What is a non-drinker?

[Brian]

     My perception from North America is that as a non-drinker I do not drink anything with alcohol as an ingredient. 

     It appears that the FSU perception of a non-drinker is someone that does not drink hard liquor but that does drink wine, champagne, and beer.  I mention this because I read in several profiles that the lady says she is a non-drinker however, in the later written paragraphs she might say that she enjoys wine with a meal or some champagne.  When I mention to my friends that I am looking at ladies from the FSU they laugh at me and tell me I will never find a wife there because everyone in the FSU drinks. 

     In my past I have had friends that started out only drinking wine or beer that developed drinking problems.  I could socialize with my friends but I was the guy who drove his friends’ home after the party.  I know many ladies list in their profiles that they only drink socially or only rarely drink.  Some of my friends started out as social drinkers and as problems in life overtook them they turned for stronger drink to satisfy their wants and needs.  I have seen what alcohol can do and many years ago I made the decision to not drink.  Because I made a decision not to drink it has never been a challenge for me to politely refuse drinks.  I feel that I can be sociable without being a social drinker.

     Am I going to be able to find a wife in the FSU that does not drink following with my perception of not drinking?

[groovlstk]

     My perception from North America is that as a non-drinker I do not drink anything with alcohol as an ingredient. 

     It appears that the FSU perception of a non-drinker is someone that does not drink hard liquor but that does drink wine, champagne, and beer.  I mention this because I read in several profiles that the lady says she is a non-drinker however, in the later written paragraphs she might say that she enjoys wine with a meal or some champagne.  When I mention to my friends that I am looking at ladies from the FSU they laugh at me and tell me I will never find a wife there because everyone in the FSU drinks. 

     In my past I have had friends that started out only drinking wine or beer that developed drinking problems.  I could socialize with my friends but I was the guy who drove his friends’ home after the party.  I know many ladies list in their profiles that they only drink socially or only rarely drink.  Some of my friends started out as social drinkers and as problems in life overtook them they turned for stronger drink to satisfy their wants and needs.  I have seen what alcohol can do and many years ago I made the decision to not drink.  Because I made a decision not to drink it has never been a challenge for me to politely refuse drinks.  I feel that I can be sociable without being a social drinker.

     Am I going to be able to find a wife in the FSU that does not drink following with my perception of not drinking?

First, what are the ages of women you are courting? If someone is a social drinker at age 30, I think it's more than a little stretch to be worried that they will develop into full-blown alcoholics. The vast majority of people who drink do so responsibly. (not including guzzlers like myself and Sandro  )

If marrying a non-drinker is a top priority for you, then there are many women who have seen the effects of alcohol on their dads, brothers, ex-BFs, ex-husbands, etc., and hate the stuff. The devil is in the details though, as this is not something you can determine with a quick glance at a woman's agency profile.

[Ade]

     My perception from North America is that as a non-drinker I do not drink anything with alcohol as an ingredient. 

     It appears that the FSU perception of a non-drinker is someone that does not drink hard liquor but that does drink wine, champagne, and beer.  I mention this because I read in several profiles that the lady says she is a non-drinker however, in the later written paragraphs she might say that she enjoys wine with a meal or some champagne.  When I mention to my friends that I am looking at ladies from the FSU they laugh at me and tell me I will never find a wife there because everyone in the FSU drinks. 

     In my past I have had friends that started out only drinking wine or beer that developed drinking problems.  I could socialize with my friends but I was the guy who drove his friends’ home after the party.  I know many ladies list in their profiles that they only drink socially or only rarely drink.  Some of my friends started out as social drinkers and as problems in life overtook them they turned for stronger drink to satisfy their wants and needs.  I have seen what alcohol can do and many years ago I made the decision to not drink.  Because I made a decision not to drink it has never been a challenge for me to politely refuse drinks.  I feel that I can be sociable without being a social drinker.

     Am I going to be able to find a wife in the FSU that does not drink following with my perception of not drinking?

Non-drinkers do exist even if they are few and far between. My fiancée is one and her younger brother is another.

However, you are severely limiting your dating pool if you won't date anyone that takes a glass of wine now and then. I also agree with Groov; most social drinkers do not let alcohol rule their life and neither do they get drunk.

[Brian]

For an age group I would tend to focus on ladies in their late 30's or 40's -- I am 56.

I had some personal stupid experiences many years ago that I do not want to repeat.
Drinking has caused problems in the family.
This is one issue for me for zero tolerance in the home and no compromise.

I know there are many people who enjoy their variety of drinks and that is okay for my friends but not with my future wife and within our home.
 
I guess I now go from a big pool to a small pool and even a very small pool  >>  I am also a non-drinker, non-smoker, and non-drug user (maybe at this point there are no fish left in the pond).

[Ade]

For an age group I would tend to focus on ladies in their late 30's or 40's -- I am 56.

I had some personal stupid experiences many years ago that I do not want to repeat.
Drinking has caused problems in the family.
This is one issue for me for zero tolerance in the home and no compromise.

I know there are many people who enjoy their variety of drinks and that is okay for my friends but not with my future wife and within our home.
 
I guess I now go from a big pool to a small pool and even a very small pool  >>  I am also a non-drinker, non-smoker, and non-drug user (maybe at this point there are no fish left in the pond).

Well, my fiancée doesn't smoke either but unfortunately for you, she's mine and you can't have her. 

I can understand that you have some personal issues with drinking and smoking but as you say, your small pool of possibilities is going to be quite tiny when you take into consideration the few women in their late 30's and 40's that are even interested in moving to the US. I think that you may also find that some women, even if they do not drink and smoke themselves, will have issues with your absolute zero tolerance attitude; they may see it as a sign of control issues especially if you phrase it as you did in your post.

[SANDRO43]

(not including guzzlers like myself and Sandro  )

How dare you call me a guzzler , I'm a spirited connaisseur of spirits, and an apt adept of Διόνυσος .

[groovlstk]

How dare you call me a guzzler , I'm a spirited connaisseur of spirits, and an apt adept of Διόνυσος .

Sorry Sandro, I seem to recall us being tabbed as "bad" men many months ago because of our willingness to imbibe 

[SMS60]

Brian

You are going to have to loosen up so to speak. The way you are thinking is going to hold you back from finding the lady you want in life.

Your frame of mind with the "alcohol".........."if they will like a certain size city", ect. All this is going to work against you and I dont mean this in "specifics". I think there are other items which will come up. Your frame of mind needs to be reframed. New attitude.

Nothing wrong with no alcohol. I'm sure you can find a lady who dislikes alcohol. What I'm trying to say is you are showing self defeating attitudes. This will spill over into every women you correspond with. Not just the "specifics" you mention(alcohol).

You can find what you want, just loosen up. You are worrying about too much. Go have fun.

I would look for women in their very late 40's or in her 50's

[facetrock]

  I think you will have a hard time finding a woman that will never want to have a glass of wine with her dinner for the rest of her life. Just because your family has had alcohol problems does not make it fair to require your future wife to never take a drink again. Marriage is about give and take. Lighten up.

[SANDRO43]

Sorry Sandro, I seem to recall us being tabbed as "bad" men many months ago because of our willingness to imbibe 

OK, I'll drink to that  .

[Misha]

I know there are many people who enjoy their variety of drinks and that is okay for my friends but not with my future wife and within our home.
 
I am also a non-drinker, non-smoker, and non-drug user (maybe at this point there are no fish left in the pond).

If you look long enough, it is possible to find anything. How long, however, is another question. It will be hard to find a woman who never drinks anything, but much easier to find a woman who is satisfied with a glass of wine every so often when going out for supper and a glass of champagne at New Year's Eve.

[Brian]

Perhaps my using the words "zero tolerance" I can see you point where it is perceived as a sign of control.

I can understand the "control issues" as I endured many years of that.  There are many ladies here in North America who do not smoke or drink and my ex was one of them.  Like the changing of the seasons I am looking for the spring of a new year with new changes preferably outside North America.

I do not want to come across as a control person.  I believe that I know who I am and what I want and was hoping that there might be a FSU lady with the same base values.

I was hoping that there might be FSU ladies that for whatever circumstances do not drink and do not smoke.

Therefore, by my future wife also being a non drinker and non smoker is it really a sign that I am a controlling person?

[Misha]

Therefore, by my future wife also being a non drinker and non smoker is it really a sign that I am a controlling person?

Not if you explicitly seek out a woman who does not drink or smoke at all. If you find a woman that did not drink or smoke before meeting you, then I don't see a problem. It would be controlling if you settle for a woman who does drink a bit and try to force her to stop drinking completely.

[GoodOlBoy]

Perhaps my using the words "zero tolerance" I can see you point where it is perceived as a sign of control.

Hi Brian.

Trust me when I say this.

If you use any of those words to a Russian Woman they will think you are controlling.

Interesting story. When I first met my wife in Greece, I found out to the contrary that she does like to have a glass of wine or Champagne with her dinner.

To me this IS drinking. No problem though.

But....a RW that I had met in Moscow 6 month's before had informed me that she didn't smoke or drink either.

Turned out that the woman was a lush and smoked like a chimney!  

Getting back to my wife in Greece. I asked her in a round about way what her definition of "drinking" was and she answered "VODKA" (wodka).  :evil:

So......All I can say is good luck on finding a teetotaler/nonsmoker in the FSU.

You have your work cutout for you.


GOB

[Blues Fairy]

Hmmm... you want a woman from a small town... who does not drink? 
What else is there to do? 

[Turboguy]

I am sure they exist but the stricter your criteria the harder it is to find someone who meets them.  It is hard enough to find a good woman you will be happy with.  

I will agree that for many RW the definition of a non drinker is someone who only drinks beer and wine, no matter how much.  

I am not much of a drinker myself.  One of the important things to me was that a woman was not a heavy drinker.  Not that I think they are bad, but if someone drinks frequently they want someone to drink with and I don't really want to sit around every night with a drink in my hand.  My wife is not much of a drinker either.  We may have a glass or two of wine every couple of months.  I can't say I ever met a RW who didn't want to enjoy a glass of wine once in a while.  Still I am sure there are some.  I think you will be making the process much more difficult for yourself.  You could end up beating my 25 trips and oh, $ 125,000 or what ever it cost me.  Good luck.

[groovlstk]

Hmmm... you want a woman from a small town... who does not drink? 
What else is there to do? 

BF, this sounds like the lyrics from that old Adam Ant song, Goody Two Shoes 

[Shadow]

You want a woman who does not drink ? Keep her pregnant.  :evil:

Since we discovered the pregnancy MrsShadow has not drank more than a half glas of table beer (1,15%) to check out how close it was to kvass. In normal circumstances we are 'social drinkers'. We can go without alcohol for months, or have reasons to empty a bottle of vodka in one evening.
If I drive, I do not drink any alcohol and in most cases MrsShadow joined me in this for support.
There for it is possible to find a woman who does enjoy some wine or beer but will support you in not drinking most of the time.

[2tallbill]

     My perception from North America is that as a non-drinker I do not drink anything with alcohol as an ingredient. 

Am I going to be able to find a wife in the FSU that does not drink following with my perception of not drinking?

You can find anything in the FSU including a women who like midgets with
black stockings and nipple rings, but you will have to look really really hard. 

Here's an idea,

Go down to your local Mormon temple, (Baptist church, Orthodox Synagogue,
Mosque or other non drinking religion) and find out who organizes retreats,
missions, bible study etc in the FSU and you might find a non drinking gal through
them. Many of the 'Stans have a lot of non drinking ladies

If you are non religious and want to find an RW who never touches alcohol
then I think you have a difficult time with it.

Worrying about a 30 - 40 year old woman who has a glass of wine a month
suddenly later becoming an alcoholic is a ridiculous argument. She has 10-20
years or more experience in the FSU of not being an alcoholic.



Udachi !


Bill

[2tallbill]

Hmmm... you want a woman from a small town... who does not drink? 
What else is there to do? 

 

They have SEX !!   (and drinking and smoking)

[Kuna]

There are non-drinkers in FSU - my BIL is one of them.

All women in the family will have a glass of wine with dinner on special occasions but as alcohol has "touched" their family I think it's unlikely any of them will repeat others errors of the past.

I think you'll find it VERY difficult to find a total non-drinking small town woman 40+ yrs of age who wants to move to the USA - but you never know.

It will be very important right up front to tell women that you want to marry someone who never drinks wine or beer or hard spirits because [explain your experience here].

Some will think you're whacked but that's OK, better finding out now.  Others will accept it and then you can reiterate your "fears" later on after meeting.


Short story... 

One night when my wife's friends came to visit they brought me this EVIL (fantastic) 18% alcohol beer.  3 or 4 half-litre bottles and I was somewhere between getting drunk and drunk. Another one and I was anyone's.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't goosing her friends or fighting lamp posts but I was definitely drunk.

On waking the next morning my head was so bad I just wanted to die.  My (now) wife asked why I was so quiet and I told her I had a hangover and she immediately said, "No you don't, you weren't drunk".

"Oh honey, I was drunk.  My head is killing me".

"Kuna, you were not drunk, you did not drink wodka".

I didn't understand the logic at the time but I felt so bad I gave in....  "Yes honey, I don't have a hangover".   

Culturally they've grown up believing beer is not alcohol.  I've seen young men pick up a bottle of beer in the mornings at the bus stop for the trip into work.  I've also read about the UkK govt running public awareness campaign to advise people beer can make you drunk.

Finding a complete non-drinker is not impossible but you are now searching for a needle in a haystack.

Best of luck though.

[2tallbill]

There are non-drinkers in FSU - my BIL is one of them.

Now I am your Bil ???
 


   

[smilingjake]

I also believe you will have a very hard time finding someone who is less than a "social" drinker. I think its just engrained in the society.

If you  travel in country while walking through any park, you will notice all of the younger generation hanging out, and the majority will all have a beer in their hands. You could retire if you could find a way to turn in all the empty beer bottles to a recycling center in the states.

Jake

[Misha]

You can find anything in the FSU including a women who like midgets with
black stockings and nipple rings, but you will have to look really really hard. 

Here's an idea,

Go down to your local Mormon temple, (Baptist church, Orthodox Synagogue,
Mosque or other non drinking religion) and find out who organizes retreats,
missions, bible study etc in the FSU and you might find a non drinking gal through
them.

This is an excellent idea. The Baptist Church is quite active in Russia. Here is an example of some of the work they do: http://www.baptistyouth.ru/en/.

P.S. The English site is out of date, but it still gives you an idea of what they are about.

[Gator]

Therefore, by my future wife also being a non drinker and non smoker is it really a sign that I am a controlling person?

I wrote elsewhere that you need to lighten up. 

Many  RW have seen the consequences of alcohol abuse and would be concerned with any man who had more than a few.  Nevertheless, this will not stop most RW from enjoying themselves by having a little one.   RW know how to control themselves, and they would be offended for you to otherwise.

Having said that, I feel as you do about smoking.  The good news - few of the RW I met smoked.  Some did even though they listed themselves as s non-smoker.