Out of the blue

[Doll]

Doll, I dont think it was the money. I think there might be another rooster or two in the hen house. She played the field and chose another. Thats what I am thinking.

very possible

[JR]

Yes, Doll but then he went on to explain that several months ago he started giving her $400 a month for her child. Doubtful she spent is all on her child...

[Doll]

Yes, Doll but then he went on to explain that several months ago he started giving her $400 a month for her child. Doubtful she spent is all on her child...

Here we could start the discussion what the trust to spend money the way a woman wants is but we won't. It is what it is.

[Doll]

Just wondering- 6 trips took how long?

[OlgaH]

And just why should he start supporting her when she turns down his proposal?

I don't see any reason for supporting either.

[Doll]

I don't see any reason for supporting either.

Depends how the person looks at it. You don't see, she might.

[aventino68]

Ok so first trips were only a few days and then did 10-14 days every month over the past 4 months. I wanted this woman so when she said it's too early for marriage I was happy to wait.

When you all first asked about money I was a bit embarrassed to say, I didn't want you or her to feel I was buying time with her. You have all been honest and forthright with your views. I can see I should have given her a monthly allowance months ago and not wait until we were engaged. I need too be more realistic.

I am kicking myself for not asking you all a bunch of questions before I fell for her. I don't mind where the money went but I thought (felt better) giving it to support her daughter and in turn her. That's why I didn't see it as just handing over money.


Maybe the money would have shown my intentions more than asking for marriage?  

I have another trip in July and August. From Hong Kong I go Singapore for visa back to Hong Kong down to Dubai over to Kiev and on to Lugansk.

[Doll]

Bottom line- the girl preferred somebody else and it didn't happen right away. She didn't like something and switched to another man. I think the reason she did it is important

[Doll]

Ok so first trips were only a few days and then did 10-14 days every month over the past 4 months.

Then let me ask you what you do for living?

[aventino68]

Bottom line- the girl preferred somebody else and it didn't happen right away. She didn't like something and switched to another man. I think the reason she did it is important

Tough but true. I am busy until end of July, that's what happens when you use up all your leave looking for love

I will take a time out, it has been stressful especially leaving my son for more than a week at a time and will see what happens.

In future I will send say $500-1000 a month as soon as I think the relationship is going somewhere to take that uncertainty out of the relationship. Might not have made any difference here but it might help in the future.

Hi Doll, I'm just an airline pilot.

[Gator]

I can see I should have given her a monthly allowance months ago and not wait until we were engaged. I need too be more realistic.

You are a confused man about the financial support issue.  Actually, you were correct in not giving her money.  Why?  You were not engaged.

I don't mind where the money went but I thought (felt better) giving it to support her daughter and in turn her. That's why I didn't see it as just handing over money.

Good reasoning, if engaged.  A single mom in the FSU can use some financial assistance.  Along this line of reasoning, it is not important to give money to a fiancee who has no children, who earns a reasonable income, and is on a timetable to relocate to her fiance's country.  Spoil her when she arrives in your country.

Maybe the money would have shown my intentions more than asking for marriage?

No, you would be just like RM boyfriends.  It would show that you were just renting her until you grew tired of her.  You need to be engaged or at least committed to marriage before financially supporting a woman.  Don't try to buy love; its not for sale.

[OlgaH]

I can see I should have given her a monthly allowance months ago and not wait until we were engaged. I need too be more realistic.

If a man should give a woman a monthly allowance before engagement why not to start a first date with a monthly allowance or to send a monthly allowance after first letter  

Be realistic  

[OlgaH]

In future I will send say $500-1000 a month as soon as I think the relationship is going somewhere to take that uncertainty out of the relationship. Might not have made any difference here but it might help in the future.

aventino68, you must be kidding...

[Gator]

Aventino,

You wrote earlier, "She would come over to stay with me for 12 months..."  

That does not sound serious.  It certainly is not engagement and a fiancee visa.  If she knew about the American fiancee visa process, the concept of just visiting for 12 months without marriage would suggest that you were just a player.

[OlgaH]

Aventino,

You wrote earlier, "She would come over to stay with me for 12 months..."  

That does not sound serious.  It certainly is not engagement and a fiancee visa.  If she knew about the American fiancee visa process, the concept of just visiting for 12 months without marriage would suggest that you were just a player.

Gator, he wrote he is in Hong Kong.

[ECOCKS]

I understood he lives in Hong Kong. So, don't think he would have been getting a K-1.

[aventino68]

Sorry, yep I'm in Hong Kong so I sponsor her and she comes out for as long as it takes her to feel comfortable (sponsor visa max 12 months) if she wants to try the place out before marriage. I was happy with marriage the first time I met her.

Still confused about the money issue (what to do and when) and the apologetic email I got from her today saying she has things to sort out and it will all be clearer in a few weeks.

[OlgaH]

Still confused about the money issue (what to do and when) and the apologetic email I got from her today saying she has things to sort out and it will all be clearer in a few weeks.

About the money issue Gator said well. Regarding her apologetic email... first of all ask her to  explain what a problem was when she decided that she and you "don't have a future, it's over."

[JR]

Still confused about the money issue (what to do and when) and the apologetic email I got from her today saying she has things to sort out and it will all be clearer in a few weeks.

Money issue: none until you're engaged, PERIOD!!! You can buy a piece of meat but YOU CAN'T BUY LOVE.

You heard from her agian? That means the man she replaced you with may not be working out. I say keep moving, there is plenty of fish in the water.

[Doll]

In future I will send say $500-1000 a month as soon as I think the relationship is going somewhere

Don't think you got it right.

[groovlstk]

Still confused about the money issue (what to do and when) and the apologetic email I got from her today saying she has things to sort out and it will all be clearer in a few weeks.

I went through a similar situation years ago before I met my wife. Dumped for some vague BS reason and spent the next 6 months blaming myself for some imagined discretion. Here's my advice:
1. Stop kicking yourself for something you should or shouldn't have done. You may never know what her reason was for dumping you, and you'll have to come to terms with it over time.
2. She never loved you. Never. If you threw money at her she may have married you, but do you want to live in a loveless (and probably very, very finite) marriage?

Pick yourself up, do some soul searching, and find a woman who is crazy in love with you. You don't deserve any less.

[Gator]

Gator, he wrote he is in Hong Kong.

I dismissed it as Hong Kong is just his temporary residence and not his permanent home.   His parents are not there.  However, it seems his daughter resides there.

Even so, sponsorship is not marriage.  Maybe Aventino's UW wanted something more permanent.

[Doll]

aventino68, and you are the citizen of what country? Feel like we are close to the truth

[Gator]

Still confused about .... the apologetic email I got from her today saying she has things to sort out and it will all be clearer in a few weeks.

This saga is a mystery.  Be cool.  Do not do anything rash.  In fact, do nothing other than send her an email every couple of weeks wishing that everything is okay with her life.  I would, however, contact a few new RW.

[Doll]

Gator, let him answer what country he is from then we will see. Then we'll have 12 guesses