Confused as to what to do - need advice

[groovlstk]

I have not heard from her in 2 days. I leave the ball in her court. One thing that I am embarrased to admit is that I sent her $150 to buy a digital camera because she did not have one and I wanted regular photos from her - of herself, her place, city, family, etc. I know I broke a major rule here but I did it and if nothing comes of it well so be it, live and learn.

Don't kick yourself, it's a trifling amount compared to what you'd spend even for a single wasted visit with a woman who is not into you.

[Simoni]

Move on, man. This woman is indifferent to you, you deserve better.

You need to take this advice and follow it.   Move on.

There are countless women in the FSU.   You need to find one that is "in to you," man.

I'd recommend you write lots of girls and find several with which you have great chemistry with in writing or skyping, and then go meet them.  If the first one you visit is a hit, great. If not, move on. NEVER settle for a girl that is anything less than crazy about you.

[AramisLux]

i really think you should have been very frank with this girl just as soon as you began to find communicating with her uncomfortable. when you are having this type of serious problem with a girl, it is time to make your feelings known to her about it. make sure she understands what you are feeling and thinking. put the ball in her court. get her to explain what she is feeling, thinking, and doing.

you are not doing yourself or her any kind of favors by not bringing it out in the open with her.

[Sculpto]

Why? I've met really nice people at this site, one of them already visited me three times .

Another question is that I'm not sure that their "scientific approach" is really good to find a soul mate, but to find friends - definitely. Plus it can be a very long process.

Sorry I was being a little sarcastic.  I didn't like eharmony because the matches that it brought up weren't matches at all and then it took months to get them to stop spamming me after I quit.  I still get spam from them but not every other day like it was. 

[Ronnie]

Don't dismiss the idea of a scam just because she doesn't ask you for anything or refuses to accept an offer of money.  That's pretty much the MO as they learn they can "slow play" most western men in that way.

I don't believe in chemistry being measurable over the phone.  Only in person.  It's called chemistry for a reason. 

[ladyR]

Sorry I was being a little sarcastic.  I didn't like eharmony because the matches that it brought up weren't matches at all and then it took months to get them to stop spamming me after I quit.  I still get spam from them but not every other day like it was. 

I was being sarcastic myself, when at first I've receivied as matches: a man who is constantly living on the yacht for the whole year, a man who is fond of wild animals at home, a man with 6 children he is living with, 2 followers of the strange cults etc.. But after I corrected my criteria the things become better (or maybe I was just lucky and patient enough). And agree that their "marketing" is very annoying. But anyway in general I liked them more than any other site I saw.   

[MatryoshkaMan]

Update - I have not heard a thing from her in 2 days. Even though I sent her an nice email on Monday saying that I wished that we could communicate more, etc. It was not a confrontational or serious email at all. I just said that since she is so busy that she doesnt have time to talk on the phone I thought that I could say hi and give her an update on things by email. Haven't had any response at all since.

So I am wondering if I should send her a text asking what is up or just forget about her altogether at this point?

[Taz]

Don't be so "needy". Just set back and wait for her to reply. Let her show you now how interested she is in your relationship. Typically when RW do this, they are not that intersted in the man. Of course there can be other reasons but...

If I were you, I'd be continuing my search. Why waste time?

[Gator]

So I am wondering if I should send her a text asking what is up or just forget about her altogether at this point?

Yes, forget about her!

As you and others have said, you and this woman are not clicking. 

Most people said "Move on."

You are not moving on until you forget about her.  Any more such posts is a sign that you fell in love with a photo.

[Daveman]

Lots of truly excellent advice in this thread... take it to heart.

My primary concern here is that you so boldly declared that she is The One after a week of communication.  man, don't wear your freakin' heart on your sleeves and pants legs.  Until you meet, you have a penpal and a dream/fantasy. That's it. Nothing else.

All of the RW's I have encountered do love for a man to show his interest, be the hunter, etc... but there is a fine line between pursuing/hunting/courting/romance and becoming a flypaper blanket stuck to her ass.  The latter will make her want to scrape you away.

Don't give up though... un-brainwash yourself from the New American Man Ass Kissing Philosophy and move ahead to better options.... slowly.. 

[MatryoshkaMan]

Well just to clarify when we were first intorduced, we chatted day and night on ICQ for the first month, I think our history shows something like 25,000 exchanged messages. We would chat there for hours on end about almost everything.

But no matter, I am moving on.

Funny how different woman have such different characters. I recieved an email from one women where she gave me her skype ID, 5 minutes later we were chatting away and within 15 minutes she already said enough chat why don't you call me!! I would have but it was about 12:30AM her time.

And oh ya at the end of the chat she was sending me kisses on Skype. Here we go again! Its so hard to play it cool when this woman has an outrageous body that I can't take my eyes off. Yes which COMMANDMENT was that to not fall in love with a picture!!

[Taz]

Here we go again! Its so hard to play it cool when this woman has an outrageous body that I can't take my eyes off. Yes which COMMANDMENT was that to not fall in love with a picture!!

The commandment really should be to not fall in love with a virtual relationship. Tell the rubber meets the road and you've met in person and actually spent time together, it is only a virtual relationship! There are lots of beautiful women there so don't feel like she is the only one. Quite honestly I am not that hung up on how gorgeous a woman is. I'd rather have a woman with a great character and who is attractive and is smitten by me than one who is drop dead gorgeous but is very aloof. As I told a good friend of mine "All other things being equal or close to equal, choose the woman that is more into you!" For me that is worth quite a bit on the overall attractiveness scale.

In general MM, I'd suggest you slow down a bit. This isn't a sprint but more of a marathon as I hope you know.

[jdk1963]

Don't dismiss the idea of a scam just because she doesn't ask you for anything or refuses to accept an offer of money.  That's pretty much the MO as they learn they can "slow play" most western men in that way.

I don't believe in chemistry being measurable over the phone.  Only in person.  It's called chemistry for a reason. 

Outside of the actual science I do not believe in chemistry, period!  Some useless harpy who put in 4 years to land an Mrs. degree but had to settle for sociology invented the term.  Chemistry is an abused and absurd excuse for "You're not attractive to me".  Physical attraction may push you towards a particular woman but it is the other qualities and values that build the relationship. 

[Daveman]

Outside of the actual science I do not believe in chemistry, period!  Some useless harpy who put in 4 years to land an Mrs. degree but had to settle for sociology invented the term.  Chemistry is an abused and absurd excuse for "You're not attractive to me".  Physical attraction may push you towards a particular woman but it is the other qualities and values that build the relationship. 

LoL!  actually I agree with the thrust of your post there. The term "chemistry" is a widely overused label for gut attraction.  However, technically, 'chemistry' is exactly what is happening -- chemical reactions are firing electrical impulses, popping off hormones, spewing out more chemicals -- so, while the goofball term is en vogue until the new jargon du jour enters the lexicon, "chemistry" is actually occurring --- danger danger Will Robinson, Spidey sense is tingling--- this is a job... for ... Giggledick!

[aventino68]

I agree with the moving on, but BTW next time if you are lost for things to say just ask her to talk about herself, what she likes about herself, what she likes to wear, her favorite month, what her friends like most about her etc. That seems to work for me. And yes it is almost always a red flag when they suddenly don't have time for you or won't take their profile off the website. My ex just has removed her profile as she has left the Ukraine to be with her other boyfriend  

Also different people want relationships to move at different speeds so make sure you are both happy with how it's going. I am currently chatting with someone and have had to say "look I need to chat on a more regular basis than twice a week to see if we have a future, if you want me in your life then make the effort" Doesn't matter how busy they are if they want a relationship with you they should understand how you feel and find the time.

[HiTech]

MatryoshkaMan:
Move on, you already know this answer before you asked. But as a typical problem solver you do not wish to end something you had hopes for,time invested in and wished to see if you missed any idea on making things work.

Meeting time is far to expensive a commodity to travel to meet some one you already are not sure of.

Why are you searching in the FSU, my guess would be because you want to find a better match for your self than at home, so once again to make it clearer for you, why would you want to settle for a only partial match when a better match is out there.

HiTech

[Simoni]

The term "chemistry" is a widely overused label for gut attraction.  However, technically, 'chemistry' is exactly what is happening -- chemical reactions are firing electrical impulses, popping off hormones...

Dave-- it's never been said better!

But some guys think it's a one way street, and it's not.  It's easy for the guy to have that gut feeling of "Wow! She is HOT and I really am into her!"

But the key is how she responds to you.  Hence, the term, "we have chemistry together."

That is the key, and MatryoshksMan, she just is not interested in you.  Find someone that is.  And BTW-- you will need to do this face to face.

[groovlstk]

I am currently chatting with someone and have had to say "look I need to chat on a more regular basis than twice a week to see if we have a future, if you want me in your life then make the effort" Doesn't matter how busy they are if they want a relationship with you they should understand how you feel and find the time.

Aventino, just my opinion, but a pretty FSU woman who lists herself on singles/agency sites is in high demand. Instead of asking her to chat more often you should be making plans to meet her in person.

[Col HJ]

Aventino,  Instead of asking her to chat more often you should be making plans to meet her in person.

2nd that notion with the greatest emphasis!!  FSU women don't put a lot of stock in mindless chit chat, or glorious romantic rhetoric for that matter. As for girl number one that didn't work out I would bet the bank she simply got tired of waiting for you and moved on. My dear UW was at least mildly entertained when I wrote and performed a song for her but the day I fixed a door hinge and hung a new shower rod and curtain in her apartment she was nearly beside herself with joy. Certainly any FSU woman has her choice of many potential suitors, both local and abroad, the difference will be the one that shows her some action, not words. Get on a plane.

[aventino68]

Yes, I wasn't disputing any of that and I have been doing a week a month in the Ukraine. What I was saying was that you need to keep up regular dialogue, if she wants to learn more about you then you would expect to be talking at least 3 or 4 times a week IMHO. I don't think I would learn much about a person chatting once a week and then feel I know much about her when I'm turning up on her doorstep 3 months later.

[Ronnie]

Aventino,
If you drop the "the" when you refer to Ukraine, you will sound more like someone who has been there.

For a full and plausible explanation on how the "the" came into usage, read this.

http://www.infoukes.com/faq/the_ukraine/

[aventino68]

Thanks for that, always learning. Still think you need to talk to someone more than once or you risk making assumptions about how she's for you when you actually know nothing about her. And yes I will be back over in August hopefully and I agree that meeting in person is important, though meeting her parents and friends in person is better still.

[jdk1963]

SCAM!  Don't do it!

Ditto - It's more like 29 levels of "what the hell is that?"

[jdk1963]

LoL!  actually I agree with the thrust of your post there. The term "chemistry" is a widely overused label for gut attraction.  However, technically, 'chemistry' is exactly what is happening -- chemical reactions are firing electrical impulses, popping off hormones, spewing out more chemicals -- so, while the goofball term is en vogue until the new jargon du jour enters the lexicon, "chemistry" is actually occurring --- danger danger Will Robinson, Spidey sense is tingling--- this is a job... for ... Giggledick!

That is true. I remember when it was called "thinking with your dipstick"!  I hope that I'm at least wise enough not to use it as a metric for determining the success of a long term relationship.

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj5ms9PJDNY[/youtube]