Topics To discuss Before Commitment...

[JR]

A lot of the issues I have read about here and indeed what I have observed in my own life seem to stem from communication, or more correctly the lack thereof.
Merriam Webster defines effective as:
1ef·fec·tive 
Pronunciation: \i-ˈfek-tiv, e-, ē-, ə-\
Function: adjective
Date: 14th century
1 a: producing a decided, decisive, or desired effect

I found a definition of communication I really like on the Washington State website after a google search, here it is:
What Is Communication? - Communication is defined as a process by which we assign and convey meaning in an attempt to create shared understanding. This process requires a vast repertoire of skills in intrapersonal and interpersonal processing, listening, observing, speaking, questioning, analyzing, and evaluating. Use of these processes is developmental and transfers to all areas of life: home, school, community, work, and beyond. It is through communication that collaboration and cooperation occur.

So here is my challenge: list things that you feel you should or should have 'talked' about prior to becoming committed to your significant other.

Hopefully this thread may help all of us avoid some of the pitfalls of relationships.

It can be large or it can be small. Little things add up, never discount something which may seem trivial to you. Your partner may assign a much greater value to their particular 'little thing.'

OK, I'll start off.
My Ex-wife and I never discussed her desire to continue her education when she came to America. She just expected me to know and provide for it. I failed to inquire as to what her wants/needs were in this area and she failed to put that on the table until well after we were married. It was a big point of contention between us. She already had two masters degrees and wanted to go to UCLA to get her PHD. I could not financially do this until about four or five years into our marriage. I really regret not talking with her about this before we became engaged.

Your turn...

[2tallbill]

This might seem to be an oversimplified answer (because it is)

List top ten things in order that you want to accomplish within
the first 5 years of marriage and ask her to do the same.  Ask
for her list before you give her your list then compare and contrast
the two lists. 

Her list might be to:
1. Sign up everyone in North America to Amway,
2. Break the Guinness book record for the longest burb
3. Collect matchbooks
4. Peaceably overthrow Cuba's current regime
5. Swim the English channel
6. etc

Your list could differ slightly from hers. (except now you
gotta bump that burp record up three spots)



Udachi,


Bill

[mies]

you can use also simple "ice-breaker" similar to the one offered by 2tallBill:

list 10 peculiar features in which you are similar with the woman
list 10 peculiar features in which you are different