Hi all.. newbie from the midwest.

[cardfan99]

You don't agree I/O?  Please elaborate.

[kryten41]

I think Gemini's post pretty much defined "traditional"

[I/O]

You don't agree I/O?  Please elaborate.

Cardfan, I was having a tongue in cheek jab at you for the way this reads "I'm a man and that's what I'm attracted to." You aren't gay are you?

Point is, you'll find some fairly sharp people when you venture to the FSU and with the lost nuances of language transition / translation, you need to be on your metal and have your wits about you. FWIW, Russians often have a very keen and somewhat acidic sense of humour. I venture to suggest you should keep your dating roster right up to speed locally as going to the FSU will require a step up in skills to survive, it isn't a fall back position if you want to find someone really nice.

I/O

[Sculpto]

Quote from: KenC on Yesterday at 08:30:30 PM
It is not negativity to point out the reality that you have yet to pass many mileposts of your relationship, grasshopper.  Little things like actually getting married, processing her immigration to America, living together, her adaptation to America and getting her green card.  Your input on relationships with RW is like premature ejaculation.  You have yet to enter into the main event.
KenC

Ken darling.. despite your lovely invitation to oral sex in PM your critique falls quite hollow considering the blatantly obvious signs you missed in your own relationship.  So, don't try and come off as some wizened and expert man of the world.  In reality.. you are exactly where you were before you got married except ten + years older and exactly that many years less attractive.  Your tone with me IS negative, and I sense it in just about everything else you have written lately, so, here is your MIRROR.. do yourself a favor and look in it.  The go take a little vacation.. it will do you a world of good.  

And by the way.. what I have been through with my girl is the death of her father and other hardships that did strain our relationship.. plus the distance.. yet we are still together and stronger than ever.  What comes next will be easy compared to what we have already accomplished.

[Lee08]

Welcome cardfan,
As you have seen, this is a place to get a lot of good information and opinions about RW. I wish you luck in your search.

I live in a small town also and I brought my wife here from Moscow over 2 months ago. Don't be scared; just go for it.
You might give this website a try:  www.verifiedrussiangirls.com
It's where I met my wife.

Good luck,
LLS

[Sculpto]

:ohbrother:

I/O

nominated for best of!

[cardfan99]

OK, that's what I thought.. sometimes its hard to determine what someone is trying to convey through emoticons.  Anyway, I agree and I will not be dropping the search locally.  I'm just terribly frustrated with it lately.  It seems most of the good one's my age are all married.

[GoodOlBoy]

Hello Cardfan99 and welcome to RWD.

I am probably getting a little ahead of myself, BUT....I must warn you, plan on going to see any FSU woman/women that you start an online relationship with no later than 4 or 5 month's after initial contact.

If you wait much later than that, they start to think you are not serious.

Got any questions........just ask.

Good Luck!


GOB

[I/O]

What comes next will be easy compared to what we have already accomplished.

Sculpto, you haven't a clue what will happen if your G/F gets to the migration stage.

I/O

[Sculpto]

Cardfan..

I can understand your frustrations.  

Don't let yourself get sucked into the vortex of mythology from reading the agency sites.  

Try using one of the free sites.. like mambo.. or social network like vkontakte to get your feet a little wetter..

You may or may not learn that you do or do not like how FSUW are.  Beauty isn't everything and finding compatibility emotionally, philosophically, morally, and so on is not easy, in fact, is really difficult.  Perhaps no less difficult than finding the same right here at home.  And, it costs a lot more to do it between long distance calls.. plane tickets.. apartment rentals.. terps.. and of course the immigration process.  Think things through realistically before making a commitment.. its not something to do on impulse unless you are ina position to go over for an extended period of time.. that changes all the parameters in your favor.

Nevertheless.. you are in the right place to avoid a lot of the problems.. so.. relax and enjoy the ride..  

[Sculpto]

Sculpto, you haven't a clue what will happen if your G/F gets to the migration stage.

I/O

I know.. we are in process.. she could back out at the last minute.. she could arrive and disappear.. we could move in and argue every day.. I could be a mule.. etc etc etc..

Or.. everything can go as hoped and planned..

I am not going to worry about it.  Honestly.. I had my doubts not so long ago.. but as she has done every time when I have had doubts.. she has come through with the right actions.. every single time.. she always comes through.. not always as fast as I would like.. but she always does.. 

And if it goes wrong.. it frees me up to do some things I have been wanting to do anyway.. no matter what.. I win. 

[I/O]

it frees me up to do some things I have been wanting to do anyway

If there is ANYTHING you "have been wanting to do" other than devote your whole being to her when she arrives, you're a dead man walking.

I/O

[gemini]

Some are skinny and still sick.  Bad ecology + stress + lack of affordable and quality medical care. 

Most of RW I met here gain few pounds when they moved to US. Some of my friends are skinny and sick from stress but they are doing residency and it is natural in their situation.

[guote]And some make their kids defensive neurotics while pursuing this goal.  Define a good mother: one who drives the kids hard to get them educated at the cost of their emotional well-being, or one who doesn't give a damn about their career but provides great emotional support at all instances.  Jury is still out on that one.  In my opinion, too many Russian mothers are controlling, aggressive, overly critical, and emotionally deaf to their kids. 

[/quote]
I know children of my class mates from high school and medical school, all of them are nice kids, they know what they are doing. Children of my friends here are more independent. Russian mothers are more pushing, but I am sure children need to be pushed and encouraged. I see very good outcomes, most of children I know are already high school and college age.   

Good for you; but again, not all RW can be gracious and mindful about never reproaching their husband and kids for this great sacrifice.

[/quote]
I never thought about anything I was doing for my family as a "sacrifice". Three of  my friends in US are working as wife and mothers and consider it is perfectly normal.   Everything is normal if it is for the benefit of the family and children.

[Sculpto]

If there is ANYTHING you "have been wanting to do" other than devote your whole being to her when she arrives, you're a dead man walking.

I/O

I/O.. look.. I brought a French woman over in 1996.. it didn't work out.  I am not about to repeat the same mistakes.. I will make a whole bunch of new ones.  

One thing I can tell you about my girl.. if I give her too much attention she is going to go insane and make my life miserable.  she is very independent and I am going to have to let her find her feet and pay attention because knowing her she is not going to tell me when something is wrong.  That will be my biggest challenge once she is here..

Here is a prediction.. she is going to try and turn herself into a housewife until her she is confident of her English and ability to get a normal job.. but she is going to resent it deep down.. she will not give even a little clue that she isn't happy with it because she will not want me to think she is weak.  So.. if I ignore this knowledge and just let her be the perfect housewife.. she will be gone in less than a year...  but.. if I use careful timing and make sure to take her to interesting things and make sure she finds some community of her own with people closer to her age.. everything will be fine.  I am going to have to walk a tight rope for at least a year and pay very close attention to very small details.    

The other stuff I wish to do can wait.  She knows about everything and is theoretically on board.   Once I am off the tightrope and she is on her own two feet.. the other stuff can come to a higher place on the priority list.  But.. artists don't stop artists from creating.. just as I would never stop her from writing she will never stop me from ruining some perfectly good canvass or making a lot of sawdust from some perfectly good hardwood.  

[gemini]

I think Gemini's post pretty much defined "traditional"

I guess I am traditional and so my friends are.

[I/O]

Here is a prediction..

If your real attitude is anything like you display on here (I'm hoping for her sake it isn't), little wonder you failed once and you'll do exactly the same thing again. Good luck, you're sure going to need it.

I/O

[KenC]

Ken darling.. despite your lovely invitation to oral sex in PM

You then misunderstand the term "blow me".  Taking it litterally makes me think you are spending too much time in gay bars in SF.

your critique falls quite hollow considering the blatantly obvious signs you missed in your own relationship.  So, don't try and come off as some wizened and expert man of the world.  In reality.. you are exactly where you were before you got married except ten + years older and exactly that many years less attractive.

Hmmm. ten years of blissful marriage to a RW is hardly a miss.  While it is true that we eventually did split, just what exactly have you accomplished?  Not much except being taken by the first gal IIRC and you are at the budding stage of a new relationship.  That is hardly a position to dole out advice on international relationships.  Thinking that you have passed the difficult part just proves your ignorance.
 

Your tone with me IS negative, and I sense it in just about everything else you have written lately, so, here is your MIRROR.. do yourself a favor and look in it.  The go take a little vacation.. it will do you a world of good. 

I have always been negative on people talking out their arse on subjects which they have no experience or any clue.  (You qualify in spades)  Many guys like you have come and gone from RWD, knowing everything after a trip or two, only to fall on their arse and fade into the sunset.  Personally, I look forward to your fade out.

And by the way.. what I have been through with my girl is the death of her father and other hardships that did strain our relationship.. plus the distance.. yet we are still together and stronger than ever.  What comes next will be easy compared to what we have already accomplished.

Proof of how naive or stupid you really are.  You have my permission to speak down to me once you pass the ten year mark.  I say that with the confidence of knowing you will never reach it.  The "chase" is the fun and easy part, not what comes next.
KenC

[Sculpto]

If your real attitude is anything like you display on here (I'm hoping for her sake it isn't), little wonder you failed once and you'll do exactly the same thing again. Good luck, you're sure going to need it.

I/O

aww I/O, come on man haven't you been reading my posts all year?  I am a freak!  I went out of may to find someone compatible with a freak who is at least as strange as I am.  We knocked each other around already.. pushed every hot button there is.. and wow.. still together, still going forward.. give me some credit man..

anyway.. why are we making this nice guy from Illinois thread about me?  Unless there is something useful to him.. might be though.. hey Card.. I think I/O is trying to tell you to not be like me..

[cardfan99]

lol.. I think its cool that my first thread is getting so much attention.  

[Sculpto]

oh boy.. here we go again.. sorry Card.. I seem to piss off some of the kids on the playground..

You then misunderstand the term "blow me".  Taking it litterally makes me think you are spending too much time in gay bars in SF.

No Ken, I understood it perfectly.. you would like to impress me with your feelings of superiority and dominance.. that is why you used such a childish insult.  To which, I responded I can have your blow job arranged.. but not by me because you are not my type.  I don't like old guys with a bad attitude.  

Hmmm. ten years of blissful marriage to a RW is hardly a miss.  While it is true that we eventually did split, just what exactly have you accomplished?  Not much except being taken by the first gal IIRC and you are at the budding stage of a new relationship.  That is hardly a position to dole out advice on international relationships.  Thinking that you have passed the difficult part just proves your ignorance.

Yet you are quite obviously living in the past Ken.  And, you admittedly missed a point that was so obvious that ANY man with a clue would have picked up on it.  Well, enjoy your photos.. just don't get too many tears on them.. the photo paper is usually not resistant to liquids.

 I have always been negative on people talking out their arse on subjects which they have no experience or any clue.  (You qualify in spades)  Many guys like you have come and gone from RWD, knowing everything after a trip or two, only to fall on their arse and fade into the sunset.  Personally, I look forward to your fade out. Proof of how naive or stupid you really are.  You have my permission to speak down to me once you pass the ten year mark.  I say that with the confidence of knowing you will never reach it.  The "chase" is the fun and easy part, not what comes next.
KenC

Ken.. I have been over 4 times now for an amount of time equalling about 10 weeks.  I am not an expert but I know a few things.  I can also assure you I have more experience with women than you will ever have.

And you can have my permission to talk down to me.. well.. never.  you are arrogant and it shows in the final result of your marriage.  So, where was your wisdom when your X wife was craving a baby?  How could you have missed something so basic?  

So.. again.. take a look in the mirror Ken.. do you like what you see?  Here.. I am holding it up for you.. just open your eyes.. its not that hard.

Being negative just brings more negative.. so.. with all your wisdom you would think you had enough of it to recognize such a simple truth.. so.. why don't you worry about your own life instead of insulting mine?

[LiveFromUkraine]

oh boy.. here we go again.. sorry Card.. I seem to piss off some of the kids on the playground..

No Ken, I understood it perfectly.. you would like to impress me with your feelings of superiority and dominance.. that is why you used such a childish insult.  To which, I responded I can have your blow job arranged.. but not by me because you are not my type.  I don't like old guys with a bad attitude.  

Yet you are quite obviously living in the past Ken.  And, you admittedly missed a point that was so obvious that ANY man with a clue would have picked up on it.  Well, enjoy your photos.. just don't get too many tears on them.. the photo paper is usually not resistant to liquids.

Ken.. I have been over 4 times now for an amount of time equalling about 10 weeks.  I am not an expert but I know a few things.  I can also assure you I have more experience with women than you will ever have.

And you can have my permission to talk down to me.. well.. never.  you are arrogant and it shows in the final result of your marriage.  So, where was your wisdom when your X wife was craving a baby?  How could you have missed something so basic?  

So.. again.. take a look in the mirror Ken.. do you like what you see?  Here.. I am holding it up for you.. just open your eyes.. its not that hard.

Being negative just brings more negative.. so.. with all your wisdom you would think you had enough of it to recognize such a simple truth.. so.. why don't you worry about your own life instead of insulting mine?

Dude, I have no doubts you are going to crash and burn in a major way.  Please come back and post pictures so others can see.

[KenC]

Yeah, right, 10 weeks = 10 years!    Only in your little mind, Sculpto.

[Sculpto]

Dude, I have no doubts you are going to crash and burn in a major way.  Please come back and post pictures so others can see what type of idiots are traveling to meet women.

wow another positive thinker.. thanks man.. really appreciate it. 

[Sculpto]

Yeah, right, 10 weeks = 10 years!    Only in your little mind, Sculpto.

Ken.. you are making some of the other guys I don't get along with look like real intellectuals.. but anyway.. where did that ten years get you?  THEY ARE PAST.. finished.. over.. So, you should be an expert at one thing Ken.. pouring concrete. 

[LiveFromUkraine]

wow another positive thinker.. thanks man.. really appreciate it. 

Actually, I am a positive thinker.  My wife kicks me for it at times.  From what I have read, you seem to be trying to be an expert on this forum.  I am sure you can help in some ways but others you have no business even posting advice.

IMO, I would take advice from Ken, about marriage, any day.  10 years is pretty damn good.  

BTW, I lived in Ukraine for a year and a half.  I have passed my one year anniversary and it was a tough couple of years.  It has brought us both very close and we are at a great place right now.  If she is as much a freak as you stated, you will be having a lovely time when she gets to you and you start living together.

Don't be so cocky...