Conflicting meetings

[Chef!]

Ok guys, here is the deal.  Bear with me, I get winded at times! 

Girl #1:  Ok, I met this wonderful girl through a dating site almost 6 months ago. After months of communication, we have decided to take it to the next step.  She is a great girl, very romantic and sweet, except she doesn't speak english, but can read it.  We were supposed to meet last august but were unable to do so and so now, I have another vacation coming up next month, so, we want to meet this time.  I opted for odessa, but she is VERY focused on Kiev.  She is from another town, but really wants to meet in Kiev and nowhere else! I even offered to pay for the train or plane to Odessa, but she won't have it.   She says she really knows kiev well, as that is where she went to university.  Now here is the situation with the other one.

Girl #2:  As many of us communicate with multiple girls at once in search of "The One", I too like to spread myself out.  As I am a member of three different IM services, Yahoo, Hotmail, and ICQ, I frequently get random IMs from different people all over the world.  If I'm in the mood, I will respond and carry on a conversation.  Well, I happened to meet this incredible girl a couple months ago.  We get along very well, to the point where we talk to each other through all mediums of communication: IM, SMS, e-mail, and on the phone almost everyday.  We have been so concentrated on each other that we have decided to spend the holidays together, Christmas and New Years.  So, you can see where I'm going with this.  She lives and works in Kiev.  But the meeting times between the two are different.  The first girl is meeting me mid - month, and the 2nd is meeting the latter part through the beginning of January.  Yes, I know Kiev is a huge city, but I am not european and so my physical characteristics cannot blend in with the majority of the population.  I mean, what are the chances of being recognized?  But that scenario still goes through my head.  There always could be a chance contact with a waiter or attendent somewhere.  Especially, since both girls will want to take me to all the typical tourist places!  A worker at these establishments could remember me from the previous week with the first one and talk to the 2nd one in their native language and say that I was there, but with another girl!  Who knows... Not paranoid, just cautious.  Not trying to deceive, but I will probably choose between one or the other to continue relations after this meeting so I don't want any static.  Advice?  Suggestions?  Please speak your mind, don't hold back!  Thanks!

 

Rob

[dorogoyroberto]

Rob,

Your chances of being recognized increase sharply if you wear your  chef's hat  everywhere and/or are 6-foot-8 or so. Otherwise, in  this city of 2.6 million-plus people, I think you will be fine, even if  you stick to the Maidan [size="-1"]Nezalezhnosti (Independence Square) area...

Roberto
Kiev, Ukraine



[/size]

[Chef!]

ok, I'm asian, but not your typical one!  Taller, with an athletic build.  But you know how small this world can be at times.  I'd hate to ruin my possibilities with either one as they both are "good girls".  I'm not like most that I have read about that have 10-20 girls on "stand-by" or anything.  I go about this pretty much the way I would with any woman, beit in the states, Western Europe, or anywhere else.  I'm just thinking that the first girl will take me to typical tourist places, and the 2nd will want to do the same.  As far as restaurants go, since my line of owrk is cooking, there are probably a certain amount of places that I'll want to go to.  I guess I just need to plan properly.

[Bruno]

[user=545]Chef![/user] wrote:

Not paranoid, just cautious.  Not trying to deceive, but I will probably choose between one or the other to continue relations after this meeting so I don't want any static.  Advice?  Suggestions?  Please speak your mind, don't hold back!  Thanks!

Rob, you can maybe make the choice of lady before the trip... How ? Very simple, send a sample of the "Men's Rules" to each women... if one reply and accept these rules, she will be a good wife.

A sample of "Men's Rules" below : :D:D

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Men's Rules (that women should know)

1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

6. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

19. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

27. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
 

[Maxx]

Chef, I don't think you got too much to worry about if you do the following.

Keep a list of all the places you went to and then don't go to those places with the other lady.

Consider altering your appearance with a Foo Man Choo mustache and beard and wear a Ushanka hat from www.Balticrim.com Don't forget the red star emblem. You will fit right in and make a definate impression.

Make sure you manage your communication with the other lady while you are with her rival. Perhaps you can prepare some letters in advance that you can alter here and there and use a Yahoo account to send them. Or you can get somebody to write her in your name. These women do this all the time to us.

"Lose" your passport and get a new one with all the pages blank after you get back from your holiday days vacation. One guy told his woman he had never been to Russia before and his lady looked at his passport while he was in the shower. When he came out she threw it in his face.

 Maxx

[Bruno]

Really Cheft!, don't worry... if you visit the usual tourist place, the people who work to the place see thousand of face each day... until you don't fight one of them, they will forget you after 5 minutes...

And it is very possible that women have more date too... read the trip report from [user=65]Michelangelo[/user] for a example...

[Michelangelo]

I don't know Chef--lightning does strike.

Several years ago I was at a conference in New Orleans.  I had two dates the same night, one early and one late.

And yes, it happened!  The first girl saw me with the second girl!!!  She confronted me, and both girls stormed out!

You have to consider that this could happen to you, too....

[Michelangelo]

"One guy told his woman he had never been to Russia before and his lady looked at his passport while he was in the shower. When he came out she threw it in his face."--Maxx


[/quote]I have had two girls examine my passport.  Better hide it if it shows prior trips to FSU you can't explain...

I'm so happy that now I have only ONE girl and nothing to hide [/quote]

[Chef!]

Not too worried about the passport issue, I have a Dip and a tourist...

[Aleksia]

You got a lot of advice here, but did you think the following - both women know that you came to Ukraine to meet with her specifically. Am I correct?

How will you explain to each of them that you do not want to meet next day? (If you will want to meet with another one, for example).

Usually, when two people attracted to each other, they want to see each other all the time, right? So, if first girl will like you, she will want to see you next day and the next, etc.  

I think you put yourself in a very difficult situation, which can end badly.

I will suggest you to tell the truth to both of the girls. If they are seriously interested in you, they will understand.

[Chef!]

No, this is not the case.  I am meeting the first girl for 6 consecutive days and nights.  She will stay with me the whole time.  and I will meet the 2nd for 12 consecutive days and nights.  The first one doesn't live in Kiev, just wants to meet there insted of odessa, for whatever reason.

[Albert]

"I will suggest you to tell the truth to both of the girls. If they are seriously interested in you, they will understand."

You started out with some sensible words in other posts.  But now I think you are very naive, despite your claimed experience in this business.

Women NEVER 'understand' this where 'understand' is meant to suggest acceptance.

The only women who 'understand' this is usually the gals who work at agencies who are helping guys arrange to meet several women on their visits to a given city.

[Albert]

OK, as to the original poster.  Yes, as someone noted, Kyiv is a city of about 2.5 million.  So chances of you being seen by any given person is small.

Also, restaurant waiters, etc., usually know enough to keep their mouth shut regarding guys who show up with various ladies from day to day.  This is quite common practice throughout FSU where many if not most married guys have mistresses also.

But, things can happen.  I experienced a situation where the stupid waitress DID tell one of my gals (in Russian so I didn't find out til my gal wanted to tell me) that I had been in before with various other gals.  It screwed up this relationship which was very promising for the long-run.  Actually, most of the women I had been in with previously were business contacts, but try selling that to your new girlfriend.

Even more incredible . . . . I was scheduled to meet a gal in Odesa.  But I cancelled out several days before our scheduled meeting because additional corrrespondence led me to believe that she would be a real bitch.  Then a few months later I was in Kyiv walking through the mall under Independence Square with a woman.  Another woman was nearby and kept looking at me.  I studied her somewhat and lo and behold, I recognized her as the gal that I was scheduled to meet earlier in Odesa.  Luckily she never approached me and the current gal, but it gave me quite a startle.  Meanwhile, I never layed eyes on any of the 25 or so Kyiv gals that I had previously dated.  Go figure.

[al-c]

Oh what a tangled web we weave!

Chef, have you thought of being honest with both of these ladies and telling them what you will be doing?  To RW, a man going there to meet two or more ladies is not that unusual, and they will be more accepting of it than you realize.

The first time I went there, it was to meet only one lady, and she was quite stunned that I was going there just for her, so much so that she asked me several times how many other women I was meeting.  When I said zero, there was always a moment of silence on the other end of the phone.

So why start playing 007 games with these ladies when you might end up marrying one of them?  There is no reason to.  They will both appreciate your honesty.

 

[Michelangelo]

[user=545]Chef![/user] wrote:

No, this is not the case. I am meeting the first girl for 6 consecutive days and nights. She will stay with me the whole time. and I will meet the 2nd for 12 consecutive days and nights. The first one doesn't live in Kiev, just wants to meet there insted of odessa, for whatever reason.

Hmmm....I think you are crossing the line here.  I think it's important to meet and date lots of girls.  But when you become serious, you have to decide.  How can you spend two weeks with a girl, leading her to think you are serious, when in fact you just spent one week with a different girl?

It's tough, I know.  And the girls are likely doing the same number on us guys.

But you can get burned playing even a more simple multiple date game--read above what happened to Albert and me.

When I was faced with a similar dilemma  4 months ago of two serious girls, I postponed one meeting so I could in good faith concentrate on the first girl.  And I felt good about that decision.

Hopefully, you'll love being with the first girl and you won't have to meet the second girl at all...and you'll be happy that you will no longer have this problem of one too many girls...

[Chef!]

Well, the deal is that though I've communicated with one for almost 6 months and the other for two, though this one has been on practically a daily basis, the truth of the matter is that we have not yet met.  Though we get along swimmingly now, with both, I might add, who's to say that the chemistry will or will not be there?  I'd like to think that it will, but there are differences between the two that could easily shift the balance of power.  There are things to consider like compatibility, language, maturity, etc.  How can I just pick one until I know there is a future of a serious nature?  The fact that I'm spending a week with one and two weeks with the other doesn't mean that it will be this lustful union of two people.  I usually go with the flow.  My main goal is to experience a new place with someone that I can share many things in common with and for us to show each other a good time.  It's priority that we both have a good time, first and foremost.  At the same time, I will look at the potential for a relationship.  I'm not going to concentrate on the romance, that will come naturally if the feeling is mutual.  But we will both part our ways at the end of the trip with a good feeling of having a wonderful experience.  It is what it is.  If it is meant to be, then it will be, right?

[KenC]

[user=545]Chef![/user] wrote:

 How can I just pick one until I know there is a future of a serious nature?  The fact that I'm spending a week with one and two weeks with the other doesn't mean that it will be this lustful union of two people.  I usually go with the flow.  My main goal is to experience a new place with someone that I can share many things in common with and for us to show each other a good time.  It's priority that we both have a good time, first and foremost.  At the same time, I will look at the potential for a relationship.  I'm not going to concentrate on the romance, that will come naturally if the feeling is mutual.  But we will both part our ways at the end of the trip with a good feeling of having a wonderful experience.  It is what it is.  If it is meant to be, then it will be, right?

You shouldn't pick prior to meeting.  In fact, I would suggest you have a back up plan so that you don't waste your time if things go sideways for you with one or the other or both.  You have doubled your chances for success by going to meet two women instead of one, but you still run the chance of hitting two strikes too.  Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.  I would hate for you to waste any of your time should either of these meetings not live up to expectations.

BTW, how do you plan on handling communication with girl #1?

KenC

[Chef!]

as far as a back up plan, not sure at this point of the game if there is time enough.  Besides, I'm a pretty optimistic person and so I have a good feeling that one of the two will definitely work out!  But, having been in the military for 20 plus years, yes, always have a contingency!  Well, the fact that I'm going to a place that I've always wanted to go, and all the feedback I receive is positive, I'm sure there will not be a lack of things to do or people to meet!  I like to travel alot, when I can, and so I've been to many places on my own and have always had a great time, and not by myself, either!;-) So, if the bottom totally falls out, I'll just go with the flow and still have a great time! 

As far as her english abilities, though she said she speaks no english, she gave me her number to sms her.  But when that didn't work, I called direct and we talked!  The connection from cell to cell is not the greatest, at all, but I was able to understand her fairly well.  I think she, like other foreigners that have some english speaking capability, understimate themselves and are shy about it.  I met this wonderful girl in Italy in August, and she was the same.  She said she didn't really speak, but we got to talking and she definitely undercut herself.  She spoke quite well once she became comfortable with me.  Hell, she ought to!  She told me that she was awarded a couse in english at Cambridge, of all places!!!

[al-c]

Please don't worry about the English.  You will communicate just fine.  I did, with two ladies who knew only a handful of English phrases.  It is frustrating, but it works (as long as you don't argue, that is).

Can you get an interpreter for the first two days?  It sounds expensive, but it really isn't.  I got them through the agency I found the girls at for $15.00 per hour, and one of them agreed to work directly for me, after her working day with the agency was over, for $6.00 an hour.  It sounds too good to be true, but for the 20 to 25 year old women the agencies hire as interpreters, $6.00 per hour is good money.  They are consummate professionals who know how to make you feel comfortable with them being privy to your personal and intimate conversation.

Once you tell both girls what the deal is, keep your appointments with both of them, even if your meeting with girl #1 goes super well.  If you stand up girl #2 to spend more time with girl #1, that will backfire because that will show girl #1 that you are dishonorable.  The fact that each knows they have competition will make them try all the harder to please you.

This is not America, and these girls are not going to think like American women (which is why we are looking to Russia in the first place).

 

[Chef!]

well, that's the whole reason for separating the two visits.  the first will come  for 5 days and then go back home.  Then I meet the next one the following day who already lives there.

[KenC]

Chef!,

In "back up plan", I don't necessarily mean that you have to have other girls lined up to meet.  Just maybe a contact or two with a local interpreter, agency or such, just so you are not floundering around language challanged with too much time on your hands.  You want to maximize your time there.  I am sure some guys here can suggest people for you.

BTW, where are you staying while you are there?

KenC

[Chef!]

Oh, I see.  I suppose it would be good to have a few contacts with ex-pats to grab a beer or something or an agency to meet others.  Well, I haven't booked for the first week, since we were still going back and forth between odessa and kiev, but my two week period is going to be at an awesome apartment near independence square.  But after reading these postings and since the first is so set on kiev, I think it will be fine to just go there.  It sucks that I already bought a plane ticket to Odessa and wasted that money. Maybe I can win it back at a casino!:P

[KenC]

Chef!,

Does girl #1 know you already bought tickets to Odessa?

KenC

[Chef!]

well, when we had the very short chat on the phone yesterday, I told her that she had a letter waiting for her and I did mention that I bought the ticket already.  But the connection was not good at all, so i don't know if she understood.  She said she will read it and reply on Monday, tomorrow.  We'll see what she says.  It is puzzling why she was so set on kiev.  When in august, we were going to go to odessa.  Hmmmmm...

[Aleksia]

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Women NEVER 'understand' this where 'understand' is meant to suggest acceptance.[/font][/size] 

Well, you are speaking with a woman, so I think as a woman I can tell that if a woman is interested and she is wise, she will understand. Until people promised something to each other, they do not owe anything. If it was conversations about love, future together, it's a different case.