children and ESL

[Son of Clyde]

Have any of you had problems with step-children doing average or below average but misleading you into thinking everything is ok?

How much is communication related and how much is just manipulative?

The ESL teachers see foreign students all the time so they should know all the tricks the kids have used to get by.

Should I let him slide with a C average or try to get to the root of the problem? Maybe it would be a better learning tool to leave him alone and wait to see his grades.

I have asked him constantly if he has homework. he says he does homework in school and if he does not finish he brings it home. It is rare I see his homework. I have tried everything imaginable, even done schoolwork for him. He never seems to have homework but shows me his quizzes that are A or B+.

[catzenmouse]

SoC,

Talk to his teachers to get thier perspective on this. I know with Sergei sometimes he will be quite professional in his acting abilities to get his way. In Russia he was the only child/grandchild/greatgrandchild so was quite used to getting anything and everything he wanted. I've seen him pick at his eyes to make them red and bring on tears. All that gets him from me is a talking to and some time in "time out".

 We had some pretty big control battles during the first few months as I don't let him get away with that behavior. He's really done well and usually is polite/considerate but is still a child and behaves in childish ways. Your's is older and more set in his ways but you are the grown up and must set the rules with appropriate rewards/punishments for the child.

 All of this is only my opinion so take it for what it's worth.

Ken

[START2]

SoC,

I know with Ihor, some teachers allow 20 mins at the end of the class to do homework. Even at that he seems to have homework nearly every night. He's getting good grades but sometimes on his tests he says the esl teacher helps him. I'm not sure how much but I think it might be to much. Here, they've never had a russian speaking student, and I have a suspicion she might be trying to pad his grades for whoever reviews this stuff. I ask Ihor about some of the questions on the tests when he brings them home just to check what he's comprehending. He's improving every week in school and in his language skills. Val is elated at how much he's learned in 2 months. Your sons' school should be having PT conferences soon. Check it out. Talk to his teachers. Welcome to fatherhood brother!!

[Son of Clyde]

I finally bought him his own pc last night. It was more expensive than mine but I hope it will keep some peace in the house. When I logged onto my pc this morning (my wife was surfing last night) Norton detected a trojan (home page hijacker) and I can't get rid of the blasted red warning screen or quarantine it and system restore did not erase it. I may be borrowing Mischa's computer now.

[Son of Clyde]

I think I missed the Parent Teacher Conference because Mischa told me his teacher could not see me and would call me to reschedule a meeting.

In September I met 4 of his teachers and there does not seem to be much of an improvement. He still fools around in class and tries to teach the other students Russian in English class. The teachers say he will get up and walk out of the classroom if he feels the urge.

I heard an interesting perspective from a brainy friend of mine. She told me she almost failed because the subject matter did not challenge her. I have heard Mischa say basically the same thing, that he has learned all this stuff before in Ukraine.

Maybe he is fooling around in class but has the ability to ace the tests.

I still ask if he has homework and I still get the same answer: "No, I did it in school."

[Bruno]

In the begin, i have know some problem with Anastasia... teacher have think that she was hyperactive... but the reason was more simple... the course was boring for her... after some test, they have find that she have a high QI... so, for the rest of the first year, they have give more difficult exercice to her... in the middle of the second year, she have direct spring one classe...

Last year, she was 11 year old and already beginning the college ( normal age is 12 yo )...

Clyde, maybe you need to consult a psy ( not for you  )... it is always a reason from problem in school... maybe he find this boring because he know already it, maybe he is hyperactif, maybe he don't adapt very good... you need know why before it lead to serious problem in his education.

[Jet]

Clyde,

Teachers are generally more than happy to meet with you any time they don't have classes, you might also call the school and get his teacher's e-mail addresses and check up on things that way. Liliya meets with about 4 parents each week through the school year for impromptu confrences, either before school, on her lunch, or after. Sometimes it's for things as simple as their child did badly on a quiz. Don't be shy, as Ken said, they'll welcome your involvement.

Sure am glad Kolya is a little guy and got to start american school right from kindergarten

[facetrock]

Clyde. I think you should set up a time to meet his teachers with his mother and make sure she understands whats going on. I have 3 daughters and they have homework almost every night and lots of it. For him to be getting up and walking out of class anytime he wants is not good. I know if I would have done that in school I would have been in deep sh!t. You would have too in your school. It hasnt changed that much since we have been there.

[jb]

I would polly-parrot everything Jet said with a few small additions.  

Teachers generally welcome parential involvement as long as it is constructive, not destructive.  In order for a parent to have legitimate input, they first must have some parenting skills.  The parent must be able to control the child's behavior at home and that influence must extend beyond the home and into the school classroom.  That parential control begins at about age one, two and three, not at age 14-15.  Clyde has inherited a can of worms where he will always come up short.  No matter what he does, he will always be in a lose-lose situation, first with the kid, and more importantly with the mother, who will naturally be put on the defensive as she tries to nurture and protect her cub.

In reading about Clyde's relationship with the young boy I can see the creation of a mini-Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in the making.  This is probably the result of a 55+ y.o. bachelor, with zero kid experience and zero parenting skills, getting in way over his head.  The kid feels confident in lieing to Clyde about homework assignments, his classroom behavior, and other school work, and in doing so, displays his lack of respect for the father figure in his new home.  Since the kid is not required to show respect to all adults at home, he feels further empowered to disrespect his teachers, and probably any other adult authority figure he encounters.  He was shown this level of arrogance somewhere and thinks it's normal.  IIRC the natural father was a policeman, perhaps he saw the "above the law" example there, and believes he's a chip off the old block.  In any case, when teenagers are acting out in this fashion it is usually a clear sign of unhappiness and an effort to signal a desire to return to what he thinks was a better time in his life.
 
The boy is merely marking time until he's free of the hassles, trouble, and bother that go along with being a teenager transitioning into adulthood. I wouldn't be at all surprised to learn that the kid wants to go back to Ukraine as soon as he is free to do so.  

[Son of Clyde]

jb, I received a call from his teacher because I sent her an email inquiring about M's progress. Mom had to hear the conversation because the teacher called during breakfast (school holiday).

The child does not disrespect me or mom or the teachers. He is not a serious kid (I saw plenty of these kids in high school) and he could very well be in ESOL classes for 2 more years. ESOL generally is a program that tries to wean the child in 6 months so they can be enrolled in their normal school.

M will have to stay here in the states to complete his education. He will threaten us with going home if he does not have his way but he is very happy here.

[2tallbill]

Have any of you had problems with step-children doing average or below average but misleading you into thinking everything is ok?

I've never heard of it, but I am sure that it happens. Smiley girl was an excellent student, my American
born children have tried to pull the wool over my eyes for sure.