Moscow round 2

[SANDRO43]

The Mexican film, "Y Tu Mama Tambien" was also filmed in the area.

Haven't seen that yet, the title sounds like the repartee to a serious insult (And your mother, too) .

[Sculpto]

Haven't seen that yet, the title sounds like the repartee to a serious insult (And your mother, too) .

Its an excellent film with a very surprising ending. 

[bobb]

She likes what she sees now, but, she might not like what she sees when she sees me in my element.

I agree with this concept completely.  Because of the difficulty in obtaining tourist visa's for FSUW they do not have the chance to see the man in his 'element'.  Maybe it wouldn't make a difference for most, but in reading some horror stories of quick-term failures maybe it would have.

Sculpto states he is not in a hurry to file the K1.  Isn't that what is always subscribed to here...take your time.  I personally do not see any problem with going to Mexico and then to Tomsk.

It reminds me of when I gave this up in spring of 2005.  Ahh...now I can go back to visiting the Caribbean in the winter and visit Canada in the summer.  I understand the constant trips to the FSU countries with no committed relationship in hand and how draining it can be. 

[Sculpto]

Sculpto states he is not in a hurry to file the K1.  I
 

my lack of urgency in this has more to do with the fact that I am now unemployed than anything else.  I would hate to start the process and then be denied because of being out of work.  I think "A" wants me to get it going, but, she still needs to send me her birth certificate which she promised to do this week, she brought it up so hopefully she will follow through.. if she lags that will say a lot also...

[Kuna]

I agree with this concept completely.  Because of the difficulty in obtaining tourist visa's for FSUW they do not have the chance to see the man in his 'element'.  Maybe it wouldn't make a difference for most, but in reading some horror stories of quick-term failures maybe it would have.

Valid point... but a risk that almost all ladies take therefore it's best to be yourself and not particularly just "being on best behaviour" all the time.

Sculpto states he is not in a hurry to file the K1.  Isn't that what is always subscribed to here...take your time. 

Disagree...  Sculpto has already made a commitment to "A" - on the second trip when everything fell apart but was repaired with alcohol and sex.  Nothing has changed.  He isn't rushing the K1 but they are getting it started by her sending her birth certificate... is he rushing or not. 

Like Sculpto I think a few people here are feeling a little arty and should come back to the facts.

Look, I have been in Russia with her two times.  She has had all the advantages in both those situations. 

I certainly want ot meet her Mother and understand the need for it.  But, here is the reality...

if I apply for K1 sooner than later the best case scenario is she will interview in November or December.  By that time the holidays are upon us and I will want her to spend it with her family and then she will have exams at the end of January and into February.  So, reality is the soonest she will be here is at the end of next Feb or early March. 

So hang on... he's not in a rush but he's planning the quickest possible route to get her to the US while in his current "unemployed" situation.  Who said he wasn't hurrying?  Remember... half way through his last trip (second trip) he was dumping her.  Now he's waiting for the birth certificate and he still hasn't met the family.

I'm confused!

That gives me TONS of time to make two trips if I can manage it financially which shouldn't be a problem unless I get really lazy or hit by a car or something of that nature.

I love the qualifiers he throw into such confident remarks just to give himself a way to back out of commitments.  Just like a bad politician!

I know she is not enthusasitc about living in the USA and is enthusastic about living in Mexico.  I have shown her some web sites and of course my photo album so she has at least a small idea about what things look like.  I have also described the artistic and socio/political landscape in Chiapas and Oaxaca, two states in rebellion, and she is fascinated by that.  But.. as Possum pointed out in a PM, the drug war, shanty towns, and primitive conditions in certain parts of Mexico may not be to the liking of an RW.  Besides those concerns.. I need to see how she functions in an unknown environment where she is the one with language difficulties, where she has no support system except for me and where everything is strange to her.  If she shuts down, well then I have my answer.. but if she embraces what is in reality a fascinating and exciting place and lifestyle than I also have the positive answer I am looking for.  Plus, if it really sucks I can always stick her on a plane back to Russia and still have a good time in Mexico. 

You mean... if she remains excited for the whole two weeks while on holidays it's a good enough sign that this thing is forever... forget all of the real life adjustment issues which are possibly going to be even worse living in such a "fun happy place" with political rebellion and completely uncommon lifestyles.

Sculpto...the things my wife misses most are Russian sweets, Ukrainian bread, tasty honey, rainy days and a dozen other basic things you cannot download over the web.  At least in the US she'd find similar or imported products in stores.

If my next trip to see her is to Tomsk I can tell you exactly how it will be right now.

I will be greeted in her family home with all the expected Russian hospitality.  I will be doted over by Mother, Sister and at least a few friends.  I will ask to go see hot springs and it will be agreed to, but, at the last minute the excuse will be given that only the drunks go there and it is dirty.  If I want to see wooden houses I will end up going alone.  If I want to go for a walk in the birch forest I will be told nothing there but insects.  But, inside her family home I will be given every attention and comfort known to Russian women. 

YAWN

I have heard her talking to her Mom on the phone.  I know they are close and her Mom is constantly advising her about how to take care of me.  When I was sick there were constant phone calls and I understood enough to know they were talking about what treatment to give me.  I know she has great respect for her Mom.  I also know her Mom is pushing her to behave properly with me.  I had her tell her Mom.. "A" is difficult but I love her anyway.  I heard her Mom laugh on the phone and "A" told me this is what she said.. "Yes, she is difficult but I love her too, thank you Eric" 

You're forgetting something Sunshine...  if you're so bored with Russian after two trips with her what the hell are you going to be like after marriage when she expects you to travel back with her?  Oh, she wont want you to travel with her?  Oh, you forgot about when she has a baby or two and needs help on and off planes flying out of Mexico?  Oh, she won't want to go back to Russia ever again? Oh, I see... 

ANOTHER thought is your dreaming about how close she is to her mother...  GET A CLUE...  if she's that close to her mother she would DESPERATELY have wanted her mother to meet you...  she's either not THAT CLOSE (which is fine) or she's not that serious.

Go on...  give her her holiday to Mexico but stop making up stories... please.. you look so foolish!

I can take her to Mexico this summer and determine at that point if there is good reason to go forward with her.  I can learn more on that turf in two weeks than I could in a year of visits to Russia.  here are a couple of links to the places I would be taking her.

YOU ARE GOING FORWARD WITH HER...  YOU'RE ALREADY PLANNING THE K1!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

YOU CANNOT learn more from her in a two week holiday in mexico than you can in a year of visits in her hometown in Russia.  It's stupidity to think, say or accept such bullsh!te.

Sculpto I feel sorry for you because you've created such a BS story behind all this.  If you'd stuck with the truth that "this is fun and exciting and challenging and you'll ride it to see where it takes you" I could respect you a little. 

She's not serious... you're a dreamer...  why not let the kids have some fun?

What I am really offended at is you trying to legitimize every dumb thing and every screwed up situation/event you write about and expect people to believe it.
I cannot convince you... I don't want to convince you... I just want newbies to see you for what you are... a dreamer.

[Faux Pas]

Sculpto I feel sorry for you because you've created such a BS story behind all this.  If you'd stuck with the truth that "this is fun and exciting and challenging and you'll ride it to see where it takes you" I could respect you a little. 

She's not serious... you're a dreamer...  why not let the kids have some fun?

What I am really offended at is you trying to legitimize every dumb thing and every screwed up situation/event you write about and expect people to believe it.
I cannot convince you... I don't want to convince you... I just want newbies to see you for what you are... a dreamer.

I fear he's layered so much fantasy on this girl and situation not even he can can tell where the fantasy ends and the reality begins. Sculpt just seems to lay it on thicker and heavier as this saga unfolds.

I can take her to Mexico this summer and determine at that point if there is good reason to go forward with her.  I can learn more on that turf in two weeks than I could in a year of visits to Russia.  here are a couple of links to the places I would be taking her.

He hasn't yet even met her family. If this quote doesn't size up the bi-polar of the whole shooting match, I really don't know what does. Sculpt, sometimes even someone as experienced, liberal, knowledgeable and artistic as you can't see the forest for the trees. You really should back up and take another look of where you are at and where you are going.   

[Wienerin]

Valid point... but a risk that almost all ladies take therefore it's best to be yourself and not particularly just "being on best behaviour" all the time.
 
Disagree...  Sculpto has already made a commitment to "A" - on the second trip when everything fell apart but was repaired with alcohol and sex.  Nothing has changed.  He isn't rushing the K1 but they are getting it started by her sending her birth certificate... is he rushing or not. 

Like Sculpto I think a few people here are feeling a little arty and should come back to the facts.

Kuna, I'm as exasperated as you and Misha are... especially by Sculpto either rationalizing the most wild and unfounded assumptions or digressing into as wild dreams in the G-d knows when future - and immediately talking of that vague future as valid and solid fact.

I don't remember how many times I urged Sculpto to look into immigration laws and find out when and how A will be able to come and live in Mexico - to pursue this wonderful journalistic career among all the thugs, drug-trafficers, nationalistic violence, etc., which are sooo exciting, that A just cannot wait to learn firsthand all about it. Now there is a rosy mirage of a Russian restaurant sure to be an immediate success... because there's not a single one within hundreds of miles... But first - to get all her paperwork in order to be able to come to Mexico to live... og, no, this we wouldn't discuss.

Then again. First we didn't want to go to Tomsk, but wanted to get married in Moscow - father dying, Mother very close - thousands of kilometers from Moscow, and all... Now we not only do not want to go to Tomsk, but want to go to THailand, Mexico, G-d knows where - only not to California (where the Oakland neighborhood is so god-awfully wild, that A had to be prepared for a visit... which is not to pass after all).

Are those the necessary and only qualifications for a wife for her to be able cheerfully backpacking in a totally strange and dangerous place for 2 weeks?

Do you remember the tale about a girl who started crying on her wedding? How in her head the whole story of her future life played - she'll have a baby, the baby will grow up, she'll ask her son to go to a cellar for a jug of wine, he'll fall down the stairs... And she was crying over the hurt boy and broken jug... Same here - a weave of fantasies about unknown people, unknown circumstances, etc.

[Sculpto]

Valid point... but a risk that almost all ladies take therefore it's best to be yourself and not particularly just "being on best behaviour" all the time.

That is quite obvious.
 

Disagree...  Sculpto has already made a commitment to "A" - on the second trip when everything fell apart but was repaired with alcohol and sex.  Nothing has changed.  He isn't rushing the K1 but they are getting it started by her sending her birth certificate... is he rushing or not. 

Kuna when you make this kind of comment you are just being an ass.  The relationship wasn't repaired with alcohol and sex.. it was repaired with hours and hours of talking.  Talking slowly and carefully with a dictionary always opened and paper and pen for more complex issues to make sure she understood.  We happened to be sipping alcohol and had makeup sex when it was over. 

As far as the K1.. the SOONEST she will be here is NEXT YEAR.  So, why not go ahead and get the K1 started?  What point is there in waiting longer? 

So hang on... he's not in a rush but he's planning the quickest possible route to get her to the US while in his current "unemployed" situation.  Who said he wasn't hurrying?  Remember... half way through his last trip (second trip) he was dumping her.  Now he's waiting for the birth certificate and he still hasn't met the family.

Actually the quickest route would be to file for some kind of business visa.  I want to do design work in Moscow and I need a publicist.  I should be able to get her here in a few weeks.   

Most likely I will end up in Tomsk in June and meet her family at that time.

I'm confused!
I love the qualifiers he throw into such confident remarks just to give himself a way to back out of commitments.  Just like a bad politician!
You mean... if she remains excited for the whole two weeks while on holidays it's a good enough sign that this thing is forever... forget all of the real life adjustment issues which are possibly going to be even worse living in such a "fun happy place" with political rebellion and completely uncommon lifestyles.

God dude you generalize things right out of the stated intent.  I am looking for a certain quality of adaptability that I am never going to be able to determine in Russia.  She is stubborn as it appears many RW are.  She is always right until she is proven wrong.  That is not a recipe in my eyes for success here in the USA or in Mexico or for that matter probably in Russia.  When I see her in Russia she is simply dealing with things that she knows and has mastered in her own way.  But, what happens when you take the cat out of the cage?  Will she embrace all that is different?  Will she adapt to new food and cultural paradigms?  Or, will she shut down and close herself off to the beauty around her?  I need to know that more than any other detail right now.  I am a total chameleon and can adapt to just about any kind of scenario.  I have friends that are total gear heads, others that are just average middle class folks, others that are genious geek inventors and artists and a couple others yet that are multi millionaires.  I can fit in any of the situations that such a diverse group of friends brings.  I need a woman who has the same ability and frankly right now I am not seeing it with "A".  That concerns me more than any other single issue that has come up.

Sculpto...the things my wife misses most are Russian sweets, Ukrainian bread, tasty honey, rainy days and a dozen other basic things you cannot download over the web.  At least in the US she'd find similar or imported products in stores.
You're forgetting something Sunshine...  if you're so bored with Russian after two trips with her what the hell are you going to be like after marriage when she expects you to travel back with her?  Oh, she wont want you to travel with her?  Oh, you forgot about when she has a baby or two and needs help on and off planes flying out of Mexico?  Oh, she won't want to go back to Russia ever again? Oh, I see... 

Kuna.. when you make these comments you sound like someone who is very fixed in yoru ways.  I am not.  I am a citizen of the world.  I have 20+ countries visited on my list and will add to that considerably over the next ten years.  I can go to the Paris Opera one day and bang wooden drums in Iryan Jaya the next.  I soak it all up.  Travelling is my favorite pastime, even more than making art.  Now that I am laid off I am working on implementing a business plan that will give me the freedom to travel as I wish.  I have been formulating this concept for several years and now i have the chance to implement it.  They say nececity is the mother of invention.. well this crisis is creating a lot of opportunity for invention and I am embracing it completely.  In the 8 years since I closed my last business venture and went back into the workforce I have have had a lot of jobs.  All of them did not work out for a big variety of reasons, but, the one commonality in all of them has been the simple fact that employers have not properly taken advantage of the very large and diverse skill set that I have.  So, I have just come to the conclusion that my best path is to believe in myself and forget about job security and simply create my own security. 

Plus, in Mexico all the things you mentioned are available with the exception of the bread.  But guess what.. she doesn't eat bread much and they happen to have excellent bread in Mexico.  In fact, in SCLC the Danish lady with the vegan pectopah happen to make excellent black bread and other types of whole wheat breads.  I am sure she will be fine.. and.. the honey from teh tiny black stingless bees that live in the jungle is by far the best honey on the planet.  In Mexico City there are TONS of real and psuedo russian things.  There is even a cinema that ONLY shows old Soviet classic films (in russian, spansih subtitles).  It has been there for years and remains widely popular in certain intellectual circles.

Going back to "A" and me going with her to Russia.. what makes you so sure she will want me to?  What makes you so sure that her first project won't be to bring her Mother here?  You are making a lot of assumptions and you know what that means.  What makes you think I wouldn't want to go with her to Russia with our future children?  Just because I am tired of Moscow doesn't mean I am finished travelling to Russia.  I just could use a break.

ANOTHER thought is your dreaming about how close she is to her mother...  GET A CLUE...  if she's that close to her mother she would DESPERATELY have wanted her mother to meet you...  she's either not THAT CLOSE (which is fine) or she's not that serious.

She does want me to meet her Mother.  I really don't get the issue here.  The situation wit her Father trumped the meeting her Mother card.  Its not a big deal.

Go on...  give her her holiday to Mexico but stop making up stories... please.. you look so foolish!
YOU ARE GOING FORWARD WITH HER...  YOU'RE ALREADY PLANNING THE K1!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Kuna the $440 for the K1 and whatever a trip to Mexico would cost me is a lot less that not doing it and learning later she can't handle it or doesn't like it or whatever other variation comes about that isn't positive.  I would rather get the process rolling and not follow through than lose another six months or a year if things warrant the follow through.

YOU CANNOT learn more from her in a two week holiday in mexico than you can in a year of visits in her hometown in Russia.  It's stupidity to think, say or accept such bullsh!te.

Maybe in your world.  Look, a bunch of years ago I had fallen big time for a lady about the same age as "A".  Taking her to Mexico saved me a lifetime of hurt because she just couldn't handle it.  Despite the image a lot of people have about Mexicans, Mexico is a very very deep country with an ancient history and incredibly diverse culture.  The Mexican soul EASILY rivals the Russian soul in its depth and complexity.  And, unlike the USA and Russia, Mexico actually is a free country.  Sure there are corrupt cops on the local level.. but there aren't very many of them.  In a lot of places, especially in the south where i go, people do not put up walls and fences at the edge of their property.. if you cross someones property they don't whip out the shotgun and chase you off.. no.. on the contrary they come out and greet you and usually will invite you into their home and offer whatever they have.. the exception are the very rich but even they sometimes will behave in the same way.  A person can breathe in Mexico and not worry about someone getting up their arse about stupid things.  Given the way your critique and the perspective I htink you are coming from a month in Mexico would do you a world of good.  And I am not talking about Club Med.. but real Mexico with all its good bad beauty and ugly.  As far as crime in the south or anything related to the rebellion.. first of all SCLC is a hundred times safer than anywhere in the US in terms of violent crime and is considerably safer in terms of property crime.  The rebellion is at this point largely political.  The violence that does exist is perpetrated by "white hand" paramilitary squads and 99% of the time takes place in very remote areas and has absolutely no impact on life in the "city".  The situation is such that on Jan. 1 this year, the 15th anniversary of the uprising, Sub Comandante Marcos was invited to speak in SCLC, with the mask on and was not only not arrested but treated like a hero, even by the townies who 15 years ago believed he and the rebellion were somehow a threat to them.  Its not like El Salvador was or the FARC in Colombia.

Sculpto I feel sorry for you because you've created such a BS story behind all this.  If you'd stuck with the truth that "this is fun and exciting and challenging and you'll ride it to see where it takes you" I could respect you a little. 

This is where I get nasty Kuna.. you can refrain from any further posting on my story.  I am not interested in your insults and narrow view of the world.  We aren't here talking about some abstract reality but are in fact talking about my life.  I have been very purposeful in my selection and have hit some bumps along the way.  Frankly right now I am not 100% sure about this woman, but, I have to constantly remind myself that I have never been 100% sure about ANYONE.  So, the proximity to that ultimate percentage is what I am paying attention to.  In many ways she is right on target, but, there are a couple of glaring faults right now that I need clarified. 

What I am really offended at is you trying to legitimize every dumb thing and every screwed up situation/event you write about and expect people to believe it.
I cannot convince you... I don't want to convince you... I just want newbies to see you for what you are... a dreamer.

You don't know me, you don't know my life and the trials I have been through, nor do you know "A".  Not everyone is the same, men and women, who are involved in this kind of relationship.  People can believe what they want to believe about my story.  I am not posting to convince anyone of anything.  I am posting for my own benefit and possibly for the benefit of someone else.  It doesn't really matter if this relationship is a success or not in regards to my threads on the subject.  They are merely words on the internet and will nto change the world one way or another.  You made your mind up a long time ago about MY relationship and you post about it like you are somehow an authority on everything.  Well, I congratulate you for YOUR success with your wife, but, you are not me and she is not "A" so how about you lighten up a little and try to converse with some respect instead of just being an asshat.

[Sculpto]

I fear he's layered so much fantasy on this girl and situation not even he can can tell where the fantasy ends and the reality begins. Sculpt just seems to lay it on thicker and heavier as this saga unfolds.

He hasn't yet even met her family. If this quote doesn't size up the bi-polar of the whole shooting match, I really don't know what does. Sculpt, sometimes even someone as experienced, liberal, knowledgeable and artistic as you can't see the forest for the trees. You really should back up and take another look of where you are at and where you are going.   

Faux.. shoot me for being open about my situation.  I don't NEED to post here.  I do it as I said in the last post for myself.  I absorb the words people post in response, but, I am not going to give up on my girl just because you or someone else says I should.  I am doing things my way and trying to allow for some flexibility.  I chose someone who is complex and with a lot of contradictions because I like women that way.  My only real question now is if she is as able to be flexible and adaptable as I am.  If I am going to quit on her it will be because I decide that her contradictions are too extreme for me to deal with.  Thats it.. there is no other criteria at this point. 

[Sculpto]

Kuna, I'm as exasperated as you and Misha are... especially by Sculpto either rationalizing the most wild and unfounded assumptions or digressing into as wild dreams in the G-d knows when future - and immediately talking of that vague future as valid and solid fact.

I don't remember how many times I urged Sculpto to look into immigration laws and find out when and how A will be able to come and live in Mexico - to pursue this wonderful journalistic career among all the thugs, drug-trafficers, nationalistic violence, etc., which are sooo exciting, that A just cannot wait to learn firsthand all about it. Now there is a rosy mirage of a Russian restaurant sure to be an immediate success... because there's not a single one within hundreds of miles... But first - to get all her paperwork in order to be able to come to Mexico to live... og, no, this we wouldn't discuss.

Then again. First we didn't want to go to Tomsk, but wanted to get married in Moscow - father dying, Mother very close - thousands of kilometers from Moscow, and all... Now we not only do not want to go to Tomsk, but want to go to THailand, Mexico, G-d knows where - only not to California (where the Oakland neighborhood is so god-awfully wild, that A had to be prepared for a visit... which is not to pass after all).

Are those the necessary and only qualifications for a wife for her to be able cheerfully backpacking in a totally strange and dangerous place for 2 weeks?

Do you remember the tale about a girl who started crying on her wedding? How in her head the whole story of her future life played - she'll have a baby, the baby will grow up, she'll ask her son to go to a cellar for a jug of wine, he'll fall down the stairs... And she was crying over the hurt boy and broken jug... Same here - a weave of fantasies about unknown people, unknown circumstances, etc.

You know what I like about your Wienerin?  Honestly, you remind me a lot of "A".  Stubborn, willfull, contrarian, and you think you know everything. 

For the record.. Mexican immigration is relatively easy if you have some money.  Unlike coming to the USA they just want to know you can support yourself.  Plus, they will extend tourist visas almost indefinitely as long as you go to Mexico City every six months.  It is not a very big deal.  As far as Us immigration goes.. I just had an appointment at USCIS here in SF.  The agent that worked with me is from guess where?  Russia.  Its all paperwork, process and fees.. also no big deal really.  There is a waiver for everything and process for everything else.  So, I am not going to get my undies all scrunched up over that garbage. 

[Sculpto]

So anyway.. after all the crud in the previous two posts.. there are some new developments.

Last night we finally had a chance for a decent conversation after her return from Armenia. 

I proposed the idea to meet up in Mexico in July after her exams in Tomsk.  She rejected the idea. 

Then I proposed me moving to Moscow temporarily and she rejected that also.

First.. Mexico..
She doesn't like the idea for two reasons.  First, and I think this is the most important one for her, is she says she needs to work and put money in the bank before she comes to the USA.  I am pretty sure she has some debts to friends related to her Fathers illness.  Seh had mentioned a couple of times that she borrowed a lot of money from friends and i know she had a falling out with one friend to whom she had loaned money before but the girl did not return the favor.  So, she appears to be tunnel visioned into this need to work as much as possible.  Second, and this kind of surprised me.. she says she is more interested to see me here in the USA than in Mexico.  ok, fair enough.

Moscow.. she just laughs at this idea and follows it up with the comment that its Russia in crisis and what will I do in Moscow.. we have nothing.. no apartment, no money.. no job.  I mentioned that several friends have encouraged me to go to Moscow because they believe I can make a lot of money there doing the same as what i do now.  I have been told from a variety of sources that there is a lack of good designers and project managers for residential remodelling and new construction.  She did not have a response to this except to say that she would not be able to be with me all the time to help with langauge and so on.  I said.. "did you hear me asking you to help me?"

After that comment she got a little frustrated with language and asked me to just write it all down and send it to her in email and she will respond in the next couple of days when she can get to an Inet cafe since "M"s computer is broken.  It failed when I was there so I know there is no exageration on that.

But, her reactions to these proposals is EXACTLY why I want to see her in Mexico.  What I see going on is what I have been told is a common Russian trait of expecting the worst.  Maybe it is just a silly California thing, but, I am always optimistic and probably a little dreamy.  I sometimes set very lofty goals/plans for myself and do not always achieve them, but, I never give up trying and that is a strong motivator for me. 

I do know I can not be with someone who expects failure.  Screw failure!  Failure is not an option.  Not succeeding and failig are two very diffierent things.  I did not succeed at the job I was just laid off from, but, I am not a failure because of it.  I just keep moving on and use this as an opportunity to evolve and become a better me. 

Anyway.. I am about to write a letter to her outlining my proposals for this summer.  Go to Mex.. visit in Tomsk in June with or without moving to Moscow for a few months or a year.  It will be very itneresting to see how she responds and could very well be the signal to continue or cut my losses.   

[groovlstk]

I have been told from a variety of sources that there is a lack of good designers and project managers for residential remodelling and new construction.

Sculpto, I don't know if this is true anymore. My wife used to work as a kitchen and bath designer for one of the firms in Grand, most of her colleague designers were pulling in 3k per month (which is very respectable) up until about Nov. Their clients have dried up to almost nothing since.

[Faux Pas]

Faux.. shoot me for being open about my situation.  I don't NEED to post here.  I do it as I said in the last post for myself.  I absorb the words people post in response, but, I am not going to give up on my girl just because you or someone else says I should.  I am doing things my way and trying to allow for some flexibility.  I chose someone who is complex and with a lot of contradictions because I like women that way.  My only real question now is if she is as able to be flexible and adaptable as I am.  If I am going to quit on her it will be because I decide that her contradictions are too extreme for me to deal with.  Thats it.. there is no other criteria at this point. 

Sculpt.....Kudos for you being open about your situation. I'm not sure if that is a positive or a negative but, it's your relationship so, you decide. More kudos for going completely against the grain and doing it your own little special way. I don't have a dog in this hunt that is your life. I don't dislike you nor hold any kind of animosity toward you. If you do in fact enjoy absorbing others thoughts and words you should love the poop out of me. I don't mind telling you or anyone else how I view the world.

From the beginnings of your postings here until now, I have followed your situation with interest for a number of reasons. Mostly, because you seem hellbent and determined to fly in the face of all logic and rationalize the mountains of negatives you face in this relationship. Half of those negatives it should be stated is you, and your requirements.

This forum is littered with failed relationships. Many by men and women who tried to do everything right to insure success and still failed. You seem to have some half-cocked idea that because you see yourself as enlightened, special and an artist that some of the most fundamental rules of relationship 101 do not apply to you. There have been many on your threads including myself that try and hope to explain to you that, THEY DO APPLY TO YOU.

Sure no one else has come forward and stated they'll back pack in Mexico with a fiancee, open a quaint little Russian restaurant in the Caccas and dance naked by firelight. Thus IF you succeed in this relationship, you'll likely be the first to have done it in this manner. If so, congratulations incase I don't see you or post here in 10 years. If you are the intellect you claim to be, you would use this forum as a learning tool in developing the relationship with "A". Instead you seem to gather some kind of weird thrill by doing it different. Much of the experience on this forum says you'll fail. Most likely failure to launch.

You've had two vacations with this still very young girl. From your own postings and descriptions even they were no bed of roses. You decree another two weeks vacationing with back packs in Mexico will teach you all you need to know about her. I am telling you, it won't. You won't even begin to understand her until you visit her city, meet her mother, brothers, friends and neighbors. If you want to know if she is for you, that journey will start in her city where her life is. You won't find her in Mexico.

Dude, you have went all over the map and in every direction with these threads about your relationship with this lady. I've always been a pretty laid back and accepting type guy but, I gotta tell you, that bud has eat up your ability to think rational or you do have some bi-polar issues.

You can use the line "it will take THIS type woman for me" until the cows come home. Sooner or later when you're taking inventory, most likely, you'll be doing it alone. Relationships take a lot of sacrifice and a hell of a lot more work. This is NOT a dig but, you don't strike me as a man who is willing to do either one. IMO

[Sculpto]

Mostly, because you seem hellbent and determined to fly in the face of all logic and rationalize the mountains of negatives you face in this relationship. Half of those negatives it should be stated is you, and your requirements.

Yes you are correct.  I have a long list of requirements and why shouldn't I?  Why should I compromise even one small detail of what I am looking for? 

However, someone said the other day.. "look for who you need, not who you want" and there is a great deal of wisdom in that statement and i have been thinking about it a lot as things progress and regress with "A".

This forum is littered with failed relationships. Many by men and women who tried to do everything right to insure success and still failed. You seem to have some half-cocked idea that because you see yourself as enlightened, special and an artist that some of the most fundamental rules of relationship 101 do not apply to you. There have been many on your threads including myself that try and hope to explain to you that, THEY DO APPLY TO YOU.

I do understand that Faux.  But, I see things a bit differently in regards to the kind of relationship I am trying to create.  As I have said before if I was looking for a barefoot wife I wouldn't be looking in the FSU.  But, I am not.  I want and need someone who is going to let me have my freedom as an artist and explorer and if she demands the same freedoms that is fine with me, even preferable.  So, show me one person on this forum that has had that as a basic requirement. 

I often think about the artist couples that I have known over the years that have been succesful and stayed together.  There are two kinds.. the ones that are literally joined at the hip and do absolutely everything together, and, the other is how I have described my preferences.  I do not want to be joined at the hip and would go insane with any woman who wanted to be.

So, I am at least half the problem with "A".  I am difficult and have sought a difficult woman because I believe I have the best chance of success with one.  And again I repeat.. if I wanted a barefoot bride I could very easily do that, in Mexico, in the Phils, or several other places.  But that simply sin't what I want or need.

Maybe I am gambling on a long shot, probably even.  But, in the rare cases when the long shot wins the reward is proportionate the risk.  So, there is nothing wrong with my logic, simply that I am taking a bigger risk than most others could tolerate.

If you are the intellect you claim to be, you would use this forum as a learning tool in developing the relationship with "A". Instead you seem to gather some kind of weird thrill by doing it different. Much of the experience on this forum says you'll fail. Most likely failure to launch.

That is exactly what I am doing.  I absorb lessons and thoughts and advice.  This site and the feedback is informing how I proceed with "A" and may very well prove to be the source of the justification for backing out.  I am not at that point yet, I mean the point of backing out, but, the different flags are right now in the process of being addressed.  She is not going to like the letter I have just written because I am calling her out on stuff.  If she reacts the wrong way it will may very well be finished but if she reacts the right way I will go forward with less .

I do not get any thrill from posting my story and being told i am a fool.  On the contrary I wish there was a little more depth of thought going into some responses instead of comments that are right on the verge of personal attacks.  I have an unconventional plan, an unconventional woman and an unconventional self, but, in the critiques I do not see very many even trying to peer through my glasses though there are certainly a few who have.

You've had two vacations with this still very young girl. From your own postings and descriptions even they were no bed of roses. You decree another two weeks vacationing with back packs in Mexico will teach you all you need to know about her. I am telling you, it won't. You won't even begin to understand her until you visit her city, meet her mother, brothers, friends and neighbors. If you want to know if she is for you, that journey will start in her city where her life is. You won't find her in Mexico.

Sorry I just do not agree with that at this stage.  If I go to Tomsk, which might be what ends up happening anyway, all I am going to see is exactly what she wants me to see.  Her jealous neighbor friend is already against me and has been from the start.  Her Sister and Mother are for me.  So, what else is there to see?  In her environment she is not going ot put on a "show" for me, but, she could very likely put on a show for her friends and family that could be very convincing to me also.  I have seen her at her worst already so seeing her on her best behavior in front of her family where all the taboos and so on are going to be hyper present is not going to tell me anything.  Putting her into an unknown situation where she has no choice but to depend on me is going to tell me if a woman who does not easily give her trust is going to be able to do so.  And that is what it really comes down to.  Trust.  She is not a trusting person. 

She made the comment once that the ONLY person in the world she trusts is her Mom.  With me I have had to earn her trust and frankly I think with any slip up on my part she will bolt or hold against me as emotional blackmail forever.  This is an issue I am trying to deal with her right now and is truly a make or break issue for me because I need to understand what her real trust level is and if she is really going to open to me as she said or if those were just words she used to keep me with her.

Dude, you have went all over the map and in every direction with these threads about your relationship with this lady. I've always been a pretty laid back and accepting type guy but, I gotta tell you, that bud has eat up your ability to think rational or you do have some bi-polar issues.

HAHAH!  First of all since when is love rational?  Relationships are evolving entities that are subject to moods, whims and outside influences.  Despite the negatives I have a girl who at least says she is totally committed to this relationship.  The key for me is determining if she is going to define the "Rules" of the relationship or if it is something we are going to do together with the concept of compromise as the centerpiece.

You can use the line "it will take THIS type woman for me" until the cows come home. Sooner or later when you're taking inventory, most likely, you'll be doing it alone. Relationships take a lot of sacrifice and a hell of a lot more work. This is NOT a dig but, you don't strike me as a man who is willing to do either one. IMO

Faux.. I am not going to take it as a dig.. but you are really far offbase with that one.  Right now I am alone, so, taking a risk on someone that can be exactly the right person or go exactly the opposite is just fine for me.  And as far as the work involved in a relationship.. for me to even acknowledge at this point that I want a woman with a high self esteem and a career path of her own is a major step.  Almost every relationship I have had in the past was based on me doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted with no regard to to the consequences to the relationship.  Is it any wonder that I am still single when you consider that?   Back in the early 90's I was involved with a woman for 5 years.  We lived together for 4 of them.  Each year I would take off for 4 weeks or 6 weeks or in 94 for 4 months and she would stay home and wait for me.  On weekends I would go out to art shows or go camping with friends and she would stay home and wait for me.  This woman happened to be exceptionally beautiful and contributed her fair share to our household.  But, the bottom line is I was not very good to her.  I did whatever I wanted and she just took it.  As time went on I respected her less and less and ultimately she became very passive aggressive which drove me absolutely insane.  I have no desire to repeat anything even slightly resembling that scenario. 

Even if things fall apart with "A" I would not even think for one second that I have wasted my time or that the relationship was a failure.  On the contrary, I have gained valuable experience, had many wonderful moments with her and would go to my grave with some part of my heart eternally hers.  Sometimes it is possible to have a whole lifetime with someone in a week. 

[Wienerin]

You know what I like about your Wienerin?  Honestly, you remind me a lot of "A".  Stubborn, willfull, contrarian, and you think you know everything.  

Do not know about A but I DO know if not everything then quite a lot.

For the record.. Mexican immigration is relatively easy if you have some money.  Unlike coming to the USA they just want to know you can support yourself.  Plus, they will extend tourist visas almost indefinitely as long as you go to Mexico City every six months.

 
Sculpto, where did you get the idea that I was talking about Mexican immigration?

Until your wife is a citizen, she can't go gallivanting anywhere, even to her Russian homeland - for more than 180 at a time, and for more than 1.5 years altogether within the 3 years directly preceding application for naturalization. That's what I didn't want to write but rather have you find it for yourself.

It is not a very big deal.  As far as Us immigration goes.. I just had an appointment at USCIS here in SF.  The agent that worked with me is from guess where?  Russia.  Its all paperwork, process and fees.. also no big deal really.  There is a waiver for everything and process for everything else.  So, I am not going to get my undies all scrunched up over that garbage.  

Maybe keep your undies in order BUT look up on the AOS, etc. process? It's not so difficult to lose the GC and have to start all over again, or even to be denied it - if instead of living a "normal" (I know, I know, but it's bureaucracy... ) life Stateside - with permanent address, phone, electricity, gas bills in both your names, bank acoounts etc. you a traipsing about this wonderful cultured and oh so free Mexico.

This last information - about the superlative Mexican freedom as compared to the US left my speechless. If it's so bright and wonderful there, why then you insist on the US letting every guy who wants it to come over to this bad country? Let them enjoy their beuties, freedoms, cultural heritage and whatever... at home - and take their undocumented cousins back with them.  

[Daveman]

As far as the K1.. the SOONEST she will be here is NEXT YEAR.  So, why not go ahead and get the K1 started?  What point is there in waiting longer? 

I'll only comment on this part...

Ummmm, why not? because the two of you are not ready for marriage yet.  Regardless of whether you let her wear the ring for an hour, or every day. You are not sure about her. YOU are NOT sure about HER.  To file the visa without being sure is equivalent to an idiot RW who marries a man hoping that "someday" she'll grow to love him.  Not exactly the same situation as yours (maybe, who knows? she certainly doesn't seem, from your posts, to be ready to be married to you).

Second NOT reason -- it puts undue, unwarranted, unwanted, unnecessary, unfathomable, undesirable, understated, unbelievable pressure on the relations -- that invisible force which is created in our own minds which tends to blow relationships apart.  Pressure is the antithesis to natural growth.

The point in waiting is the opposite of the reason above.  Your relationship still is not natural and you have doubts about her and the situation. Let's change the question slightly, WHY the Lizard dicked hell would you WANT to start the visa with a woman you are not sure about? Just to save time in hopes that everything might be cool so you'd have less wait time? Thinking that filing the documents in some way "locks her in" or makes the situation more serious and dedicated?  Come on, Sculpto, this is borderline idiocy on your part. (I'm not being argumentative and calling YOU an idiot, I am saying this notion is absolutely idiotic!)

Anyway, there you have it.

[Sculpto]

Daveman..

I see your point and I will consider it. 

You know.. right now given my situation in life in general.. if i was not involved with this woman I would definitely be packing my bags and heading south.  I've got enough in my pocket to get things rolling there.. not exactly in the level of comfort or security I had planned or hoped for, but, enough to give it a real shot and fortunately i do have a support network that will help me.  But, if I do that right now I can forget about "A" because it will be a couple of years at least before I will generate enough money to travel again.  So, there is some urgency on my part.

Aside from all of that.. it feels like my life is on hold.  Where i have my studio there are two nightclubs across the street.. every weekend both places are filled with hot young Philippino girls.  Whenever I am down here late on the weekends and go out before the clubs close I get EOIs from some girls.  I don't act on it because I am in a relationship with "A" and I don't want her going out with dudes when I am waiting for her.  It sucks and I wish she was here with me right now. 

I would also say the doubts I am having about her have come from here on the forum more than from her behavior since we got past the crisis in Moscow.  She has been great since that moment and has not given me reasons to doubt.  You guys have. 

[Gator]

I would also say the doubts I am having about her have come from here on the forum more than from her behavior since we got past the crisis in Moscow.  She has been great since that moment and has not given me reasons to doubt.  You guys have. 

Some of this is devil's advocate.  It is good that you are reading and evaluating the concerns expressed by several RWD members. 

Part of the conflict here at RWD is that some people are attempting to conform you.  Not that they are wrong, but that it is the height of futility.

My only question is what does taking two weeks to travel to Mexico have to do with her making money?

My only comment is to echo Kuna, two weeks as a tourist will not necessarily give a true answer.

I am trying to ignore your statement that Mexico is free and US is not.  I have seen a lot of broken glass cemented into the top of walls around simple Mexican homes.  Best not to debate it.

[Sculpto]

Some of this is devil's advocate.  It is good that you are reading and evaluating the concerns expressed by several RWD members. 

Part of the conflict here at RWD is that some people are attempting to conform you.  Not that they are wrong, but that it is the height of futility.

That is exactly what i am resisting Gator.  In my entire life I have never fit into anyones mold and i am not about to start now. 

My only question is what does taking two weeks to travel to Mexico have to do with her making money?

I do not have an answer to that yet.  It needs to be discussed further with her.  She got frustrated trying to speak English on the phone last night so we are back to emails on this and it will take her a couple of days to get to the internet cafe.  I will let you know when i get an answer.. though.. I suspect it is because she will take a month off to go to Tomsk for exams and I would guess she is afraid to lose her job, whatever job she will have at that point, by being away for too long.  She is trying to get a regular job.. not freelance work.. have to wait and see really.

My only comment is to echo Kuna, two weeks as a tourist will not necessarily give a true answer.

I agree two weeks might be pushing it.  A month certainly would do the job one way or the other. 

I am trying to ignore your statement that Mexico is free and US is not.  I have seen a lot of broken glass cemented into the top of walls around simple Mexican homes.  Best not to debate it.

The broken glass on the walls thing goes back to the Mexican Revolution.  But, what I am referring to is a feeling.  For example.. I know a guy that was a phd at Berkeley.. I met him in Mexico not far from Puerto Escondido.  He had quit his job, abandoned his material property and was living on the beach spear fishing.  Its pretty hard to do something like that here in the USA, yet, it is common not only for expats like the guy I know but also for Mexicanos themselves.  There are lots of other examples like.. no building codes and inspectors.. no speed traps with radar.. no irs.. (they have hacienda but unless you are making  alot of verifiable income no one from hacienda will ever bother you for taxes)  and so on.  Its just a different way of living that is not governed by commute time and mortgage payments.. thus.. more free

[docetae]

One thing for meeting her in Tomsk. Yes, you know what you will see. But the more important, is that you will see her with them (mother, etc). You learn more about people personality after seeing them with people they know and with who they can not be someone else than with two weeks in a new environment.

[Sculpto]

One thing for meeting her in Tomsk. Yes, you know what you will see. But the more important, is that you will see her with them (mother, etc). You learn more about people personality after seeing them with people they know and with who they can not be someone else than with two weeks in a new environment.

I totally understand that Doc.. but I am pretty sure I have seen her as she really is already in Moscow.  She definitely didn't put on a best behavior show for me.. in fact it would be more like a worst behavior show. 

For me the only real reason to go in Tomsk is by having her Mothers offical approval it will give "A" more confidence in me.. more reason to trust me.

[GoodOlBoy]

For me the only real reason to go in Tomsk is by having her Mothers offical approval it will give "A" more confidence in me.. more reason to trust me.

Sculpto, if I might make a suggestion.

You said something to the effect (back earlier in this thread), that "A" and her friends were speaking in Russian about you and you couldn't understand what they were saying (IMHO this is rude).

Maybe before you go to Tomsk, you might want to learn as much of the Russian language as possible? 

Even if things don't work out with "A", I am sure it will come in handy for you later! 


GOB

[Kuna]

That is quite obvious.
 
Kuna when you make this kind of comment you are just being an ass.  The relationship wasn't repaired with alcohol and sex.. it was repaired with hours and hours of talking.  Talking slowly and carefully with a dictionary always opened and paper and pen for more complex issues to make sure she understood.  We happened to be sipping alcohol and had makeup sex when it was over. 

As far as the K1.. the SOONEST she will be here is NEXT YEAR.  So, why not go ahead and get the K1 started?  What point is there in waiting longer? 

Actually the quickest route would be to file for some kind of business visa.  I want to do design work in Moscow and I need a publicist.  I should be able to get her here in a few weeks.   

Most likely I will end up in Tomsk in June and meet her family at that time.

God dude you generalize things right out of the stated intent.  I am looking for a certain quality of adaptability that I am never going to be able to determine in Russia.  She is stubborn as it appears many RW are.  She is always right until she is proven wrong.  That is not a recipe in my eyes for success here in the USA or in Mexico or for that matter probably in Russia.  When I see her in Russia she is simply dealing with things that she knows and has mastered in her own way.  But, what happens when you take the cat out of the cage?  Will she embrace all that is different?  Will she adapt to new food and cultural paradigms?  Or, will she shut down and close herself off to the beauty around her?  I need to know that more than any other detail right now.  I am a total chameleon and can adapt to just about any kind of scenario.  I have friends that are total gear heads, others that are just average middle class folks, others that are genious geek inventors and artists and a couple others yet that are multi millionaires.  I can fit in any of the situations that such a diverse group of friends brings.  I need a woman who has the same ability and frankly right now I am not seeing it with "A".  That concerns me more than any other single issue that has come up.

Kuna.. when you make these comments you sound like someone who is very fixed in yoru ways.  I am not.  I am a citizen of the world.  I have 20+ countries visited on my list and will add to that considerably over the next ten years.  I can go to the Paris Opera one day and bang wooden drums in Iryan Jaya the next.  I soak it all up.  Travelling is my favorite pastime, even more than making art.  Now that I am laid off I am working on implementing a business plan that will give me the freedom to travel as I wish.  I have been formulating this concept for several years and now i have the chance to implement it.  They say nececity is the mother of invention.. well this crisis is creating a lot of opportunity for invention and I am embracing it completely.  In the 8 years since I closed my last business venture and went back into the workforce I have have had a lot of jobs.  All of them did not work out for a big variety of reasons, but, the one commonality in all of them has been the simple fact that employers have not properly taken advantage of the very large and diverse skill set that I have.  So, I have just come to the conclusion that my best path is to believe in myself and forget about job security and simply create my own security. 

Plus, in Mexico all the things you mentioned are available with the exception of the bread.  But guess what.. she doesn't eat bread much and they happen to have excellent bread in Mexico.  In fact, in SCLC the Danish lady with the vegan pectopah happen to make excellent black bread and other types of whole wheat breads.  I am sure she will be fine.. and.. the honey from teh tiny black stingless bees that live in the jungle is by far the best honey on the planet.  In Mexico City there are TONS of real and psuedo russian things.  There is even a cinema that ONLY shows old Soviet classic films (in russian, spansih subtitles).  It has been there for years and remains widely popular in certain intellectual circles.

Going back to "A" and me going with her to Russia.. what makes you so sure she will want me to?  What makes you so sure that her first project won't be to bring her Mother here?  You are making a lot of assumptions and you know what that means.  What makes you think I wouldn't want to go with her to Russia with our future children?  Just because I am tired of Moscow doesn't mean I am finished travelling to Russia.  I just could use a break.


She does want me to meet her Mother.  I really don't get the issue here.  The situation wit her Father trumped the meeting her Mother card.  Its not a big deal.

Kuna the $440 for the K1 and whatever a trip to Mexico would cost me is a lot less that not doing it and learning later she can't handle it or doesn't like it or whatever other variation comes about that isn't positive.  I would rather get the process rolling and not follow through than lose another six months or a year if things warrant the follow through.

Maybe in your world.  Look, a bunch of years ago I had fallen big time for a lady about the same age as "A".  Taking her to Mexico saved me a lifetime of hurt because she just couldn't handle it.  Despite the image a lot of people have about Mexicans, Mexico is a very very deep country with an ancient history and incredibly diverse culture.  The Mexican soul EASILY rivals the Russian soul in its depth and complexity.  And, unlike the USA and Russia, Mexico actually is a free country.  Sure there are corrupt cops on the local level.. but there aren't very many of them.  In a lot of places, especially in the south where i go, people do not put up walls and fences at the edge of their property.. if you cross someones property they don't whip out the shotgun and chase you off.. no.. on the contrary they come out and greet you and usually will invite you into their home and offer whatever they have.. the exception are the very rich but even they sometimes will behave in the same way.  A person can breathe in Mexico and not worry about someone getting up their arse about stupid things.  Given the way your critique and the perspective I htink you are coming from a month in Mexico would do you a world of good.  And I am not talking about Club Med.. but real Mexico with all its good bad beauty and ugly.  As far as crime in the south or anything related to the rebellion.. first of all SCLC is a hundred times safer than anywhere in the US in terms of violent crime and is considerably safer in terms of property crime.  The rebellion is at this point largely political.  The violence that does exist is perpetrated by "white hand" paramilitary squads and 99% of the time takes place in very remote areas and has absolutely no impact on life in the "city".  The situation is such that on Jan. 1 this year, the 15th anniversary of the uprising, Sub Comandante Marcos was invited to speak in SCLC, with the mask on and was not only not arrested but treated like a hero, even by the townies who 15 years ago believed he and the rebellion were somehow a threat to them.  Its not like El Salvador was or the FARC in Colombia.

This is where I get nasty Kuna.. you can refrain from any further posting on my story.  I am not interested in your insults and narrow view of the world.  We aren't here talking about some abstract reality but are in fact talking about my life.  I have been very purposeful in my selection and have hit some bumps along the way.  Frankly right now I am not 100% sure about this woman, but, I have to constantly remind myself that I have never been 100% sure about ANYONE.  So, the proximity to that ultimate percentage is what I am paying attention to.  In many ways she is right on target, but, there are a couple of glaring faults right now that I need clarified. 


You don't know me, you don't know my life and the trials I have been through, nor do you know "A".  Not everyone is the same, men and women, who are involved in this kind of relationship.  People can believe what they want to believe about my story.  I am not posting to convince anyone of anything.  I am posting for my own benefit and possibly for the benefit of someone else.  It doesn't really matter if this relationship is a success or not in regards to my threads on the subject.  They are merely words on the internet and will nto change the world one way or another.  You made your mind up a long time ago about MY relationship and you post about it like you are somehow an authority on everything.  Well, I congratulate you for YOUR success with your wife, but, you are not me and she is not "A" so how about you lighten up a little and try to converse with some respect instead of just being an asshat.

I hope you know A better than you know me...  then again, you've spent as much time in my hometown with my family as you have with A in her hometown with her family so I can't expect much!

You're assumptions about me could not be more wrong - just like your assumptions about A look flawed.

Sculpto,  no one can bring you back to reality and therefore we must sit and watch as you come crashing back to reality.  We comment as we do not because it makes us feel good...  I'd much rather spend my time in RWD sharing fun stories about our wives/lives/experiences...  if you choose to distort reality that's fine too...  you're a big boy, you have the right to do almost anything you choose to do.

I do care about future newbies though - because I owe a lot to the RWD who gave me good counsel.  I hopethey too find the value in here.

I just hope they following your future results and stories so they see how wildly irresponsible you've been.

[Sculpto]

I hope you know A better than you know me...  then again, you've spent as much time in my hometown with my family as you have with A in her hometown with her family so I can't expect much!

You're assumptions about me could not be more wrong - just like your assumptions about A look flawed.

Sculpto,  no one can bring you back to reality and therefore we must sit and watch as you come crashing back to reality.  We comment as we do not because it makes us feel good...  I'd much rather spend my time in RWD sharing fun stories about our wives/lives/experiences...  if you choose to distort reality that's fine too...  you're a big boy, you have the right to do almost anything you choose to do.

I do care about future newbies though - because I owe a lot to the RWD who gave me good counsel.  I hopethey too find the value in here.

I just hope they following your future results and stories so they see how wildly irresponsible you've been.

Kuna.. you and others may or may not be right about "A".  That remains to be determined. 

What I can say is all this negativity about her and my relationship has caused me some distress and made me question things a lot.  Yesterday and last night because of phone problems I was not able to reach "A" and I got so paranoid I was on the verge of breaking it off.  This morning I tried calling "M"s number where "A" is staying and got through.  "A"s first comment with an upset voice was.. "Why you didn't call to me?"  She was at first thinking I was blowing her off!  I was thinking she was blowing me off!  She is today going to switch from Beeline to some other phone company because the problem has  been ongoing and it is on her end...

I recognize that things with her do not fit what a lot of you guys think they should.  That does not mean they aren't going to work.  This woman was NOT LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND in Russia or the USA.  Things just happened with us.  She is more than a little bit of an extremist, which is attractive to me n many ways, but she has a right to do what she feels is right in vetting me.  I am asking her to change her entire plan for life to be with me.  If she had been trying to leave Russia, or was on an agency or even a dating site it would all be a different story and I would be a lot more receptive or probably even have ended the relationship already.  But, she wasn't and she has her own set of rules on how things are supposed to be.  I can choose to either respect her wishes or make demands on her that will make her either uncomfortable or quit the relationship. 

Despite whatever frustrations I have had with her mysteries or her "test" of me when I was last in Moscow what I end up seeing is someone who is committed to me and the relationship and the process.  I can choose to be patient and try to understand her, or, I can walk away and possibly regret it for the rest of my life. 

[Daveman]

Kuna.. you and others may or may not be right about "A".  That remains to be determined. 

What I can say is all this negativity about her and my relationship has caused me some distress and made me question things a lot.  Yesterday and last night because of phone problems I was not able to reach "A" and I got so paranoid I was on the verge of breaking it off.  This morning I tried calling "M"s number where "A" is staying and got through.  "A"s first comment with an upset voice was.. "Why you didn't call to me?"  She was at first thinking I was blowing her off!  I was thinking she was blowing me off!  She is today going to switch from Beeline to some other phone company because the problem has  been ongoing and it is on her end...

Okay, this kind of thing is what I was talking about by growing naturally and being naturally ready for the visa.  If we are giving you cause to be overly paranoid, then get away from here for a while and focus completely on building the relationship you wish to build.  Of course, I would miss the continuing Sculpto Saga, but that would probably be the best thing you could do to get the real answers you are looking for.

If you both can easily think the other is blowing you off, then there is something missing.  That something may grow in time, but it's not there yet. That is my point from yesterday about not being ready for the visa.

Grow the relationship. You love her and it's obvious you want to make it happen, conformity or not, so throw everything you've got into it and into her.  You can't straddle the fence without grave injury at some point. 

I recognize that things with her do not fit what a lot of you guys think they should.  That does not mean they aren't going to work.  This woman was NOT LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND in Russia or the USA.  Things just happened with us.  She is more than a little bit of an extremist, which is attractive to me n many ways, but she has a right to do what she feels is right in vetting me.  I am asking her to change her entire plan for life to be with me.  If she had been trying to leave Russia, or was on an agency or even a dating site it would all be a different story and I would be a lot more receptive or probably even have ended the relationship already.  But, she wasn't and she has her own set of rules on how things are supposed to be.  I can choose to either respect her wishes or make demands on her that will make her either uncomfortable or quit the relationship. 

Despite whatever frustrations I have had with her mysteries or her "test" of me when I was last in Moscow what I end up seeing is someone who is committed to me and the relationship and the process.  I can choose to be patient and try to understand her, or, I can walk away and possibly regret it for the rest of my life. 

Yes, but what some are saying here is that this patience to understand her doesn't mean marry her first, THEN understand her... or do the visa, THEN understand her... be patient with her AND the process.

Again, throw everything you have into the relationship and allow it to grow to the point where you have a relationship ready for marriage.  THEN get married. 

If you put everything into it, but find you are grasping straws, then you have your negative answer.  If she reciprocates long term, then your relationship will grow. 

Whether we are right or wrong about "A" is immaterial. If you (or her) do this in half measures, then it's a virtually guaranteed failure.  I think a full measure of effort will have the best result, one way or the other -- without the pressure of the visa on you guys.