Another statistic

[KenC]

Maxx,
You now have informed Scott of all the possible ways his future ex can take advantage of the system to screw him.  Now let it go.  Scott will do whatever he sees as best.  It is his life, not your's.  Back off.
KenC

[LiveFromUkraine]

It seems nefarious to me that she waited till her daughter got here and then left him immediately. The false claims of abuse were made because she claimed to be in fear of him. This is why she came to his house with a police escort. The police picked her up at a women's shelter and came to his house. Scott believes she has not filed abuse charges on him with the USCIS. How does he know that? She can file the charges on the evidence she has (proof of living in a shelter, a police report and affidavits from shelter workers) and do it completely without him knowing it. All her "niceness" and holding out the carrot he might get to date her and with it sex as a possibility how does he know she isn't after more of his money? Did you know you can file an I-360 abuse petition and still live with your USC spouse if you have financial reasons to do so? It's in the law.


Maxx    

Maxx, has most of your abuse cases been married for 5 years?  I find that highly doubtful.  You can't put every relationship into a one size fits all box.

How do you know she filed domestic abuse?  How do you know she will do all the things you stated?  You don't just like Scott doesn't.  He was married 5 years to this woman.  I don't think the marriage was fraud.  She just wanted something different than Scott wanted.  Sometimes that happens and it isn't anything to do with fraud.  

I personally think Scott is being a man the way he is handling it.  He realizes he spent 5 years of his life with this woman and wants to help her stay in the US.  I think that is a bigger man than letting his ego take over and trying to send her back to Ukraine.  Her going back won't help him.  He still needs to deal with the relationship being over no matter what.

You are blinded by your obsession too much and try to paint everything with the same colors.  Life doesn't work that way.  I think you owe Scott an apology for your statements.  There are a lot of things you do that I could say the same thing regarding "BE A MAN!".


Thomas

[Sculpto]

Scott.. Maxx is clearly obsessed.. what i see is he is trying to use your situation to further his specific agenda.  His methods and actions are no better than the scammers he claims to hate so much.  I hope you can just ignore him.  You are handling things with class and I would suspect that since your soon to be X is behaving in a relatively civil way she does have a bit of decency and still has some feelings for you.

I have also noticed, in general, a tendency for FSUW to be overly dramatic and to act on impulse which in your situation could explain some of her behavior.  Not that I think it should be forgiven, but, its one possible explanation.

Remember an X is an X for a reason.  Don't backtrack.

[Maxx2]

You can't put every relationship into a one size fits all box.

Thomas

I don't but some of you guys and gals try and put me in a box. The truth of a marriage doesn't count until they get here. Before that it can be all just make believe and acting. Same is true if the wife is waiting for her child to arrive to show her true colors and intent. This is so simple and elementary do I need to explain it?

Sculpto, I could say your comments about me and my motives are hateful. I have never said I hate anybody. I say I am trying to help wise the guys up and this is an act of love and sometimes it becomes tough love with specific people. 


Maxx

[Sculpto]

Sculpto, I could say your comments about me and my motives are hateful. I have never said I hate anybody. I say I am trying to help wise the guys up and this is an act of love and sometimes it becomes tough love with specific people. 

Maxx.. i was putting a mirror in front of you.  Your version of tough love comes off as something else a lot of the time.  I was really put off by your CAPS AND LARGE FONT POST AS IT CAME OFF AS A RANTING FOOL.  In the case of Scott.. I am pretty sure you are way off base.  It also appears to me and a lot of others that you are projecting your emotional loss on everyone else who is going through a divorce.

No one doubts your expertise in the methods of the GCG.  However, if it is some sort of therapeutic method of coping I think you should find a new hobby or perhaps consider professional help.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I don't but some of you guys and gals try and put me in a box. The truth of a marriage doesn't count until they get here. Before that it can be all just make believe and acting. Same is true if the wife is waiting for her child to arrive to show her true colors and intent. This is so simple and elementary do I need to explain it?

Maxx

If what you say is the case, then Scott's wife is the worst scammer in the world.  She waited for 5 years to get to the states when she could have just married someone else to get here a lot faster.

This is so simple that I don't think I should have to explain it.   I find it funny how people think they know what is right or wrong on these forums.  The only people that have all the facts is Scott and his wife.  No one here does and I don't think everything was laid out on this forum for anyone to know better than Scott. 




Thomas

[ScottinCrimea]

Yeah Maxx, you are right, it was all an elaborate scheme to get her green card.  I'm embarrassed that I never would have realized it if not for you omniscience.
That first year of communication before I visited her?  All a carefully orchestrated set up.  What's a year in the whole scheme of things anyway?  And that following year of multiple visits to see her?  Hey, it's a nice vacation every few months and it was easy to act sincere during those three months of face time.  A really clever ploy was insisting she didn't want to leave Ukraine, totally throwing me off her true intent, and her delight when I decided to come to Ukraine to live was easy to fake.

Of course the tens of thousands of dollars that I sent her before I arrived would have set her up very nicely in Ukraine, and I'm sure the idea of taking the money and then finding someone else who could get her to the US quicker did cross her mind, but why let go of a sure thing?  She didn't want to give me any clue that she had no intentions of staying in Ukraine, so she proceeded to buy and design a luxury apartment, exactly what she would have wanted were she to really plan on staying there.  Accounting for all of the money I sent her, down to the last kopeck was brilliant.

Now was the tricky part; Living two years together in Ukraine and keeping up her act when we were actually together 24/7.  God, she's good!  And the illusion of being in no hurry to get married really had me just where she wanted me.
 
It took months for her to make me believe that it was my idea to return to the US for a few years, but she pulled it off and I'm sure it was nice for her during that time to not have to keep up the act, except for all of those pesky daily phone calls and chat sessions. Those great acting skills must be genetic; as her daughter was brilliant in faking that she didn't want to come to the US.

It was an act of genius to insist that her daughter not accompany her to the US in the beginning, because that might tip things off.  Besides, that extra year would allow her to get everything set up in the US to finalize her years of planning.  Of course, now she was caught in a catch-22, because she had to maintain the impression that it really was her ultimate goal for us to return to Ukraine.  So instead of setting everything up financially here or buying anything permanent, which would suggest that she planned on staying longer, we were sending every spare cent to Ukraine to develop our property there.  Of course her mother was in on the scheme as well because rather than just holding onto the cash to return to my wife after the planned break up, she actually used it for what I was assuming was its intended purpose. 
She even spent some of her own money to further the scam, and sent pictures to show the progress.  What an incredible familial acting trait!

During this time she could have been stashing cash in preparation for the split, but I might catch on, and the green card was the ultimate goal anyway, so why risk it now?

Once her daughter was actually here, the next obvious step was to create a domestic violence scenario, get me thrown in jail, and take everything.  But that was too obvious and she is smarter than that.  She used the abuse claim only to get herself into a shelter, where she could live free of charge and save up her pay without me able to do anything about it.  And of course, being the long term schemer that she is, she didn’t want to antagonize me so much that she couldn’t return at some point in the future to rip me off again.  Seeing that a petition based on me being an abuser would indeed antagonize me, she elected to go the self petition based on divorce route, realizing that in my gratitude I would be more generous with her.

At the time her daughter arrived, she was three months away from being able to apply for removal of conditions as a married couple, so the obvious thing would be to hold out those three months and then leave once that was accomplished, but as we can see, she is too smart to do the obvious thing.  As is typical of Russian women, she was willing to make sacrifices in the short term in exchange for future goals.

Staying in the shelter was an option, as it would have given her more time to save up cash for her new life in the US and made the divorce judge more sympathetic to her plight, but too many people there were involving themselves in her life and she was worried that they might figure out her scheme and tip me off.  It also would have made her appear more pitiful if I had been the one to apply for the divorce, and she waited two months hoping I would do so.  When I didn’t, with the limit on her conditional green card approaching, she had no choice but to file herself.  A bit of a glitch in her scheme, but nothing she couldn’t work around.  With her superb acting skills, she had no doubt that she could still elicit sufficient sympathy during the divorce.

So now her years of scheming and careful planning are about to pay off.  She and her daughter are living in the US, in their own apartment.  Of course they have no furniture, sleep on the floor and have very limited disposable income, but as we all know, RW don’t care about materialistic things anyway.  Besides, she will soon have her 10 year green card, and isn’t that what all these years of careful scheming was for anyway?

So yeah, Maxx, looking at all of this, it’s obvious that I was played like a fiddle.  I’ve been nothing but a blind fool for 7 years.

I think I must take your advice and apply for an annulment.  I’m sure when the judge sees all the facts of her carefully laid out scheme as I have presented them here, he will agree 100% that it was all a green card scam and have her deported.  It’s just so obvious when one looks at it in the proper perspective.

Thanks again, Maxx

[Maxx2]

You are quite welcome Scott. Sounds like we have a lot more in common than I first thought. Mine too didn't want to come at first. And I did send a lot of money to Russia to buy her and her mother an apartment. Tens of thousands of dollars spent on her and the preparations for their arrival. The multiple trips (6) and three months of face time also. There are many more parallels that I won't bother getting into. You seem to me to be a very nice and generous man. What reason would any sincere decent woman want to leave you? Why would she wait until her daughter arrived to run off to a shelter and make up those lies about you? It makes no sense other than she didn't like you as mine didn't like me. Why are you searching for the "good" in her? She should have been straight with you since the beginning and said you were not the man for her. Instead it was all this indecision and back and forth and taking your money. Now your pockets are hanging out. Mine was too. Oh well.



Maxx     

[KenC]

Maxx,
You're getting goofy again.  Reaching for similarities where there are none.  Here is something to consider, Scott was married for seven years!(Not  seven months)  Stop harassing Scott, he has enough on his plate.  You are totally off base and very obnoxious.
KenC

[ScottinCrimea]

Maxx, you and I have NOTHING in common.  Thank God for that!  Please go peddle your bitterness somewhere else.

[LiveFromUkraine]

There are many more parallels that I won't bother getting into.



Maxx     

You forgot a few.

They were both women. 

They both had red blood.

They both wore clothes.

The both had hair.

They both wore makeup.


Damn Scott, Maxx has a point and now I see the light.    

Sorry Maxx, but that is stretching quite a bit there.

[Doll]

At the time her daughter arrived, she was three months away from being able to apply for removal of conditions as a married couple, so the obvious thing would be to hold out those three months and then leave once that was accomplished, but as we can see, she is too smart to do the obvious thing.

I  can't see any smartness in leaving 3 months away from removal of conditions.
If it was a 5 year plan then this doesn't fit

[Sculpto]

it was a capricious reaction to someone who suffered a low self esteem and decided to blame her misery on a husband who did everything possible to make her happy.  She simply wasn't thinking straight. 

[Maxx2]

it was a capricious reaction to someone who suffered a low self esteem and decided to blame her misery on a husband who did everything possible to make her happy.  She simply wasn't thinking straight.  

Or he really was abusive and she couldn't trust him for three more months. Hence the shelter and the police escort.



Maxx

[LiveFromUkraine]

Or he really was abusive and she couldn't trust him for three more months. Hence the shelter and the police escort.



Maxx

You really don't know when to shut up Maxx.  Is that why your wife left you?  Where you abusive to her?  Did you treat her like your property and not a wife?

[KenC]

I  can't see any smartness in leaving 3 months away from removal of conditions.
If it was a 5 year plan then this doesn't fit

Doll,
Scott's whole post was facetious.  He meant exactly the opposite of what he posted.  No need to worry about not getting it, as obviously some native English speakers didn't get it either.
KenC

[KenC]

Or he really was abusive and she couldn't trust him for three more months. Hence the shelter and the police escort.



Maxx

Maxx,
When you had your mental melt down in my thread, you blamed being a jerk on your sugar imbalance, what's your excuse this time? :noidea:
KenC

[Sculpto]

Or he really was abusive and she couldn't trust him for three more months. Hence the shelter and the police escort.

Maxx

way out of line dude.  if you were here in person.. you would learn a lesson right now.

[ScottinCrimea]

I  can't see any smartness in leaving 3 months away from removal of conditions.
If it was a 5 year plan then this doesn't fit

Of course it doesn't fit and of course it wasn't smart.  That was the whole point of my post.  Sculpto has it exactly right.  It was an impulsive reaction that was poorly planned and poorly executed. Add to that a teenage daughter egging her on because she couldn't manipulate me as easily as her mother and didn't want the restraints I imposed.  Only now is she starting to feel the effects of her foolish decisions and it will only get worse now that she is on her own without the support of the shelter and when the end results of the divorce are settled.  Without going into details, though neither of us will come out unscathed, she is much more likely to be worse off.   Right now she has the majority of the assets in her possession and I am paying all of the joint debt. Even if there is only a partial adjustment, she will end up worse and I will end up better.

Maxx, if I was really abusive, the shelter would have jumped all over that and I would be in jail right now.  The "police escort" was at the suggestion of the shelter, not out of any fear of hers, since she did meet with me subsequent to this.  You keep trying to dig for dirt where there just isn't any.  Maybe if you would pull yourself out of your psychological gutter you would see that not everything is covered with mud.

[bobb]

I do not consider rape to being she does not want to have sex but does it anyway because her husband might be displeased. Most married men would be guilty at one time or another if this was true.

Sorry, I beg to disagree.  Any 'man' with an ounce of care, love, and sensitivity would not do as you mention.  Or, maybe I'm just old school.

[Sculpto]

Sorry, I beg to disagree.  Any 'man' with an ounce of care, love, and sensitivity would not do as you mention.  Or, maybe I'm just old school.

not old school at all Bobb.. just decent and respectful. 

[msm0by_ru]

Hi Scott

I've "joined" as I heard what is going on in your life..

It's been said before - I always thought you were a "good un" on here, and I wish you strength and patience.

My thoughts are with you.

Mark

[ScottinCrimea]

I guess it's time for an update so everyone can chime in on how I am doing everything wrong.  I'm sure Maxx is just chomping at the bit.

Still no divorce papers yet, but I'm fine with that as things are quite comfortable at the moment and I'm in no hurry to deal with that mess.

I have new work that has an incredible insurance package so I went ahead and included my wife on the plan.  The cost is minimal and there is no deductible and no maximum.  I've told her I will keep her on this as long as I can but she must take advantage of this to take care of all of her dental and medical issues before I have to take her off.

Last week I helped her apply for financial aid and enroll in the local community college.  All of this is not about hoping for some kind of reconciliation, it's more about helping her get set up to live on her own.

We talked about her application for removal of conditions.  Basically, she has three options:  We can file a joint application, she can file alone based on divorce, or she can file alone based on abuse.  Right now it looks like filing based on divorce isn't an option as the divorce would not be final before she had to apply.  She is now open to filing jointly but will talk to her lawyer about this and decide what is best for her.  Of course I would prefer that it be a joint application, but at this point I am willing to support her either way.  I have always said I wanted that she stay in the US and I will stand by this.  Her daughter got her 10 year green card this week.

I've gained more insight as to the sequence of events.  She made an impulsive decision to go to the shelter.  Once there, she was dealing with women who had a picture in their minds of an abusive male who only wanted to control her and wanted her as a slave for sex and everything else.  In “counseling” they presented her with loaded questions that over time imbedded in her mind that I was just such a person.  Any suggestion on her part that this didn’t apply to me was not acceptable.  She was told to never have any contact with me again, that I was not to be trusted, and that only they could be trusted to do the right thing for her.  She has had some confusion because my actions since the separation, as well as how I behaved before, run contrary to what they insisted would be.  Only now that she is on her own and away from that influence is she open to working together.  I see this as a real cancer in the system that focuses on a private agenda rather than looking at what is best for the individual woman.  I wish I had somewhere I could complain, but I know that this would be seen as another example of a “controlling” male. I don't think it is possible to reverse this brainwashing at this point.
 
So right now, life is good.  I’m moving on and have no expectations from her.  I will help her get her new life set up, as I think that is only fair, but beyond that, she’s welcome to live the life that she has chosen.

[Sculpto]

before anyone tries to jump down your throat.. I think you are doing the right thing. 

Of course now that I approve.. you are doomed. 

[Admin]

before anyone tries to jump down your throat.. I think you are doing the right thing. 

Of course now that I approve.. you are doomed. 

>>Of course now that I approve.. you are doomed.<<

Eric - you are not that powerful.

So right now, life is good.  I’m moving on and have no expectations from her.  I will help her get her new life set up, as I think that is only fair, but beyond that, she’s welcome to live the life that she has chosen.

Scott - only you know the TRUTH of things - and you are charting your own course - just as we all should. You know the options - you know the risks - and you have made your choice. Good job (no matter what anyone else may say).

- Dan