek but I do often hear about the evil things women on Anti-date tell FSU women to do and I do have to wonder if we are much better. 

I really think some communication and marriage counselling might help in this case and I am not saying he should not protect himself. 

[BC]

not really- you are what you are.

Evil is still evil, whether you put sugar on it or not.

That's a bit extreme William..

You know best that there are two sides of every story - and they usually are at extreme ends of the scale..

There are evil women and evil men and I doubt even one is posting here.

Misguided, odd, inept, selfish, whatever - yes, but that's par for the course and part of the reason this board exists.

[Shadow]

[The kind of evil advice those green card whores pass out on Anti-date. 

I could be wrong as I am not there as regular as I was, but Anti-Date give the advise not to go for the green card or the foreigner and stay home instead.

[Maxx2]

OK, I am posting this a little tongue in cheek but I do often hear about the evil things women on Anti-date tell FSU women to do and I do have to wonder if we are much better. 

 

We are better as we (William3rd, myself others) advise legal means too exit a bad situation. Turboguy, sorry but you are acting very soft in the head about the dangerous situation that Wayne is in.


Maxx

[Maxx2]

I keep in mind that with some of you guys you have either

1) A Russian woman wife looking over your shoulder.

2) Like to be contrary by taking the other side.

3) Anti-male (have father issues)

[Ade]

I keep in mind that with some of you guys you have either


3) Anti-male (have father issues)

That's just too funny. 

[Wayne]

Wife knows about this forum, so I need to be careful not to say something to be used against me.  A member who has not posted for a long time lives near us.  He married a UW how is very friendly and kind.  She is attractive, but not beautiful.  A little over weight.  Wife and UW were becoming close friends--but other member forbid UW to have anything to do with us.  I think he thought we are a bad influence upon his marriage.

Wife rerceived the work authorization card in mid July, but has not found work.  Wife was a Russian Hairdresser.  She needs a license to work in the field here.  Part of our problems is because of things that happened to us that were beyond our control.  First, all the problems getting the visas and bad luck.  Then, when they came, Delta lost part of their luggage.  I helped wife fill out the forms listing all the items lost and it totaled up to more than $6000.  Since it was an international flight, the payment received was only about $1600.  There is this lower limit on international flights ccmpared to a $5000 limit on domestic flights in USA.  So a wise idea for anyone traveling and bringing all their belongings to pay extra for flight insurance.  Anyway, Wife had a very large file from the embassy to hand carry.  Also, there was the dog.  So she packed important papers in the checked baggage.  Warning! Never pack anything in your checked baggage that is important and difficult to replace.  Wife lost many expensive items including the wedding dress.  I had to replace many things.

I tried to help wife find work.  I printed out many job opening descriptions.  I found an opening for a full time "Front Desk Person" at a very fancy, upscale European spa in the downtown area.  This position would not require a license as she would not be working on customers.  The name of this spa is based on the world famous Russian Ballerina, Anna Pavlova.  What better person could you have greet you as you enter this spa than a beautiful Russian woman, with the cute accent?  Wife never even went to check on this position.

I have limited computer access now.  Wife put a lock on the room where the computer is located.  So I can only write from my work at lunch or after work time.  

There is a wide range of opinions here.  I do not want people to think that wife is such a terrible person. I think she is getting advise from a lawyer and other Russian women.  Yes, I live in the beautiful country.  There is natural all around.  It is much different from the busy city where wife lived.  I know there were many adjustments to be made.  That is why I kept staying in there, hoping for things to get better.  Come on, many guys speak about the difficulties adjusting to a new life.  

[Turboguy]

I keep in mind that with some of you guys you have either

1) A Russian woman wife looking over your shoulder.

2) Like to be contrary by taking the other side.

3) Anti-male (have father issues)

1.  I do have a RW who sometimes looks over my shoulder however at the moment she is home and I was at work when I posted that.  I always have the option of not posting anything.  We do disagree sometimes and although she is good at arguing her postion I do what I want.  We are polar opposites on the election next week the only difference is I can vote and she can't yet.

2.  Yes, I have to plead guilty to that.  Sometimes when jb was here in the days when I had less of a life and more time to spend on RWD I would look for things to disagree with jb on just for the fun of arguing the other side.

3.  Ah, not in my case.  At least I think not.  Trying to look at the overall situation from a fair and unbiased view, perhaps.

There is a 4.  Maxx,   Someone who looks for the humor in life even if it is in a situation that is not really humorous.  I find it a bit funny that we are advocating courses of action that are about equal to anti-date things we think are terrible.  When I made that post I stated that it was tongue in cheek to an extent.

Do I really think we are being "evil" in our suggestions to Wayne,  No but some are out in left field.  I think it is very bad advice to make her situation so bad that she has no course but to take desperate actions herself.   I also think he would be foolish to be alone with her without a clear understanding of what she plans and what her ideas are.   Personally,  Unlike Doll,  I think the marriage is over.  I have to ask however how many of the men divorced from AW plotted sinister things and did what they could to neuter their soon to be ex-wife.  I think those cases would be in the minority.  I do think there are added risks with an FSU wife but I think the high ground is to try to work out something where both can get what they want.  That does not mean he should do things we all know would be stupid.

[Makkin]

Wayne,

  Hope all goes well for you both in this tough time. I'm sure you can weather this storm and have a wonderful life.

Makkin

[Misha]

I have limited computer access now.  Wife put a lock on the room where the computer is located.  So I can only write from my work at lunch or after work time.  

Wayne, I have to say that I really feel bad for you. This comment is so bad at so many levels.... (Bad as in negative for you). I do hope that it all works out in the end for you.

[Maxx2]

Wayne, keep us posted on your situation. I know when the worst happens it will be tempting to disappear from this forum. We need stories like yours to help the others coming down the line in similar circumstance. I posted the details on my story 5 years ago. I have been told it helped many of the guys to be careful. Your story can do the same. 


Maxx   

[GoodOlBoy]

Wayne, where is your STEPDAUGHTER ?? Is she living in the house? Where?

[docetae]

Sorry, but there is something I do not understand. Your (soon ex) wife put a lock in your common home ? And you say nothing ? You do nothing ? I don't know if you have a marriage contract but if not and if this computer is not her computer (with invoice showing it), this computer belongs to you both, as every room of the house. Just take a screwdriver and open the door !

Sorry for this comment, but this case seems to be a joke or a case for psychologist. I can not understand how it is possible to be so weak.

[Maxx2]

Sorry for this comment, but this case seems to be a joke or a case for psychologist. I can not understand how it is possible to be so weak.

If they are strong they get accused of abuse, desertion, abandonment etc. If they listen to their lawyer and follow his advice then these false concerns can be dealt with.
 
I do understand the reluctance of ending a marriage that one has put so much time, effort, emotions and money into. It is called the "previous investment trap". Like in Kenny Williams Gambler song "you got to know when to hold em. You got to know when to fold em." the rest of the song about "Every hand is a winner. Every hand is a loser" only the second part is true with a GCG.       

Then some of these guys get so depressed that they give up caring whether they will get hurt any more. They just hope their wife will wake up and turn around. Not likely. These women are stubborn. They come here with no intent of sticking around. They see their husband as a stupid mule they despise. In their minds he deserves everything they are going to do to him. They exaggerated everything he does to make it appear to be abusive or neglectful to themselves and others. So much for hearing both sides. What a joke that is. Believe me guys if your wives treated you as Wayne's wife treated him you would be thinking of all kinds ways get her out of your life and for many of you you wouldn't be too kind about it.



Maxx

[Wayne]

Daughter goes with mom.  I have stayed away, so I do not know if they are actually living at my house.  The room with the computer is where wife slept.  Wife took the computer that was there away, so I set up and old one, mainly so my vontage phone would work. I would be dumb for me to use a computer that she has access to.

I put a lock set on my bedroom door and moved some things in there.  I don't think whe will take or destroy my things, but if she does, I will report it to the police and insurance agency.

I might go back to the house to see what's up, but not alone.

The other day, I did not see that they brought much back into the house.  Whatever it was, it must be locked up in that room.

[Maxx2]

I might go back to the house to see what's up, but not alone.

Bring a woman friend or relative along. Never go there with a man. If possible and legal bring a tape recorder along   http://www.callcorder.com/phone-recording-law-america.htm

Some guys put keyloggers on their wife's computers when they are not around to find out what they are up to. You might want to check into this. Or ignore it. Sometimes it is best not to know and just press forward legally to end all of this as soon as possible. I know one guy (several actually) whose wife was sending nude photos of her self to other men. It sure disturbed him a lot.


Maxx

[BC]

Sorry for this comment, but this case seems to be a joke or a case for psychologist. I can not understand how it is possible to be so weak.

Doctae,

I hope the latter.. probably long overdue.

As strange as it sounds, a sort of equilibrium may be settling in..  

Take the following hypothesis:

Home either rented, or little or no equity.

A car with a lien or lease.

Little or no savings.

Credit card and other debt.

A decent but not lucrative job.

No cash for lawyers.

Her 'fling' flung.

He ain't in jail and she hasn't filed DV.

In essence, maybe better off than a wealthy guy in similar personal circumstances.  A lawyer pro'ly won't touch it unless she goes to a shelter and they cover the bill.  He really can't afford one.  She has nothing to get from him other than some support docked from his pay - I assume the courts can't take it all and needs to give him an adequate portion to live with and the remaining portion is not enough for her desired lifestyle.

Basically neither party has anything to loose, over and above what would normally be awarded/granted in court.

Perfect circumstances to either work things out or hit the door voluntarily.

Best option in these circumstances, he guarantees support for a couple years and she returns to her home voluntarily.  Maybe a few hundred bucks in legal fees to draw up an appropriate document that is enforceable without her being present. - in any case less than costs of a full blown divorce trial.

He can then pay off debts from this 'experience' for a few years, and she can get on her 'puter and place a few ads looking for someone that better fits her needs and expectations.

[Maxx2]

Doctae,

I hope the latter.. probably long overdue.

As strange as it sounds, a sort of equilibrium may be settling in..  

Take the following hypothesis:

Home either rented, or little or no equity.

A car with a lien or lease.

Little or no savings.

Credit card and other debt.

A decent but not lucrative job.

No cash for lawyers.

Her 'fling' flung.

He ain't in jail and she hasn't filed DV.

In essence, maybe better off than a wealthy guy in similar personal circumstances.  A lawyer pro'ly won't touch it unless she goes to a shelter and they cover the bill.  He really can't afford one.  She has nothing to get from him other than some support docked from his pay - I assume the courts can't take it all and needs to give him an adequate portion to live with and the remaining portion is not enough for her desired lifestyle.

Good up to this part. Everything else is wrong. She can cut off 2-3 years off her wait to get a Legal Permanent Residency card by claiming to be abused. No conditional residency. The use of free legal help from a women's shelter along with all their other services they are more than willing to give out is very tempting. Free legal aid, Free translator (makes them appear more helpless and in need  ) , Free food stamps (debit card), Free job training, Section eight housing (almost free apartment) and Free job placement. The shelters have the county get all of this for her and them and then the county is reimbursed with Federal VAWA funds. But first she needs to file a VAWA claim to immigration. Then immigration sends out a "Prima facia determination" document that allows all of this (within 4 business weeks) so everyone can start collecting money and services.

For him to cut deals with her to help her get a green card is illegal (5 years imprisonment and or $260,000 fine) and a waste of his life and blow to his self respect. He knows in his heart she held the upper hand and controlled him to the end. She needs to be 'cast out' of his life like so much bad trash. If Wayne stays tough and acts smart he will feel much much better in the long run.

Maxx