This was my second visit, having previously visiting in Oct of last year (as per this report
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=8589.0). This time, I did much more preparation, including writing women from multiple agencies/websites and putting in quite a bit of time studying Russian. This is a WMVM report. Please let's keep any bickering or snide comments to a minimum. thx
Day 1Flight was delayed, and I had to scramble to make my meeting with “L” on time. I had met her through Mamba.ru, and I had not mentioned marriage/etc. We were simply going on a first date. Everything went very well, and we had a good time. Spent 6 hours together. Interesting complex lady, albeit with poor English.
Day 2I awoke late, recovering from jetlag, travel and a late night. To my chagrin I had not heard from “J”, another Mamba.ru contact, about our meeting that night. Although she had my cell number, I had only her email, and never contacted me for the duration of my stay.
At 4pm, I read the writing on the wall and accepted that I was going to be stood up. I called “T”, an Elena’s girl. She had been my #2 interest in the trip, and I had originally proposed a Day 2 or 3 meeting. However having not heard from her until two days before my arrival I had made other plans, and when she heard that I was booked for the first 3 evenings she had seemed disappointed we would have to wait until later to meet.
I told “T” that my Sat night plans had fallen through, and asked if she had plans. She seemed very pleased and advised that she was heading out to a nightclub with friends, and invited me to join them. I said sure, and she advised she would call back later with details. At 10:30 I was dressed, and ready to dance, when I got a call from “T” advising that one of her main friends was ill and they were cancelling their plans.
Having been stood up by “J” and then a cancellation from “T”, it was a disappointing day. I boosted my spirits by writing a message to “L” (from Day 1) telling her what a good time I had and asking about her plans for the next several days. She responded in kind the next day, but advised she was going to be out of town for a couple of weeks. A very disappointing day.
Day 3The day before I had also not heard from “A” another Mamba contact, about our Day 3 plans. Thus when “T” called to cancel the nightclub the previous night, we had made plans for dinner on Day 3.
We met, and had a very nice meal. A smart lovely lady, with good English and a professional job. As I walked her to the metro after a nice 3 hours, she walked very closely beside with our arms brushing lightly together. A lovely end to a nice evening, and we agreed to touch base in a couple of days about meeting again.
Day 4I had plans to meet “Y”, who had been the star from my first visit to Piter. I had felt instantly comfortable with “Y” during that visit, and she had instantly become only the 3rd woman that I have ever wanted to marry.
However, 6 weeks earlier when I had told her of my plans of a return visit she had responded with a cryptic response advising she would be too busy to see me. I didn’t push the issue, and we maintained regular correspondance including photo’s of her villages/etc. I simply accepted that for whatever reason, she was not interested and didn’t press for an explanation.
We continued to email on a friendly basis, but I had turned my attention more towards Elena’s/Bride.ru/CuteOnly/Mamba girls.
In the end, once I arrived “Y” of course agreed to meet, and now was the night.
As soon as she came in, everything felt great. Just as it had during my first visit. It feel instantly comfortable ,just as it had during my first visit. I had chosen a restaurant close to my apartment, and after a nice meal with liberal amounts of alcohol we went back to my apartment for nightcap. I had brought a map of my hometown, and I showed her key landmarks. She then logged on to her Russian facebook page, and began showing me some new pictures. As she showed me various pictures, she casually pointed to one of her “boyfriend”.
!!??
I had figured he must surely be out the picture by now?! I tried to seem nonchalant and asked how serious was their relationship. She smiled happily and told me he had recently proposed and they were getting married in the summer (!!).
...lol...WTF?
Too funny. Here I am perched on the couch and on the verge of launching an intercontinental liplock missile on this girl, and she is engaged?? It appears that my arrival on the scene back in Oct lit a fire under the boyfriend and he ponied up an engagement ring.
Ah well, such is life. At least my effort to get married have worked out for someone!
Anyway, I’m truly happy for her – I think she is a great girl, albeit a little strange, and we’re still friends. No hard feelings on my part, and we’ve continued to email as friends since my return home after my trip.
Day 5I had left Day 5 open, thinking that by this time I would be ready for a 2nd date with someone. But with 2 noshows, one girl engaged, one out of town, I only had one option “T” but it was too short notice for Day 5 of course. I called “T” and scheduled a 2nd date for Day 7. I also called “K”, who was a Bride.ru girl. I had had a brief correspondence with her some weeks earlier, but had not followed up, simply because I had little info from her profile, and had thought I had too many prospects on the go already (A mistaken belief I now realised). She was delighted to hear from me, and we made plans for the next night.
So I spent Day 5 on my own.
Day 6Got a call from “K” advising she had an exam in a couple of days, and felt she needed to stay in and study. She was very apologetic, and I told her it was of course not a problem and perfectly understandable and we rescheduled for Day 8.
I spent Day 6 on my own.
Day 7Called “T” about our 2nd date scheduled for that evening, and she advised she had to cancel because she had a keyboard listed for sale, and someone was coming by that evening to look at it. We rescheduled for Day 9 (which was my last day in town, to be followed by an early morning flight home)
I spent Day 7 on my own.
Day 8Spoke with “K” and she suggested I join her and some friends to celebrate the end of their exams. It seemed a little strange to me, and I was curious as to what they would make of me. She was unconcerned and said we would just say we met on the internet.
We met at 9pm, and then walked to the planned restaurant where we were meeting the rest of her friends. They mostly spoke English, and we had a great time over the course of the evening. However, I spent a lot of time talking with her friends, and not too much one-on-one time with her. At one point, I figured I’d leave the table for 10 minutes and see if she even noticed (or became concerned) that I was gone. I was hanging out at the edge of the dance floor when a slow song came on. About 2 minutes into the slow song “K” came rushing over, having clearly been looking for me, and pulled me onto the dance floor and we had a nice dance. Sadly, I think that single moment represents the highlight of my trip.
As we returned to the table where her friends were they were teasing me about “Who had I been dancing with, that “K” took me away from?” “K” proudly told them I had danced only with her. At this point I was looking forward to breaking away from the friends, and talking with “K” and learning more about her.
But to my chagrin, about half an hour later, she told me she was tired from studying/exams and was heading home.
Still, considering how little preparation I had put into meeting her, the evening had gone quite well. Also, after having spent the previous 3 days alone I was happy just to have some company. We messaged the next day, and it was nice to have met her, and I regret that I had not messaged her more prior to visiting Piter
Having said that, although I think that she is indeed serious about seeking a WM, I think she is simply too young for me.
Day 9At 2pm I still hadn’t heard from “T” and her cellphone had been switched off all day. I figured I’d best just accept the writing on the wall, and I sent her a message saying that I presumed she didn’t want to see me, and offering my regrets.
At 6pm I got a call from her apologising and telling me she had been up until 7am at a party with friends, and had slept all day and was hung over and would not be able to see me. But that she hoped I would continue to message her after I returned home. She seemed confused and disappointed that I thought she didn’t want to see me. I didn’t have the heart to point out to her that she had cancelled on me three times in less than a week. I was very disappointed as I had seen real potential with her.
I spent Day 9 alone.
SummaryIn summary my trip was very disappointing. As you can see, I had six cancellations out of 10 scheduled dates. I’ve heard many complaints here on the board about “professional daters” and “scammers”. Frankly, I would have been delighted to buy dinner for a professional daters/scammer, simply to have some company!
I had reviewed 500+ profiles of women from Piter on the Elenas’s/CuteOnly/Bride.ru websites and I had messaged approx 90 of them in my chosen demographic (under 30 and a “7+”). Of those 90, I received a reply from only about 15. Of those 15, I had multiple emails with only 6. Of those 6, 4 went email silent when I told them I was coming to town in 3 weeks. Even after I follow up with those 4 advising that we could still meet for coffee perhaps as purely platonic friends, they still did not respond.
In addition, I also messaged 300 women on Mamba.ru and had regular messages with a dozen. I did not mention marriage, although when they would ask why I was coming to Piter I would respond “I am looking for a wife of course! ;-)”.
However, the vibe changed when I was no longer just an online profile, but rather a flesh and blood western man in their city and I think that scared them off. Of those dozen, I endeavoured to meet 6. 3 got evasive, although it may have just been scheduling problems. 3 agreed to meet, but two of them stood me up, and never responded to my single follow up message asking what happened, and telling them no hard feelings.
Also, I should point out that I sent all of my original letters in Russian (having had them professionally translated by the translators at Elena’s, and I continued to correspond in Russian unless the lady suggested switching to English). Over the past 5 months I spent more than 200 hours studying Russian, including a weekly lesson with a private tutor.
As a brief summary of the agenies/websites I used:
From Elena’s,-I messaged about 30 women,had regular messages with 4, or which 3 went email silent when they heard I was coming to town and the fourth cancelled/rescheduled on me 3 times.
-I received unsolicited messages from about 40 women, mostly in their 30s from smaller towns in Russia & the Ukraine. Only a couple of which I was interested in and have had regular messages.
From Bride.Ru-I messaged about 30 women, had 3 respond, had regular messages with 1 (the aforementioned “K”).
-I received unsolicited messages from about 15 women, mostly in their 30s from smaller towns in Russia and the Ukraine. Only one I was interested in and have had regular messages.
From CuteOnly-I messaged 25 women, had 2 respond, and a 3rd strangely did not respond but messaged me a non-personalized message a month later, apparently not realizing I had earlier messaged her?. One of the two responses was a gushing email, sent a month after my initial enquiry, and arrived two days before I arrived in Piter. But I received no response to my followup. Similarly the third (the one that did not respond, but strangely sent a “form” message” a month later”) did not respond when I replied.
-I have had a deluge of 80 messages, all of which are non-personal messages which do not even mention my name, and quite frankly very few of them could be said to be “cute”, sorry.
-I have serious misgivings about the integrity of CuteOnly. Whenever I logged on, and checked “who had just viewed me” there was always a view from a new lady (usually timed one minute before I logged on).
In summary, I do not think that women in my desired demographic (under 30, 7+, cosmopolitan lifestyle living in St.Petersburg) have any serious interest in marriage with a foreign man. I think there may be many who have profiles on the various websites, but for them it is merely a fun pastime to receive flattering messages from foreign men, and when it comes time to meet then they will shy away. In particular, I was told by the two ladies that I met from Elena’s and Bride.ru that they have not told any of their friends that they are listed on a western man marriage website.
I think that many women on the various marriage sites simply enjoy messaging/chatting with interesting foreign men, and enjoy the attention. But there is a social stigma attached to marriage with a WM (in the same way that a stigma exists in the west for marriage to a FSUW).
Alternatively, it may be that the women in my desired demographic (under 30, 7+, cosmopolitan lifestyle in St.Pete’s) are just not interested in me! Lol..either way it is the same for me.
On a closing note, (at the risk of sounding defensive ;-) in case you might think that I am a hunchback with terminal bad breath, I can tell you that I am 41, appear 33-37, caucasion, workout 2-3 hours a day (mostly holistic things like yoga, dance), have a six figure income and have a stylish demeanour (ie I have manicures, dress well, etc).
With deep regret, I am no longer going to actively pursue the prospect of a FSU bride. I’ll play out the string with the women I’ve been in contact if they make an effort to stay in touch (namely with “K”, “L” and “T”), and stay up to date with my paid up profiles until they expire.
However, for this amount of time, effort and money, I think would have had much better success to simply seek a woman locally in my hometown (salsa lessons anyone?) and that will be my focus going forward. Quite frankly, I don’t think I’ve had 6 date cancellations in my previous entire life let alone in one week! Lol for that sort of treatment , I’ll take a hint and move on.
I’ve enjoyed the experience, and have no regrets. To the contrary, I gave it my very best effort, and I’ll hope for a better experience as I turn my attention to home.
