Are you REALLY looking for a keeper?

[Misha]

It was totally dishonest on the guy's part not to tell his wife-to-be about the whole debt situation.

Well, let's not forget that denial is a powerful force. We are assuming that he lied to her, but perhaps he did not fully realize himself how much debt he had. Again, clearly the Tatyana has been with her husband already many years. Everything else she says about him and his family is quite positive.

[Faux Pas]

It was totally dishonest on the guy's part not to tell his wife-to-be about the whole debt situation. I am sure she would have understood and accepted it as she loved him. But you see, this is a common mistake men do - conceal, do not say the whole thing, make different stresses to conceal the main thing...It doesn't matter if she will understand it or not. It's a man's responsibility to sit down with her long before marriage, before filling out K1 papers, and explain the whole thing. There should be healthy and patient conversation about it.
 

It seems I have finally found something I possibly disagree with you on  Tanya arrived, they married and are now apparently happy together. If she stated it, I missed where he promised her the land of debt-free milk and honey. Apparently he could afford her and the endeavor. She said things were better on the debt and she is happy and loves him. Not all men in this pursuit have plenty of expendable cash and debt is a realization even for those that do have plenty. It is a way and fact of life in the West. Some get over extended but usually is not a permanent condition.

What the RW may not understand could in fact be a deal killer where it was not necessary. To put it into perspective, I have more debt in a month than my fiancee makes in a year. Can she be expected to grasp the concept that my debt ratio is still less than 25% of my income or the numbers she can relate to which is how massive my debt is "to her". Obviously this wasn't the case of Tanya and her husband but I would venture it is related. She may have seen his debt as bigger than it was yet he saw it as manageable. They are married and happy. Is it possible he was right?

[SilverBUllet]

It was totally dishonest on the guy's part not to tell his wife-to-be about the whole debt situation. I am sure she would have understood and accepted it as she loved him. But you see, this is a common mistake men do - conceal, do not say the whole thing, make different stresses to conceal the main thing...It doesn't matter if she will understand it or not. It's a man's responsibility to sit down with her long before marriage, before filling out K1 papers, and explain the whole thing. There should be healthy and patient conversation about it.

Now, i am not sure if she is still happy, as usually such dishonesty, especially about big stuff, is just a top of the iceberg, what else didn't he tell her? Why was he afraid to tell her sooner? If he had doubts, were they founded on her behavior or what? Where does this mistrust come from? How can you marry a person who you do not trust. This is horrible in my opinion and shouldn't happen, neither at the beginning, nor in the middle nor the end of the courtship.

The fact that it seems she is happy right now and writing about it - doesn't really cross out his wrong doing. Yes, maybe she just accepted it as she was led in the corner, but this is so far from the happiest time it should have been for both of them.

I don't know what i would have done. I would have called it off probably. Some time ago, when i was at the stage of correspondence, I used to get many emails from different men. Some had really great profiles, but stumbled with such a petty dishonesty like lying about their age or some little thing like that. For most people I assume this is nothing but to me this is more than disgusting. If you can lie about this, then you can lie about many more small things and at the end it will all lead to you lying about big things. No way to even start building a relationship.

I could not agree more with what you are saying. I think that interpreters and agencies also should try to help the ladies more than they do and give some advice. For a lady to be overwhelmed with foreing documents and numbers, many will not understand and sort it out. Perhaps a written guide in Russian can be made for the ladies, explaining pay stubs, tax returns and the like? Just to help them maneuver in this process so that they know in advance what they are getting into? Funny part is that many agencies are doing a good job background checking the ladies in CIS countries signing up with the agency, however the same agencies are not checking the men.  Men just need to have an e-mail address and a credit card.  Often ladies may think the men has been screened by their agency but it doesn't happen. A good interpreter can make a big difference in this process for the ladies. SB

[SilverBUllet]

I am currently in the K-1 process....

The only thing the consulate is looking for is that you meet the 125% above the poverty guideline.

There is a criminal check on both parties.

But as far as I can tell there is no full disclosure on finances. They want a I-134, pay stubs, W2, tax returns, bank statement and a letter from current employer. These are only giving at the interview, not much time for a lady to get a good look at them in my book.

Congratulations! The financial disclosure is good in general but as you point out not much time for a lady to read and sort it out. Perhaps immigration should develop a guide for the ladies in Russian explaining this and send it in advance to her with all the pther documents? Could make a difference perhaps? How long time does the visa process take? SB

[SilverBUllet]

SB,

>>US immigration laws for fiance visas have changed and a full disclosure of financials and criminal background check of the husband to be is now required and is provided to the lady.<<

Yours is a mis-statement of the law. Suggest you perform a simple search for the term 'IMBRA' and you will find an abundance of FACTUAL information (more than 5 pages worth of results) pertaining to the legislation, including the following:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=1145.0
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2921.0
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=4208.0
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=4251.0
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=5716.0
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=8090.0
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=8323.0

And many more . . .

And, of course, the IMBRA legislation itself, found here -- http://www.goodwife.com/index.php?pid=14.

SB, it would behoove you to conduct just a modicum of research here before jumping into topics with misinformation.

In point of fact, IMBRA, just as the title states - is regulation of International Marriage Brokers. To this point, nearly 3 years after passage of IMBRA, little to nothing has been enforced (reference the GAO report in one of the links above), however, the regulatory impact has been felt by those working with and through an agency. The Act does not impose a requirement on the individual, it imposes a number of requirements on the agencies that require them to collect certain information and pass it along. This is NOT a universal requirement applying to all fiance visas, as you state.

Read up. You will be glad you did.

- Dan

Dan,
Please read the good posting by dispozo to this topic. He is in the middle of the fiancee visa process himself and listed a very detailed list of the financial information he was required to bring. I would trust his good posting. Your reference is to the law in another posting on this board and good to be aware of. We are talking about the documentation now required. Both sources are useful information and good for the discussion and exchange of information based on opinion, facts, misunderstandings sometimes, personal experience, sometimes requirements are not followed up on in practice and the like. All this makes it a good discussion for the benefit of the board members interested in the topic.   

SB

[ECOCKS]

I agree disclosure is appropriate and fully support it.  Could an FSUW/M make sense of anything more than a 1040S?  I doubt it.  Too many questions that are completely outside their understanding.

There are extreme situations like pending bankruptcy, upside-down real estate, warrants for embezzlement and the like that would certainly be on the list of things to talk about with your future wife.

In general however, many of the posters have cited a solid approach which is understandable within the framework of the mindsets here.  Explaining lifestyle and environment, rather than dollars and finances is something that can be easily understood.  While there is a general understanding of economic differences between the capital, the provincial cities and a rural village, few here can understand things like deductions for mortgage interest, investment credits, variations in utility bills, commute times in major metros and so on. 

I have spent nearly two years having my wife read regularly about life in a variety of towns and cities other than top 10 metros.  She looks at pictures of 4000 square foot frame and stucco homes in Memphis and Boise then ones of 900 sq. ft. high-rise condos in New York and San Fransisco with a more clear understanding now.  The concept of the TVA achieving low utility payments in the South versus taking a Valium before opening your electric bill from Pacific Gas and Electric in Irvine is at least something she has at least heard about.  The "outflow" of payments, insurance, gas, tires, etc., to support operating a car is hardly understood by the majority of the population who only see well-dressed people whizzing by in their cars.

So, shoving a bunch of tax returns at a woman isn't really going to accomplish much although it would certainly be an interesting learning activity.  University students here look at our tax forms and just shake their heads at those crazy westerners and their overly-complex system.

[kievstar]

Any man who does not feel comfortable disclosing his financial information to his future wife obviously does not trust her.  Why get married? 

I do think discussing this type of information should not be done until later in the relationship.  Not hard to explain where your income comes from and what debt you have.  Should also agree on what will be saved each year during marriage.  I have never met a woman who does not understand income, savings, debt.  I have met many women and men who over spend and hate saving. Common financial agreement is important for a healthy marriage IMO.

[Admin]

Dan,
Please read the good posting by dispozo to this topic. He is in the middle of the fiancee visa process himself and listed a very detailed list of the financial information he was required to bring. I would trust his good posting. Your reference is to the law in another posting on this board and good to be aware of. We are talking about the documentation now required. Both sources are useful information and good for the discussion and exchange of information based on opinion, facts, misunderstandings sometimes, personal experience, sometimes requirements are not followed up on in practice and the like. All this makes it a good discussion for the benefit of the board members interested in the topic.   

SB

SB,

I saw dispozo's post, and recognized it as being entirely consistent with what I wrote. He described the requirements of the Embassy for the interview. That is entirely DIFFERENT than your assertion that; "US immigration laws for fiance visas have changed and a full disclosure of financials and criminal background check of the husband to be is now required and is provided to the lady." - which is pure bollocks.

There is no inconsistency between my post and dispozo's, but to know that - you would first need to read the links I provided and gain a MUCH clearer understanding of the current legislation than you presently possess.

>>Both sources are useful information and good for the discussion and exchange of information based on opinion, facts, misunderstandings sometimes, personal experience, sometimes requirements are not followed up on in practice and the like. All this makes it a good discussion for the benefit of the board members interested in the topic.<<

Agree that a sincere and open exchange can lead to productive discourse. I would stop short of claiming that misinformation, such as that you have shared, leads to much of anything productive.

Like I wrote earlier - read up - educate yourself - and THEN post about those topics. Until then, the more judicious approach would to be circumspect about what you 'know' and maybe ask a few questions before plunging in. JMHO.

- Dan

[Turboguy]

Personally I think early in the relationship a general discussion or disclosure would be appropriate and sometime before arriving a detailed one.   I am not saying that a paragraph in the first letter should include the fact that you are rich and live in a mansion but if there are any real problems it would be better to disclose them early since some of the women have a high prority of escaping from problems.  

With my wife she was not looking for a rich man but I do believe security and not having to worry about finances were important to her.  

Both my wife and I are very careful about money.   My wife and my first fiancee both marched me out of restaurants that seemed very high priced even though I was content to dine there.  Financially my wife and I are a very good match.  She is actually a little more careful with my money than I am.  

I do think most women there would not understand a tax return.   They might look at a 1040 and say wow, he makes $ 24,000 a year, that is 10 times what I make.   Then too, an income of $ 60,000 might be quite comfortable in Billings MT and starvation in NYC or San Francisco.

The other bad thing is that the financial data is required for the interview.  It usually arrives DHL a few days before the interview which is late to learn something bad if there is anything bad.   It might make more sense to have more information requried with the filing of the K-1 and for her to be required to initial all the financial documents.   Since I have been an opponent of IMBRA I won't pass that suggestion along to the USCIS even though it might be beneficial to the women.

[ECOCKS]

Re: Turbo's post above

Exactly.  The educational process needs to build on some of the cultural and legal changes she'll encounter.  My wife now knows to look on the MLS listings for the taxes amount (when available) and is learning why some houses have low taxes despite being new, large and well-appointed while others are smaller, older and have four times the tax assessment.

Another example. A UW asked me a couple of weeks ago if it was true that American couples adopt Ukrainian children for the large tax advantages.  Before you snort how stupid she was/is be advised that she is an employee of one of the largest accounting firms in the world, well respected and relatively well-educated.  The amount of superstition, misinformation and propaganda you have to gently set aside will sometimes take you by surprise.

[AnastassiaAsh]

It seems I have finally found something I possibly disagree with you on  Tanya arrived, they married and are now apparently happy together. If she stated it, I missed where he promised her the land of debt-free milk and honey. Apparently he could afford her and the endeavor. She said things were better on the debt and she is happy and loves him. Not all men in this pursuit have plenty of expendable cash and debt is a realization even for those that do have plenty. It is a way and fact of life in the West. Some get over extended but usually is not a permanent condition.

What the RW may not understand could in fact be a deal killer where it was not necessary. To put it into perspective, I have more debt in a month than my fiancee makes in a year. Can she be expected to grasp the concept that my debt ratio is still less than 25% of my income or the numbers she can relate to which is how massive my debt is "to her". Obviously this wasn't the case of Tanya and her husband but I would venture it is related. She may have seen his debt as bigger than it was yet he saw it as manageable. They are married and happy. Is it possible he was right?

Faux Pas, you are walking on edge here and thinking like a lawyer.  Yes, she said she was happy and things improved now, but at what cost? At what risk? Some women don't consider it worth risking or more even don't consider themselves to be worth of a relationship that starts with a lie or ends with a lie, especially about finances! She obviously wasn't even given a chance to think about it properly, but was just faced with the fact before the wedding, this is crazy and insane in my book!

Of course there is no need to go into every single detail in your tax return or bank documents. This understanding will come in time when she is here. But simple explanation of how much debt he had and what it meant (not that bad in this case) would have been enough. It's the dishonesty that hits and hurts the most. Mistrust on his part. Fear of loosing her. That's why these things shouldn't be discussed right before the wedding, but much earlier than that. If that scares her, let it be, then she isn't for him. If she understands and accepts it, then it's all good. Why wouldn't a man want to see this clearly and test her long before the marriage? This is exactly what he should have done only much sooner.

Also, don't think RW are so dumb that they see that your salary is hundred times bigger than hers and she thinks it's all awesome. We might not know the details at first, but common concepts of debts and savings should be clear and understandable, at least among educated women. Yes, you can expect her to understand the ratio of your salary and debt or what ever. If you explain it logically, nicely, using more simple language. I know there aren't many men who can actually do that  , but every man should at least try. Also, it is part of her job to be able to understand, maybe even research what this or that means, read some articles, ask people. It's OK not to know, but it's not OK to be ignorant and not wanting to learn, especially in such important field as finances and in the circumstances where she is moving to the unknown to her country.

I remember 9 years back, my late husband talked to me about these things, I understood a small part of it and we talked more, i had numerous questions, my mom explained some things. He brought some bank papers, the plan of our future house, by then I had numerous pictures of his car he was proud of, he explained to me how much we could afford and what not. It was my first immersion and it was his test for me. Nothing wrong in this. Timing should be right.

[Admin]

I have posted this before (see attachment) - and the numbers are certainly dated - but the concepts are still valid, I think.

If anyone would care to help with updating these numbers for 2009 (as opposed to the circa 2000 numbers), and maybe adjust for the fact these were prepared for Canada and not the US - perhaps this is something we should finalize as a guide to be used to help men and women understand the differences in financial concepts between North America and the FSU.

- Dan

[Misha]

Yes, she said she was happy and things improved now, but at what cost? At what risk?

Let's see the "cost": she has a husband that loves her and that she clearly loves. According to what she writes they have a good relationship: "His patience and love helped us to become even closer to each other. He accepts my culture and traditions and we are able to find compromises." She has in-laws that clearly like her and treat  her well. She is satisfied that she had the opportunity to move up: "I'm happy that this country gives more opportunities and a more secure future." Now, in spite of the problems they had at the beginning, they family is financially stable enough for her not to word: "Now I'm staying at home with my little son Alexander. He brightens everything."

Overall, I don't understand why she is being made out to be a martyr when by her description of things she has a good husband and is happy with him. Yes, she was not happy that he did not disclose everything at the beginning, but they clearly were able to work it out and she is now happy. Would she be now happier if she had dumped him at the altar? I have my doubts.

Besides, the risk is there even without the issue of finances. Would it have been better for her to marry a debt-free but controlling and abusive husband? No tax-form will reveal that

[groovlstk]

That's why these things shouldn't be discussed right before the wedding, but much earlier than that. If that scares her, let it be, then she isn't for him. If she understands and accepts it, then it's all good. Why wouldn't a man want to see this clearly and test her long before the marriage? This is exactly what he should have done only much sooner.

My wife and I had many discussions about finance once we began to seriously talk about a future together. It's not easy, in part because we take many things for granted and assume that a sophisticated woman who owns her own apt. and and has a credit card already has a working knowledge of how things will work in the West. In my experience it's not true, you have to go back to square one and explain everything, from payroll and property taxes, health/car/home insurance, 401ks and retirement plans, checking vs. savings accounts, etc. etc. etc. I'm glad we put in the effort because to this day we haven't had a single argument about money.

Everything else being equal, even coming clean on this won't help you if you marry the wrong person. One of our aquaintances received a necklace from her lover - not husband - on Xmas eve and was bummed that the shops were all closed the next day because she was eager to have it appraised. The $ value of the necklace, to her, directly = his level of love for her And unfortunately there are a lot of women like her.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Misha and others, i suppose you guys are thinking like men and i am thinking more like a woman to who finances are important. But it doesn't mean the rest isn't. I myself give a man a test that might be much harder to pass than his test to me, because I don't struggle in the fields he might check me in, but he definitely can. 

Any way, again the risk and cost is huge, as before the wedding she didn't know how it all would turn out. It is only now she is saying she is happy and everything is great. of course debt-fee and controlling man won't work either, but with a debt and a liar isn't good in my opinion either. EVERYTHING should be great. Everything that is really important. And lying about finances isn't good at all.

[Misha]

Any way, again the risk and cost is huge, as before the wedding she didn't know how it all would turn out. It is only now she is saying she is happy and everything is great. of course debt-fee and controlling man won't work either, but with a debt and a liar isn't good in my opinion either. EVERYTHING should be great. Everything that is really important. And lying about finances isn't good at all.

I agree, but keep in mind that she did not call him a "liar." Also, the fact that they were able to resolve the debt problem in three years or less makes me believe that the problem wasn't so huge to begin with. If they went from having to manage debt to her being a comfortable stay-at-home mom in three years, I would say that his debt load was not that high and this is not quite the tragedy that it is being made out to be 

[groovlstk]

Also, the fact that they were able to resolve the debt problem in three years or less makes me believe that the problem wasn't so huge to begin with. If they went from having to manage debt to her being a comfortable stay-at-home mom in three years, I would say that his debt load was not that high and this is not quite the tragedy that it is being made out to be 

That's a good point, Misha. Unless her husband stumbled onto some unexpected windfall, three years to being debt-free is like paying off a used car loan. Maybe he went into debt paying for the wedding and USCIS fees. 

[Simoni]

And once again, we don't know what debt means.  I have 14 years more debt on my condo, so I guess I am in debt too.

Maybe he went into debt paying for the wedding and USCIS fees. 

Funny!     But true!!!

[Faux Pas]

That's a good point, Misha. Unless her husband stumbled onto some unexpected windfall, three years to being debt-free is like paying off a used car loan. Maybe he went into debt paying for the wedding and USCIS fees. 

Most likely more truth to that than some want to recognize. Dude in all likelihood couldn't afford the pursuit of a RW and went into debt to do it. Doesn't make him a liar or a bad guy. He had champaign taste and a beer budget. He could have done things different but he didn't and it appears things worked out. Where's the deception?

[AnastassiaAsh]

He didn't inform or explain to her early enough about his debt - that's the deception. If it had happened let's say some months before they decided to get married, it wouldn't even have been a huge deal or a deal breaker. But concealing it for the whole time and then hammering it on her right before the wedding is very 'chivalry', isn't it? 

What would you do if right before the wedding or her trip to your place after she got her K1 visa she announces to you that she has a huge tax debt to pay and she can't leave her country without an official document from them saying she is debt free...??? Let's say for example $55,000?? (something closer to US reality)

[HiTech]

He didn't inform or explain to her early enough about his debt - that's the deception. If it had happened let's say some months before they decided to get married, it wouldn't even have been a huge deal or a deal breaker. But concealing it for the whole time and then hammering it on her right before the wedding is very 'chivalry', isn't it? 

What would you do if right before the wedding or her trip to your place after she got her K1 visa she announces to you that she has a huge tax debt to pay and she can't leave her country without an official document from them saying she is debt free...??? Let's say for example $55,000?? (something closer to US reality)

Anastassia: You are making an assumption that the Debit was a major issue. In your example you only talk about debt, and not assets like many FSUW would view debt.
First we do not know the size of debt in question, we also do not know the mans income and assets, we only know he had some debt.

In your example you assume that the woman has no assets. I would not feel bad at all if she also owned an apartment worth 80,000 and had $55K in debt. Then it would not be that she is hiding something, but simply she did not see it as important because she knew she could pay off the debt any time she wished.

I agree completely with you about not trying to hide anything. But the reasons for not disclosing the debt are what are important. It could be intentional, or it could simply be viewed as non important by the man in question.

In my case it would be impossible for me to describe all my fiances to Alyona before we were married. I could try and describe them to most Americans, and they would not understand.  My guess is it will take several years before she has a comprehension of fiances in the USA. A simple example is Alyona still views my airplane as not mine, because I still have 2 years to pay on a 10 year note. Before we were married I have no Idea if I told her about the debt on the plane or not, because to me it is not important. If times were to get tight, I would simply sell the airplane.

HiTech

[Simoni]

I suspect it depends on the woman, and how much she wants to know about your net worth.

Marina never asked.  But if she had, I would have done a detailed report for her.

For her, she loved and trusted me.  Still does 

She has not been disappointed in our lifestyle.

[Misha]

He didn't inform or explain to her early enough about his debt - that's the deception. If it had happened let's say some months before they decided to get married, it wouldn't even have been a huge deal or a deal breaker. But concealing it for the whole time and then hammering it on her right before the wedding is very 'chivalry', isn't it? 

Let's go back to what she has written (in red):

I married a man with two daughters and lots of debts (I found out about debts just before the wedding). It happened 3 years ago.

So we have the timeline. Starts three years ago. She marries him and discovers he has debt.

The hardest part was to get used to be in debt all the time and to get fluent in English. Now everything is pretty good.

No horror stories or living in trailers or having to go without food, just that she had to get used to being in debt all the time. How many of the men here could truthfully say they have no debt? And after a short three years she is saying that everything is pretty good. To reiterate, if he was as deeply in debt as Anastassia and SilverBullet present the matter, things would not have been "pretty good" after three years.

My husband and I are in love with each other and are able to deal with any difficulties. His patience and love helped us to become even closer to each other. He accepts my culture and traditions and we are able to find compromises.

In other words, they made the transition from wooing to marriage. Overall, he comes across as a nice guy.

Now I'm staying at home with my little son Alexander. He brightens everything. ... My husband's family accepted me very well. And now even one of my brothers-in-law is thinking to find a wife abroad, because he sees our example. I think I made the best choice. I'm happy here.

She finishes by saying that she is happy. She says she made the best choice and she no longer refers to the problem of debt and she is happy to be staying at home with her child. This is a pretty remarkable transition in three years if he was drowning in debt  

[groovlstk]

He didn't inform or explain to her early enough about his debt - that's the deception. If it had happened let's say some months before they decided to get married, it wouldn't even have been a huge deal or a deal breaker. But concealing it for the whole time and then hammering it on her right before the wedding is very 'chivalry', isn't it? 

What would you do if right before the wedding or her trip to your place after she got her K1 visa she announces to you that she has a huge tax debt to pay and she can't leave her country without an official document from them saying she is debt free...??? Let's say for example $55,000?? (something closer to US reality)

Anastassia,

I'm 100% on your side about disclosure about finances as well as honesty. However, in this case we really don't have many details other than a single sentence about how this woman learned of her husband's debt shortly before marriage.

I would normally say she has a good case but given how often I've encountered Russian people who really don't understand finance, even those living in the US for DECADES, I'd wait for more info before passing judgment.

As an example... when we bought our first home last year, we took out a big mortgage. We had enough savings to come close to buying the place w/cash, yet it would have been really stupid to do such. My wife and her family had a hard time understanding this and it took many conversations and arithmetic to prove it. And guess what? Mom STILL worries about us because we are "in debt." 

[Faux Pas]

He didn't inform or explain to her early enough about his debt - that's the deception. If it had happened let's say some months before they decided to get married, it wouldn't even have been a huge deal or a deal breaker. But concealing it for the whole time and then hammering it on her right before the wedding is very 'chivalry', isn't it? 

What would you do if right before the wedding or her trip to your place after she got her K1 visa she announces to you that she has a huge tax debt to pay and she can't leave her country without an official document from them saying she is debt free...??? Let's say for example $55,000?? (something closer to US reality)

I disagree, if your problem is that he didn't tell her or discuss his debts prior. His debts may not have been important enough to discuss with her. Clearly we do not have enough information on this particular situation. His debt prior to the marriage should not be at issue unless she had to assume it and/or it lowered the lifestyle expectations that he promised her. IMHO She did not state that this was or wasn't the case. If he misrepresented to her the lifestyle he lives (debt or no debt) then he is a liar. Debt is a way of life for most people in the West. Its a sure bet together they will incur more debt. Debt is not necessarily an evil or bad thing. Perhaps (pure conjecture here) his added debt is what allowed and brought them together. Should he expect her to pay it? NO! Should he be looked down upon because he incurred it? Again NO!

I gather from the tone of her post she doesn't/didn't understand the concept of debt other than she wasn't allowed for an extended time the full use of his earnings (more conjecture). I do believe in the trust factor as my fiancee and I have "gone all in" and we trust each other explicitly. I have described in full detail my lifestyle and she will not be disappointed. I have shown her pictures of my very modest house and vehicles. I have attempted to explain western financial situations and my situation in particular. She can choose if she decides to work or not but her income is not necessary to the household. Quite honestly, she wasn't very interested. What she was interested in was knowing she could trust me and my judgements and that I was being truthful. What does that make her?

My fortunes, like everyone else's could change dramatically tomorrow. If that were the case I would notify her at once and let her decide. I am in a position that she would not be saddled with any of my debt but, thats just another area she would have to trust me on. I am sure in time she will know ALL of my finances as she will need to being my wife. I don't see the importance of full disclosure before it is necessary.  Tanya has a ticket and visa in her hand, is 3 years of incurred debt to her husband a problem? I say no. Debts are usually a temporary condition and in seemingly this case an answer to a long term solution.