Cold Feet, Any Clues?

[Misha]

The have nots in Russia are no better than the have nots in America or on this Board; the wretched have nots are the same everywhere.

Ambach, I do hope that you understand that companies go bankrupt, riches are lost and that the "haves" can easily become "have nots." Also, as you (re)discover your faith, I hope you will come to understand the importance of humility.

[ambach123]

Misha, if I became a have not ( and I have been there), I would have only myself to blame. I can assure you I would not arbitrarily insult every have I can find anywhere to satisfy my own demons.

[facetrock]

Ambach. I think it is better to meet the woman on her home turf. See how she acts around you among friends and this way you will know she isnt just after a nice vacation with a rich man. Much better to meet her in Tver and I am sure accomodations would be alot cheaper in Tver than in Budapest plus you dont have to fly her there. You could save alot of money this way. Just my opinion

[Mir]

They are attractive, well educated, intelligent, and deeply in love

Yes but with whom?

Its funny in a way, here you are searching for a wife among the " wretched have nots" which you obviously despise, in Russia and Ukraine.

Good point. I think he should start dating girls from the family of oligarchs. That way there will be more compatabiity and most likely it is they who would want a pre-nup

Visa for Hungry is one of the easiest for Russian/Ukrainians but she will need to book a holiday from a local agent.
So if she is a have-not she will not have money for the holiday and you will have to send it. Are you sure she will not run away with the cash?

[mies]

I am very happy with my search, which shall continue. I don't have any shortage of women. When I would stop? Time will tell. I am making arrangements for travel to Tver.

Such beautiful and talented women, deeply in love is a new experience for me. These women are very loving and sexy, that would be an understatement.

so you never had experience being loved by women? and now you can't stop? is this what's it's all about?

i'd be careful as the men here advise to you. As you know - from love to hatred is one step. If women are after your money - you are going to be fine as long as you are financially stable. But if you will mistreat woman who's in love with you - you may be unpleasantly surprised with outcomes. Plus - Russian society is indeed xenophobic - very much so, and very unlike the Europe of the Americas. My good friend in Moscow was married to a middle-eastern man. He was actually born and raised in Moscow, lived all his life there, his parents - both Muslims, originally from the MiddleEast - moved to Moscow when they were young. My friend was only 25 and very happily married for 3 years when she became a widow. Her young husband - who spoke perfect russian language, knew all russian culture, and was completely adapted to life in Russia - was killed at the entrance to the apartment complex in the evening. It was purely a racial hatred murder - he wasn't robbed and the weeks before murder he was receiving "warnings" telling him to get out of the Russia and to go home. He thought it was ridiculous - because Russia was his home - he never knew any other "home" to go to.

So i second the advice of men on this board who tell that you might get yourself in danger with your attitude towards Russian women.

[Marc@LTP]

(she is fluent in English).

I have a question have you looked to see if she worked for 1 of the 4 agency in Tver. If you want I can do a quick check for you. I have 1 of the 4 service in Tver.

you can e-mail her name to me. I can ask my manager who is also best friends with the main teacher of English in Tver. I would not use her name on the RWD so you can e-mail me @ Lifematch2@aol.com

But the first thing you should do is see if she works for or is part of any Tver agency that might tell you something about your RW

good luck

[ambach123]

Update, here is what I have been able to piece together with some dicussions.

He was an American from the midwest, about 35 years old, (she is 30). He made five trips to FSU, stayed with her for extended periods of times, knew her for one and a half years.

It would appear that he did not have much money, probably not much of a job if he was there so much and so often. He probably was deeply in love with her also, and spent whatever he had on her and the visits.

Finally the I 134 arrives, she sees that this guy does not have much assets. She bails out.

I have sympathy for the poor soul. The emotional and financial trauma he suffered must have been tremendous. Such a kick in the teeth.

Is it justifiable what she did? I don't think so. She should have quizzed him about his finances before she filled out the K1 forms. And she should have known that young Americans who look for wives in FSU are unlikely to have means to support her in style. She agreed he was not too much into money so he did not really misrepresent himself.

The old saying, if the woman is not as much or more into you as you are into her, it is not a good match.

Spending a lot of time together does not guarantee a success.

I am sure there are many lessons in this story. The more I know them the more common they seem to be; some poor guy losing his life savings and his emotions on a wild goose chase.

[Daveman]

She should SUFF.. oh never mind

yeah, it's true that there are no guarantees in this grand adventure, and there's probably a likelihood of crashing in flames regardless of how careful you are.  He spent a lot of time and money, sure, but unfortunately, a woman does have the right to change her mind at any time, just like a guy does.

Probably better off ending it at that point than living for short time in misery with an unhappy woman.



 

[mies]

I have sympathy for the poor soul.

this is quite strange that you have sympathy for the "poor soul" - a fictional personage you invented in your mind with some help from this discussion board - all "facts" about this "poor soul" are your assumptions. And still you feel sympathy for him - and not for the woman who you have some sort of relationship with. It would be probably wise for the FSUW to use the stories like this one - as a verbal "Rorschach test" for WMs. 

[BC]

I am sure there are many lessons in this story. The more I know them the more common they seem to be; some poor guy losing his life savings and his emotions on a wild goose chase.

I've heard it before and it seems quite fitting:  'Crocodile tears..'

[BC]

The old saying, if the woman is not as much or more into you as you are into her, it is not a good match.

Spending a lot of time together does not guarantee a success.

Yes, time makes no difference if qualifications are not met.

Being 'up front' about financial and social status seems to be the way to go.

What's your penpal's thoughts on prenupts?

[Gator]

Finally the I 134 arrives, she sees that this guy does not have much assets. She bails out.

Speculation, yet plausible.  Why don't you ask her, using open-ended indirect questions? 

What are the scenarios if this is indeed the case?

1.  The "poor soul" had some assets and income but not enough to support her at a high level.

2.  The "poor soul" had few assets and a low income and would not be able to support a wife adjusting to America.

Scenario 1 - She is heartless and a gold digger.

Scenario 2 - She is still heartless, and while pragmatic, she is not smart and certainly not confident.  A confident RW in love would follow her man thinking that somehow they would make it work even if she had to get a low paying job.  If smart and a certain lifestyle were important to her, she should have (as you say) "quizzed him about finances" early in the relationship.

In either scenario, she is unworthy IMO.  Dump her and move on.

Do not shed a tear for the "poor soul."  For sure this woman was not deeply in love with him, unlike how your past RW have felt about you.  The man does not have your game or money.

[groovlstk]

Spending a lot of time together does not guarantee a success.

No, but it's a helluva lot safer than marrying a stranger.

You might also find that if you actually get to know a person, you don't have to constantly make these "is she for real?" or "is this a red flag" type posts. 

[ambach123]

Thanks for the analysis Gator.

I would move on, but she is beautiful, tall and slim, can speak three languages fluently including English, smart and intelligent, with two degrees, and can drive a car.  Though driving in FSU may be different than in USA but prior driving experience cetainly would help.
Very easy adjustment; though  I have warned her that her degrees would be of little value here, I need to discuss with her this part. I am not sure the RW understand the problems with getting a job in USA.

It is her English that I like very much, she can get on line via messanger, and can send messages quicker and cleaner than me. I have had a lot of difficulty with RW regarding this, and it is difficult to establish a relationship without English.

We are planning to meet in St.Petersburg in a few weeks, my first visit to the beautiful city.

[Daveman]

Ambach,

What exactly happened with the other ladies.. not asking about details, but are they still in the picture?  Or are they history?  that 'deep love' comment kinda threw me so I don't really have a grasp of what the situation actually is.  I hope you're not stringing them along if there is no chance to be together.  That really wouldn't be cool. 

St Pete is a city I've wanted to see as well -- but just don't think a lady from there would like my semi-rural urban sprawl area.. but, taking one on a trip there would be insanely interesting for me.

[Gator]

Thanks for the analysis Gator.

I would move on, but she is beautiful, tall and slim, can speak three languages fluently including English, smart and intelligent, with two degrees, and can drive a car. 

....and her soul can be bought with money, something important to you.

It is her English that I like very much, she can get on line via messanger, and can send messages quicker and cleaner than me. I have had a lot of difficulty with RW regarding this, and it is difficult to establish a relationship without English.

However, she is reticent, at least with regards to discussing her "poor soul."  A RW speaking only fair English will improve rapidly.  I discovered that intelligent, open, spirited RW can converse even with a limited vocabulary, probably more enlightening than a fluent, reticent RW.

We are planning to meet in St.Petersburg in a few weeks, my first visit to the beautiful city.

Bon voyage.

[Gator]

.. but, taking one on a trip there would be insanely interesting for me.

Did it once with a woman from the provinces, and it was delightful.  Lot to see (more than Moscow) and do (as much as in Moscow, but somehow more fun).  If you get serious, I have the name of a professional guide living there who would take you through the Hermitage and direct you to the best eateries and venues.

[GoodOlBoy]

Bon voyage.

Yeah.... Arivadechi!  


GOB

[ambach123]

Dave, I enjoy your posts.

To answer your question, I have not decided what to do, I am still in contact with the previous two RW/UW.

I am not so naive not to know that financial considerations are a part of their attraction or their professed " deep love " for me. They have a good time with me, which they like. They think life for them would be like that with me, I do understand.
There is no RW who would not like to go to good restaurant, or treated well in general by her suitor and the staff everywhere we go etc.

Gator, I appreciate some pointers about what to do in St.Pete.

Here is where I have made reservations.

http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/LEDCY?vsretype=c&vsresect=rd&vsrelink=vhw&vsrebrand=CY&vsremarsha=LEDCY

It is not the best, but good enough.
You are correct I have some concerns about a reticent, smart RW; specially one who ditched a "poor soul".

[BC]

We are planning to meet in St.Petersburg in a few weeks, my first visit to the beautiful city.

BC, here is a link, a very recent book and CD.

http://www.amazon.com/Prenuptial-Agreements-Write-Lasting-Contract/dp/1413307159/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234619799&sr=8-1

You are correct, that this may not be my cup of tea, the hurdles are enormous, I will meet with her next month in St. Petersburg and decide what to do next.

Yeah you have been planning a SP trip for quite a while now.

Don't forget to order the extra copy.. I think amazon does gift wrapping too.  If it's good enough for me should be great for her.

Good luck on your trip, it does sound like you might be a good match.

[ScottinCrimea]

Okay, let me make a prediction:  He will spend a week with her in St Petersburg, the sex will be great and he will be sure he is as deeply in love with her as she says she is with him.  He'll begin preparations for the k-1 and plan for a second trip to see her.  The second trip won't go quite as well but he'll continue the process with "reservations". Sometime before he actually files the k-1 things will break down because [insert your own rationalization here] and he will go back to looking at statistics to see where his chances will be better.

[ambach123]

Scott I don't usually respond to you.

Is there something wrong with that scenario?

A good time was had by all.

When I married an AW, I dated many before  marrying; why should it be any different in FSU? I will eventually marry one, may be when I meet her, I would know and my quest will be over.

[GoodOlBoy]

Okay, let me make a prediction:  He will spend a week with her in St Petersburg, the sex will be great and he will be sure he is as deeply in love with her as she says she is with him.  He'll begin preparations for the k-1 and plan for a second trip to see her.  The second trip won't go quite as well but he'll continue the process with "reservations". Sometime before he actually files the k-1 things will break down because [insert your own rationalization here] and he will go back to looking at statistics to see where his chances will be better.

[SEX TOURIST]


GOB

[mark2353]

Scott I don't usually respond to you.

Is there something wrong with that scenario?

A good time was had by all.

YES! SEX tourist agenda! 

[ScottinCrimea]

Has anyone else noticed that ambach's actions and words are sounding more and more like Pike?