Moscow round 2

[UTRO]

The weather isn't too bad here right now Sculpto. Most sun seen all winter. If you're doing Connector's do yourself a favour and go to the Boarding Kiosk just before Boarding Time. Ask the Attendant to find out if your Luggage made it onto the plane. They have the ability to Track your Luggage with the computer terminal at the Kiosk.
I arrived in Moscow Friday and my Luggage stayed in Helsinki. I got it today and I'm leaving tomorrow night
Bonne Voyage!!

[Shadow]

Let me give you some advice for the trip.

About clothing, let me be clear. While this winter has been soft, it can still get to -25C this time of year, so better prepare.
Ski clothing will do, get some ski gloves to keep your hands warm. Make sure that in event of need you can cover as much of your bosy as possible with clothes that will not allow any wind to go through.

About your girl, its more ard to give advice. You seem well aware of what to do, but are stubborn at times. It can be a good thing, but also lead to problems. What I do not like is her hesitation to let you go to her birth city. Even if her father is not happy with Americans, it should not be an obstacle. In any case, it will be a major point in the relationship between the two of you. Why ? Because if se is hiding it from her father, it might come back to her later on. It will not be clear how long her father still has to live, and if that will be the block for you to marry, it can break things down. Any committed relationship needs stability and togetherness in order to grow, and the longer it lacks the more chances it will fail eventually.

[Daveman]

You have pyjamas?  :whirling:

LoL, they're only pyjamas when venturing across the Queen's borders!  Oh yeah, FSU ladies just love my Bullwinkle geranimals with the sewn in moose feet and antler cap.  Just can't resist themselves!   

[SANDRO43]

You're all wrong, it should be written پايجامه

The word "pyjama" was incorporated into the English language from Hindustani and originally derived from the Persian پايجامه (biyjiaama), meaning "leg garment".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pajamas

[SMS60]

She has told me since the beginning of our courtship that she is "difficult". 

Have a safe trip and enjoy.

[Tamara]

Sculpto, I wish you a great trip to Moscow.  I will be going to Moscow, Tobolsk and then Saint Petersburg at the end of March, so hopefully it will warm up by then.  Geee, why am I complaining?!  It's is often more cold here in Minnesota than in Moscow.  But for you, get ready for some cold temperatures.  I also notice that while there we do not drive as much as here, so we tend to walk and spend more time outside.  Buy and take all clothing you need from here.  First, you will have immediate access to it when you arrive.  Second, it is more expensive to buy clothing in Russia.  Enjoy your time with "A"!

[Sculpto]

Sculpto, I wish you a great trip to Moscow.  I will be going to Moscow, Tobolsk and then Saint Petersburg at the end of March, so hopefully it will warm up by then.  Geee, why am I complaining?!  It's is often more cold here in Minnesota than in Moscow.  But for you, get ready for some cold temperatures.  I also notice that while there we do not drive as much as here, so we tend to walk and spend more time outside.  Buy and take all clothing you need from here.  First, you will have immediate access to it when you arrive.  Second, it is more expensive to buy clothing in Russia.  Enjoy your time with "A"!

Well I am all geared up.. got the good old Basque hiking bots which have served me well many years.. picked up some long underwear and gloves.. I've got plenty of everything else so I think I should be fine. 

I actually want to go out into the cold.  Muscovites do it, so, why can't I?  I have been dreaming about the entry to Tsaritsina and making some photos of the path through the trees.  I am hoping to do a number of photographic expeditions around the city.

My first goal with "A" is simply to get her out of the stress mentality she is in now.  It is not going to be easy, but, I have some good ideas how to go about it.  If I am successfull in doing that I am sure we will have a wonderfull time.

[Sculpto]

   If your world is a bond with some artform or style for #1, then choose that instead.   I'm not wishing to be harsh, just speaking from my own failures....."Whereever your treasure is, there shall your heart go also."  And I speak these words from an old warrier standpoint. 

See, you have hit upon the single issue in my life that has been at the root of why I never got married before.  In my world it has been practically immpossible to find someone who can understand the obsessions, the times when I disappear into the studio for days on end.. the frustrations that result from doing work with no monetary reward.  It takes a very special kind of woman to understand and be supportive of that, one that until now I have not been able to find.  But, one of the things that convinced me I am with the right woman is when she expressed the same need in regards to her work.  I have seen her go into the single minded tunnel vision and I love it.  She has told me she never believed any man would ever give her the freedom to be herself, that men always want to lock her up.  I don't.  And I want her to give me the same space and support.  If all her words are true she is the right woman, maybe the only one onthis planet, that truly understands me.  That would make me a very very lucky man.  So, I am in fact doing exactly what you have said, and, I am pretty sure that is exactly why I have been misunderstood on so many occasions.

[Sculpto]

About your girl, its more ard to give advice. You seem well aware of what to do, but are stubborn at times. It can be a good thing, but also lead to problems. What I do not like is her hesitation to let you go to her birth city. Even if her father is not happy with Americans, it should not be an obstacle. In any case, it will be a major point in the relationship between the two of you. Why ? Because if se is hiding it from her father, it might come back to her later on. It will not be clear how long her father still has to live, and if that will be the block for you to marry, it can break things down. Any committed relationship needs stability and togetherness in order to grow, and the longer it lacks the more chances it will fail eventually.

Shadow.. her father has an untreatable carcinoma and has been degrading for just about 8-9 months.  How long do you think he has?  According to "A" the poor man has become a mere shadow of his former self.  "He was beautiful man and now he grey and thin, soon he will to die"  After he is gone she will be happy to have me in Tomsk to meet her Mom and cousins and sister, but, the timing must be appropriate with HER views on how her family will react.  Whatever morphology exists in her families "family culture" is not for me to question, but, to try and understand and to simply respect.  I expect the same from her in regards to my family, though, it is a lot less complicated since I broke down every taboo and religious or cultural barrier a long time ago.  My reality is that my family are all the other freaks I spend my free time with and my adopted family in Mexico.  I am not advoacting my reality for anyone else here... but it works for me and makes me happy.  I hope my "A" will find the same happiness with me in a totally new world she is coming to.  She certainly will not be bored.

Anyway, thanks for the well wishing. 

[Daveman]

You're all wrong, it should be written پايجامه
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pajamas

Ha!  I'll be sure to pack my Bullwinkle پايجامه with me next time I'm headed that way! Is it just me? or does the original word seem more like a pictograph of a some serious fun behind the curtain?   

[SANDRO43]

Is it just me? or does the original word seem more like a pictograph of a some serious fun behind the curtain?

پايجامه
a(t)-m-jiaa-y-bi

Hanky-panky would be written differently .

[bobb]

I came across this the other day and all the talk about the weather brought this to mind.  It shows a good explanation for how warm January was over much of the Northern Hemisphere.  This is from a blog on accuweather.com

[Sculpto]

Well, this trip so far has sucked beyond compare...

It started 20 minutes before I left for the airport last Saturday when Delta called to cancel my connection through Atlanta.  I had chosen Atlanta over NYC thinking there would be less chance of weather disruption, haha!  Snow in Atlanta shuts everything down.. so, I called Delta and insisted they connect me through New York, which there were able to do.  I arrived in Moscow an hour earlier than the original plan so that ended up more or less ok but was very nerve wracking to start the trip.  I am not especially supersticious, but...

So, I arrive in Moscow and I am waiting and waiting for my luggage.  I follwed the advice someone gave and asked each gate agent to confirm my bags during each leg.  Each time they told me no problem, "Bag is on he plane".  Well, only one bag made it, the small one with a big box with a gift for "A"s Mother, and, some clothes that didn't fit in the larger bag, mostly socks and underwear (thank god), which has all my good clothes and all the gifts for "A".    They tell me it should be no problem and my bag should arrive the next day.

So, I finally go out into the terminal and no "A".. I start to freak out and try to find a phone.  In the meantime a really scummy looking taxi driver is following me and harrasing me for a ride into town.  "no leave me alone" Gets me nowhere with this jackass.  I am starting to get very upset because I do not have any rubles yet, I have never used a pay phone in Russia and have no idea how they work, and I can not find "A" and am thinking the worst, that she ditched me, which would mean I am screwed on the apartment too because I had forgotten to write down the number of the owner.  So, I go back downstairs and I am about to really lose it and then i see her from across the building. 

I am so happy to see her I rush towards her, but, instead of the long hug I expected, I get scolded, "where you were, I waiting an hour".  So, I explain what happened and we go out to the marshutka and ride to the metro and all the way across the green line.. north end of line to south end of line, with barely a word.  We get to the apartment and I am instructed to have a shower and she will cook something.  The rest of the day is spent at the apartment drinking chai and smoking, but, she is distant and not affectionate at all.  Bad bad bad sign.

Finally we go to bed and I know she is exhausted from her travelling, she arrived just a day before me and had to work, apparently working through the night and going to meet me at the airport directly from work, plus all her problems at home so I write off the bad reception and tell her to sleep as much as she wants I will not wake her the next day.  She finally wakes up about 2 after 18 hours of sleep.  I want to go to Kievskaya where there is supposed to be a big farmers market, she wants to go to Ashuan because it is closer and she doesn't know about the Kievskaya farmers market.  I finally convince her Kievskaya is the better choice, but, by the time she gets made up etc. it is already 4:30 and we realize we are better off to go in Ashaun, except we are already on the metro headed to Kievskaya and she gets upset that we waste time to do this when Ashaun is only ten minutes from the apartment by taxi.  So, we spend the next hour on the metro not talking and finally arrive at Ashaun.  I am relieved that her mood is fine when we get into the store and we actually have fun shopping and buy $100 of food and booze. 

Her friend "M" is going to come over in the evening for dinner and drinks.  I am glad about this because I am hoping she will relax a little and I can a clue about what the heck is wrong with her.  My instinct is right and "M" explains that "A" is upset about three things.  First, she is feeling stressed about English because she hadn't worked on her English at all since i last saw her.  Second she is still preoccupied with her Dad.  but, third, is most important, "A" feels there are some problems with our relationship and she doesn't know how to express them.  Lots of Mezcal flows... lots of topics discussed.. "M" is convinced most of the problem is language.. just a few misunderstood words thqta have led tomassive misunderstandings of expectations.  Finally "M" tells me I should go in the other room and let her talk to "A" alone.  Ok, I go...

I was a bit drunk and it was past 2 am.. still kind of jet lagged.. I fell asleep with clothes on.  "A" comes in and wakes me roughly and scolds me for having street clothes in the bed.. I wake up disoriented.. she barks at me again and then tells me everything was ok but now its not.  "Just go sleep Eric we talk tomorrow".  UGH!!!!!!  Of course now I can not sleep at all.

Next day we are both hung over, spend the day in the apartment and barely talk.  At dinner we argue more and I decide to myself I am at the end of my rope.  Then, she has to go to meet with the Armenian friend of her Fathers that got her a job last time she was i Moscow to meet me.  She is not gone long but comes back totally distraught.  She spends the next hour in the kitchen crying hysterically and will not let me come near her.  I can't take it.  I just wanted to hold her and give her support but she will not let me see her cry.  If it is not better tomorrow either she goes or I do.  But, at the end of the night before bed I propose to her that "tomorrow is a new day, lets forget what happened these days and start new tomorrow" and she agrees.

I have angst all night and spend most of the night awake in the kitchen reading and smoking.  By the way, Delta still hasn't gotten me my luggage.  Supposedly it is in Jamacia! 

"A" wakes up at a decent hour, we have breakfast and then she gets a call from her work and has to go in for a few hours.  I think thats probably good and take advantage of the moment to go out also and do some site seeing.  We meet back at the apartment about 1:30, have a nice lunch and decide to go to the theater or a concert in the evening.  We also finally have a sit down conversation about what is going on and for the first time since my arrival she is actually reasonable and rational, (as rational as a woman can be anyway).  She explains ALL of her issues including sevral that were not discussed with "M" the other night.  She is really worried that I am going to try and make her into a house wife, and, this from totally out in left field, that I will hit her if I am not happy with her. 

I have no idea why should we even think I could ever hit her.  It really throws me for a loop because I have never hit a woman, never would hit a woman, and have never given her any reason to think otherwise.  I am in shock.  But, finally we seem to have come to an agreement she is satisfied with and guess what.. she warms up and finally we have the kind of intimacy that I came to expect on the last trip.  Suddenly her sweetness is back and I am very relieved and thinking its all going to be ok, that we have crossed the road and my angel is back.  We go out to the conservatory, decide to see an Italian baritone sing opera selections from Mozart, Beethoven, Rossini... the dude is awesome and we both really enjoy the performance.  Afterward we go for some food in a cafe.. also pleasant but towards the end of the meal I see her expression start to change.  I am worried.

We head back to the Metro and she is rushing me.  My feet are kind of killing me because I am wearing the wrong socks for these shoes because the right ones are in my lost bag.  I ask her to slow down and she says "what are you little boy?".  I know I am in for trouble.  by the time we get back to the apartment she is completely back in her "mood".  When we are going in she goes byserk because the locks aren't right and accuses me of locking the doors the wrong way, then gets mad at me for making noise in the inner section because "neighbors can call police and I not have registration for Moscow, you want problems with police for me and for owner of apartment?"  I am like WTF???????????  The owner NEVER mentioned any legality issues (I asked) and I feel she is picking a fight for some unknown reason.  Once we get inside she is ballistic, picks up the phone and calls "M"  Blet this and Blet that!  Blet blet blet!  I know she is going off about me and I have no idea what I have done wrong except to question her about the police comment.  then I make the mistake of coming out of the kitchen to ask her if she wants chai.  At this point I will do ANYTHNG to calm her down. 

Nothing worked.  her tantrum escalates to the point that she packs up her stuff and leaves.

With my passport.  She has my freaking passport.

5th day in the same clothes.
Spent 3 hours wandering around Moscow today trying to find the internet cafe.  (by the way, Lonely Planet Moscow guide is totally out of date.  of the five internet cafes listed only one still exists.  Same building as the library near the Kremlin.  Almost every other phone number in the book, from airlines to theaters and concert halls are also dated)
Delta says I need to give them 250 to change my return ticket.  Yet, the a-holes still have my luggage and they expect me to pay for the priveledge to come home early.  Delta is gonna get one doozy of a complaint letter!

I talked to "A" about an hour ago.  She promises the passport will not be an issue.  She says she feels terrible about what has happened.  She thinks she is making a big mistake but she is terrified to come to USA and that I wil turn her into a housewife and hit her.  I asked her what is this with me hitting you?  silence.. but all day I had been thinking about what happened in December.. attacked by thugs she told me.. clearly it was her x boyfriend.  She had told me about him before, that he had become unstable after they broke up and was drinking a lot... I didn't ask her about that yet specifically, don't know if I will.. but I did send her an sms saying I understood all about what happened in December..

I know some of you are going to gloat about "being right".  Do it in silence.  I am posting not for discussion or sympathy but at this moment purely for my own need to clear my head and thoughts and if what has happened might be usefull for someone else in the future.

Despite all that has happened someone I love is in a deep emotional crisis.  Obviously this relationship, as planned for the last four months, is not going forward.  But, my angel is in a crisis and I will try to do all I can to help her get back on her feet.  Her friend "M" will also and has arranged for "A" to have a job here in Moscow.  I am meeting with "M" sometime later today.  TBD  And, probably with "A" tomorrow. 

So, now I am just trying to decide if I am going to use my backup contacts, or, just blow the 250 Delta wants and go home.  Will update again in a day or two or three.

[felix8787]

Damn Sculpto, we had the same flight cancellation! Except that I got cancelled from JFK and they didn't have any other flights out until the 3rd, bwahahah! Jeeze how ironic that crap happened. Delta was cool with me, got my luggage just fine.

felix8787

[Sculpto]

Delta has been useless for me in regards to the lost bag. 

Where are you anyway Felix?  Kiev?  Moscow?  someplace else?

[felix8787]

I flew from ATL into Paris then Kiev and took Aerosvit to Odessa. It's been cold, but a nice change of pace. The only thing that sucks is that get this....the stove is in the back porch...lol, what a B***H. LOL, theres a guy here talking with an agency now trying to get contact info and he's short on time to hook up! LOL.

felix8787

[Ade]

Sculpto,

dude, what a crappy trip. No gloating here but I really do think, honestly and sincerely, that she would make your life a misery with her tantrums and her issues. Sometimes love just isn't enough and you have to let go; and I know you want to help her get over the neurosis she seems to have but maybe you aren't the best person to do that.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[Kuna]

Sculpto,

We don't need to say we told you so... you know it - BUT we can still try to give you advice to see you end up in a better place.

1. Why cancel and go home?  If nothing else spend time there living the experience.  You'll still go home - why rush it?  Enjoy timein Moscow, or at least learn something while you're away from home;

2. DO NOT take responsibility for this girl.  You may feel empathy for her but to feel responsibility for her, or to continue the bad experience by dragging it on, will only prolong your pain.  We've seen things like this here before and most men with half a clue will just tell you to move on.  It's unfortunate but she survived without you, you were not important enough for her to make her modify her behaviour for even the first moment after your arrival...  just move on.

3. Learn from your mistakes for your own sake.  If you have not worked out what mistakes YOU make you should delay a further search until you gain some perspective.

I wish you luck in the future, and hope you make better decisions down the track.

[GoodOlBoy]

Sculpto,

Hey man.....No Gloating here either.

Stop listening to your heart and listen to your brain.

You know this is all wrong!

And for God sakes, DO NOT PROPOSE to this lady and give her that engagement ring....you will be very sorry.

It really is time to "man up" Sculpto.

Come on man, don't flee Moscow.

Clear your head and go to your back up plans.

I will be hoping the best for you.

Rick (GOB)

[Misha]

Sculpto, I warned you  But, I do agree that you should not leave. Stay in Moscow. Go to some art galleries. Have you ever been to the Tretyakov Art Gallery? It is fantastic!!! Here is a nice site with some of Moscow's main art galleries listed: http://www.moscow-taxi.com/art-galleries/index.asp. Dump her and enjoy the rest of your stay in Moscow. In the meantime, you should visit or at least call the American consulate and let them know you have "misplaced" your passport.

[SANDRO43]

Sculpto, don't entertain the romantic delusion that the power of love can change EVERYTHING. Many years ago I had some misgivings about the personality of the young girl I was engaged to and later married. We eventually divorced .

[groovlstk]

Sculpto,

Years ago I was in a very similar position to yours. The absolute hardest thing to admit - yet also the most obvious and plain truth - is that someone you have strong feelings for, someone you've invested enormous time and $$ in pursuing, simply does not reciprocate your feelings.

Please do not do the Bad Thing. The Bad Thing, seen here many, many times before, is when a guy continually makes excuses for his GF's bad behavior. In the immediate aftermath of a bad trip or incident, he comes here and vents, talks tough about making final decisions, etc. etc. Then in a few days he's calmed down, and after his GF tosses out some lame excuse for her behavior he rationalizes everything and tries to deflect the reactions of other folks here who point out the obvious, because it's a lot easier than admitting he's p*ssywhipped and more than willing to live on the tiny scraps of affection and attention she's willing to throw his way.

You're disappointed and pissed off now, and rightfully so. Don't fall into the trap of calming down and then rationalizing her behavior after she apologizes and tries to make amends on your last day in Moscow (or after you arrive home).

Don't explore all the possible reasons for her "interest" in you - too many guys obsess about this and, when they are confident their girl is not a scammer, GC girl, pro dater, etc. they mistakenly assume her interest must be genuine love. Big mistake - don't rely on faulty logic - eliminating a, b, c, & d doesn't mean that e is the only letter left.

A lot of guys here may disagree w/your politics but to me you seem like a decent man. You deserve better, don't do the Bad Thing.

[Daveman]

Sculpto,

Years ago I was in a very similar position to yours. The absolute hardest thing to admit - yet also the most obvious and plain truth - is that someone you have strong feelings for, someone you've invested enormous time and $$ in pursuing, simply does not reciprocate your feelings.

Please do not do the Bad Thing. The Bad Thing, seen here many, many times before, is when a guy continually makes excuses for his GF's bad behavior. In the immediate aftermath of a bad trip or incident, he comes here and vents, talks tough about making final decisions, etc. etc. Then in a few days he's calmed down, and after his GF tosses out some lame excuse for her behavior he rationalizes everything and tries to deflect the reactions of other folks here who point out the obvious, because it's a lot easier than admitting he's p*ssywhipped and more than willing to live on the tiny scraps of affection and attention she's willing to throw his way.

You're disappointed and pissed off now, and rightfully so. Don't fall into the trap of calming down and then rationalizing her behavior after she apologizes and tries to make amends on your last day in Moscow (or after you arrive home).

Don't explore all the possible reasons for her "interest" in you - too many guys obsess about this and, when they are confident their girl is not a scammer, GC girl, pro dater, etc. they mistakenly assume her interest must be genuine love. Big mistake - don't rely on faulty logic - eliminating a, b, c, & d doesn't mean that e is the only letter left.

A lot of guys here may disagree w/your politics but to me you seem like a decent man. You deserve better, don't do the Bad Thing.

Groov,  that one should be a sticky.  Fabulous no-nonsense perspective and excellent advice.

Sculpto, it seems you have made the decision (correctly) to end this nonsense.  I know it's tough, believe me I understand.  As others who have been down this road before have posted many times, when you meet the RIGHT lady, you just know it, those nagging doubts are gone.  This one isn't her.   The toughest part now will be to stop trying to analyze this situation and clear your mind enough to enjoy the remainder of your trip.  If you really can't get this out of your mind enough to continue, then get out of there and get home.  If you can continue, you're in one of the coolest cities in the world to hang out and meet other ladies.  It's amazing how another sweet friendly fresh face can brighten your day. :-)  Maybe it won't take away all the pain of this trip, but you're there. they're there.. Enjoy where you are if you can.

Don't make the mistake of trying to "help" this girl.  This is a time where you really need a clean break from the madness.  Completely.

[Vinnvinny]

Sculpto, groovlstk (and others) are spot on. I probably have more ‘relationship’ experience than many here (not something I’m particularly proud of) and the one overriding thing that I have learnt is that if you have ANY doubts whatsoever, then the answer is no. If there is a crack then there will be alaways a crack and no amount of optimistic talking will ever change that.

You haven’t travelled half way round the World to be treated like some dog. Accept it, learn from it, dust yourself down, move on and don’t look back. Good luck.

[Misha]

Despite all that has happened someone I love is in a deep emotional crisis.  Obviously this relationship, as planned for the last four months, is not going forward.  But, my angel is in a crisis and I will try to do all I can to help her get back on her feet. 

Why?!? Do you have fantasies of being a knight in shining armor saving damsels in distress? She is old enough to take care of herself and solve her own problems. There are plenty of psychologists in Russia and she can get the help she needs on her own to solve her own "emotional crisis." You come across as a very nice guy, but perhaps a tad bit naive. In reading the post, it comes across quite plainly that she treats you like sh*t and is acting like a classic стерва. The "emotional crisis" is just the excuse IMHO.