Author Topic: Out of the blue (Read 40144 times)

Doll · « **Reply #175 on:** May 30, 2009, 08:12:20 PM »

In his OP he writes he never gave her money, then "a couple on months ago" - $400 for a kid. So it was one time help.

Ooooops · « **Reply #176 on:** May 30, 2009, 08:16:34 PM »

I'm not sure how bad is it to offer money for international phone usage - it's pretty expensive and if woman doesn't work then it can easily add up even for SMS alone. She wouldn't use it if it wasn't for talking to OP hence...

aventino68 · « **Reply #177 on:** May 30, 2009, 08:18:53 PM »

Quote from: Doll on May 30, 2009, 08:12:20 PM

In his OP he writes he never gave her money, then "a couple on months ago" - $400 for a kid. So it was one time help.

Doll I think you are misquoting me. I was trying to show that I didn't just blindly give money everytime we met up. I gave a set amount every month for her child for the reasons I have mentioned. It appears I was wrong but I certainly wasn't doing it to buy time with her. By a few months into the relationship I felt (wrongly in hindsight) that we were getting along well and wanted her child (that I hoped would be our child) to get what mine was getting.

And yes I need to harden up. If the right one she really wants me she will let me know.

facetrock · « **Reply #178 on:** May 30, 2009, 09:09:05 PM »

Aventino. If a woman is into she is into you. If she is not, no amount of money spent on her child or paying for sms will make her love you. You can overload your brain trying to figure out what you did wrong or what you should have done. The sad fact is she was just not into you enough to spend her life with you. Many women will date men they really dont love. Be it for companionship, someone to lean on for a while or any number of other reasons. She just didnt feel it with you and no matter what she told you in the past doesnt matter now. Give her credit for not marrying a man she didnt truly love. Some day when you do meet the one you will queitly thank her too.

OlgaH · « **Reply #179 on:** May 30, 2009, 09:17:39 PM »

Quote from: Sculpto on May 30, 2009, 06:18:01 PM

BF is right Aventino..

The lady will choose the guy she likes the most.. assuming she is an honest woman. A few pennies to pay for sms messages are little more than an insult.

If an American man send her 10 SMS per day and expects that she will answer on every SMS he should consider that for example MegaFon SMS will cost her 19 rub each, so 10sms = 190 rub. Month of SMS in such amount of SMS every day will cost her 5700 rub and for some women it will be more than half of their monthly wage and fore some women it is their whole monthly wage.

facetrock · « **Reply #180 on:** May 30, 2009, 09:26:32 PM »

I will guarantee you none of this is about money. She was never really in love with Aventino. Probably really liked him but never had that burning desire she wanted for him. But if I am wrong and it is about money, count yourself lucky. She could have met another man that tripped her trigger, or she could have just ended it with out a word which is not all that uncommon with women. But whatever the case, I still dont thinks its about money. Its about emotions, attraction, love and desire. She just didnt have for Aventino.

Sculpto · « **Reply #181 on:** May 30, 2009, 09:28:57 PM »

Quote from: OlgaH on May 30, 2009, 09:17:39 PM

If an American man send her 10 SMS per day and expects that she will answer on every SMS he should consider that for example MegaFon SMS will cost her 19 rub each, so 10sms = 190 rub. Month of SMS in such amount of SMS every day will cost her 5700 rub and for some women it will be more than half of their monthly wage and fore some women it is their whole monthly wage.

that was my point Olga.. sorry if it wasnt clear.

OlgaH · « **Reply #182 on:** May 30, 2009, 09:37:29 PM »

Quote from: Sculpto on May 30, 2009, 09:28:57 PM

that was my point Olga.. sorry if it wasnt clear.

I'm glad that some men understand the situation

aventino68 · « **Reply #183 on:** May 30, 2009, 10:53:50 PM »

Thanks for the explanations, I will learn and move on.

I called the thread out of the blue because when I left last time the aircraft broke out of Kiev and I was delayed. I was supposed to SMS when in Dubai on my way home. She left 6 text messages because she hadn't heard from me and stayed up until 4 in the morning until my aircraft finally arrived in Dubai. And I explained what happened. I wasn't happy about the 2 months apart but she kept on saying it will pass quick and we will continue to build a stronger relationship. We swapped a bunch of Photo's of what we had been up to the week before she called it quits.

Usually when a relationship isn't working you notice it. The spark has gone or wasn't there to begin with or you're just going through the motions. I've been the one breaking up as well as on the receiving end before. This time I honestly can say I didn't see it coming.

Might sneak back to the newbies forum where it appears I belong

ScottinCrimea · « **Reply #184 on:** May 31, 2009, 02:22:30 AM »

I just caught up with this post and figured maybe it was my turn to put in my 2 cents worth. Everyone is conjecturing that it was about Hong Kong, or about him not sending enough money, or her having one or more other men on the side. I think it's much simpler than that. Of course we don't know what there interaction was when they were together, but what he has posted suggests very strongly that she just wasn't that into him. If she was, none of these things would have made any difference. Not introducing family or friends sooner, in my opinion, suggests that she wasn't as committed to continuing things as a long term relationship.

So why did she cut it off "out of the blue"? Because it had gotten to the point where she would have to commit herself by going to Hong Kong and she didn't feel strongly enough about him to do that. As long as there wasn't the pressure of an imminent timeline, she was okay with stringing things along. Actually, she probably would have cut things off sooner, but the $400 a month was an incentive to keep it going just a bit longer. What I think is one of the problems with a man sending money before they are in a committed relationship is that it makes it more difficult for the woman, especially if she is a struggling single mom, to make the break at the natural time.

What may have happened during that holiday with her parents is that they explained to her exactly what her accepting that money every month meant and perhaps shaming her.

I admit, little information and much conjecture, but it makes as much sense as anything else we have come up with so far.

Doll · « **Reply #185 on:** May 31, 2009, 04:20:34 AM »

Quote

a committed relationship

What do you call, guys, "a committed relationship"?
Engagement?

Shadow · « **Reply #186 on:** May 31, 2009, 04:34:43 AM »

Quote from: Doll on May 31, 2009, 04:20:34 AM

What do you call, guys, "a committed relationship"?
Engagement?

I call a committed relationship one where both sides agree not to seek others, and work towards a life together.

Doll · « **Reply #187 on:** May 31, 2009, 04:48:34 AM »

Quote from: Shadow on May 31, 2009, 04:34:43 AM

I call a committed relationship one where both sides agree not to seek others, and work towards a life together.

Then Aventino was in this relationship.

kievstar · « **Reply #188 on:** May 31, 2009, 05:29:27 AM »

Different views on what committed is. Some guys is ring on a finger and proposed marriage, some is not seeing other people, some is living together. My view is put the ring on the finger and get approval from parents for marriage. There is that song from Beyonce about put a ring on it if you like it.

Based on women I tend to know they view most guys not serious until they have given the ring and talked with parents (this is AW, EW, and RW). Otherwise just a guy looking for sex. A serious woman will want you to meet parents when she feels comfortable with you. I am a big believer that if it is true love it happens right away. This does not mean meet parents first or second trip but you know when she or he is the one. Not talking physical obsession which many men make this mistake with RW.

Shadow · « **Reply #189 on:** May 31, 2009, 08:28:56 AM »

Quote from: Doll on May 31, 2009, 04:48:34 AM

Then Aventino was in this relationship.

From his side, yes, but the other side I have serious doubts about the commitment.

Doll · « **Reply #190 on:** May 31, 2009, 10:24:41 AM »

Quote from: Shadow on May 31, 2009, 08:28:56 AM

From his side, yes, but the other side I have serious doubts about the commitment.

We are talking of "when a man is into a committed relationship".
It was the case

Shadow · « **Reply #191 on:** May 31, 2009, 10:39:11 AM »

Quote from: Doll on May 31, 2009, 10:24:41 AM

We are talking of "when a man is into a committed relationship".
It was the case

My definition clearly included that both sides should be committed.

ScottinCrimea · « **Reply #192 on:** May 31, 2009, 11:38:00 AM »

That's the key. he was committed, but she wasn't. Otherwise she wouldn't still be posting on dating sites.

aventino68 · « **Reply #193 on:** May 31, 2009, 04:03:27 PM »

I tend to agree with you all, when it came time to decide whether to have me meet her parents and get committed she felt there was someone better for her out there and would rather keep looking for him. It's that simple.

facetrock · « **Reply #194 on:** May 31, 2009, 05:18:03 PM »

Aventino, dont get discouraged. I am sure you have alot to offer a woman. Get back in there and root around for a while. See what you dig up. And hey, your still single and its not all that bad:)

Sculpto · « **Reply #195 on:** May 31, 2009, 05:19:38 PM »

Quote from: facetrock on May 31, 2009, 05:18:03 PM

Aventino, dont get discouraged. I am sure you have alot to offer a woman. Get back in there and root around for a while. See what you dig up. And hey, your still single and its not all that bad:)

ditto to what Facet said.. and.. I really advise making some male friends in Ukraine.. since you can go there frequently it would give you a GIANT advantage in sorting out the bad girls.

aventino68 · « **Reply #196 on:** May 31, 2009, 08:57:25 PM »

I don't have a Ukraine embassy nearby (8 hrs round trip and night in hotel in Singapore) so I was actually trying to find someone from RU when I got chatting with the now ex-g/f. I decided since we got on so well I would just put up with the extra 2 days travel required for Visa.

And need my passport daily so I cant Fedex it to them.

Had to do the Singapore travel.

So on rethink I don't know, I might stick with Russia since there is an Embassy in Hong Kong and it's so easy to get to. But I enjoy the Ukraine, it's just a pain since the Embassy closed here.

Funny aside to do with having a child in the dating equation, as it were. On Skype chatting about 3 months ago with the ex and my son walks over. So I say to him, "say hi to her would you".

He smiles, puts down the 74 plastic dinosaurs he is carrying, comes over, puts on the headset leans into the camera and says happily:

"Hi, my Dads got another girlfriend and he's dumping you tonight"

Turns and looks at the expression of horror/bewilderment/shock/surprise/amazement (you choose) on my face and says "today I am funny"

After heart restarted I explained to ex it was all not the case at all, signed off skype and proceeded to have a wee discussion with him. As it were.

facetrock · « **Reply #197 on:** May 31, 2009, 09:00:26 PM »

Now that was funny

Sculpto · « **Reply #198 on:** May 31, 2009, 09:00:54 PM »

wow... how long ago was that? I mean relative to her breaking up with you...

aventino68 · « **Reply #199 on:** May 31, 2009, 09:07:19 PM »

That was way way way before, I visited three times after that and proposed so she knew he was joking.

Afterwards he then said " I was going to tell her the joke about 3 skunks do you think that would have been better?"

At the time because she had a child of her own I thought she knew to expect the unexpected from them.

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Author Topic: Out of the blue (Read 40144 times)

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