Moscow round 2

[tim 360]

Sometimes we make excuses for someones continued poor behaviour.  A guy can make plenty of excuses for a pretty girl and keep making excuses for her.  To me it sounds like you're punishing yourself by being with this girl.  Who needs that?  Probably someone better out there for you.  IMHO.

[Diplomacy]

Sculpto:

The way I see it, you got a good look at her being her worst.  As you know, my fiance's father was pretty near death for a few months.  Never once did anything close to what she has said to you, came out of her mouth.  People deal with crisis, in different ways.  I hope you walk away, and get around Moscow.

If you just are not going to do that, then head home.  Cut off contact, and stop enabling her.  You are loving someone, that may not even know how to love.  It is your responsibility to make sure she has enough money to get back home, but she is working and is not treating you right.

I understand when you love something, you want to protect it and help them.  Just let her go please.  

Neither of us, would be happy with each others life.  This does not mean, that we are not both good people.  You deserve better than this, and you have to love yourself.  There are times to be selfish and this is one of them.

You have come a long way, do not take steps back now.  There are woman, that in the subconscious destroy a relationship.  They think in their mind they want one, but their soul does not.

Whatever happened with this ex boyfriend, it is not what she told you.  Trust is gone at that point, and now too much other garbage is manifesting itself.  Hire a translator and enjoy yourself.  You can get yourself out there, where there is a chance of meeting someone.  Worse case, you get to see a bunch of life experiences.

Whatever you do, please do not meet with her again.  It is a moment of weakness, at that point.  All I care about, is getting you back on your feet.  I have been crushed a few times, life sucks where a helmet.  

You must get back up, and find a woman when you are ready.  It does not need to be today, next month, or a year from now.  When you are ready to love, like you have never been hurt before.  That is the time, to bring another woman into your life.  

[ScottinCrimea]

Sculpto, I don't think anyone here is gloating.  As much as we questioned some of yout thinking and choices, often in quite harsh terms, I think we all really hoped that that you would finally find what you are looking for.

I know it really sucks to have a fantasy dashed, and I know how it is to suddenly have to rethink everything you had planned for the future.  Give it the time it needs and don't delay it by trying to "save" someone who probably doesn't need it and most likely won't appreciate it.

[Shadow]

Sculpto,I do not know what other issues 'A' had that she told you. But the main issue ere seems to be a case of cold feet about leaving her country behind. 'You will make me a house wife and hit me' is coming from her being doubtful about her qualifications to make a career in Amercia with limited language skills. And on top of that probably te family members who she has told about you will have shown some horror stories about what can go wrong when a woman meets the wrong guy and follows him.
What worries me more than these stories is that she does not seem to want to trust you enough to support her in hard times. This should be enough as a sign for you. A woman that will follow you to the other end of the world needs to let you in to the shell she has around herself, and if she does not it means there is not enough trust in you from her side.
I agree with others that you should stay in Moscow and try to get some enjoyment out of your trip, even if it went south.
Moscow is a great city with enough things to get your mind off broken relationships. You will have a long trip back to cry later on.

[SANDRO43]

you should stay in Moscow and try to get some enjoyment out of your trip

I think it's too cold and crowded there for Sculpto to indulge in his 'fire-twirling-in-the-nude' routine

[ScottinCrimea]

I think it's too cold and crowded there for Sculpto to indulge in his 'fire-twirling-in-the-nude' routine

But with the shrinkage due to the cold, less chance to have an unfortunate accident.

[Vinnvinny]

I think it's too cold and crowded there for Sculpto to indulge in his 'fire-twirling-in-the-nude' routine

Arrh! So THAT was Sculpto. I did wonder ......

[UTRO]

The Guys are right Sculpto. It is time to move on....

You went to Moscow giving 'A' the benefit of doubt. You don't realize it yet, but she did you a huge favour by once again confirming her personality/behaviour to you.... sooner than later. There has to be no doubt in your mind now that this poor creature is Loony Tunes.
Stop making excuses for her behaviour. What you see is what you get. It is embedded in her personality and it will never change.
My ex wife was antisocial and withdrawn. I made excuses for her to family and friends for 10 years. It created conflict between us because I tried to change her. There was no changing her. There is no changing 'A'

If you are going to remain in Moscow for the time being this is what I would do.....

Go to an Internet Cafe and login to a Site like Elena's Models. Advance Search for Women of your preferred Age Group, Good or Fluent English and living in Moscow. Your Search Results will List by those Woman who are Presently On-line and then those who were most Recently On-line. If you see someone Presently On-line who catches your eye, pay for a Gold Membership and write to her immediately. Let her know that you are right now in Moscow and would like to meet for dinner or a drink. Most likely she will be in shock to know that you are in her city and she'll do somersaults to meet you! I stress English Proficiency so you can have conversation that isn't frustrating and stressful Sculpto.

Good Luck,
Dave

[Ulysses]

Sculpto,
     I've been on the receiving end of that "strong attitude"......where those mis-understandings over language and a lot of pre-conceptions and fears come together.  Too many hurdles to jump here.   As much as I loved my E, her driving me to the airport outside Kyiv was a very memorable trip. .........fastest trip ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just tighten up and turn the page.......U

[Diplomacy]

I hope he logs on soon, I am hoping that he can turn this trip around. 

[groovlstk]

I understand everyone has good intentions in urging Sculpto to salvage his trip and try to meet other women.

Yet it's clear to me from his posts over the last months that he's in love with this girl. Even if he is willing to go through the motions and meet other women now, it's a waste of their time as well as his.

[UTRO]

I understand everyone has good intentions in urging Sculpto to salvage his trip and try to meet other women.

Yet it's clear to me from his posts over the last months that he's in love with this girl. Even if he is willing to go through the motions and meet other women now, it's a waste of their time as well as his.

This could be absolutely true Groov....

[OlgaH]

Yet it's clear to me from his posts over the last months that he's in love with this girl. Even if he is willing to go through the motions and meet other women now, it's a waste of their time as well as his.

I also agree with you, though  we have saying in Russia "knock out a wedge with the aid of other wedge" 

IMO staying with his girl Sculpto has two ends of his situation: 1) he will help her to overcome her emotional issues or 2) he will be emotionally exhausted and hurt and in such case there will not be any place and emotional strength for love.

or even 3) he will help her, but to that time he will be emotionally exhausted...

[ScottinCrimea]

I don't think he was as much in love with this girl as he was in love with the fantasies.  There was just way too much rationalizing and justifying going on.

[OlgaH]

I don't think he was as much in love with this girl as he was in love with the fantasies. 

Also possible. But I think an answer can be given only by Sculpto and it can happen not so soon. 

[Daveman]

I don't think he was as much in love with this girl as he was in love with the fantasies.  There was just way too much rationalizing and justifying going on.

Yeah, probably, but I think the fantasy was/is that the crumbs and table scraps would become the main course if... if only...  I still doubt we've heard the last of this saga. 

[SANDRO43]

I also agree with you, though  we have saying in Russia "knock out a wedge with the aid of other wedge" 

We say:

Chiodo scaccia chiodo (a nail to drive out another nail)

Since both yours and mine derive from wood-working, it must be a very old wisdom. BTW, isn't Sculpto also a carpenter ?

[OlgaH]

We say:

Chiodo scaccia chiodo (a nail to drive out another nail)

Since both yours and mine derive from wood-working, it must be a very old wisdom. BTW, isn't Sculpto also a carpenter ?

I thought he is an artist. So he can use a primer   

[Diplomacy]

He makes custom cabinets, so yes he is a wood worker.  I am pretty sure his art is sculpture, hence the handle.

I agree, that Sculpto is the only one that can tell us what is in his head.  He had a pretty good grasp, that not all was what it needed to be.  So while yes, he loves this girl, that does not mean he does not have dignity. 

When passion meets passion, it is a very weird science.  It can bring you down the darkest path, and also to the greatest heights.  I just do not know, what makes for a relationship in an artist.  He really does not seem like the type,that gets inspiration from torment.  He truly seems to be trying to find an happy place.

I know quite a few journalists though, and their motivation is a dynamic all of itself.  Some do it for the glory, some for the thrill of the story, some are quite driven by hate and vindication.  It may be, she is driven from a dark place.

I do not know, I do not know this girl.  Nobody deserves to get treated like this, and I will wait to see what unfolds.  I just do not like the thoughts of him left to his own devices 6,000 miles form home, and not knowing the right people.

All I know is that I have seen people, that have been in a bad environment for too long. It destroys what they once were, they are no longer the person you once knew.  Some can use the experiences to gain strength, and others will spiral down to the bowels of hell itself.

Genius and insanity, is a very thin line.  So is good and evil, for that matter. 

[Daveman]

He makes custom cabinets, so yes he is a wood worker.  I am pretty sure his art is sculpture, hence the handle.

I agree, that Sculpto is the only one that can tell us what is in his head.  He had a pretty good grasp, that not all was what it needed to be.  So while yes, he loves this girl, that does not mean he does not have dignity. 

Yes, but he's also the king of rationalization.  He is so good at it that he really could convince himself to completely ignore Occam's Razor and slice himself wide open with his own brand of artistically creative logic.

I really do hope we have heard the last of the relationship saga, but it seems from his post that making a clean break from this will be virtually impossible and thus will begin the rescue saga. 

When passion meets passion, it is a very weird science.  It can bring you down the darkest path, and also to the greatest heights.  I just do not know, what makes for a relationship in an artist.  He really does not seem like the type,that gets inspiration from torment.  He truly seems to be trying to find an happy place.

Do musicians count as artists?    If so, I can tell you what we want... Passion, Romance, Colorful Adventures like Fairy Tales ... heh

Genius and insanity, is a very thin line.  So is good and evil, for that matter. 

I agree...  probably most of us have a sprinkling of all four spices..  kindness is the key... is not.. is too.. is not..speak for yourself... SUFFER! make them SUFFER!

[Gator]

Sculpto,

Dating someone is suppose to be FUN.  This does not seem like FUN. 

Your history with this woman is not short.  IIRC there have been at least three meetings.  Yet, it seems that your relationship is always troubled.

Unless this woman has horrible experiences with PMS and your trips always coincide with PMS, I see no reason to explain such bitchy attitudes.

RW require a lot of patience.  And sometime ago I advised you to be patient when you said you had a backup plan Moscow2.  If it were me, however, I would be out of patience by now and going to my backup plan.   

You are an artist.  Why not find an artistic woman (rather than a journalist) who makes life fun?

[Wienerin]

Good G-d, SCULPTO! Far from gloating, I'm almost in tears. In spite of all our squabbles and differences of opinion, - you're a good guy, with no vice in you, and certainly didn't deserve all this shit.

I won't even say that again some of the4 things your GF told you doesn't jibe. What I will say however - run from her as if she were poison (and she is). She just simply doesn't love you and doesn't even respect you - not as a man, not as a person. She herself is her only focus - and she will play her dramas to any audience there happens - you, her friend, whoever. Oh no, I'm wrong, she also needs you - to hurt.

Go to see some sights, go to museums, opera, symphony, to some galleries and exhibition, whatever ticks you... Go to some nice cafes - and if you meet anyone, just to talk like normal persons do - well and good, but do not strain to find a new relationship just now. I'd think not. We make the worst possible mistakes on the rebound.

You'll be OK, just don't rush anything. Repeat, - you're a good guy, with lots of resources, interests, plans, etc. You have friends - and here, on this board too. The best of luck to you, guy!

[topofthekey]

I'm not an expert on Sculpto, his girlfriend, and his travels. It sounds like his girlfriend had some kind of terrible experience (attack) that happened as well the health issues with her father. If there is ever a time when someone could be acting crazy or at their worst I would think this would be the time. Sometimes things don't work out because of timing.

I'm not in a position to give advice other than to point out the timing issue. Maybe everyone is right and this women is going to be hell if married her. Maybe shes going nuts because of her current circumstances. Either way it doesn't sound like she's going to "let you in" or break down the barriers between you both. So maybe file her contact info away and if you are still "on the market" sometime down the line get back in touch.

[Gator]

I'm not an expert on Sculpto, his girlfriend, and his travels. It sounds like his girlfriend had some kind of terrible experience (attack) that happened as well the health issues with her father. If there is ever a time when someone could be acting crazy or at their worst I would think this would be the time. Sometimes things don't work out because of timing.

You can add the fact that she is young and perhaps has not matured. 

Sculpto seems the type of man who would give comfort to any troubled soul, even more to someone he loved.  Most people experiencing such stresses as a dying parent would seek solace from close friends and loved ones.   The way she treats Sculpto suggests he is neither.

I'm not in a position to give advice other than to point out the timing issue. Maybe everyone is right and this women is going to be hell if married her. Maybe shes going nuts because of her current circumstances. Either way it doesn't sound like she's going to "let you in" or break down the barriers between you both. So maybe file her contact info away and if you are still "on the market" sometime down the line get back in touch.

I am not a big believer in giving RW a second chance when issues and implications have already been discussed fully.  Best to move on with no thought about getting together again.  Such a lingering thought could screw up a relationship with the next RW.

[Diplomacy]

Gator:

Exactly, Sculpto appears to me as what you described.  That is what makes it so hard for me to watch.  I would think, that there should be a woman that would love what he has to offer.  Not all woman want children, of course I would look for a 30 year old that feels that way.

For, what was important to me at 18, was not at 25.  At 35, even a lot of what I thought I wanted at 25, was not what I expected it to be.  No regrets, just did not want to play corporate raider anymore.  Said thanks, but no thanks. It is not me.

Walked away, took a lesser paying job with a lot less stress.  Cut the travel and work hours down a lot.  Feel better, and I have always loved what I do.  I just needed to change the culture I do it in.  This company is family first, and have been very supportive of this endeavor.

Minus the fact, that they did not allow me to move back home to New England.  Even though, I fly out to the East Coast almost every other week. 

I think Sculpto knows what he wants, it is not an easy soul to find.  I think that facts weighs heavy in his decisions.  I just hope he finds a woman, that treats him kind and is old enough to be sure what she wants her life to be.