Wife split!

[OlgaH]

RW are sweet on the outside yet strong on the inside.  It is a trait they needed to survive the FSU. 

Oh yes, Gator. Even Russian men know that some of RW are enough sweet to tempt you, the more you love them and spoil them, the more they ride you, and they enough strong to bite your arms and head off and after discard you as useless, and it is especially easy when your are very relaxed.  and with innocent eyes they will say "I just want better life for my children" (it doesn't matter if they have children or not, they think for the future) They do their best to survive  With AM it is much more easy to survive and think for the future because here even law is very helpful 

[felix8787]

Consider Wayne's wife.  She is strong enough to take her daughter and start a new life in NYC with apparently few dollars in her hand and no marketable occupational skills in an economic recession.

Hm......I wonder if she went to NYC because of another man? One has to wonder.

[Maxx2]

Alert!  Some alien has invaded Maxx's body.  This can not be Maxx because in six years of posting, I have never seen him attack anyone.

I was revved up by some guy's story he was telling me of an injustice in court. His whole life is shattered. I should have toned it down more than a bit with Jet and BC.



Maxx

[Misha]

She is strong enough to take her daughter and start a new life in NYC with apparently few dollars in her hand and no marketable occupational skills in an economic recession.

Strong or foolish? How does it go? "Fools rush in where wise men fear to tread." She could be strong, or she could simply be foolhardy listening to bad advice. Hard to know unless you know the woman.

[Sculpto]

Wayne misjudged and held on to a fantasy.  Can't blame him but don't want to pat him on the back for being the "nice guy" either.  At some point he deluded himself and kept on doing it.  I can totally understand how.. been there myself.

The chika is gone.  BF or not she has retreated to a place where she can feel at least a little familiar and speak her own language and relate to people who are dealing with the same adaptations of culture and life.  As an immigrant she is doing what immigrants have done for centuries and sought what is most familiar.  For her and her kid it is probably the smartest thing to do.  As far as her moving out of the bedroom.. well.. she could have just realized she made a mistake or been gripped by a panic or fear.  I have the feeling the woman was more reactionary than premeditated.  I can not say why.. just a feeling.  

How will Wayne complete his divorce now?  Can he file uncontested since she has abandoned the marriage and disappeared?  Seems to me there is an opening for Wayne to get out of things less painfully now.  Seems he might want to move fast also.  But, I am far from an expert or even knowledgable in divorce law.. so.. just guesses.

[Wayne]

People are quick to look at my failed relationships--but what about her?  Wife never had a long standing relationship with any man she lived with. My relationship with her spans 4-1/2 years, but most of that we lived half way around the world from each other.  Now, her new "boy friend" must have crapped out!  Perhaps the dog was the last straw?  For several weeks, the bitch (female Pekenese) was left over-night at my house.  She is about 11 years old, mosly deaf, missing teeth, no longer house trained, and shedds fur. 

Wife constantly talked in Russian to her friends.  Several women friends came to USA, married and then divorced.  Looking at the I-751 form, Part 2. Basis for Petition (check one) 

choice a is filing petition together

Then there are five boxes to chose if you are requesting a WAIVER

The one that "L" used was

d  "I entered into the marriage in good faith but the marriage was terminated through divorce or annulment."

On page 2 of the instructions for filling out for I751 it lists various documents to show that the marriage was entered into in "good faith". 

She has some financial records.

"Other documents you consider relevant to establish that your marriage was not entered into in order to evade the U.S. immigration laws." 

I am not sure what she could come up with, but given enough time (1-1/2 years) I am sure something will float to the top.

Then, AFFIDAVITS about the relationship could possibly be from her girl friends who she spoke to constantly on the phone. 

So you do not have to stay married for two years if you can request a waiver.

You do not have to go the DV route.

Did hot hear anything back about the summons yet.  I think it was either 21 or 28 days for her to answer. 

Daughter will be 18 next month.  She was failing several classes that she must pass to graduate.  Remember, wife and daughter spent a week in Flordia a few weeks ago and had many unexcused absents since, so she could fail all classes.  A move to NYC would set her back even more.  I feel sorry for daughter--but it is beyond my control now!

I want to thank everyone who has responded to this thread. regardless of you views. 

[Sculpto]

Wayne.. please focus now only on the things you can control.. those that are your own actions.  The wise people here are not judging YOU personally but judge the situation.  Please don't take ANYONEs opinions personally.  Your heart needs mending.. focus on that.  Do good things for yourself that make you happy.  Regardless of what happened and who did what it is all in the past.  What is important is feeling better right now.  Go have a beer or shoot your firearm or jog a marathon or whatever it is that you do that makes you feel good.  Use up your time in positive ways that distract you from anything resembling obsessing. 

Later when your head is clearred get out a big mirror and try to use this experience to make yourself a better person.  Find the Silver Lining.  There is one, but you haven't found it yet. 

[dobradavid]

People are quick to look at my failed relationships--but what about her?  Wife never had a long standing relationship with any man she lived with.

All that really matters is getting out of this with maximum damage control.

Beyond that - unless you are planning on having children - why on earth marry anyone for any reason? Marriage is a legally binding contract to give another person legal claim on your current and future property (including earnings). And there is nothing to keep them from having a change of heart (for whatever reason) AFTER the legally binding contract is signed - and you are stuck.

If you DO marry - find someone with a history of successful relationships, a married mama and papa and/or LEAVE them in the FSU (or wherever).

Meanwhile, I'm can't wait to tune in to the next episode. 

[groovlstk]

Daughter will be 18 next month.  She was failing several classes that she must pass to graduate.  Remember, wife and daughter spent a week in Flordia a few weeks ago and had many unexcused absents since, so she could fail all classes.  A move to NYC would set her back even more.

If they moved to Brighton, as some here have postulated, it's very likely a step backwards for both mom and daughter. Brighton is a polluted, cultural backwater where the Soviet mentality prevails against the march of time. You have scores of Russian and Ukrainian people living there who are scamming the system, many have lived there for decades yet can't speak a lick of English. My wife and I find it charming to visit and pick up some groceries or have dinner at one of the many Russian restaurants, but we'd move to the sticks before we'd live in Brighton. If Wayne's wife expects to find the American dream there she'll be sorely disappointed. If she knows what to expect and is going anyway, what does that say as to how badly she wants out of her marriage?

[Misha]

If she knows what to expect and is going anyway, what does that say as to how badly she wants out of her marriage?

That is a big if. Reminds me of some Russian immigrants that I knew years ago. They were living in a small town and he was working as an engineer in a local plant. He was making a decent wage. Yet, he wanted to go to Toronto (Canada's New York) because he believed that was where the opportunities were. I tried to explain to him that yes there were opportunities, but the competition was also greater. I suggested that he first find a job in Toronto and then move (always easier to find a job when you already have a job). What do you think? He moved to Toronto, was unemployed for two years (wife worked) and they lived in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city. Finally moved back to Alberta. Often, people are often motivated by the dream rather than the reality.

[groovlstk]

That is a big if.

Yup, I'd be willing to bet regardless of what she knows about NYC/Brighton, she will be profoundly disappointed at what it takes to make a go if it alone. Then again, unless Wayne was sending her a monthly stipend while she was in Russia for the four years before they married, which I don't believe he was, she's used to a hardscrabble life.

I'd also bet that no matter how difficult a time she has, she'll never return to Wayne unless it's to extract some temporary favor.

By all accounts she's a beautiful woman, and it may take her time but eventually she'll find someone who is either a) temporarily useful like Wayne or b) someone she genuinely respects and can connect with.

[Misha]

By all accounts she's a beautiful woman, and it may take her time but eventually she'll find someone who is either a) temporarily useful like Wayne or b) someone she genuinely respects and can connect with.

If what Wayne said is exact, I would wager on a. There is never a shortage of men willing to pander to the needs of beautiful women

[OlgaH]

By all accounts she's a beautiful woman...

It is pretty common in Russia for women to use beautiful eyes as a mean to get something from men 

We even have a joke.

A woman choosing a mink coat playfully makes eyes at a salesman. Finally she asks: "What a discount will be for me?" The salesman replies "Why should I give you any discount?" "Because of my beautiful eyes" - the woman answers more diligently making eyes at him. The salesman looks at her shrugging his shoulders: "OK. Deal. Pick your eyes out"

[WmGO]

BC,

1. Since my childhood I know that people work hard for what they try to achieve in their life and to snatch even a little part from a person it is just improper and unfair.

...and plus add my self-respect.


2.  It doesn't mean that I can not understand a woman who really was a wife and put all her strength into building a family , whether a working woman or a housewife. I understand it by my own expirience, and such woman deserve her part. But I can not understand how some women can easily jump on a man's neck and after a few month and even years without their own contribution into family can clime that they deserve something just because they were officially wives. 

    [my insert of the "1" and "2"]

1. That is because you have something folks like Doll, BC and others do not have: honor, integrity, morals and principles - and self respect.

2. But that is common sense and common decency - again, something some folks completely lack.

***********************

This is probably one of the most revealing threads ever on RWD......a lot of
true colors showing.......certainly very edifying for the hundreds (thousands?)
who only read..............FOR THOSE WHO ONLY READ:  Read and learn!! 

Caveat Emptor!

[WmGO]

Well, some of us have wives who do want to have sex from time to time. It is a hard concept to fathom, I know. Women do have desires from time to time and they do have physical needs that they expect the men they love to satisfy. Going months without sex is not normal in any adult relationship even if you factor in stress and culture shock

If a woman refuses to have sex after the wedding night and this goes on for several months, then using Occam's Razor (simplest explanation most likely to be the right one), the most logical explanation is that she had sex before to get married, and stops after the wedding because she feels she no longer has to do it. Going for months without sex barring some kind of medical condition is clearly an indication that there never was any love or desire.

Yeah, but that is all common sense. Isn't there some rule on here that common
sense isn't allowed?? 

[WmGO]

Brighton is a polluted, cultural backwater where the Soviet mentality prevails against the march of time. You have scores of Russian and Ukrainian people living there who are scamming the system, many have lived there for decades yet can't speak a lick of English.

Exactly correct.

Thanks for interjection of that horrid thing called Reality.

[Sculpto]

If they moved to Brighton, as some here have postulated, it's very likely a step backwards for both mom and daughter. Brighton is a polluted, cultural backwater where the Soviet mentality prevails against the march of time. You have scores of Russian and Ukrainian people living there who are scamming the system, many have lived there for decades yet can't speak a lick of English. My wife and I find it charming to visit and pick up some groceries or have dinner at one of the many Russian restaurants, but we'd move to the sticks before we'd live in Brighton. If Wayne's wife expects to find the American dream there she'll be sorely disappointed. If she knows what to expect and is going anyway, what does that say as to how badly she wants out of her marriage?

Groov..
I am sure what you said is correct.  However, judging from the UA girl I was friends with last summer who lived in the SF version of Brighton there is still comfort on being close to people from the same cultural and linguistic background, even if it is a step backwards economically.  The UA girl would always complain she didn't want to be around Russians and Ukrainians all the time, yet, she did absolutely nothing to move out of that immigrant world, even when I opened the door to the parts of SF culture that I live in.  She thought the lies used to fool immigration used by her friend from Vladikavkaz were funny.  It took her absolutely no time to figure out what benefits she was eligible for from the City of San Francisco, specifically health insurance and GA (general assistence) cash. as well as other benefits from the State of California like MediCal.  She found out about stuff I didn't even know existed.  Further.. around the Russians she was dynamic and fun.. around Americans she was shy and withdrawn.  I would say Brighton is just a western suburb of Moscow and those who are absorbed into that community will function as such.  What happens with their kids will probably reflect the normal patterns of assimilation.

[Misha]

Isn't there some rule on here that common sense isn't allowed?? 

LOL! It does seem that way at times  :evil:

[Sculpto]

I think common sense was thrown out the door when a lot of us started searching for the ost elusive and valuable thing on Earth.  But then again if Leonardo had used common sense....

I am quite sure un-common sense is much more interesting as common sense is well, just common.   

[Misha]

I think common sense was thrown out the door when a lot of us started searching for the ost elusive and valuable thing on Earth.

What exactly is this most elusive and valuable thing?

But then again if Leonardo had used common sense....

Leonardo was guided by reason. Don't forget that even though he is known for his paintings, Leonardo studied the world to better understand it.

I am quite sure un-common sense is much more interesting as common sense is well, just common.   

Un-common sense? Idiocy? I don't know about you, but I find that to be much more dull than reason and common sense.

[Gator]

I am quite sure un-common sense is much more interesting as common sense is well, just common.   

Disagree.  Common sense is not common (as my sergeant explained to me decades ago in Vietnam when I gave him a faulty order).

[OlgaH]

I am quite sure un-common sense is much more interesting as common sense is well, just common.   

Disagree.  Common sense is not common (as my sergeant explained to me decades ago in Vietnam when I gave him a faulty order).

If common sense is not common, it means that common sense is uncommon    and probably vise versa: uncommon sense is common... 

[Sculpto]

well if Gator is correct that common sense is not common it would mean in fact that common sense is actually un-common which would mean that I got it backwards in the first place.. that could be entirely true.. if Gator is correct that is.. and since he managed to make it through VietNam without being jacked by those under his command he might have a point. 

 

[Doll]

1. That is because you have something folks like Doll, BC and others do not have: honor, integrity, morals and principles - and self respect.

How do you know who has or doesn't have what? Why me or BC ? What is so honorable in Olga? Her "would be", "should be"?
 Since when, Olga, self respect for wives means to leave the marriage with nothing?
It is the Russian philosophy of slaves.

[Doll]

From what I've read of BC and Jet, they both are reserving judgement until both sides are heard.
Why do you cling to the double standard?

A good question, Maxx.