freaking out a little about moving...

[SANDRO43]

Sandro, you iron your socks too don't you? 

No, they're folded neatly by my Philipino part-time maid. Wrinkles are noticeable when you have comparatively large flat surfaces, like in shirts and trousers .

[Sculpto]

No, they're folded neatly by my Philipino part-time maid. Wrinkles are noticeable when you have comparatively large flat surfaces, like in shirts and trousers .

Is she cute?

[SANDRO43]

Is she cute?

Not really, kind of short and plump, not my type at all anyway.

[Sculpto]

Not really, kind of short and plump, not my type at all anyway.

in this neck of the woods every 3 of 4 health care workers are from the Phils.  I wasn't aware there were many in Italy working as domestics.  Is there an immigration issue surrounding such workers?

[SANDRO43]

I wasn't aware there were many in Italy working as domestics.

Plenty of them, they vie with South Americans for numbers. 

Is there an immigration issue surrounding such workers?

As for anybody else. IINM, what usually happens is that one will obtain a regular work permit and residence, than apply for ricongiungimento familiare (permission for the family to join him/her). Since their families are large, this increases their numbers. My current helper is the 5th from the same family: they started some 10 years ago, then one at a time would find a better job and introduce a relative as replacement . 

[Aloe]

when i find a job, then he said he would help me with housework. I HAAAAAAATE housework, but cant find a normal job either cuz i dont speak the local languages yet

[Sculpto]

when i find a job, then he said he would help me with housework. I HAAAAAAATE housework, but cant find a normal job either cuz i dont speak the local languages yet

isn't there some internet work you can do?

[Misha]

isn't there some internet work you can do?

Are you referring to the spam that one gets: earn hundreds, nay thousands of dollars, working from home 

[Sculpto]

lol no.. but there are a variety of ways to earn legit money on the web if you know where to look.

[kievstar]

Aloe, how far are you from the business district of Brussels.  Or Nord station.  Meaning by car or public transportation.  Besides English and Russian are you fluent in any other language?  Also, what have you done for work before?

[Aloe]

Aloe, how far are you from the business district of Brussels.  Or Nord station.  Meaning by car or public transportation.  Besides English and Russian are you fluent in any other language?  Also, what have you done for work before?

Brussel Noord is like 40 minutes by train, which is fine, i used to spend more than that getting around moscow, and my husband can drive me to a train station in the morning, so its pretty convenient. English and Russian are the only languages i speak, and i havent really worked before... but im good with computers, and i can even make a simple website, did you see the website www.aisb.ru, i think i gave the link before,  i made it, except the graphics. And im pretty sure i can learn whatever people wanna teach me really quick Why, do you have a job for me by any chance? =)

[Aloe]

i feel like complaining today, so here goes...
im sitting here feeling like crap, my head has been spinning for the last 2 days, i mean literally, for no obvious reason but its super annoying, cuz sometimes i lose balance, thats lame, i wanna go to a doctor, but my husband doesnt wanna take me to a doctor, because we have gone to see a doctor like 6 times in the past 2 months, but its not my fault that ever since i moved, i keep falling apart, i have never been so sick that many times in such a short period before in my life. So we had this big argument, during which he pointed out that his free time is precious (isnt my health more precious? he thinks nothing is wrong with me), and that i keep spending HIS money, that he lets me do it because "he's stupid", and that he wont take me to a doctor, i either walk or dont go at all and hes not coming to help translate, altho the doctor goes like "whats this word in english" and "i dont know how to say it in english" all the time, but my husband insists they speak perfect english; LAME. And it is very bothersome what he said during the argument, after that he said he was just mad and he didnt mean it, thats what he does all the time, say something stupid and then say he didnt mean it, i dunno what to believe seriously, and i wanna go to the freaking doctor with someone who would help the doctor translate and without having to walk 1 or more km while risking to lose balance; LAaaaaaaaaammmmmmeeeeeeeeeee

[Aloe]

uh oh its a miracle, hes gonna take me to a doctor too bad he suggested it after my complaining, he should have agreed when i simply asked without complaining, now what kind of lesson does that teach me ?!

[BC]

i feel like complaining today, so here goes...
im sitting here feeling like crap, my head has been spinning for the last 2 days, i mean literally, for no obvious reason but its super annoying, cuz sometimes i lose balance, thats lame, i wanna go to a doctor, but my husband doesnt wanna take me to a doctor, because we have gone to see a doctor like 6 times in the past 2 months, but its not my fault that ever since i moved, i keep falling apart, i have never been so sick that many times in such a short period before in my life. So we had this big argument, during which he pointed out that his free time is precious (isnt my health more precious? he thinks nothing is wrong with me), and that i keep spending HIS money, that he lets me do it because "he's stupid", and that he wont take me to a doctor, i either walk or dont go at all and hes not coming to help translate, altho the doctor goes like "whats this word in english" and "i dont know how to say it in english" all the time, but my husband insists they speak perfect english; LAME. And it is very bothersome what he said during the argument, after that he said he was just mad and he didnt mean it, thats what he does all the time, say something stupid and then say he didnt mean it, i dunno what to believe seriously, and i wanna go to the freaking doctor with someone who would help the doctor translate and without having to walk 1 or more km while risking to lose balance; LAaaaaaaaaammmmmmeeeeeeeeeee

Aloe,

Understand.. from the other side of the fence.

This is a part of the adjustment process, not only yours but his as well.  Right now he is probably very tied up trying like hell to make up for time and expenses that were certainly involved getting you two together as a couple.  On one side, yes he should fully support you but remember you have two legs, arms and a telephone at hand to call a taxi if urgency situations arise.. OTOH he also has his commitments to workplace, which in the end benefits you both, that may or may not be already stressed (mine was and I'm self employed!!).

You seem to be struggling to find a balance point and that is quite fine, as long as you continue to struggle and work things out with hubby.

As far as 'yours/mine' discussion.. that's a toughie.  I remember well for example when she would go out to the post box to retrieve mail and open it all on the way back.. I felt pretty pissed about it but luckily held my breath and reflected first..  After mulling a bit it hit me that she was not my girlfriend but my wife!!.. huge difference.  Nowdays I tell her whatever you do, just put it all back in the envelopes they came in so that I don't have to re sort it all and don't leave it laying around the house but put it in my inbox instead..

Regarding language, it's tough but seems you have several to choose from..  Sort of like swimming you just have to give up flotation devices and jump right in.  Relying on others can be a hindrance to  your learning process.

The change in climate can have it's effects and also takes a while to adjust to.  Are you experiencing just dizziness or true vertigo?  If the latter have you had a bad cold recently with lots of sneezing?

It does take some time and patience to replace 'I' with 'We'..

.. all in all 'normalna'.. believe me.

[Blues Fairy]

im sitting here feeling like crap, my head has been spinning for the last 2 days, i mean literally, for no obvious reason

Seeing a doctor is definitely a good idea but perhaps you could ask your husband to invest in a blood pressure monitor (you can get them rather cheap at any pharmacy), and see if your BP might be the cause.  I used to experience such fits of dizziness a while ago and for the most part they could be alleviated by simple home remedies like hot tea, relaxation etc.  Yoga helps, too.

[Aloe]

Yes it was exactly blood pressure, still is, doctor said if it doesnt go away in 2 days, then get this medication
and we dont have a tea pot or tea, so no hot tea

Aloe,

Understand.. from the other side of the fence.

This is a part of the adjustment process, not only yours but his as well.  Right now he is probably very tied up trying like hell to make up for time and expenses that were certainly involved getting you two together as a couple.  On one side, yes he should fully support you but remember you have two legs, arms and a telephone at hand to call a taxi if urgency situations arise.. OTOH he also has his commitments to workplace, which in the end benefits you both, that may or may not be already stressed (mine was and I'm self employed!!).

You seem to be struggling to find a balance point and that is quite fine, as long as you continue to struggle and work things out with hubby.

As far as 'yours/mine' discussion.. that's a toughie.  I remember well for example when she would go out to the post box to retrieve mail and open it all on the way back.. I felt pretty pissed about it but luckily held my breath and reflected first..  After mulling a bit it hit me that she was not my girlfriend but my wife!!.. huge difference.  Nowdays I tell her whatever you do, just put it all back in the envelopes they came in so that I don't have to re sort it all and don't leave it laying around the house but put it in my inbox instead..

Regarding language, it's tough but seems you have several to choose from..  Sort of like swimming you just have to give up flotation devices and jump right in.  Relying on others can be a hindrance to  your learning process.

The change in climate can have it's effects and also takes a while to adjust to.  Are you experiencing just dizziness or true vertigo?  If the latter have you had a bad cold recently with lots of sneezing?

It does take some time and patience to replace 'I' with 'We'..

.. all in all 'normalna'.. believe me.

im in a world of trouble if i call a taxi, that would eat up like 5 days budget.
doctors work until 9 in the evening, so commitments to work place are not relevant in that case, its commitments to tv and computer
My language courses dont start until middle of september, so until then and a few months forward i have no choice but to rely on him, i know a few words here and there, but not enough to have a conversation, especially about medical stuff. And i was so right ! The doctor wasnt sure what im telling him, so my husband had to translate, and he didnt know how to say blood pressure either! It is just dizziness, and its just out of the blue for the past 3 days
I really hope that you are right and he will learn to think in terms of "we"
He does say that he is stressed, but in my eyes it is absolutely groundless, what does he have to be stressed about? We have a place to live in, he has a job, we have some "rainy day" money in case something happens, and we have food, and health insurance that covers almost anything, including hospitalization and pregnancy, what is there to stress about? He is one of the people who are happy with the little they have, or at least he says so. Yet every time we dip (only a little bit) in our emergency money, he gets stressed and annoyed and takes it out on me, why i dont know, we can replenish it next month and we only take like 1/20th of the sum, so why the hell stress over it ? I really dont know and dont understand. Maybe its because his job contract isnt permanent and in 1 month his boss will have to decide to hire him or not, but i think he has nothing to worry about seeing how he works during his lunch hour and overtime for free, while getting paid 1/3rd less than he initially asked, and he is good at it, who wouldnt hire such a person? I hope he will learn to not get stressed in the future, because most of our arguments happen cuz he is so annoyed and speaks to me in an inappropriate tone and manner

[BC]

I really hope that you are right and he will learn to think in terms of "we"

A good way to get it across is by example.. use that important word often and avoid 'I' at all cost.. he's bright and will catch on quickly.

He does say that he is stressed, but in my eyes it is absolutely groundless, what does he have to be stressed about? We have a place to live in, he has a job, we have some "rainy day" money in case something happens, and we have food, and health insurance that covers almost anything, including hospitalization and pregnancy, what is there to stress about?

Express such thoughts openly and often to him.. he needs to feel positive about your relationship.

He is one of the people who are happy with the little they have, or at least he says so. Yet every time we dip (only a little bit) in our emergency money, he gets stressed and annoyed and takes it out on me, why i dont know, we can replenish it next month and we only take like 1/20th of the sum, so why the hell stress over it ? I really dont know and dont understand. Maybe its because his job contract isnt permanent and in 1 month his boss will have to decide to hire him or not, but i think he has nothing to worry about seeing how he works during his lunch hour and overtime for free, while getting paid 1/3rd less than he initially asked, and he is good at it, who wouldnt hire such a person?

He sounds like a 'bird in hand' type of person which is not bad at all.  Sounds also like he shoulders a lot of responsibility and under the circumstances that 'rainy day money' is important to you both, especially with pending decisions that cannot be known at this point and could go either way.  Again show your confidence in him and support as much as possible.  A stable job situation will relieve a lot of stress.  Talk openly about the responsibility part and your willingness to share that burden with him.

I hope he will learn to not get stressed in the future, because most of our arguments happen cuz he is so annoyed and speaks to me in an inappropriate tone and manner

His expressions are symptoms.. just work on the causes as in the above and the symptoms should clear up.  No one really likes to bitch and moan all day.  One thing about men is they usually carry a lot of pride so his fear of failing you may be great.  Just let him know that you see he is doing his best to gain permanence in his job, but that the final decision is neither yours or his, and that you will face that decision with him together without fault or blame, just new challenges.  Distract his thoughts.. sex is a good outlet.

[Aloe]

thanks for advice, i think you are right, i ll try to point out the positive to him more often.
i do use "we" all the time, we joke about it all the time, even the pantyliners are "ours" and not mine Thats why it was shocking and disturbing he would say "my money", i thought we were far past the point of dividing stuff into yours and mine

[BC]

thanks for advice, i think you are right, i ll try to point out the positive to him more often.
i do use "we" all the time, we joke about it all the time, even the pantyliners are "ours" and not mine Thats why it was shocking and disturbing he would say "my money", i thought we were far past the point of dividing stuff into yours and mine

Maybe tell him jokingly that as long as the pot is so small you ain't going to worry about the 'my money' thing, grander times are on the way.. 

Naa.. just keep the thought to yourself.. This too shall pass..

[boaterguy]

About the rainy day money, Most people who are wise enough to have emergency money have a certain amount they like to maintain. I know I do, and being self employed it's very important to have that cushion. I keep over a years expenses as a cushion. Perhaps he is at the level where if he has any less he is uncomfortable?

You sound like you are experiencing the same physical challenges my wife did when she moved to the US. Every little thing worried her and we bickered quite a bit about when to go to the doctor. It finally came to an end after several thousand dollars worth of bogus tests. The next round was going to be another several thousand...heart stress tests,etc. The bottem line was all of it was caused by STRESS! Relax Aloe, I would wager most off your issues are due to stress. BTW! You don't need a teapot to make tea! All you need is anything that will heat water,tea in any form, and a cup. If the tea is not in a bag then use a clean cloth to strain your tea into your cup! Perhaps you are suffering withdrawels from caffeine due to missing your tea! Now, go make yourself a nice hot cup of tea and relax! My wife would never give up her tea and coffee!

[Aloe]

I dont think he can ever have enough emergency money. I asked him what he would do if he had 100 mil bucks, he said put away 99 mil, just in case. Lol. I find it very funny, sort of a hamster syndrome? I dont mind it as long as he stays reasonable.
I dont think im under any stress, i just sit at home all day, he is the one stressing.
Oh and i dont drink tea or coffee Never have, only ice tea sometimes

[boaterguy]

I dont think he can ever have enough emergency money. I asked him what he would do if he had 100 mil bucks, he said put away 99 mil, just in case. Lol. I find it very funny, sort of a hamster syndrome? I dont mind it as long as he stays reasonable.
I dont think im under any stress, i just sit at home all day, he is the one stressing.
Oh and i dont drink tea or coffee Never have, only ice tea sometimes

Another thought! It took my wife about a year to acclimatize. Going from a home in the winter which is always 30+ C. in the winter to 21C and similiar in the summer.

[Aloe]

Another thought! It took my wife about a year to acclimatize. Going from a home in the winter which is always 30+ C. in the winter to 21C and similiar in the summer.

oh that could be it, when i first came i was freezing my butt off all day long, its way too cold here compared to my home, 21 c is bad, i need 22+ for comfort, at least used to, dont know about now, no AC to check and no thermometer lol

[mies]

бедняжка - держись!
на человека который игнорирует моет здоровье нельзя положиться. Я бы не смогла.
а по теме - представь себе что ты приехала в страну туристом и нету рядом с тобой мужа который может работать переводчиком. Заготавливаешь текст, переводишь в онлайн-переводчике основные термины на бельгийский, остальной текст на английском, пишешь на бумажке/распечатываешь - и вперед самой к врачу. Километр-два это совсем небольшое расстояние.

Ну в общем - нужно как-то самостоятельно начинать своей жизнью заниматься.

ask your husband to buy teapot and tea. it shouldn't be too expensive.

[mies]

Now i find out he turns into a huge annoyed meanie if he's hungry, i wonder if that's normal, i know i'm easy to annoy when i'm hungry but i don't turn into a total meanie, just sit there annoyed not touching anyone, why be mean. Not sure how to deal with that. Obviously try to not let him go hungry, but that is not the solution to the real problem.

you are lucky you never got to be around me when I am hungry LOL
I can eat alive the person who stays close enough when I am craving for food. Or bite anyone who prevents me from getting my food NOW
My husband found great solution for this - when i am hungry - he immediately sticks a yogurt to my hands and then peace is reestablished