Rude or just me?

[JamesDH]

Hello,

Recently I've been emailing and talking on the phone with a woman from the east.
A few days ago we agreed that she would come here to visit as she has an American visa and has been here a few times.
Up until now our conversations on the phone and in emails have been very nice with her being sweet, warm and very respectful.

This morning I wake to a nice email about her day and how she got batteries for the camera, chocolate to bring with etc.. basic normal email.
My last email to her contained a link to the Houston Museum of Natural History and the new Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit and asked if she had any interest in seeing it.
She replied with enthusiasm that she would love to see that.
Ok everything's cool...

Next email was just these words.

" I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day. :-D "


The floor is referring to a project I started a few days ago to replace the carpet in one bedroom with laminate floor (snap together wood looking stuff) I also painted the walls.
I feel she took my sending her a link to the museum exhibit as the indicator that I've been setting by the computer all day instead of working on the floor.

I'm at a loss as to whether to take that as an insult, compliment, motivational speech or what?

Judging from the smile after the statement I feel it's not meant as a dig or derogatory but it's the first "bump in the road" I've had since we started communicating.

Get the feeling that it rubbed me the wrong way? It did!

Comments?

James

[Ooooops]

Next email was just these words.

" I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day. :-D "



Comments?

I'd say it's just a "tong in the cheek".       Nothing insulting in that e-mail, at least not to my taste.

Are you getting scared of your decision? 

[Shadow]

Dont take offense, its not meant in ay way bad as far as I can see.
If it rubbed you the wrong way, try to respond with some humour, but als question yourself as to why such an (in my eyes completely innocent( remark would rub you the wrong way.

PS: Sorry if you only wish answers from the ladies.  

[Aloe]

Sounds like an innocent joke to me, like she is referring to you looking up stuff for her visit (like if you care THAT much that you spend all your time doing it), and spending time talking/writing to her.. sounds more like a compliment/joke/wishful thinking on her part in my opinion..  (wishful thinking that you devote all your time to her and preparing for her visit hence at the computer? )

[GoodOlBoy]

" I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day. :-D "

Hello James.

It is the RW's humor.

Don't worry about it.

Just consider it "lost in translation".

After 4 good years of marriage, my beautiful wife still catches me off guard with some comment which makes me stop and look at her.......and then she says: "it's joke!" 


GOB

[groovlstk]

Next email was just these words.

" I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day. :-D "

I wouldn't just brush this away as a joke unless she makes it very clear she's ribbing you.  

I'm at a loss as to whether to take that as an insult, compliment, motivational speech or what?

Judging from the smile after the statement I feel it's not meant as a dig or derogatory but it's the first "bump in the road" I've had since we started communicating.

Get the feeling that it rubbed me the wrong way? It did!

Comments?

James

I experienced some of this very early on in my relationship with my wife. One day, while we were still communicating via ICQ before our first meeting, I mentioned that I was planning to get a haircut that evening; when we spoke the next day and I hadn't been to a barber she gave me a hard time that I thought was way out of proportion for something so trivial. At the time it was a red flag for me as I couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a nag - yet the crux of the matter was that my wife had dealt with scores of men with plans, both big and small, who never got off their duffs yet talked incessantly about projects and goals. Once she understood I was a "serious" man, she never showed this attitude again.

My advice would be to avoid rationalizing it, actions speak louder than words.

[WmGO]

IMO, it was meant mostly as humour and partly
as Ken suggests - monitoring whether you follow
through with what you say.

Take it easy!

And get the floor done!   

[Ooooops]

And get the floor done!   

 

[JamesDH]

And get the floor done!   Smiley

Too funny WmGO!
I did get the floor done (as well as painted the walls, vacuumed the garage etc..)

The big smiley on the end makes me think it's ribbing and now that I think about it there has been some similar banter on the phone but it's so much easier to pickup that she's ribbing.

It rubbed me the wrong way briefly just because of the change in tone from all the previous messages.
I know she knows that I don't spend that much time in front of the computer and it caught me off guard.

Over the course of years I've dated several women from NY. They have a cockiness or testiness that I really enjoy. I almost get the same feeling here.
If that's the case then it's going to be better than I thought.

[KenC]

James,
You need to make more of an allowance for "lost in translation" than you are in this case.  A woman from a different culture, using a language that is not her native one and a different sense of humor.  When my ex first came, we were both constantly offended by each others words.  We mutually decided to not get too worked up at first glance of the offenses as it was only a failure to communicate properly to each other.  The misunderstandings almost disappeared after we realized that we were not intentionally trying to hurt each other with our words, just not understanding each others meaning.

You shouldn't hang on every word nor analyze it too closely.
KenC

[GoodOlBoy]

You shouldn't hang on every word nor analyze it too closely.

I agree completely.

If you don't, you will probably drive yourself and her crazy.


GOB

[Gator]

" I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day. :-D "

Get the feeling that it rubbed me the wrong way? It did!

For now, give her the benefit of the doubt.

When she arrives, continue to bite your tongue for the first day or two, yet take notes.  If she repeats a style that really rubs you the wrong way, have a serious conversation. Explain how she could phrase something more diplomatically. 

BTW, you probably will do something that rubs her the wrong way.  So while helping her improve, ask her what you need to do differently.

Marriage to a RW requires a lot of communication, compromise, adjustment and accommodation.  If both people are committed to the relationship, you will do fine.

[GoodOlBoy]

When she arrives, continue to bite your tongue for the first day or two, yet take notes.  If she repeats a style that really rubs you the wrong way

Then she is probably not "THE ONE".

I met a very beautiful RW in Moscow.

We seemed to have this problem (rubbing each other the wrong way).

After 2 weeks in person of trying to get it right, we both just parted our own separate ways. 

.....have a serious conversation. Explain how she could phrase something more diplomatically.

You can do this, BUT....It probably won't work.

She is just being herself and probably won't change that much (JMHO).


GOB

[LiveFromUkraine]

More than likely, she was joking about you spending time on the internet with her. 

I have no doubts it was a joke and I thought it was a cute one.  Sounds like she has a nice sense of humor.

[boaterguy]

I didn't see a thing lost in translation..twas plain as day! The lady is flirting with you and made a joke...hence the smiley!

[JamesDH]

BTW, you probably will do something that rubs her the wrong way.

I think I did that already when I told her that her accent made me smile.

The major problem is that it's hard to catch the tone of an email at times.
The supporting smiley should have clued me in but I had not had coffee yet.

Now I think it's cute and feel that she was flirting with me and I flirted right back.

Great fun

[Faux Pas]

I think I did that already when I told her that her accent made me smile.

The major problem is that it's hard to catch the tone of an email at times.
The supporting smiley should have clued me in but I had not had coffee yet.

Now I think it's cute and feel that she was flirting with me and I flirted right back.

Great fun

I would have taken it as completely tongue in cheek joke with some flirting. I would see it as a good sign. Several mentioned the lost in translation and it's true. Remember, even if she speaks english she is till thinking in russian. Humor has many different nuances from culture to culture. Also, you'll need to remember when she visits, don't hang on to every word. Even though she speaks good english, the use and meaning of every english word isn't exactly the same as yours.

[Beaverpatrol]

"" I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day. :-D ""

Dont worry ! Thats the different kind of humor. I would see it as a wonderful sign of sympathy.
 

[ConnerVT]

They say the best thing is the truth.

You should tell her that, initially, you were very upset with her comment to you, thinking it was very rude.  But after discussing it with all the folks on the Internet forum, you decided that you'll forgive her for your misunderstanding...      

(Gee... I hope everyone can figure out that I'm just kidding...)

[JR]

" I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day. :-D "

There's a smiley face. I'd take it as joking around. I would respond with something like "Being at the computer makes me feel closer to you "

OR

"I am just so excited about meeting you that I'd rather plan our time together than lay tile."

It wouldn't be white-wash as I'm sure that's exactly how you feel, right?

[Doll]

I feel the floor will never be done as you have been sitting by the computer for all day.

Can't see anything wrong in this sentence. And BTW- do the floor! 

[I/O]

Get the floor done, tell her she was wrong and then you might see some rudeness.

I/O

[Ooooops]

About the different humor in different cultures - I've notice that Russian jokes are usually short, blunt and straight to the point, versus English ones go on forever till they reach the punch line.   Or may be I was only told the boring English jokes so far...       

No, I'm lying, I know funny short English joke about James Bond...   

[Doll]

If she repeats a style that really rubs you the wrong way, have a serious conversation. Explain how she could phrase something more diplomatically.

It is much easier to marry (or date) and American woman. To "explain" a person to talk in another culture way- waste of time.
There is NOTHING wrong in her phrase about the floor.
Agree to Ooooops -when you listen to English (American) jokes or just explanation- it takes forever to understand the point.

[SANDRO43]

No, I'm lying, I know funny short English joke about James Bond...   

Are you going to share it, Valkyrie ?