Mysterious Russian girl at my gym

[Lyrrad]

Well I've been going to this gym for years now and about 2 years ago I noticed this blond girl who was new. Some months passed by and I would observe her casually. I thought she was interesting and different. Anyhow one day I caught her looking at me with a sweet (glad to see you smile). ok. I just kept on exercising and later I noticed from the corner of my eye she was following me from each different exercise equipment. I looked in the wall mirror and saw her staring at me from behind! ok, so I just walk over to her and said Hi! and started a conversation asking her was she an artist/ musician,( I though she was because she has very blond hair and black attire and mysterious demeanor.) She smiled and said no but she was in the law profession and is from Russia. I asked her name and she said...... I told her my name and we shook hands. We talked a little more.Then she said go away! ok. so I did. Couple days later I saw her and struck up a conversation and made her laugh with some humor about me exercising because I ate too many hot dogs etc. She commented wow you are strong because I had the highest resistance level set on the elliptical machine. She smiled and giggled. ok. Now it's been 2 years and it's the same scenario. I see her maybe twice a month at the gym and she keeps following me around! ok. So I go up to her and strike up a conversation and she is really cold and a bit stuck up! What am I doing wrong? What does she want? Why does she do that? I'm so baffled and perplexed. I looked up Russian women characteristics and read that they are formal and icy and take a lot of effort to bring their guard down, but once they do they are warm. ok but this has been going on for almost 2 years now! This is insanity! If a girl is not interested in me, that's ok, I don't think twice about it or get hung up on it. I move on. But she sends signals to me by FOLLOWING me around everytime we are at the gym together, sitting next to me, and observing me. Sometimes she would follow me out to the parking lot. Last week I left the gym before her and to my surprise I saw her waiting at the parking lot staring at me in front of her car. She often stands there at the gym near me looking like she wants me to talk to her. Half the time I go up to her and say something friendly, but she just gives me a stuck up answer or doesn't really respond (very icy and cold!). Maybe I'm not talking to her in the manner she wants or used to. I don't understand!! I really want to understand her. Is this girl normal? Is this somewhat typical Russian girl? Please help me understand.

[I/O]

I don't understand!!

When it comes to women, we rarely do understand.

I really want to understand her.

Why? Because she looks like a honey? A million guys a month fall for that on websites. Looking like a honey doesn't mean she IS a honey.

Is this girl normal?

IME, no.

Is this somewhat typical Russian girl?

If my wife and the other RW I know are anything to go by, the initial distance and coolness is quite usual, BUT they DON'T send mixed signals after you have actually met (Spoken a few times). You're either in or you're out and there is NO grey area.

Please help me understand.

Frankly, if I am reading your outline accurately, I wouldn't bother. The way I see it, you have 3 choices, ignore her , keep playing the same game which is achieving nothing or you could take the direct approach and the next time she follows you, line her up, tell her she has great tits and you want in her pants. Watch for a reaction, there WILL be one . Might be the ice (or face) breaker you've been waiting for.

I/O

[Lily]

or you could take the direct approach and the next time she follows you, line her up, tell her she has great tits and you want in her pants. Watch for a reaction, there WILL be one . Might be the ice (or face) breaker you've been waiting for.

I/O

IMHO, that would for sure be a face breaker if Lyrrad says this even if she would be interested.

If it would be a direct approach, may be it would help if he just says out that he likes this girl very much? It takes however guts to tell this, I know...

[I/O]

If it would be a direct approach, may be it would help if he just says out that he likes this girl very much?

Lily, there is a million direct approaches. Some usable, some not.

I/O

[msmoby_ru]

He could always try,

" come let's get your coat - you've pulled ( got me ) "

[Faux Pas]

There is always the old tried and true method of asking her out and find out for yourself. If she is interested romantically she'll say yes. If she says no move on and don't give it another thought. I find most women strange, maybe it's just me but I always have.  :noidea: Really it has nothing to do with her being Russian.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Yes, try to ask her out. Why did it take YOU so long? Maybe she thinks that it is you who is following her, not vice versa.

[tim 360]

It sounds like you are interested in knowing this "Russian honey" from your gym better and right now you are somewhat confused about her even though you have had conversations with her.

It is simple to remove the confusion you have.  Next time you see her just nicely ask her out for coffee, tea or lunch or whatever and see what happens.

If her answer is NO then just move on and your confusion is over.  BTW, is she married?  You might ask her first.

[Lily]

As for asking her out..I don't know. She may refuse right away due to other reasons.
It is a difference between accepting someone's asking out, and liking someone.

In my very personal opinion, if the man is sincere about his feelings and said that he is attracted to her, that should be exactly the thing that he means, and this is what the person is interested in. By showing just a general interest, like following someboby or spending the time with someone, the person may mean a variety of other things in mind, rather than romantics.

For instance, one may feel just a wish to have a company, or a need for a human warmth, or some business needs, or something else. How do I know it what he wants from me if he does not tell?

Agree with the previous, nothing particularly Russian in the situation.

[Mikebos32]

You know bud two years is a long time to think about asking someone out. Were you dating someone at the time and just neglected to do so? If there is some sort of physical chemistry it really is up to you to act on it. Waiting for any girl, Russian or otherwise to make the first move is defeating at best. As a rule, women want a MAN, someone who is confident in themselves and if you are waiting for them to come walking up to you then I think you will be waiting a while. As we see here.  Make a move, the answer will present itself once you do. Just my 2cp.
Mike

[Jumper]

What gym? i may know her!
(i know an uncanny number of psychos lol! )

Seriously though. reality check,
2 years?
shes obviously an attractive blonde with a cute accent..

1. she isn't likely having to wait around for someone to ask her out,

2, they way she's acting, she probably is simply wierd  (regardless, plenty of guys will ask her out)
and her nationality isn't any part of the weirdness.

3, even with her flaky *on and off* half friendliness  to you, you havnt asked her out.
so shes likely even more confused by your (non) actions , than you are by hers.



my best guess is she is married or involved
(incredibly unlikely that shes been single for 2 years)
since shes involved, she only has passing interest in you as a harmless amusing game..
you keep playing along ,so she does as well.

or shes simply involved, and "looking" with her own *reasons*, for being hot and cold to you.


and last but not least.. ll
maybe she simply listens to too much katy perry
"i kissed a  girl " (and i liked it)
or "hot and cold"
and she's acting out one or both songs..


no matter what,
 for you it  isnt worth half the time you've spent dwelling on this for 2 years
she knows you're interested ,(but strangely not enough to simply  ask her out)
you know shes a bit kooky. and don't really know where she stands.

me? i'd just ask her whats up ..
and suggest  if she wants to follow me around the gym , why not somewhere else like dinner or something more original..or interesting  lol

likely won't work, but would likely end your dilema one way or another..

just have fun with it, lifes too short not to.. and odds are shes involved,  or a  a flake(or both)
why sweat it..?

 

[ScottinCrimea]

Two years and you haven't asked her out yet?  Maybe it's you that is giving the mixed signals.  For heck's sake ask the woman out!  Are you waiting for her to ask you out?  RW expect the man to take the lead.  I understand that if she says no it will destroy the hope, that is if you are not one to accept the first no as final.

[Lyrrad]

First off thanks for all of your responses. Let me add a few missing details.
I did ask her out once (maybe 18months ago)..um to the batting cages. She ubruptly said  "I don't have time for that". It was pretty cold. lol. Anyhow, couple months later I told her I knew some salsa dancing. She got excited and I said I would show her how to right now then she got self conscious and said "not here" Yeah I should of asked her elsewhere... anyway I'll ask her out next time I see her. I'll let you know whatever happens.

About the batting cages, I did that for fun and to be casual. Other girls ( American ) were up for it. Not the Lovely Russian Ice Queen.
I'm not being judgemental or condescending but I get the sense that alot of Russian women especially LRIQ like fancy things, restaurants, gold, designer clothes etc. That's ok. I'm just not into that stuff.  I do know Russian women take a lot of care in their looks and she is immaculate at the gym.

[BC]

Sure she is 'single'?

[Lyrrad]

What gym? i may know her!
(i know an uncanny number of psychos lol! )

Seriously though. reality check,
2 years?
shes obviously an attractive blonde with a cute accent..

1. she isn't likely having to wait around for someone to ask her out,

2, they way she's acting, she probably is simply wierd  (regardless, plenty of guys will ask her out)
and her nationality isn't any part of the weirdness.

3, even with her flaky *on and off* half friendliness  to you, you havnt asked her out.
so shes likely even more confused by your (non) actions , than you are by hers.



my best guess is she is married or involved
(incredibly unlikely that shes been single for 2 years)
since shes involved, she only has passing interest in you as a harmless amusing game..
you keep playing along ,so she does as well.

or shes simply involved, and "looking" with her own *reasons*, for being hot and cold to you.


and last but not least.. ll
maybe she simply listens to too much katy perry
"i kissed a  girl " (and i liked it)
or "hot and cold"
and she's acting out one or both songs..


no matter what,
 for you it  isnt worth half the time you've spent dwelling on this for 2 years
she knows you're interested ,(but strangely not enough to simply  ask her out)
you know shes a bit kooky. and don't really know where she stands.

me? i'd just ask her whats up ..
and suggest  if she wants to follow me around the gym , why not somewhere else like dinner or something more original..or interesting  lol

likely won't work, but would likely end your dilema one way or another..

just have fun with it, lifes too short not to.. and odds are shes involved,  or a  a flake(or both)
why sweat it..?

 

What gym? i may know her!
(i know an uncanny number of psychos lol! )

Seriously though. reality check,
2 years?
shes obviously an attractive blonde with a cute accent..

1. she isn't likely having to wait around for someone to ask her out,

2, they way she's acting, she probably is simply wierd  (regardless, plenty of guys will ask her out)
and her nationality isn't any part of the weirdness.

3, even with her flaky *on and off* half friendliness  to you, you havnt asked her out.
so shes likely even more confused by your (non) actions , than you are by hers.



my best guess is she is married or involved
(incredibly unlikely that shes been single for 2 years)
since shes involved, she only has passing interest in you as a harmless amusing game..
you keep playing along ,so she does as well.

or shes simply involved, and "looking" with her own *reasons*, for being hot and cold to you.


and last but not least.. ll
maybe she simply listens to too much katy perry
"i kissed a  girl " (and i liked it)
or "hot and cold"
and she's acting out one or both songs..


no matter what,
 for you it  isnt worth half the time you've spent dwelling on this for 2 years
she knows you're interested ,(but strangely not enough to simply  ask her out)
you know shes a bit kooky. and don't really know where she stands.

me? i'd just ask her whats up ..
and suggest  if she wants to follow me around the gym , why not somewhere else like dinner or something more original..or interesting  lol

likely won't work, but would likely end your dilema one way or another..

just have fun with it, lifes too short not to.. and odds are shes involved,  or a  a flake(or both)
why sweat it..?

 

All what you said has crossed my mind. If she's involved, married etc. that's fine. Don't care and it will be a relief. It's mostly the fact she follows me everywhere at the gym w/o fail and stares at me. One time peeking behind a structural beam! (like some sneaky cartoon character!) Why? At the very least we can talk, bs you know in a friendly manner as friends. That would be ok w/ me. Believe I have ignored her for a large chunk of those 2 years!  So understand that. But even so, she still follows and stares. You know what, thanks for the tips all you fellas, I will confront her on this, at least to ease my mind and get her off me.

[William3rd]

What a nice story!!!

[Misha]

About the batting cages, I did that for fun and to be casual. Other girls ( American ) were up for it. Not the Lovely Russian Ice Queen.

Would a Russian immigrant know what a batting cage is and is this something that would appeal to her as a fun thing to do on a date? I am not sure about that.

[Misha]

So I go up to her and strike up a conversation and she is really cold and a bit stuck up! What am I doing wrong? What does she want? Why does she do that? I'm so baffled and perplexed.

IMHO either she is waiting for you to invite her to a "real" date (no batting cages) as she is not going to invite you or she is simply married which would also explain her behavior.

[daveyj]

Agree with the others - she may be toying with you for attention.  How does she behave around other men at the gym?  Do you see the same behaviour?

My advice - walk up to her with the demeanour of a guy about to ask her out, look at her thoughtfully, give her a sincere, gentle compliment, and then simply walk away. 

If she was going to blow you off, she'll be disappointed she didn't get her chance.  And if she wanted you to ask her out she'll be disappointed.  Either way you've taken the alpha position.

Then at the end of your workout (or the next time you see her) approach her again and ask her out (coffee, post workout juice bar protein shake) etc.

My 2 cents

[Faux Pas]

First off thanks for all of your responses. Let me add a few missing details.
I did ask her out once (maybe 18months ago)..um to the batting cages. She ubruptly said  "I don't have time for that". It was pretty cold. lol. Anyhow, couple months later I told her I knew some salsa dancing. She got excited and I said I would show her how to right now then she got self conscious and said "not here" Yeah I should of asked her elsewhere... anyway I'll ask her out next time I see her. I'll let you know whatever happens.

About the batting cages, I did that for fun and to be casual. Other girls ( American ) were up for it. Not the Lovely Russian Ice Queen.
I'm not being judgemental or condescending but I get the sense that alot of Russian women especially LRIQ like fancy things, restaurants, gold, designer clothes etc. That's ok. I'm just not into that stuff.  I do know Russian women take a lot of care in their looks and she is immaculate at the gym.

Batting cages??? That would equate to her taking you on a date to Niemans shoe department. C'mon man take her out to a nice meal and some salsa dancing.

[Diplomacy]

I would never train a woman to use a bat, it is self preservation especially with FSU women.

[Lily]

Folks, what is batting cages  ???

[William3rd]

Folks, what is batting cages  ???

its where we keep our bats. . . . . . .

actually, it is an enclosed practice area for practice in hitting baseballs. It is usually enclosed by chain link fencing to keep the balls in the area. Looks somewhat like a cage.

[kievstar]

Pictures of batting cages. 

http://sntfun.com/public/the_park/outdoor/batting_cages.cfm

[mies]

i "tried this situation on" ...

i am going to gym, i notice the guy, he comes by to say "hello".
then he ignores me.
then he invites me to see batting cages (i personally am not interested baseball, and i don't have time for this) - so i tell him i'm not interested in seeing batting cages
then he ignores me again for several months
then he comes to say hi
ignores again
comes to say hi and tells me about salsa classes. I get excited about this idea and think it could be fun. Instead of offering me to go to salsa class together, the guy offers me to show right there in the gym how to dance salsa. not to look stupid i say "not here". Instead of offering me more interesting option - the guy just leaves.
then he ignores me for few more months.

the story goes on for 2 years.
In 2 years he said hello to me 5 times, asked me "out" - only once - to batting cages (how romantic  )
for the rest of the time he mostly ignores me and pretends he does not know me.

now, whose behavior is strange?