Why I want to marry a younger woman...

[Taz]

I thought the message was pretty clear when I clearly spell out my priorities. I typically don't worry about people's style too much and try and pay attention to their message...

Unlike many who may pontificate, I have more than a passing experience with the FSU. I lived there, I worked there. I've been married to a RW. I speak the language. I tend to weigh all points in a debate, not just my own. I also tend to encourage free speech not just try to shut down people with opposing viewpoints. I try to carefully answer question not just short, snide remarks. I almost never attach anyone and often will defend people that I don't agree with just because I feel they are entitled to be heard. Often only in the forum of a truly open debate can progress be made.

I mean let's be real, Ooppss wanting to quibble over the fact that my wife was a size 6 when she was 115 lbs, that is inane. If I had said she was a size 2 then she would have complained as well. I could have said size 4 and she would have also picked on it. It is pretty obvious. It is her character. I saw that a long time ago. Sometime no matter what you say, someone will choose to dispute it. So why say anything? Then you have the tyranny of the masses or those who shout the loudest... I try not to get bogged down in the petty details as it is often trivial to the debate at hand.

[Ooooops]

Men do not hold a monopoly in this department  When dating, I met more than my fair share of women who projected their insecurities onto men.

Agree.   But that's exactly what BF was saying earlier - first sort our you issues and then bring another person into your life, not another way around...

[Ooooops]

Ooooops,

Keep posting girl.  You are always refreshing, and your insights should make men think even if they disagree with you.

Thank you, Gator   

[Blues Fairy]

i have come to the conclusion the SHE is an a$$.
in this this thread, she was almost intolerable:
she behaved like a nut
she was being completely inane with her arguments
groovlstk goes off with his completely prejudicial, unfounded, and very stupid insults.
completely insulting in a presumptive, generalized half a$$ed way and wholly unintelligent.

Pot, kettle.  Aramis, I think you owe two apologies to two posters.  You come across as an embittered cad who does not know the first thing about decorum, much unlike the literary character whose name you chose to be your nickname.  Any more of this spiteful badmouthing and YOU will join my ignore list.  

Ooppss wanting to quibble over the fact that my wife was a size 6 when she was 115 lbs, that is inane.

Actually it was I who raised the question and the thing that most surprised me was that you considered 115 heavier than most RW you had dated in that area.  It's simply staggering, hence all the "quibble" - and now that you've given your explanations I do believe your perception of your wife's weight was influenced by your own past weight problems.   Ooooops was simply more direct in expressing the same, and of course you took it defensively, which only reinforces my opinion.

[Taz]

My mistake about confusing with Ooppsss. I don't recall ever stating that she was heavier than the average I dated. If I did it was miscommunication. She definitely turned out to be the heaviest. Again I'll state that was not the reason for our divorce. SO obviously it wasn't that much of an issue to me or do you understand that by now? I've repeated that numerous times...

[AramisLux]

BF:

i proudly stand by my conclusions. do you really want to suggest that i am not one hundred percent right regarding groovlstk?

he writes about me as through he knows me like a best friend. have you not noticed that? and you don't think that that is a little nuts? this guy knows nothing! he does not know me. he does not know what i want to hear other than what i have stated here. Ok? and you think i owe him something? maybe you should reread his posts carefully. i mean it is really obvious this guy has no clue what he is saying, yet he writes like he knows everything. it is skitzofrenic.

Sculpto:

if Ooooops had a problem with someone's style, she could have focused her own comments accordingly. but she did not do that, did she? she insisted on detracting from Taz's very well reasoned and insightful remarks.

as for hrb, i find it interesting that you can be so absolute about it. i keep reminding people that 'neo' married a rw using it. so how do you come off being so absolutist here? it may not be quite so black and white. not that i am defending hrb. i am not doing that. if fact, i have stopped using them. but all you guys want to paint me as some kind of fanboy. it ain't true, homez. it just ain't true. get it through your thick heads.

[AramisLux]

Taz:

toward the bottom of reply number 86 i ask you for additional information. would you care to reply? and remember, i certainly would not expect you to reveal anything you consider personal.

[Taz]

Contact me off-list. I sent you a PM regarding that I'd rather talk about this other than in a public forum.

[OlgaH]

BF:

i proudly stand by my conclusions.

There is nothing to be proud of in your conclusions. Your comment regarding Ooooops  was rude, very vulgar and unbecoming behavior for a man.  

And I really feel sorry for you that you can not comprehend what you have done.

[Sculpto]

Aramis,
I am not going to get into an argument with you about Ooooops.. I believe her and all the other ladies that post here are really important to the forum.  They way they post.. even when they disagree with each other, reflects 100% accurately on what I have experienced with my woman and what i observed when she was with her friends and there was a hot topic.  Instead of reacting to what they are saying I think most men would be better served learning something about the natural forms of discourse they are demonstrating for us.

About HRB.. I don't know Neo.. but if he is the ONLY guy that actually managed to get married using that site I would love to talk to him and understand some details about his process and which affiliate agency his wife was a part of.  What I do know about the site and the affiliate agencies they use, and about the ownership and managers, is really ugly and 100% scam with the cleanest mask you will find anywhere.  They have gone out of their way in so many forms to protect themselves from legal problems and to protect their money machine from any interference it is beyond comprehension.  If only they put the same effort into helping the men and women that use the site as they do into hiding their problems, obfuscating their scams and perfecting their illicit activities it might be the best site in the industry.  But, unfortunately they do not, they enable totally corrupt agencies, have no regard for their paying clients and the ownership has even gone so far as to sue former clients.  They suck beyond belief and anyone who uses them is buying nothing more than a fantasy... and a damned high priced one at that.  Men would be better served to just go straight to webcam porn sites than to use HRB.. they would get a hell of a lot more bang for the buck thats for sure.. and likely more honest communications.

[Boethius]

Ooops didn't have a problem with Taz's style.  She had a problem with the content of his posts. 

[AramisLux]

OlgaH

like i said: i stand by it. are you going to write a similar reply about groovsltk and his use of the term 'prostitute' referencing fsuw who use hrb?

too me, this is where the offense is. or do you not want to see this for what it is?

[AramisLux]

Sculpto:

you are not the only one that would love to hear from neo what his story is with respect to hrb. maybe we need to get a petition started the object of which would be to convince neo to tell us the whole complete story of how he managed to get hrb to 'work' for him. what i know about it is from his posts in 'Specific Ukrainain Woman' in 'Starting Out'. you will find his posts very interesting i think if you have not read that thread. the guy is another very guy writer using this forum.

[Taz]

Ooops didn't have a problem with Taz's style.  She had a problem with the content of his posts. 

I'm not trying to be a smart ass, nor to attack you, but I think Ooops saw some of the same things - it's a pattern in your posts.

So Oooppsss has read of ALL my posts. The entire literary body all I've written? Why that is downright flattering. If so, then maybe her comments would be more accurate and I wouldn't have needed to waste time trying to explain to her. It is pretty interesting when an outsider like AramisLux seems to get it not knowing anything about either of us.

Compared to many people on here, I am a pretty well-reasoned person. Go read the hundreds of pages I've written on other topics. My posts are not one line like most of Ooopppsss for example. I don't go around taking shots at people all the time like others so often do here.

BTW, I am not suggesting you are being a smartass. I have not had a problem finding happiness. I am not a shallow person. Read a lot of my other posts and you will see that. I also have no problem playing devil's advocate at times either. I am also not opposed to learning from my mistakes. Maybe if you read closely, you'll understand I didn't kick my ex-RW away after our divorce. I stayed in contact with her and helped her build a life here. How many AM would do that let alone RM? The vast majority of RM seem to kick their wives to the curb after divorce and have little contact with their ex or their children. I also realize in a divorce rarely is one person 100% at fault.

However when we went to court, things were found decidedly in my favor. Given the bias in the court system here that is pretty remarkable. Even more so since I didn't have an attorney and she did. Apparently I had a pretty compelling argument. So have I contemplated my role in the breakdown of my past marriages, sure. Just as I would in any relationship I've had. It doesn't have to be just about marriage. How about you? How about all the other folks here? I've done an assessment after every break-up.  I am not afraid to learn from my mistakes. One of the biggest mistakes I've made with women is to "settle". By that I mean it is "good enough" but maybe not my ideal or close to it. Now I am not willing to settle any more nor do I want a woman who is "settling" for me! I've found that on both accounts.

[Gator]

Before we discuss this further, let me say that I think you are a valuable contributor.  You have just as much RW experience as any man at RWD.  I find you very interesting, contemplative and complex in a good sense.  I think you suffer a little from puffery, yet most of us have some degree of solipsism. 

And I do not date fat women.

Gator - I took the time to patiently try and explain to people who don't get it. I am not obsessed about the issue…. It is far down the list of priorities. If someone actually read about what for me are AUTOMATIC disqualifications, you would see I didn't list weight as one of those. Tell me where I am OBSESSED WITH THIS ISSUE!

The problem is that your DQ list is a statement of the obvious.  For some reason you did not list HIV positive.  So what do we have other than those:

1.   You initiated the thread about marrying a younger woman.
2.   You express your dislike of AW as if all are BBW.
3.   You divorced your RW wife for issues that you appropriately do not disclose, yet you disclose that she gained significant weight.
4.   You focus on younger RW because older RW have many issues, and the issue of trust bothers you the most.

Oh, you started another thread about how much weight gain is too much. 

While I appreciate the FSU women that post here, all they say should not be taken as the gospel or they speak for all FSU women. 

Agree, but I am interested in their opinions.

So I don't care how obsessed you think I am about weight, you are totally wrong and all the people that know me IRL know that as well…. People on this board that have met me know what kind of man I am. They all know what I went through regarding my ex. They know I tried to take good care of her. Many saw how she changed over time both emotionally and physically. They will all tell you I never made a big thing about her weight.

Admirable.  I don’t know you, so I could easily be wrong.  Yet, the perception remains. 

I am merely taking the time to write so people understand what can happen when their woman gets here. I have yet to see a RW that didn't gain weight when she got here. Of course some RWD pundit will trot out an example to try and prove in one remarkable instance I was wrong.

Yes, my wife.  However, I gained weight for the first time in 30+ years.

The next question isn't if she will change other than just physically, but how much she will change psychologically.

That’s the BIG ONE, because they do change.  Rather than “change,” it is more like developing and growing.

[OlgaH]

OlgaH

like i said: i stand by it. are you going to write a similar reply about groovsltk and his use of the term 'prostitute' referencing fsuw who use hrb?

too me, this is where the offense is. or do you not want to see this for what it is?

AramisLux, I know nothing about hrb, but if groovsltk's point was that a vulgar tone of your comment can be suitable only in the prostitutes' company, I'm sorry to tell it but I tend to agree with him.  

[Boethius]

So Oooppsss has read of ALL my posts. The entire literary body all I've written? Why that is downright flattering. If so, then maybe her comments would be more accurate and I wouldn't have needed to waste time trying to explain to her. It is pretty interesting when an outsider like AramisLux seems to get it not knowing anything about either of us.

BTW, I am not suggesting you are being a smartass. I have not had a problem finding happiness. I am not a shallow person. Read a lot of my other posts and you will see that. I also have no problem playing devil's advocate at times either. I am also not opposed to learning from my mistakes. Maybe if you read closely, you'll understand I didn't kick my ex-RW away after our divorce. I stayed in contact with her and helped her build a life here. How many AM would do that let alone RM? The vast majority of RM seem to kick their wives to the curb after divorce and have little contact with their ex or their children. I also realize in a divorce rarely is one person 100% at fault.

However when we went to court, things were found decidedly in my favor. Given the bias in the court system here that is pretty remarkable. Even more so since I didn't have an attorney and she did. Apparently I had a pretty compelling argument. So have I contemplated my role in the breakdown of my past marriages, sure. Just as I would in any relationship I've had. It doesn't have to be just about marriage. How about you? How about all the other folks here? I've done an assessment after every break-up.  I am not afraid to learn from my mistakes. One of the biggest mistakes I've made with women is to "settle". By that I mean it is "good enough" but maybe not my ideal or close to it. Now I am not willing to settle any more nor do I want a woman who is "settling" for me! I've found that on both accounts.

I never suggested Ooops read all your posts.  I was referring to your posts in this particular thread.

[Blues Fairy]

maybe you should reread his posts carefully. i mean it is really obvious this guy has no clue what he is saying, yet he writes like he knows everything. it is skitzofrenic.

I think you should take a better look at yourself through the eyes of posters such as groovlstk.  Or, at least, start using a spellchecker before you hit the button.  
Anyway, it's none of my concern any more since you are on my ignore list, starting now.  

[Blues Fairy]

Again I'll state that was not the reason for our divorce. SO obviously it wasn't that much of an issue to me or do you understand that by now? I've repeated that numerous times...

Your actions on this forum speak louder than your words.  You canvass this weight topic over and over and over... and even start a separate thread about it.  Yes, sure, you lost sexual interest because she gained weight, but it wasn't that much of an issue to you. 

[Sculpto]

was it the weight or the ED???


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[Taz]

Your actions on this forum speak louder than your words.  You canvass this weight topic over and over and over... and even start a separate thread about it.  Yes, sure, you lost sexual interest because she gained weight, but it wasn't that much of an issue to you. 

I started the weight topic so as to keep it separate from the age topic. Did you even read the intro to that one? Why continue to have this thread drift off topic when there was obviously a lot of interest in it as a separate topic. Based on the numbers of views, the 2 topics I've started have been some of the most lively threads on this board in a long time. So whether you appreciate it not, it struck a resonant chord with many people. Most men don't have the balls though to bring it up with women yet is something many men think about. Most men don't like obese women. Most women don't like obese men.

Name 5 actors/actresses in their prime that were markedly obese. Not compare that to the number that aren't. Compare the ratios. Like or not, obese people are discriminated against. I'll even give you some help with some of the actors.

John/Jim Belushi -  (not really fat but surprisingly athletic)
John Candy - definitely a big dude
Jack Black - more chunky than fat but, apparently if you are fat in Hollywood, you better be funny...

You are on your own for the actresses. Not a lot of obese women with leading lady roles... Wonder why that is???? Mmmmm... could it be, obese women don't sell movies? Maybe other women don't want to see obese women on the big screen? Maybe men don't want to see obese women on the screen let alone naked... Aw shucks, I am probably totally wrong here...

[Daveman]

BF:

i proudly stand by my conclusions. do you really want to suggest that i am not one hundred percent right regarding groovlstk?

he writes about me as through he knows me like a best friend. have you not noticed that? and you don't think that that is a little nuts? this guy knows nothing! he does not know me. he does not know what i want to hear other than what i have stated here. Ok? and you think i owe him something? maybe you should reread his posts carefully. i mean it is really obvious this guy has no clue what he is saying, yet he writes like he knows everything. it is skitzofrenic.

.....

Aramis, groov's a blithering idiot -- while you and I gab about fat chicks, young chicks, hot chicks, bad chicks... he's sitting at home with his quite attractive Russian lady, whom he found, courted, wooed, won her heart... brought her over and married her -- quite a stupid fellow indeed.

It's easy to scoff at the experience of the guys (or gals) here -- as if they're claiming to be 'know-it-alls' , but until you've been there, been around the block a couple of times, you really just don't have a clue what's up with a LOT of things.

HRB exists for one purpose -- to separate men from their money, in various ways. That's it.  Admittedly you know that. There are *always* exceptions.  I am sure there has been a guy or two who has married the phone sex gal -- but that doesn't mean it's NOT the exception (I didn't hook up with the phone sex lady, but as serendipity would have it, I did later get the number of the ER nurse while they were removing.. never mind..)  The ladies there... are they all technically prostitutes? I don't know for sure, but probably some certainly are, other aren't -- however they are absolutely involved in some nefarious activities with that goal of sharing in the fleecing.  No one, as far as I can remember, has ever put forth a reasonable scenario as to how it could be possible that these ladies could be innocent in the process. Perhaps not prostitution per se, but still selling T&A over the web.  

Anyway, glad to hear you've gotten completely away from that paradigm.  The only way you would have gotten your definitive answer would be to go over there and give it a shot with HRB affiliates yourself.  Who knows? maybe you'd have been an exception too.. just really not worth the hassle when there are other ways to go about it.

[Sculpto]

Taz.. I dont think anyone disagrees that there is bias against people who are overweight.. in this country it might be, along with age, the last major hurdles of bigotry left to be destroyed.  However.. it seems to me there is something else underlying your posts.. which are verging on rants, that is motivating your position.  I think you should explore that.

[Boethius]

Name 5 actors/actresses in their prime that were markedly obese. Not compare that to the number that aren't. Compare the ratios. Like or not, obese people are discriminated against. I'll even give you some help with some of the actors.

John/Jim Belushi -  (not really fat but surprisingly athletic)
John Candy - definitely a big dude
Jack Black - more chunky than fat but, apparently if you are fat in Hollywood, you better be funny...

You are on your own for the actresses. Not a lot of obese women with leading lady roles... Wonder why that is???? Mmmmm... could it be, obese women don't sell movies? Maybe other women don't want to see obese women on the big screen? Maybe men don't want to see obese women on the screen let alone naked... Aw shucks, I am probably totally wrong here...

Kathy Bates (who won at least one Oscar AND subsequently did a naked scene).
Camryn Manheim
Kathy Najimy
Melissa McCarthy
Roseanne Barr
Nikki Blonsky
Jennifer Coolidge
Queen Latifah
Jennifer Hudson
and of course, Kirstie Alley, who even had a series called "Fat Actress".

[Taz]

Sculpto - I am so calm about the topic of weight you wouldn't believe. It is so far down the list of priorities in dating scenarios for me it has been a non-issue with every woman except my ex. She totally ignored the warning signs of disaster. It is like riding in the car with her and suggesting she should brake the car or we are going to hit the car in front of us. Then ignoring the advice and waiting even longer to brake. I am sure you can see the vicious cycle that can occur hear. Then ultimately hitting the car in front of us. Then having the audacity to turn to me and say "Why didn't you warn me that the brakes on the car weren't very good?"

Does that sound like a RW to you? How many RW do you know that accept blame for their own actions? The vast majority that I know quite often don't. It is always someone else to blame for what happened. Bad roads, bad government, cheap clothing, poor workmanship, terrible brakes, etc. Some of these thing may contribute to the situation but it can also be the person's fault as much if not more than secondary factors. In the case of our car, it had amazing brakes. Unfortunately she expected it to stop on a dime and give change. The brand new car I had bought her was pretty heavily damaged. She was driving yet somehow I was to blame...

This isn't to pick on my ex in particular. I have quite a few other examples like this. With another woman we almost missed a flight. Our final boarding call was announced 5 times in Russian yet somehow she didn't seem to understand it. I even asked her after the third time that I thought heard our flight. She walks off to the bathroom and comes back and I am grabbing our stuff and running to the plane. She then tells me why didn't I tell her it was time to go before she went to the bathroom. Somehow I was to blame for an announcement in HER native language in an airport with a severe enough echo it made it pretty hard for me to understand the Russian and much easier for her.

Such are the joys of RW at times.