Violence against journalists

[mendeleyev]

Possum, this is what others have been saying to no avail. Perhaps as someone from the FSU perhaps you can make some progress. 

My wife and I are 10.5 years apart and there are moments when that scares the heck out of me. It would be hard to imagine us further apart in age. 

When a woman is still in her sexual prime, and her husband is being pushed around in his wheel chair sitting on his adult depends diaper with a portable oxygen tank at his side, just start playing that old Eagles song "She's Got Lyin' Eyes." 

This relationship has way too many twists and turns for a marriage to work. The girl is smart but very immature....as any 21 year old has a right to be.

Probably too expensive also, as the old Armenian tradition as we're told this family follows, is for the groom to pay a handsome enough dowry for the bride's parents to retire.

[Misha]

She thinks it is a sign of "American dullness" when I do not understand (read her mind) everything that is going on. 

Remind me again why you are with this woman? I will repeat what Possum said, and what Mendeleyev said, she is too young. Also, in reading all your posts, I get the feeling that you want this relationship a lot more than she does. You put a lot of effort into convincing us and yourself that this will work, that she is right for you, but no one seems to be believing it. I sometimes wonder whether you yourself believe it 

[ScottinCrimea]

She thinks it is a sign of "American dullness" when I do not understand (read her mind) everything that is going on. 

I noted this quote, too.  It represents the egocentrism that is so prevalent in the young and which most of us tend to outgrow as we advance through our 20's and 30's.

[possum]

As far as I'm concerned, there's a world of difference between 21 and 25, that's why I personally couldn't imagine having an affair with a 21 year old, regardless of how smart she might be.. My gf is 28, and I feel like we're on the same level of maturity which makes things like communication and understanding a lot easier.. She's pretty set in her ways and that also adds to the comfort level of our relationship as I don't have to worry about her changing most of her views and becoming a totally different person over time.. But, of course, to each his own.. If Sculpto is comfortable with the thought of his gf going through all kinds of personal changes over the next few years, then who am I to stand in the way of his happiness?.

[Faux Pas]

As far as I'm concerned, there's a world of difference between 21 and 25, that's why I personally couldn't imagine having an affair with a 21 year old, regardless of how smart she might be.. My gf is 28, and I feel like we're on the same level of maturity which makes things like communication and understanding a lot easier.. She's pretty set in her ways and that also adds to the comfort level of our relationship as I don't have to worry about her changing most of her views and becoming a totally different person over time.. But, of course, to each his own.. If Sculpto is comfortable with the thought of his gf going through all kinds of personal changes over the next few years, then who am I to stand in the way of his happiness?.

Its a thing. Old jewish hippies who dance naked by firelight are just drawn to drama. Every one of them I have know are.

[GoodOlBoy]

My wife and I are 10.5 years apart and there are moments when that scares the heck out of me. It would be hard to imagine us further apart in age. 

Same here brother.

My wife is a tad over 10 years younger than me and there are times I KNOW I could not have married anyone younger.

After being married almost 4 years, I realize that kind of age difference (much more than 10, say 15) would never work for me and probably the woman (girl) either.

Not to be judgmental, but rather as a friendly warning - a 21 yo girl is a little girl trapped in a young woman's body.. No matter how smart she is, she's got quite a few years to figure out her own personality, what she really wants out of life, who she wants to associate with, etc., etc..

Sculpto, I know you're dedicated to making this relationship work, and I admire that, but aren't you a little tiny bit concerned about the possible changes she might undergo in the next few years as she matures into a grown woman?.

Possum I bow to your expertise as a RM concerning RW/RG (Russian Girls). 

I also have some experience with girls. I have a Daughter in her late 20's. Given the fact she is American I know you cannot draw comparisons to Russian girls.

BUT, I can say this for a fact, Girls change DRAMATICALLY from 20 to late 20's/30.
 
Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Psychologically, etc. etc. etc.

I watched this change in my own daughter and all of her "girlfriends" that she grew up with. It is really amazing when I reflect back on how much all of them have changed and matured (some of them anyway).

This isn't just my "opinion", it is the truth.


GOB

[Sculpto]

OK, now you guys see why i do not want to talk about the age difference.  I am well aware of the potential pitfalls, but, I was not specifically looking for someone that age and when I found this particular lady we clicked and things happened.  I am not going to let age interfere.

In regards to changes.. there are going to be changes no matter what for someone coming to a new country, regardless of age.  When I broght a french woman over ten years ago, who was close to my own age, the changes in her were pretty radical.  Given the world I live in I am pretty sure someone younger will be more able to adapt and embrace than someone more set in their ways. 

I am not going to deny there are some maturity issues with her, but, the upside is they will dissipate with time.  Not a big deal as far as I am concerned.  Some of you might say I am pretty immature myself so...

As far as her family.. Mom and sister know about me.  Mom approves, despite the age difference.  Sister approves, despite the age difference.  Friends approve despite the age difference.  The ONLY issue was with her Father.  Even a year ago when I had originally planned to go to Tomsk to meet her for the first time she did not want me to meet her Dad.  BTW.. that trip was postponed because of the economy, and, she still waited for me.  Doesn't she get some credit for that?

Misha.. I am not trying to convince anyone anything.  I come here to vent mostly, and sometimes to ask specific questions which I, believe or not, do consider in my "calculations". 

The lady in question has a lot of positives that I have not discussed here.  The positives are what keep me going with her, despite the problems over the last couple of months.  I don't need help, or need to vent out about the positives.  But, since you asked... here isa short list of adjectives that make her a good fit for me..

intelligence, intensity, rebel attitude, creativity, lack of fear, compassionate, passionate, deep curiosity, sense of fairness and justice, knows how to have fun, noon-materialistic, frugal....

There is a lot more I can say, but, you should get the picture. 

Scott, I re-read your post.. the bottom line on a visit ow to Tomsk is she doesn't want me there.  There was an invitation before, and there will be again later.  It is a pity I didn't get to meet her Dad, but, then again, maybe it isn't.  I don't get along with cops very well and thats what he has been his whole life.  I recall 20 years ago in Mexico when my GF brought me home to meet her cop Dad and I was subjected to an interogation that no matter what i said i was going to lose.  Her Dad did not approve of me and did everythign he could to poison the relationship.  She wanted to keep going, but, in that situation she was much closer to her family than my current GF is and I knew it was a mistake. 

In the current situation my GF is extremely independent.  If her Father was not sick she would have made the same decisions regarding me, and she still would not have introduced me to him.  She is taking advantage of his last moments to spend time with him, partly from my advice as I told her about my regrets about not spending more time with my Grandmother when I had the chance. 

Possum.. in most cases you would be right.  In this case.. I don't think so.  Why?  She has been essentially independent for a long time already.  She has worked since she was very young.  She has been through a lot, more than most people deal with.  Sure, she has some maturing to do, but, as I said before, for me, it is better to deal with her adaptation and maturation on my terms and turf than to go into somethign with someone who is already pretty much fixed n their ways and may not be open to adaptation. 

For example.. in a couple of years I am planning to take a year off and backpack around the world, camping, staying in hostels, going on adventures in places that might be dangerous.  How many 30 year old women from anywhere, let alone the FSU, would even consider such a trip?  On the other hand, my GF is willing and excited, has done such things on her own, for example, she has been in Chechnya and she is not wanting to have kids in the first 12 months of marriage.  I also have a little property waiting to be developed in Mexico where once completed there will be room for 4-6 artists to come and do residencies for 3-6 month time periods.  Almost a hotel, but not exactly.  More like a main house with cabins and a very large open air art stuido with tools for sculptors.  My GF loves this idea and is 100% on board, and again, how many 30+ FSUW would even consider such an idea.. specifically, going to a country more impoverished than Russia and building a home in the tropics from scratch while basically camping out on the property during construction?  Yes, my GF knows this plan in detail.  She loves the idea and has often suggested we meet in Mexico before coming to the US.  If it were easier for her to get to Mexico per visa restrictions I would do it, if it were say like the DR and she could get in without issues, but, Mexico as related to Russian visitors is apparently quite difficult and Russian visitors must have an entry visa for the USA to be allowed in.  So, no net gain, might as well get her here first.

So, from where I sit, there is a lot of commentary being made based on the problems, because that is what I have discussed, but, far from the complete picture.  I know I am taking a risk, but, frankly, the risk exists no matter what.  So, I feel I am better off going for the person that fits me the best, not someone who is least likely to create drama and be the good barefoot wife. 

[Misha]

For example.. in a couple of years I am planning to take a year off and backpack around the world, camping, staying in hostels, going on adventures in places that might be dangerous.  How many 30 year old women from anywhere, let alone the FSU, would even consider such a trip? 

So, I feel I am better off going for the person that fits me the best, not someone who is least likely to create drama and be the good barefoot wife. 

I don't want to insult you, but I have to state my observation and pull out some armchair pop psychology. Reading this line make me think Peter Pan Syndrome My guess is that all the Wendys (or should it be Wendies?) that you knew have grown up and you hope to find another young woman in Russia to continue the fantasy. However, the thing is, she will grow up too. 

[GoodOlBoy]

For example.. in a couple of years I am planning to take a year off and backpack around the world, camping, staying in hostels, going on adventures in places that might be dangerous.   How many 30 year old women from anywhere, let alone the FSU, would even consider such a trip? 

None, I hope. 


    :evil:

    :evil:


GOB

[Sculpto]

I don't want to insult you, but I have to state my observation and pull out some armchair pop psychology. Reading this line make me think Peter Pan Syndrome My guess is that all the Wendys (or should it be Wendies?) that you knew have grown up and you hope to find another young woman in Russia to continue the fantasy. However, the thing is, she will grow up too. 

Nice try Misha.  Artists do things like this.  And as far as "growing up" well, if it means being a slave to a bank to pay a mortgage and spending life stuck than yes I am Peter Pan.  HAHAHA!  But, don't read into this too deeply.  I am always going to be this way regardless of who I am with.  When I am on my death bed I will take 1000 micrograms of LSD and jump out of a plane from 60,000 feet and freefall to my death.  Just trying to outdoo Huxley, who took the 1000 mics but laid in bed and died quietly.  Anyway, if they (any female) don't like it they do not have to be with me.  Age isn't going to make one bit of difference in this regard.  You might be surprised to understand that most younger women are actually less likely to have interest in that kind of travel, especially from the FSU where advenutre travel and being a backpacker is not well known.  I can't tell you how many times I corresponded with ladies whose idea of adventure travel was staying in a 4 or 5 star hotel on the Turkish coast, or, going on an arranged tour in Egypt, or, getting really wild, staying in an all inclusive in the DR.  Not my cup of tea. 

Finding a girl/woman, ANYONE, who thinks my lifestyle sounds interesting, exciting, fun, and wants to be a part of it is not easy.  Think about it, all of you think I am nuts!  So, that really reduces the pool of available women.  Of the more than 100 women I corresponded with from agency sites there was only one who understood me, and, unfortunately she was well over 6 feet tall and I just couldn't see it.  I did meet her IRL, she was my guide in Odessa and she remains a great friend and advisor.  Her age.. 23.. her opinion about my current GF.. go for it.. "you strange interesting guy Eric, if you find girl as me who you feel love, it not matter she is 21 or 51, you must to be with her".

Ok, so how many of you know there are people living in the caves at Mangup Cale in Crimea?  how many of you think it is cool?  How many of you would want to go out to  Mangup and do yoga and smoke pot with the hippies?  How many of you can channel the 100,000 "dead" souls that are claimed to "live" at Mangup?  Who here even knows what Salvia Divinorum is?  For that matter, who here ever tried Cubensis?  Who who tried it will admit to it?  Sorry gents, narrow minds have narrow views.. I like to taste everything, experience everything, and absorb all the beauty, and for that matter, ugliness, this litttle spaceship of ours has to offer.

See, we are VERY different.  I don't expect you guys to understand, or approve.  That is not why i am here on this site. 

[Misha]

Nice try Misha.  Artists do things like this.

When was your last exhibition? Where has your art been featured? How many pieces have you created this past year? Sorry, but this sounds to me like an easy out.

Anyway, if they (any female) don't like it they do not have to be with me.  Age isn't going to make one bit of difference in this regard. 

They won't I would wager and age does make a difference. Yes, the 21-year-old RW may not worry too much about tomorrow, but by the time she is 26 or 27 she will likely be thinking babies or career. What will you do then?

You might be surprised to understand that most younger women are actually less likely to have interest in that kind of travel, especially from the FSU where advenutre travel and being a backpacker is not well known. 

Nope, not surprised. So tell me, why is it that you can't find a 21-year-old from SF to go backpacking the world with you?  :evil:

Finding a girl/woman, ANYONE, who thinks my lifestyle sounds interesting, exciting, fun, and wants to be a part of it is not easy.  Think about it, all of you think I am nuts! 

Maybe not nuts, just your typical 40-year-old trying to deny his age and looking to prove that he is still the young man that he was. In other words, the eternal adolescent.

So, that really reduces the pool of available women.

I imagine 

Sorry gents, narrow minds have narrow views.. I like to taste everything, experience everything, and absorb all the beauty, and for that matter, ugliness, this litttle spaceship of ours has to offer.

Has nothing to do with having a narrow mind or not. It is not necessary to experience things directly as there are books. However, my wife and I want to experience other things: God willing the  birth of a child, growing together as adults, hopefully growing old together. I will take dying very, very old in bed to suicide with LSD and jumping out of planes.

See, we are VERY different. 

Yes we are. Some of us left Neverland behind in childhood.

[Gator]

.. in a couple of years I am planning to take a year off and backpack around the world, camping, staying in hostels, going on adventures in places that might be dangerous.  How many 30 year old women from anywhere, let alone the FSU, would even consider such a trip? 

Sculpto, I would agree that more 20-yo than 30-yo women would express enthusiasm about your plan.  However, I assert that a far higher percentage of the 20-yo would bail out before starting or even completing a couple of months.  If you want to be really sure, I suggest that you find a 40-yo RW.  Very few of them would consider such an escapade, yet those "very few" would  be ideal (from someone who rode overnight public buses in Afghanistan).

[ScottinCrimea]

OK, now you guys see why i do not want to talk about the age difference.  I am well aware of the potential pitfalls, but, I was not specifically looking for someone that age and when I found this particular lady we clicked and things happened.  I am not going to let age interfere.

Amazing how everyone seems to say the same thing, they weren't looking but she just fell out of the sky, so who are they to deny fate?  Like it or not, age is GOING to interfer. If not now, than soon.

In regards to changes.. there are going to be changes no matter what for someone coming to a new country, regardless of age.  When I broght a french woman over ten years ago, who was close to my own age, the changes in her were pretty radical.  Given the world I live in I am pretty sure someone younger will be more able to adapt and embrace than someone more set in their ways. 

Sounds to me like you want her to do all of the adapting.  We are not just talking about changes in adapting to a different settin, we are talking about the changes that occur normally in someone her age as she matures.  If you can prevent her from maturing, as you have been able to do with yourself, everything will be fine, but I don't see that happening.

I am not going to deny there are some maturity issues with her, but, the upside is they will dissipate with time.  Not a big deal as far as I am concerned.  Some of you might say I am pretty immature myself so...

So what happens when she outgrows you?  Go back to search for another 21 year old?  Maybe find someone much younger so you have more time before she gets mature, becomes stale and wants to crimp your lifestyle in any way.

As far as her family.. Mom and sister know about me.  Mom approves, despite the age difference.  Sister approves, despite the age difference.  Friends approve despite the age difference.  The ONLY issue was with her Father.  Even a year ago when I had originally planned to go to Tomsk to meet her for the first time she did not want me to meet her Dad.  BTW.. that trip was postponed because of the economy, and, she still waited for me.  Doesn't she get some credit for that?

Misha.. I am not trying to convince anyone anything.  I come here to vent mostly, and sometimes to ask specific questions which I, believe or not, do consider in my "calculations". 

The lady in question has a lot of positives that I have not discussed here.  The positives are what keep me going with her, despite the problems over the last couple of months.  I don't need help, or need to vent out about the positives.  But, since you asked... here isa short list of adjectives that make her a good fit for me..

intelligence, intensity, rebel attitude, creativity, lack of fear, compassionate, passionate, deep curiosity, sense of fairness and justice, knows how to have fun, noon-materialistic, frugal....

I'm sure she is a wonderful girl, but she's just that- a girl.  These all sound like the ingredients for a wonderful roller coaster ride.  You think LSD is a trip...

There is a lot more I can say, but, you should get the picture. 

Scott, I re-read your post.. the bottom line on a visit ow to Tomsk is she doesn't want me there.  There was an invitation before, and there will be again later.  It is a pity I didn't get to meet her Dad, but, then again, maybe it isn't.  I don't get along with cops very well and thats what he has been his whole life.  I recall 20 years ago in Mexico when my GF brought me home to meet her cop Dad and I was subjected to an interogation that no matter what i said i was going to lose.  Her Dad did not approve of me and did everythign he could to poison the relationship.  She wanted to keep going, but, in that situation she was much closer to her family than my current GF is and I knew it was a mistake.

yeah, I can see how a cop might cramp your lifestyle

In the current situation my GF is extremely independent.  If her Father was not sick she would have made the same decisions regarding me, and she still would not have introduced me to him.  She is taking advantage of his last moments to spend time with him, partly from my advice as I told her about my regrets about not spending more time with my Grandmother when I had the chance. 

Possum.. in most cases you would be right.  In this case.. I don't think so.  Why?  She has been essentially independent for a long time already.  She has worked since she was very young.  She has been through a lot, more than most people deal with.  Sure, she has some maturing to do, but, as I said before, for me, it is better to deal with her adaptation and maturation on my terms and turf than to go into somethign with someone who is already pretty much fixed n their ways and may not be open to adaptation.

"essentially" independent for a long time now?  How long could it be, she's barely out of high school?  I think your idea of her adapting and maturing on "your terms" is the epitome of selfishness.  You want someone you can mold into your fantasy woman rather than allowing her to mature on her own terms.  What if she doesn't agree?  What compromises are you willing to make?  I don't see any evidence of consideration for her dreams.  For example, she takes her journalism seriously, but you talk about how maybe she can get a job with one of the local Russian language rags, but if not, no big deal.  I'm sure her dreams of life didn't include camping out in the Mexican jungle, tripping out on pot and LSD, dancing naked around a campfire or hanging out at the local gay bars. 

For example.. in a couple of years I am planning to take a year off and backpack around the world, camping, staying in hostels, going on adventures in places that might be dangerous.  How many 30 year old women from anywhere, let alone the FSU, would even consider such a trip?  On the other hand, my GF is willing and excited, has done such things on her own, for example, she has been in Chechnya and she is not wanting to have kids in the first 12 months of marriage.  I also have a little property waiting to be developed in Mexico where once completed there will be room for 4-6 artists to come and do residencies for 3-6 month time periods.  Almost a hotel, but not exactly.  More like a main house with cabins and a very large open air art stuido with tools for sculptors.  My GF loves this idea and is 100% on board, and again, how many 30+ FSUW would even consider such an idea.. specifically, going to a country more impoverished than Russia and building a home in the tropics from scratch while basically camping out on the property during construction?  Yes, my GF knows this plan in detail.  She loves the idea and has often suggested we meet in Mexico before coming to the US.  If it were easier for her to get to Mexico per visa restrictions I would do it, if it were say like the DR and she could get in without issues, but, Mexico as related to Russian visitors is apparently quite difficult and Russian visitors must have an entry visa for the USA to be allowed in.  So, no net gain, might as well get her here first.

She's talking about having children after the forst 12 months of marriage and you're talking about running off in a couple of years to backpack around the world visiting dangerous places.  Don't you see the obvious conflict here?  How does she feel about giving birth and raising small children in a tent in the jungles of Mexico?

So, from where I sit, there is a lot of commentary being made based on the problems, because that is what I have discussed, but, far from the complete picture.  I know I am taking a risk, but, frankly, the risk exists no matter what.  So, I feel I am better off going for the person that fits me the best, not someone who is least likely to create drama and be the good barefoot wife.

I can see why you are clinging to this relationship, because she's probably the first who hasn't run away after hearing all of this.  That's probably because she is so distant both in distance and in actually relating to what you are describing.  I's all strictually conceptual at this point and she has no real foundation to grasp the realities.

You are not going for the person that fits you best.  That would be someone closer to your own age and location who is already established in the lifestyle you desire and doesn't require indoctrination to accept it.  What you really want is someone you can shape and mold like a lump of clay into the form that you desire.  Great artists talk about chipping away the outer stone to reveal the beauty within.  What you are attempting is something totally different and completely indifferent to the ultimate beauty of the object, whatever it may be.

True love is about encouraging and supporting the individual growth of another, not shaping it to your own whims.

[GoodOlBoy]

yeah, I can see how a cop might cramp your lifestyle

Yes, I agree ScottinCrimea, those "pesky" police (aka..."the fuzz" )aren't very popular in SF either.   


GOB

[Sculpto]

Scott.. I am not going to get into this any further.  You want to evaluate and criticize every aspect of my relationship and personality.  No thanks.  You are reading way too much in where you want to without really understanding me or my girl as you know neither of us.  I appreciate it if you are concerned but at teh end of the day I do actually know what I am doing, with whom and why.

and just for the record.. if you were reading things correctly, or even accurately to what i wrote, you would have known that I have chosen someone who IS NOT looking to have kids in the next 12 months.  That is exactly the point that I decided to stop listening to your comments.  If you can't even bother to read what i write before you subject my life to your filter, nothng else you comment on is worth the bytes they were sent to the forum with.

The bottom line is really simple.  I love the girl, she loves me.  We have had some issues that have been resolved.  She is capable of correcting mistakes, so am I.  There is a level of committment on her part that suprises me sometimes.  She is just as freaky as I am and is very excited to see some of the things I have told her about.  I consider myself really lucky to have found someone I can talk to and have fun with and who also happens to be beautiful and sexy and is into me as much as I am into her.  I am not trying to create the perfect girl, or mold her or control her.  She is who she is and she will have an amazing amount of creative support from me.  She is as lucky as I am.

fin.

[ScottinCrimea]

Sculpto, I think you are the one who is misreading.  I duly noted that she didn't want children for the first twelve months, but to even put a time limit on this suggests that she does want children in the future; otherwise you would have just written, "She doesn't want children".  To use this as an excuse to ignore my other points is quite lame.  In fact, I know I have drawn more conclusions from the questions and points that you have chosen not to respond to more than from those that you have.  Silence speaks volumes.

Sculpto, I like you and have no problems with your chosen lifestyle.  But I have three daughters ages 22 to 28 and now a stepdaughter age 17, so I understand the issues pretty well.  My concern here is that you are pushing a relationship with someone who has neither the maturity nor the experience to fully understand what you are asking her - in fact expecting her - to do and to become.

[SANDRO43]

that all the Wendys (or should it be Wendies?)

Yes .

[Sculpto]

Sculpto, I think you are the one who is misreading.  I duly noted that she didn't want children for the first twelve months, but to even put a time limit on this suggests that she does want children in the future; otherwise you would have just written, "She doesn't want children".  To use this as an excuse to ignore my other points is quite lame.  In fact, I know I have drawn more conclusions from the questions and points that you have chosen not to respond to more than from those that you have.  Silence speaks volumes.

Sculpto, I like you and have no problems with your chosen lifestyle.  But I have three daughters ages 22 to 28 and now a stepdaughter age 17, so I understand the issues pretty well.  My concern here is that you are pushing a relationship with someone who has neither the maturity nor the experience to fully understand what you are asking her - in fact expecting her - to do and to become.

Scott,
If I misread I apologize.  I was dealing with some work stuff and it got me in a bit of a huff...

Anyway.. I understand you concerns and will address them.

First of all.. the time frame on kids is hers, not mine.  She doesn't want kids util she has finished Uni and has her career on track.  My only issue is if I get to 50 I dont know if I will be willing.  She knows and understands this.  So, she may be willing to compromise and start a family a bit sooner than she had planned.

As far as lifestyle stuff goes.. this has all been discussed in a high level of detail.  She is not "into" everything I am, but then again, I am not crazy about the idea of her scooting off to war zones to be a reporter, which is somethign she wants to at least try.  I have no intention of trying to stop her.  This issue was also discussed in detail and she was really surprised when I told her to go and do what she has to do.  Even now she doubts me that I would let her go to do that kind of work, but, I would with no question.  It would give me the opportunity to do some things I want to do that I do not think she will find interesting, like finally taking up a long standing invitation to go on an archeological dig at El Mirador in the jungle in Guatemala.

I have made some arrangements on this next trip to go to Vinzavod Art Center in Moscow which has a scene not so much unlike what is happening in SF.  That will give her a chance to see first hand what the heck I have been talking about.  Knowing how she is I am quite sure she will be thrilled at whatever events are taking place there.  Also, I have her on Facebook now, where I am in constant correspondence with artists all around the US and in several other countries.  The discussions, links, videos, images are things she sees and sometimes when there is real absurdity taking place she gets to witness that also.  If she had any misgivings about it believe me she would be saying something, she is not shy with her opinions. 

Maybe the realtionship will work, maybe not, but, she is by far the best I have found after 3 1/2 years in this, plus my life prior to the FSU.  I would be a fool to not go forward despite any potential hazards.

[groovlstk]

She is not "into" everything I am, but then again, I am not crazy about the idea of her scooting off to war zones to be a reporter, which is somethign she wants to at least try.  I have no intention of trying to stop her.  This issue was also discussed in detail and she was really surprised when I told her to go and do what she has to do.  Even now she doubts me that I would let her go to do that kind of work, but, I would with no question.  It would give me the opportunity to do some things I want to do that I do not think she will find interesting, like finally taking up a long standing invitation to go on an archeological dig at El Mirador in the jungle in Guatemala.

Sculpto, if your girl is truly like this she's completely unlike any RW I've ever met. FWIW, saying you would not try to stop a woman from willfully doing something dangerous and then going on to say that you'd be happy for the resulting short-term separation to do some traveling would end in your being instantly shelved and labeled an indifferent sissymary. Call the opposite reaction sexism, call it controlling behavior, call it anything you want - but one thing I learned very early is that high-minded western ideals are often interpreted very, very differently in Russia and often to your disadvantage.

[mendeleyev]

Please don't take this as a personal attack, but unfortunately you seem to embody everything a RW despises in a Russian male. The only difference is that they go thru a couple of vodka bottles first before proceeding.

As she matures, she will demand you settle down and live normally.  And because you won't, she'll part.  She will still be young and attractive, but at your age...

[ScottinCrimea]

They make a good point.  Ultimately, women, and especially FSUW, want a certain level of stability in their life.  Everything we read on this forum confirms that.  I don't think the lifestyle that you envision provides that.  Ultimately something will have to give.

[Simoni]

Please don't take this as a personal attack, but unfortunately you seem to embody everything a RW despises in a Russian male. The only difference is that they go thru a couple of vodka bottles first before proceeding.

.. at your age...

Stereotypes, stereotypes, stereotypes!  While that advice may be good for the general population, it does not apply to all people in a culture. 

The key is to find the best person for you.  All girls do not match this stereotype.

[Kuna]

OK, now you guys see why i do not want to talk about the age difference.  I am well aware of the potential pitfalls, but, I was not specifically looking for someone that age and when I found this particular lady we clicked and things happened.  I am not going to let age interfere.

In regards to changes.. there are going to be changes no matter what for someone coming to a new country, regardless of age.  When I broght a french woman over ten years ago, who was close to my own age, the changes in her were pretty radical.  Given the world I live in I am pretty sure someone younger will be more able to adapt and embrace than someone more set in their ways. 

I am not going to deny there are some maturity issues with her, but, the upside is they will dissipate with time.  Not a big deal as far as I am concerned.  Some of you might say I am pretty immature myself so...

As far as her family.. Mom and sister know about me.  Mom approves, despite the age difference.  Sister approves, despite the age difference.  Friends approve despite the age difference.  The ONLY issue was with her Father.  Even a year ago when I had originally planned to go to Tomsk to meet her for the first time she did not want me to meet her Dad.  BTW.. that trip was postponed because of the economy, and, she still waited for me.  Doesn't she get some credit for that?

Misha.. I am not trying to convince anyone anything.  I come here to vent mostly, and sometimes to ask specific questions which I, believe or not, do consider in my "calculations". 

The lady in question has a lot of positives that I have not discussed here.  The positives are what keep me going with her, despite the problems over the last couple of months.  I don't need help, or need to vent out about the positives.  But, since you asked... here isa short list of adjectives that make her a good fit for me..

intelligence, intensity, rebel attitude, creativity, lack of fear, compassionate, passionate, deep curiosity, sense of fairness and justice, knows how to have fun, noon-materialistic, frugal....

There is a lot more I can say, but, you should get the picture. 

Scott, I re-read your post.. the bottom line on a visit ow to Tomsk is she doesn't want me there.  There was an invitation before, and there will be again later.  It is a pity I didn't get to meet her Dad, but, then again, maybe it isn't.  I don't get along with cops very well and thats what he has been his whole life.  I recall 20 years ago in Mexico when my GF brought me home to meet her cop Dad and I was subjected to an interogation that no matter what i said i was going to lose.  Her Dad did not approve of me and did everythign he could to poison the relationship.  She wanted to keep going, but, in that situation she was much closer to her family than my current GF is and I knew it was a mistake. 

In the current situation my GF is extremely independent.  If her Father was not sick she would have made the same decisions regarding me, and she still would not have introduced me to him.  She is taking advantage of his last moments to spend time with him, partly from my advice as I told her about my regrets about not spending more time with my Grandmother when I had the chance. 

Possum.. in most cases you would be right.  In this case.. I don't think so.  Why?  She has been essentially independent for a long time already.  She has worked since she was very young.  She has been through a lot, more than most people deal with.  Sure, she has some maturing to do, but, as I said before, for me, it is better to deal with her adaptation and maturation on my terms and turf than to go into somethign with someone who is already pretty much fixed n their ways and may not be open to adaptation. 

For example.. in a couple of years I am planning to take a year off and backpack around the world, camping, staying in hostels, going on adventures in places that might be dangerous.  How many 30 year old women from anywhere, let alone the FSU, would even consider such a trip?  On the other hand, my GF is willing and excited, has done such things on her own, for example, she has been in Chechnya and she is not wanting to have kids in the first 12 months of marriage.  I also have a little property waiting to be developed in Mexico where once completed there will be room for 4-6 artists to come and do residencies for 3-6 month time periods.  Almost a hotel, but not exactly.  More like a main house with cabins and a very large open air art stuido with tools for sculptors.  My GF loves this idea and is 100% on board, and again, how many 30+ FSUW would even consider such an idea.. specifically, going to a country more impoverished than Russia and building a home in the tropics from scratch while basically camping out on the property during construction?  Yes, my GF knows this plan in detail.  She loves the idea and has often suggested we meet in Mexico before coming to the US.  If it were easier for her to get to Mexico per visa restrictions I would do it, if it were say like the DR and she could get in without issues, but, Mexico as related to Russian visitors is apparently quite difficult and Russian visitors must have an entry visa for the USA to be allowed in.  So, no net gain, might as well get her here first.

So, from where I sit, there is a lot of commentary being made based on the problems, because that is what I have discussed, but, far from the complete picture.  I know I am taking a risk, but, frankly, the risk exists no matter what.  So, I feel I am better off going for the person that fits me the best, not someone who is least likely to create drama and be the good barefoot wife. 

Sculpto,

Unlike the others I don't think there is anything (much) wrong with your girl  I think the problem is with you.  It's not a personal attack... please listen - this is important for you to understand.

She is just a typical early 20's girl looking for a bit of fun and enjoying some interesting times. She WILL tell you what you want to hear because she's not serious in life yet... she's just practicing for real life at the moment.

You on the other hand post excuses, and reasonings and justifications like you really believe them... and then you give us a peak into your real feelings though one or two insecurities.

Ya know... you just need to accept everyone here is trying to give you good advice.  You brush them off as incompetents because we're not believing in your "dream time".

You have the right to pursue whatever your dream is but if the dream ends up being a delusion I just hope you're man enough to admit it rather than coming more excuses.

One great benefit of RWD is that the archives give good advice and direction to others that are following us.  You're following a strange unpredictable path that may suit you, but has a very low probability of success.  I hope others in future realise you are not an example to follow.

All the best of luck in your continued search!

[Gator]

Sculpto,


Your mind is made up and you are rationalizing away all issues that bother men who are thinking marriage.  Some of your arguments are a little thin on substance.

The issues become non-issues if you think of her as a short-term, fun-loving girlfriend.

So don't get married.  Take some time off with your woman and do your adventures.

She will change in one of four ways:

-  She will tire of your adventures and demand a flush toilet.

-  She relishes the adventurous life but will become bored with you and move on to something (or someone) more exciting (not because of you, but just because this is the way such women behave).

-  She will become more serious about life, marriage, career and children.

-  She does not change, yet your artistic personality grows weary of her and you seek someone more exciting.

And when this happens, you find another girlfriend, something you have done before.

[Misha]

The issues become non-issues if you think of her as a short-term, fun-loving girlfriend.

I would wager the following. Sculpto is finding it harder and harder to find short-term fun-loving girlfriends. When he was twenty, he could likely find a new girlfriend every week. When he was thirty every month. Now that he is in his forties, such girlfriends are exceptionally rare. He can't find them back home in SF and it took a lot of effort to find this latest girlfriend. I believe that Sculpto understands but may not want to admit that this may be his last chance to live the dream with a young 20-something-woman.