Who's hunting Who?

[Bruce]

JB - I know exactly what you mean.  My wife / her mother, sister know alot of women who are interested in meeting / corresponding with a man from abroad who they feel are quality girls.  They do not want to join any of the local marriage agencies.  I have been forwarding pictures / email addresses of girls to one friend of mine in his early fourties who if he finds the right girl will go over to Russia.  They are in the write / exchange photo stage etc.  The one thing that the "marriage agency" can not vouch for is the character of the girls in their program.  In general, the bigger the program the less they can vouch for them.  Now, most of the agencys will say they met the girl etc., know some better than others, but they can not possibly know the girl's character as well as a family knows its girlfriends.  The problem with relying on contacts is that they can only refer what is in reality usually a handful of girls to a guy.  If the guy does not click with any of them, and he does not have alot of close friends within / from the FSU he is SOL.  One other factor you well pointed out to consider is that sometimes the girls as well as sometimes the guys ("Hasbro" seems like a perfect example right now) are very single for a reason.

Photoguy - your plan is sound.  Every guy has to do what he feels he is most comfortable with.   Do not be suprised if your plans may change, hopefully for the better, once you hit the ground.

[Bruce]

Albert - I definitely agree with your quotes from Bruno.

[jb]

The problem with relying on contacts is that they can only refer what is in reality usually a handful of girls to a guy.

All it takes is one, we aren't a Muslim country ya know....

[Bruno]

JB write : "I think I can agree with just about everythng Bruno wrote, after all, he has been there, swimming amidst the sharks."

I have write because my own experience and because what some other men have write to me... But don't take all like law !!! It is only the meaning of some people... but each individual need to forge his how meaning... Marry a RW woman is a dangerous adventure... who can lead to the best happiness... the more important step is to know yourself, know what is good for you BEFORE start write the first letter.

Any man going solely through an agency, (even one with a great reputation), or especially an online advertisement, to meet a potential g/f, should be aware that the girl's motovations may be less than stellar. I personally feel that many of the girls advertising themselves for a foreign man are in the catagory of ex-hookers and sluts who could not hide their shady pasts from a local guy. Hence the need for a fresh start elsewhere.

JB write : " If my wife had a suitable friend, I wouldn't hesitate to recommend an introduction to someone like Maxx, I think he's one of the good guys, and I'd hate to think of him being thrown back into the shark tank."

Don't worry for Maxx... maybe he go not receive a lot of reply but i am almost sure that he will be free of scammer, goldfinger,... he is really honest about himself... and if a woman write to him, it is because she have really interest in him...

Maybe he will be not the first to find a wife but when he go find her, he have more chance that his marriage stay to the last of his day...

Myself, i show my "bad" side in my introduction letter... i am not rich, i am not beautifull, i have not a own house, i live not in big city, ... this allow a big natural selection... and stay only these who accept me like i am...

How much man post photo with a big ship, withthe own house, say that they are rich... and know only scammer of bad woman... be yourself is a gold rule...

There is more than one way to skin a cat, if you don't feel comfortable with the options presented, look for another method to meet women who would be more in keeping with what you want.

[KenC]

KenC

[BC]

I don't have a doubt that there are many good girls/women listed on agency websites, the problem seems to me, being able to sort out the fishes from the predators.

Any man going solely through an agency, (even one with a great reputation), or especially an online advertisement, to meet a potential g/f, should be aware that the girl's motovations may be less than stellar.  I personally feel that many of the girls advertising themselves for a foreign man are in the catagory of ex-hookers and sluts who could not hide their shady pasts from a local guy. Hence the need for a fresh start elsewhere.

jb,

You are likely right on track with your thoughts, but regarding the motivation I'm not really convinced that in the end it has too much of an effect.

The goodtime girl, one indirectly paid for sex (or maybe without sex) via gifts, travels etc is probably quite happy doing what she is doing. Settling down is the last thing on her mind. Party party party is the goal. She doesn't want those vacations to disappear and will probably back down at the last moment or might accept a very wealthy guy that can give her the lifestyle she really wants or will K0(vs K1) him and ask him to first send 25K to ship her nonexistent bed to the US.

The scammer is also quite happy collecting all the loose change she can when corresponding.  She will probably lead someone right to SVOII and either goodtime him or be a no show if she has absolutely no resemblance to her picture.  Considering the low percentage of men that actually visit who can really blame her. Entertaining keyboard romeos should be a paid job.

The most honest of the lot with the best motivation is probably the working girl that wants to settle down.  An active girl will not have the time to waste hours and hours corresponding if she is lucky enough to be allowed to post or phone. Her nails, bodycare, sleep and cosmetic skills are more important.  Those wanting to settle down have either freed themselves from involuntary contract commitments or really do want to get back into mainstream life.  There's probably a few gems in this group but will likely have much better choices available with clients they get to know first hand.  

If you asked 'what was your favorite movie' in a poll of young, beautiful U/RU women you might be surprised how often 'Pretty Woman' pops up even from women that are not 'in the business' at all. In a way I think many agency girls likely 'fit' the Julia profile and motivation.  Unfortunately the Richard image is difficult to maintain for long and ofen disappears once the woman is carried over the threshold.  IMHO disappointment and false representation are the biggest stones on those traintracks.

Bruno has hit the nail I think.. be yourself whatever that may be or even underrepresent yourself and wait for the right one to approach instead of playing the jetset game chasing fresh tail.

Personal recommendation?  Not bad at all.. Just remember that old saying "don't sell a friend a used car"

[jb]

This seems a bit harsh to me.  I don't think that the women looking for a fresh start are all sluts or ex-hookers.  Maybe they are more prevelant in the "socials" but I think it may be misleading to think there are a larger number of ex-hookers listed with agencies.

This comment was in reference to the shark tank.

Most of the "crash & burned" stories I have read are self inflicted wounds.  Indeed these men could fare better with some hand holding.

Or maybe not... A lot of these guys should just stay home, buy porno movies, do their thing,,, and leave the rest of normal human race behavior to those who can handle it.

There very few men I've run up on these boards that I wished wouldn't succeed, it was always a very short list. But we constantly get the odd newbie who has such poor dating skills , such all around piss poor people skills, and I have to stop and puzzle at what they've said...  BTW, there's a new name at the top of my list now.

[Bruno]

BC,

You have use the word "scammer" and for several man, this mean FSU woman... because of my site, i can saythat actually, i have only one real scammer from FSU...

All the rest are maybe "teenage" from Western country who use internet for game with feeling of man... i track each IP and e-mail address and around 40% of ads posted are from outside FSU... they use mail.ru but they are from Turkie, america, argentine, ...

Internet in russia is enough expensive for russian woman don't game... but what from teenage and man from western side...

I will be happy the day i can find a database from scammer with western man... do you know that only 5% of man who begin a internet relation with RW go to the meeting... who is the scammer ?

And about agency, i agree with you... these big online agency are only business... they don't take care of you... only the money is welcome... local agency have a better control, they can meet the woman, ask her about motivation, ... but these little agency are difficult to find on the internet... a honest local agency by city is perfect...

Now, a other problem... the hooker and slut... About slut, i don't advice them... but what is the problem with hooker !!! The live in russia is very difficult... and some woman choose the work of hooker because this is the only solution to feed herself and children... they are not specialy bad woman... they can be good wife... the only recommendation is to make a aids test ( Slowly, russia become like Africa )...

With my previous work in Navy, i have know several hooker and i can say that they are usual woman who dream of a normal life...

And for some very old guy's, ex-hooker is not a bad choice... they have usually in good shape and know the method for weak-up a dead man :-)))

Joke !!! But short... don't judge a woman on what she was before, judge her on what she is now...

 

[BC]

BC,

You have use the word "scammer" and for several man, this mean FSU woman... because of my site, i can saythat actually, i have only one real scammer from FSU...

All the rest are maybe "teenage" from Western country who use internet for game with feeling of man... i track each IP and e-mail address and around 40% of ads posted are from outside FSU... they use mail.ru but they are from Turkie, america, argentine, ...

Well well.. didn't think about that at all.. and believe that WU number can be used anywhere in the world.  Might be thinking your money is going to FSU but.....  whata riot!

Bruno I love your humor and absolute down to earth style. Next time I'm up there will let you know. Amstel is on me.

Gluek op! (sp?)

[jb]

Bruno,

You are a very wise man.

You are right about hookers being able to have a good heart. I remember one night in San Diego, (I used to be in the Navy too) I approached a woman named "One Eyed Fat Rosie" , I told her I'd like to have a little pu$$y, she replied that she would too,,,, she said her's was about the size of my coat sleeve.

As you said, an older guy would be happy with such a woman.

What am I saying,,, I am an older guy.

[Bruno]

For BC and other : scammer make in US ...

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/metro/20040623-9999-1m23brides.html

It is only one example, i have read several other...

These scam search your money but the other only use your time... month of communication for nothing...

JB : how much time in Navy ? I have stay almost 10 year... and i was really a jerk with woman... maybe man are like wine... become better with time...

About hooker, i have know one in Amsterdam, she was from Brazil... we have not sleep together... but she is become a good friend... and now, i am the "parrain" ( sorry i don't know the word in English ) of her daughter.... And i have know a other in Toulon ( France )... now, she is married with a lawyer...

You find your AW not so much attractieve because they think about work before family... the work allow their to not fall like hooker for life... but in FSU, it is not work for everybody....

And for information, the % of hooker in russia is very low... russian man don't need hooker, they have woman without problem... with around 1000000 woman more of man, they have choice... and us, western man have the rest...

Russian woman when they have the choice prefert russian man !!!!

[BC]

... and now, i am the "parrain" ( sorry i don't know the word in English ) of her daughter....

I think the term you are looking for is godfather.

Lucky girl.

[jb]

Bruno,

I served 13 years, on everything from aircraft carriers to tug boats.  During my second tour in VietNam, I got hurt, the Navy decided it was more cost effective to give me a little disability and turn me loose than it was to fix me and keep me.  I dunno,,,, I don't regret the time I served, I had some fun.

BTW, back then I was always a jerk with women, it's the nature of sailors to be jerks with women.

However, I'd not advise any man to actively seek an ex-hooker for a wife.  These are women who have not gathered the social/moral skills to settle down and to stay with in a one man, one woman, family style of living.  I personally think the ideal woman is one who married young, maybe had a child or two, and later divorced.  This is the profile of a woman who appreciates what a husband can be, and do, for a family.

It's just my opinion, but the average man from the west, looking east, is at least once divorced, has a few miles under his belt, and ought to be able to sort these things out.  He should have a bit broader mind that the average teenager coming out of the weeds, he needs the patience of Job and he should be a man able to solve MAJOR problems instantly, kinda like Superman...

That's what it takes to marry a RW and make it work.

Just my opinion.

[Bruno]

Thanks to BC, it is never too late for learn new word from foreign language :-))

And for JB, i have work in Navy 10 year... a proverb for sailor :

"une femme dans chaque port... un porc dans chaque femme"

in English :

" one woman in each port... one pig in each woman "

and i have only serve on fregate : http://www.love-from-russia.be/ship.jpg . It is the more big ship from the Royal Belgium Navy. I have make one war in the Golf, one in Somalia and the two from Yougoslavia...

And i don't advice to man for meet ex-hooker... they are more difficult that usual woman... they very good know the man spirit... if you like challenge, try it... other go away...

About RW with children, be carefull... It is possible to compare a Russian mother with a mother wolf. She is ready to suffer and to protect her children even if she forgets about herself and is in danger of her own life. ...

The life of a Russian woman would be considered like being defective to some extent if she did not become a mother. It is very important for Russian women to have one child at least. Issues of children fall into three basic areas: her children, your children, and future children. The conversations a man has with his Russian lady about children are some of the most important discussions on the way to a relationship. Children and child rearing is an integral part of marriage. Relationships get complicated, and step relationships get more complicated than most. Both parties should spend a significant amount of time understanding their own feelings and learning about they partners attitudes in this area. 

All Russian women seem to have a strong desire to have children. If your lady is less than forty years old, she will definitely want to have at least one child to feel complete in her family. If she already has a child or children, she would probably kill to protect them. Do yourself a favor; don't get in the middle of this dynamic!

Maybe children will be a good start for a new discussion group... it is a main topic for russian woman... if you don't wish children, don't marry a RW...

[Photo Guy]

For BC and other : scammer make in US ...

SNIP

Russian woman when they have the choice prefert russian man !!!!

RW prefer RM?!  ...I will be her second choice?
Hmm. That's not good.   -doug

[ConnerVT]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

RW prefer RM?! ...I will be her second choice?
Hmm. That's not good. -doug

Of course they do, Doug.  Why would it suspect it to be any different?

If a RW could find love with a stable, suitable RM, they certainly would chose to marry them than to relocate thousands of miles away from their country, family, language, culture, and everything else they have known for all of their lives.

When I was searching for my wife, this was one of the most telling questions that I would ask women.  I would try to talk in detail about why they felt they would be successful at doing this (relocating to a new country).  Along with needing to win my heart, I wanted a woman who was self confident and had some sense of adventure.  I am very fortunate to have found this woman, and convince her to marry me.

Never underestimate how difficult it is for them to leave their country for an uncertain future (a new marriage certainly qualifies, even when remaining in the same town!).  Also, avoid women who are looking to escape their life in Russia.  It's a sign of problems a person can never escape from by moving.

[anono]

i'm just now catching up with this thread..

albert, i agree with you, there are all types. i spoke mainly of the good women that do exist in the FSU. there are indeed many with hearts as black as coal.

about these crash and burn stories. when i read about them i always ask myself, how well did they know each other and how many yellow and red flags were ignored to go that far?

it is a numbers game, that's why i am gearing up to spend two or three months in ukraine. i also like the more leisurely pace, i'm not going to try and meet three or four women a day.

i try and have one real good prospect in any one city and then try and find two or more "backups". anything can happen.

[Photo Guy]

ConnerVT,
(first name?)
What would be some good questions to ask, to find out
if she has what it takes to readjust to life here?

She tells me she wants to learn how to cook like an
American, learn English, and think like an American, so that
she can interact well with my friends and family. She doesn't
ever complain about her current conditions. She says
her parents have given their blessings and encouragement.
In the beginning she seemed content with her lack of English
and now she acknowledges that requirement and is
positive about it. She comes across as adventurous. -doug

[anono]

hi photo..   i started a new thread based on what conner brought up here..  "questions to ask U/RW"..

maybe we'll get some good insight from those who tread before and with us...

:dude:

[Bruno]

Doug write :

"She tells me she wants to learn how to cook like an American, learn English, and think like an American, so that she can interact well with my friends and family. "

Do you want marry a RW for transform her in AW...

- cook like American : fastfood, ... chips and beer the evening before TV, ...

- think like American : transform you delicate RW in a american "dragon"

Doug, if you like you RW, take care thay she stay a RW... if your friends and your familly don't like her don't take care.... these RW can your wife and maybe the mother of your future children... you like her now, why change her personality...

She need to adapt to US not to transform in a US woman....

[ConnerVT]

It's interesting.  I didn't marry my wife because she is a Russian woman, but I would hate to see her transform into an AW, because she would no longer be the woman I fell in love with.

Fortunately, I have seen little chance of that in 10 months.  In out 6 y.o. son, yes.  But while my wife has adapted very well, our daily routine and diet are mostly Russian.  The only fast food trips to McD's is to satisy her love of french fries, and my son's of cheap plastic toys.

@Doug -- Sounds to me you are on the right track.  There really are no set of questions (or answers) to determine what's best for you.  Just different perspectives to evaluate if (both of) you are making a wise decision when choosing to spend your live's together.  As important as it is to find someone who makes you happy, you also need to be sure they can be happy on this new adventure they will be embarking on.


Fred

[BC]

It's interesting.  I didn't marry my wife because she is a Russian woman, but I would hate to see her transform into an AW, because she would no longer be the woman I fell in love with.

Fortunately, I have seen little chance of that in 10 months.  In out 6 y.o. son, yes.  But while my wife has adapted very well, our daily routine and diet are mostly Russian.  The only fast food trips to McD's is to satisy her love of french fries, and my son's of cheap plastic toys.

ConnerVT,

My experience mirrors your comments even at 2 yrs ++.  Funny besides normal adjustment like language, orientation etc. most of the 'bulk' adjustments under our roof have been on my part.  It's not me running most of the show anymore..

Women are the 'boss' in every RU household I have been in.  

RU woman says:  "We need this~!"
AM says: "we can't afford it right now.."
RU answers: "then you just have to work harder"

No.. I'm not playing the wuss husband role but I do understand that 2 yrs together will not change 27 years of upbringing.  

To me this is the flipside of that 'traditional' image.. Beware to those that want only one side of the coin.

[Bruno]

 ** BC write :

RU woman says: "We need this~!"
AM says: "we can't afford it right now.."
RU answers: "then you just have to work harder"

but

RU woman says:"Whe need this~!" and RM says : ""Ni hachu" which is Russian for "I don't want to."

RW understand a "No" but if you say that you cannot afford it right now, it is like a "yes"....

** BC write : " Women are the 'boss' in every RU household I have been in. "

When i have write to Galina last year, for ask when it was true that in Russia, the man is the boss, she have reply :

"You are right, there shouldn't be a leader in the family and moreover there shouldn't be two leaders. Family is like one organism from two halves - a single whole. A husband and wife must be equal and make decisions together. And if one of the married couple says that he gives the leading role to another one, he either lies (perhaps because of some good motives) or the opinions of the married couple are so different in everything that mainly it's a forced step in order to escape quarrel. Or probably the person is afraid of responsibility.

I don't know why my fellow countrywomen have an opinion that man must be chief in the family. I see different families and relation's around me. In the family of my grandparents my grandmother was the chief and I don't wish to have such relations. I see a lot of reverse situations around me, when the opinion of a wife isn't takes into consideration and after several unsuccessful attempts she even doesn't try to express it. I don't like such a situation too, though I don't suppose myself to be feminist. It just seems to me that there are less quarrels, more understanding and trust in families where husband and wife respect each other's opinions."

[Photo Guy]

Doug write :

"She tells me she wants to learn how to cook like an American, learn English, and think like an American, so that she can interact well with my friends and family. "

Do you want marry a RW for transform her in AW...

- cook like American : fastfood, ... chips and beer the evening before TV, ...

- think like American : transform you delicate RW in a american "dragon"

Doug, if you like you RW, take care thay she stay a RW... if your friends and your familly don't like her don't take care.... these RW can your wife and maybe the mother of your future children... you like her now, why change her personality...

She need to adapt to US not to transform in a US woman....

Bruno,
Yes I totally agree. I think Larisa is just trying to impress me with
the idea that she intends to fully adapt to her new environment.
Can I keep her from becoming the typical AW? Gosh I hope so.
How about other guys - Has anyone experienced the problem
of their RW turning into an AW?!!  Yikes!
No, I certainly do not want her to transform into an AW and
I didn't imply that. I should've made that clearer.  -doug

[Photo Guy]

It's interesting.  I didn't marry my wife because she is a Russian woman, but I would hate to see her transform into an AW, because she would no longer be the woman I fell in love with.

Fortunately, I have seen little chance of that in 10 months.  In out 6 y.o. son, yes.  But while my wife has adapted very well, our daily routine and diet are mostly Russian.  The only fast food trips to McD's is to satisy her love of french fries, and my son's of cheap plastic toys.

@Doug -- Sounds to me you are on the right track.  There really are no set of questions (or answers) to determine what's best for you.  Just different perspectives to evaluate if (both of) you are making a wise decision when choosing to spend your live's together.  As important as it is to find someone who makes you happy, you also need to be sure they can be happy on this new adventure they will be embarking on.
Fred

Fred, I am a sick puppy.. Ha.. Because I WOULD take her to the
McD's drive through and get my monthly quarter pounder.
And as time went on we'd try  ..Thai food, sushi, New Mexican,
Italian, salad bars, the whole nine yards - football games,
The Suns, and the full spectrum of America. I'm not going
to shelter her or whoever I end up with. ..Well maybe I won't
tell her about Gloria Steinem books. Ha. Maybe Camille
Paglia instead.
    One of the things in life we cannot control is the way our
spouse evolves. Sometimes we ourselves change in ways
we can't predict.  -doug