Out of the blue

[Misha]

She gets jealous if i so much as smile at any RW while I'm in country.

Is she extremely jealous? This, IMHO, is not good.

[OlgaH]

Now I get a email from her saying can we keep in touch and see how things are in a month or two

and with email a woman who is serious about relationship would provide an explanation for her previous decision: "we don't have a future, it's over."

[Ranetka]

Totally Disagree.

FSUW like this usually......poooof !!..... disappear when [b]confronted [/b] by an honest man!




GOB

Absolutely! Confront is the key! More you try to confront and blame and be bitter less chances of an honest answer.

The only way to get an answer is to accept the situation, not to show any resentment and say thank you, sorry if it  did not work out for you...

[JR]

Hello Aventino,
Sorry your introduction here is under such circumstances. I have read all your posts in this thread and here is what I think you should do.

Do you need closure? From all your failed attempts at contact with her I sense that you do. Then close the door and walk away with your head held high! Why do you need to continue to pick at a festering wound? Do you really think that wallowing in pig-shit after you have ascertained that it is indeed pig-shit will change it's fragrance? No my friend, from what you posted here you acted admirably. Most men don't go the distance. You did. You showed your sincerity, took the lead and moved things along as a man should. Far too many men never do what you did. You did not go too fast. You formulated a plan and worked it.

My gut tells me she had another man/men on the hook and something shiner surfaced. Then she decided to keep stringing you along, just in case.
 
No more contact with her. Are we clear on this? Nothing good will come from it. Tell her you had a good time and you appreciate her? BAH!! After what she did she doesn't deserve to have the mud off your boot upon her back side let alone a nice, grovelling email confirming she had you wrapped around her finger. If you do this it will only give her a green light to abuse your intentions further.

Walk away my friend, walk away...

[OlgaH]

My gut tells me she had another man/men on the hook and something shiner surfaced. Then she decided to keep stringing you along, just in case.

One bird is in the hand and two birds are in the bush 

[Doll]

I never gave her any money except for airfares

I think this is the reason.

[JR]

One bird is in the hand and two birds are in the bush 

I believe the quote is: "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." I don't think it applies here as it seems she was/is trying to have one in hand while grabbing for the two in the bush....

[OlgaH]

I believe the quote is: "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." I don't think it applies here as it seems she was/is trying to have one in hand while grabbing for the two in the bush....

Therefore I have not used original quote You can hold one bird in your hand and try to catch other two birds in noose, then... make you choice  

[aventino68]

Thanks all, I did send her an email and explained why I was confused and why I wasn't happy with her disappearing for a week. Her exhusband is a little strange so that was what concerned me.

I have asked her once for answers and will move on. I just don't need it in my life and there are plenty of others out there.

I agree with OlgaH, I am in Hong Kong and that was going to be quite a change as was having live in maids so I wonder if she has decided to hold out for someone better who may or may not have come along already. Maybe we were good together but maybe she also thought she will find someone she is better together with. Who knows, but I'm not going to waste months trying to find out.

It was fun though and I can see meeting someone with a child makes it better and worse.    

Can someone explain what the approach is with money, I decided a couple of months ago that since things were going well I would give to her daughter what I gave to my son so I allocated her daughter an allowance that Julia spent on her. It was $400USD a month. I don't think this is the same as blindly giving her money, and don't think she would have been offended. Who knows?  I simply tried to show the children were equal, I didn't favour mine, and I saw the relationship as stable and going somewhere together and putting aside the distance between us.

[Doll]

Yes, I think of 3 factors here: 6 trips, no support, age gap. She just gave up.
I don't blame her. There probably is another candidate who is younger and more generous with money (and not so slow). This is my verdict  

[Ranetka]

I have asked her once for answers and will move on. I just don't need it in my life and there are plenty of others out there.

I think you did the right thing.

[aventino68]

Wow, so i am supposed to give her money? I am happy to but when to start and how do i do it keeping her happy?

[Doll]

Wow, so i am supposed to give her money? I am happy to but when to start and how do i do it keeping her happy?

Look- this is what my husband-to-be then and now my present husband says (it is one and the same person and we've been married for 7+years)," Honey, if you are thinking of marrying me- you need to count on my support" I also wanted to not take money from him. I think he is right.

[Doll]

Wow, so i am supposed to give her money? I am happy to but when to start and how do i do it keeping her happy?

I think it is too late now and she changed her mind. I just read your OP and think you're too slow, the age difference is too big and also she needs a support (or in other words - she wants to be sure she will move to another country to a man who is ready to support) Just my thoughts.
There also could be some other reasons but we don't know the whole "picture".
Could be sex, could be something else she couldn't stand any more.
I once was the media between an AM and two of his women- one was his ex from Ukraine, another his gf from Russia. He was my friend and asked to talk to them.
The result was sad- he would never think of the reason they both rejected him.

[OlgaH]

 
Can someone explain what the approach is with money, I decided a couple of months ago that since things were going well I would give to her daughter what I gave to my son so I allocated her daughter an allowance that Julia spent on her. It was $400USD a month. I don't think this is the same as blindly giving her money, and don't think she would have been offended. Who knows?

$400USD in Ukraine is a good monthly wage. Average salary in Ukraine $250USD
http://www.rbc.ua/rus/newsline/2009/05/26/548129.shtml

[aventino68]

Sad, I asked her to marry me on my second trip to see her and she wanted to wait. I should have started supporting her then but thought it would have been serious when we met her parents. I set up an account here for her and did all of that, I can see I was way too slow financially to help her in the Ukraine.

 

[Doll]

Olga, it is a good money but as I said there are another factors and this 400.00 was not offered on time.
There must be somebody else she considers, don't you think, Olga?
The girl is 25 with a kid and it has been 6 trips. She just gave up.
6 trips for how long? I mean 6 trips within how many months?

[Doll]

I set up an account here for her and did all of that

All of what?

[JR]

He gave her $400 a month and you're saying he didn't do enough? Ravens wife worked 60 something hours a week to earn what, 97ish dollars a month! Considering what happened I'd say he did too much.
Someone gives me four times the national average salary and I don't have to lift a finger for it I sure as heck won't say they didn't do enough LOLOL.

[Doll]

He gave her $400 a month and you're saying he didn't do enough?

It is enough but here I am confused- he said he never gave her money rather than for the tickets , now it is $400.
JR, there is something else like I said. Or money can be the major problem.
Who knows...

[Doll]

Could be his income, sex, some habits. I would consider it too much- 25 and 40 (42?), too long, no support. All together is too much.

[JR]

It is enough but here I am confused- he said he never gave her money rather than for the tickets , now it is $400.
JR, there is something else like I said. Or money can be the major problem.
Who knows...

Unless I read it wrong he said didn't give "her" money but gave her money for her child. I see no difference. He gave her money, quite a bit in regards to the local economy.

And just why should he start supporting her when she turns down his proposal?

[facetrock]

Doll, I dont think it was the money. I think there might be another rooster or two in the hen house. She played the field and chose another. Thats what I am thinking.

[JR]

Wow, so i am supposed to give her money? I am happy to but when to start and how do i do it keeping her happy?

It is not someting you are "supposed" to do. If you decide do it then it's your discretion but there are no rules about it.

My ex adamantly refused all offers of money for any reason before we were married. I tried to explain to her that since we were engaged she was my responsibility but she's have none of it.

[Doll]

JR, here

  I never gave her any money except for airfares to get her from Lugansk to kiev when we stayed in kiev.