Do the ladies really read the profiles of men?

[Brian]

     I had registered on one site as a divorced, 55 year old man (I just turned 56), non-smoker, non-drinker, and non-drug user.  I am not rich (who is once you survive a divorce) but have good work as a self-employed businessman and believe that I can provide for my family.  I mentioned that my children were grown and living independently.  I also mentioned that if the lady had children they would be welcome and that I would like to have a common child.  The good news is that I received many replies.  The bad news is that many of the replies were from ladies in their 20s and early 30s.  There were some replies from ladies in their late 30s and 40s that may have said they were social drinkers, smoke, or did not want to have any more children.  That experience caused me to put things on hold for awhile. 

     Why would a lady want to marry someone old enough to be her father?  Why would a man want to marry a lady who was younger than his own grown children?  Why would a lady who smokes or drinks reply to my profile when I said I was looking for a lady who was a non smoker and a non drinker?  We each have character traits for which we are willing to compromise and at the same time we each have attitudes or issues for which there is no compromise.  I might be flattered to think that a 25 or 30 year old lady would be interested in me but I could not realistically see myself in a husband and wife relationship with someone so young.  Realistically for me might be a lady in her late 30s or 40s. 

     Thank you to those who have taken the time to give me your honest opinions.  Because I am just an average looking guy (maybe even less than average for a 56 year old man) I may need to set my sights on ladies whose ages are late 40s, 50s, and early 60s and forgo my idea of having a common child in my future marriage.

     This has been a wake-up day for me.   

[kievstar]

I know in Kiev the girls in agencies want to see the photo just before meeting someone.  Pictures are important in Kiev.  Words mean nothing unless you like writing agency workers.

[facetrock]

  A woman that sees in your profile that you are a non drinker thinks you only drink beer and wine, just like her. Why would you discount a woman because she doesnt want another child and what is wrong with a woman that drinks a little wine once in awhile anyway.
  The more I read your posts the more I think you should broaden your search criteria. The perfect woman for you does not exist, never has. We all have some baggage, the trick is to find someone whos baggage we can live with.
Dont worry about younger girls contacting you, just ignore them if your not interested.
 Just relax and talk to these women, you have nothing to lose by doing so and everything to gain.

[GoodOlBoy]

     I had registered on one site as a divorced, 55 year old man (I just turned 56), ... Why would a lady want to marry someone old enough to be her father?  Why would a man want to marry a lady who was younger than his own grown children? 

Brian, I like your way of thinking! 

I think you will fit in just fine here on RWD! 

WELCOME!!!

GOB

[Brian]

facetrock -- "what is wrong with a woman that drinks a little wine once in awhile anyway"

Probably nothing except I have seen a little wine get away on people.

I just consider myself an average man looking for an average lady.  I am not looking for a trophy wife.

We have all had experiences and challenges in the past.  Some of these events have formed our thoughts, perceptions, etc. etc.  I have had many experiences that I never want to repeat and have formed a lasting impression.  Most of us here are on this site because we have gone through divorces or bad relationships.  It is this variety of life experiences that form our thoughts and plans.

All I wanted to do was to put myself out there and say some things about myself and try to be honest.

[groovlstk]

I think a lot of women don't have the time or interest to do more than skim profiles, and pretty much do their version of what most men do: write anyone who looks attractive.

Girls in their 20s/30s who write to you are either desperate to escape a difficult life, want to scam you, or hope for a free vacation and gifts.

[Shadow]

     I had registered on one site as a divorced, 55 year old man (I just turned 56), non-smoker, non-drinker, and non-drug user.  I am not rich (who is once you survive a divorce) but have good work as a self-employed businessman and believe that I can provide for my family.  I mentioned that my children were grown and living independently.  I also mentioned that if the lady had children they would be welcome and that I would like to have a common child.  The good news is that I received many replies.  The bad news is that many of the replies were from ladies in their 20s and early 30s.  There were some replies from ladies in their late 30s and 40s that may have said they were social drinkers, smoke, or did not want to have any more children.  That experience caused me to put things on hold for awhile. 

     Why would a lady want to marry someone old enough to be her father?  Why would a man want to marry a lady who was younger than his own grown children?  Why would a lady who smokes or drinks reply to my profile when I said I was looking for a lady who was a non smoker and a non drinker?  We each have character traits for which we are willing to compromise and at the same time we each have attitudes or issues for which there is no compromise.  I might be flattered to think that a 25 or 30 year old lady would be interested in me but I could not realistically see myself in a husband and wife relationship with someone so young.  Realistically for me might be a lady in her late 30s or 40s. 

     Thank you to those who have taken the time to give me your honest opinions.  Because I am just an average looking guy (maybe even less than average for a 56 year old man) I may need to set my sights on ladies whose ages are late 40s, 50s, and early 60s and forgo my idea of having a common child in my future marriage.

     This has been a wake-up day for me.   

Women do read profiles, but they read it different as you.
First : non-smoker, non-drinker, non-drug user. That is you, but did you specify it in your criteria ? And if so, how strict would you be if the only flaw was (social) drinking ? And why mention that you do not use drugs ? It is a norm to use them in your surroundings ?
Not rich (lie, all Americans are), but can provide good for his family. Children are grown (so no worries).
You would not mind a common child, which means you are looking for women who still can have children (in Russia it is sometimes believed that after 35 it is nearly impossible to have a succesful pregnancy).

If you want a child together, you will have to look for women up to 35. To attract women in their late 30's or 40's better do not write you would like a common child.
This explains the replies you got, a profile that sends out the message : I want a young woman even if I do not write it.

[SMS60]

Brian

There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want.

But........take this in a constructive way. You are a very good example of how a persons past can really screw up their future.

You are allowing the past to dictate new relationships. Not good!! Think about it.

The people in your past are making your decisions for you today. Why allow that?
Take your life back.

[Faux Pas]

     I had registered on one site as a divorced, 55 year old man (I just turned 56), non-smoker, non-drinker, and non-drug user.  I am not rich (who is once you survive a divorce) but have good work as a self-employed businessman and believe that I can provide for my family.  I mentioned that my children were grown and living independently.  I also mentioned that if the lady had children they would be welcome and that I would like to have a common child.  The good news is that I received many replies.  The bad news is that many of the replies were from ladies in their 20s and early 30s.  There were some replies from ladies in their late 30s and 40s that may have said they were social drinkers, smoke, or did not want to have any more children.  That experience caused me to put things on hold for awhile. 

     Why would a lady want to marry someone old enough to be her father?  Why would a man want to marry a lady who was younger than his own grown children?  Why would a lady who smokes or drinks reply to my profile when I said I was looking for a lady who was a non smoker and a non drinker?  We each have character traits for which we are willing to compromise and at the same time we each have attitudes or issues for which there is no compromise.  I might be flattered to think that a 25 or 30 year old lady would be interested in me but I could not realistically see myself in a husband and wife relationship with someone so young.  Realistically for me might be a lady in her late 30s or 40s. 

     Thank you to those who have taken the time to give me your honest opinions.  Because I am just an average looking guy (maybe even less than average for a 56 year old man) I may need to set my sights on ladies whose ages are late 40s, 50s, and early 60s and forgo my idea of having a common child in my future marriage.

     This has been a wake-up day for me.   

You'll likely find that many different type ladies will answer your initial bell with a first "form" description letter that they send to everyone. Don't take any of it to heart. They are only inquiries that you can follow up on if you choose too. If you are using an agency, depending on which one you use, the agency will swamp you with profiles. Most likely they are chosen at random and the lady has never seen your profile. The agencies hope that you'll plop down 5-10 bucks per letter and start writing them all. The trick here Brian is separating the wheat from the chafe. Depending on your agency or website will determine how much is wheat and how much is chafe.

The drinking and smoking scenario, I consider as different as our weights and measures. To many Russians if you don't drink distilled spirits, you don't drink. Or if you are not a regular smoker, you don't smoke. Social drinking and smoking by Western standards is considered a habit. Not necessarily so in the East. Early in my search I found that usually neither of these habits were a deal breaker to FSUW. Drinking alcohol is ingrained in the culture and everyday activities. As opposed to the west for special occasions and problem drinkers. Nothing to be alarmed at.

Focus and finding the gem of a women. Separate the wheat and the chafe. Most profiles are poorly written and do a bad job of describing the person (yours and mine included). If you are serious Brian, you can find her. If you are thinking you can pick her out like a puppy at the pound from a website, think again. It's not easy and it's not cheap. Make sure you have the kahonahs it takes to see it through to the end.

[facetrock]

   I still think your search criteria is to narrow. If you tell a woman that drinking is a complete no no forever. Most will think you either a control freak or nuts.
   If your looking for a woman in her 40s who will want another child, again, most of the women that age already have one and will think you are nuts for wanting another one. Especially since you already have grown children.
   The good news is finding a none smoker wont be hard at all.

So lets say you make the trip, meet a woman and have strong feelings then find out she likes a glass of wine and has no plans for another child. It might not be so easy to cut her loose.
I know you have had bad experiences with alcohol, but I also think you have had a bad experience with marriage yet you have no problem with wanting to marry again.

[Sculpto]

   The good news is finding a none smoker wont be hard at all.

I don't agree with this point.  I have never seen so many smokers in my life as I have in the FSU, not even in Paris.  That said a social smoker might be willing to never smoke again, but, I have my doubts.

[Gator]

Brian,

You need to lighten up about alcohol.  I would not make this criterion mandatory in your search for a woman because the majority of RW drink, albeit in moderate amounts.

Many  RW have seen the consequences of alcohol abuse and would be concerned with any man who had more than a few.  Nevertheless, this will not stop RW from enjoying themselves by having a little one.

If you are AA, I suggest that you learn to live with your RW having a drink or two.  RW know how to control themselves, and they would be offended for you to suggest that they can not control themselves.

What is the norm for RW and alcohol?

Most of the RW I met will drink one glass of wine and that's it.  That is all I would drink if I had to drink that sugary fermentation.

Cocktails are big in the FSU, and most women will limit themselves to one.

Some will enjoy a cognac in late evening.

Toasting is also a ritual in the FSU.

To say that this is unacceptable would indeed be unacceptable.  Most RW will think that you are "...either a control freak or nuts" in Facetrock's words.  They may also think you are a weak man, that one drink will send you off the deep end.   

Do not ever let RW think that you are weak or that there is something wrong with you!

[Daveman]

Well, one way you can almost guarantee that a sincere woman who is looking for the right man will read your profile is to have it professionally translated into Russian.  You can state that you are seeking someone with good English skills, but you let them read it easily.

I did that and the intelligent responses commenting on what I had actually written in my profile increased dramatically. It was obvious that these, not all, but definitely many were actually reading the words. 

Profiles are the first impression starting point.

Now that being said, the photos are important because as with men, that gut instinct of attraction will be for the photo.  Grab her attention with the photos, snag her interest with a good Russian language profile, and you'll get many quality responses.  You'll also get plenty of goofy responses, but the quality ones will definitely increase.

For example.. as most anyone here knows, I have a very goofball, clownish, probably irritating to some, juvenile sense of humor at times.  So, I put some of my goofy jokes in my Russian language profile. That very step alone caused my responses from RW with a childlike goofy sense of humor to increase by about a thousand percent. It was pretty amazing.

Many WILL read it if you make it easy to read!  A good profile is just another tool in the box to assist in the initial spark of interest with like minded people. Use it to it's best advantage.

[TwoBitBandit]

Well, one way you can almost guarantee that a sincere woman who is looking for the right man will read your profile is to have it professionally translated into Russian.  You can state that you are seeking someone with good English skills, but you let them read it easily.

This is something I can entirely agree with.

I am preparing for a trip this summer.  I created a profile on mamba, and this time I had it professionally edited and translated into Russian.  It made a world of difference in the type and quality of responses I get.

[goforit]

Well, one way you can almost guarantee that a sincere woman who is looking for the right man will read your profile is to have it professionally translated into Russian.  You can state that you are seeking someone with good English skills, but you let them read it easily.

I did that and the intelligent responses commenting on what I had actually written in my profile increased dramatically. It was obvious that these, not all, but definitely many were actually reading the words. 

Profiles are the first impression starting point.

Now that being said, the photos are important because as with men, that gut instinct of attraction will be for the photo.  Grab her attention with the photos, snag her interest with a good Russian language profile, and you'll get many quality responses.  You'll also get plenty of goofy responses, but the quality ones will definitely increase.

For example.. as most anyone here knows, I have a very goofball, clownish, probably irritating to some, juvenile sense of humor at times.  So, I put some of my goofy jokes in my Russian language profile. That very step alone caused my responses from RW with a childlike goofy sense of humor to increase by about a thousand percent. It was pretty amazing.

Many WILL read it if you make it easy to read!  A good profile is just another tool in the box to assist in the initial spark of interest with like minded people. Use it to it's best advantage.

Absolutely! Great post! The best thing I ever did was to have my profile done in Russian, and my introductory letter as well. Lots of good quality solid responses that demonstrated that the lady actually read what I wrote.

[kievstar]

Very few women in Ukraine who are good looking do not smoke or drink several on agency sites.  Agencies know guys do not like smoke and drink so they make the girls profiles say that.  How many girls of the 30,000 women on Ukraine agency listings say their a chain smoker and drink cognac like water.  In reality Ukraine women smoke and drink.  Reading profiles is a waste of time.  You will not know until face to face meeting and when living together.  A girl can hid smoke if you meet her for a week.

Personally I like a women who can drink heavy once in awhile.  Smoke cigarettes no.  But Hookah I like and that is like 20 cigarettes each time you smoke it. 

Women under 35 do not read profiles unless desperate.  Their to busy with their lives.  Groove also has a very good point (see several posts down). 

[goforit]

Then I should drink a tall one to good looking desperate ladies under 35 who managed to stumble across my profile (and read it to boot)

May their tribe increase!

[diverboy70]

Brian:

I understand completely what you are saying, after all I live in Finland However I think you should focus on the ladies that attracts  you the most  and not focus so much on the details. She can be a wonderful lady, who likes to drink a glass of wine once in a while. How could that really be a problem for you?

[Kuna]

However I think you should focus on the ladies that attracts  you the most  and not focus so much on the details. She can be a wonderful lady, who likes to drink a glass of wine once in a while. How could that really be a problem for you?

Errrr... I'm SURE you couldn't have meant the OP should chase "the one that attracts him most and he should not focus so much on the details"...

Whilst I think we all accept Brian is making things almost impossible for himself through his very limiting criteria, it is his life and he must be the one setting the criteria.

We can only advise based on our experience - but I don't think we should be saying he should ignore the details and ust pursue the one he is most attracted to.

Kuna

[Chicagoguy]

I certainly agree with one thing Daveman said. PICTURES    I believe it is what most men look at even before they begin reading. Why wouldn't this be true with the ladies?

Maybe have at least one done professionally and others from around town or at work or with hobbies. But do not exaggerate or use old ones.

[Daveman]

... 

Women under 35 do not read profiles unless desperate.  Their to busy with their lives.  Groove also has a very good point (see several posts down). 

I'm not so sure that's completely true. Perhaps many of the ones who write first can be ladies in whom there will not be a reciprocal interest, but this generality has not been my experience.  I obviously can't say that every younger lady was on the up and up as I didn't meet and date them all, but many of those with whom I had communication did not give an indication of being GCG's, etc.  I won't say that my intuition is perfect, but usually I can sense this type of thing fairly quickly through one or two longer conversations.  If one keeps his wits about him and is not blinded by a photo or the attention from a beautiful woman, that little voice will speak up rather quickly when something seems amiss.  There are a few who come to mind quickly who though ultimately were not for me, I would bet they were absolutely sincere in their search for a decent man as opposed to having an ulterior motive.

Whether women read profiles would depend entirely on which agency, and which website.  If you send a "kiss" or "expression of interest" on a website where the woman is independently searching, the first thing many non desperate women will do is check out your profile/photos.  If she likes the photos, and it's in Russian, she will read the profile. 

There seems to be a couple different trains of thought on profiles.  The only thing I can speak about is my own experience, and when various ladies are writing to me about specific topics in the profile (many of which are not the common variety "I seek my other part" stuff), then it is absolutely obvious that they are reading it.

It's just silly not to take advantage of every opportunity to improve your chances of sparking an interest and opening an interesting communication.

[ECOCKS]

My thought is that thoose who can read them (usually in English), do so, then think about it a bit. That said, they are so used to not believing anything they are told by men or reading from an unknown source, they just decide to meet based upon their hopes, the pics and the statements from the profiles.

[JR]

I may need to set my sights on ladies whose ages are late 40s, 50s, and early 60s and forgo my idea of having a common child in my future marriage.

     This has been a wake-up day for me.   

no No NO NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I absolutely refuse to even consider ANY woman once she has passed her eighteenth birthday! I mean really guys, come on! Sheeesh....

[diverboy70]

Errrr... I'm SURE you couldn't have meant the OP should chase "the one that attracts him most and he should not focus so much on the details"...

Yup, that is exactly what I meant!  But in "attracts" I mean the girl who has all the other qualities the OP is looking for. If she wants to drink a glass of wine once in a while, it is up to him to evaluate if it is worth continuing.

[JR]

A woman is far more likely to read a man's profile than a man is to read a woman's. Personally, I simply forget "how" to read when "looking" at profiles...