Dating a woman that doesn't speak English?!?!

[Tanner]

If there is already a thread covering this please point me in the right direction.  I am wondering from the men who have married women (or long term relationship) who didn't speak much English and the women who ended up marrying men while they learned English; how you communicated once you lost ties with an agency.  I draw a blank on how to get over this obstacle.

[Shadow]

Writing e-mails it not so hard that it should cost you a headache.

[Misha]

I am wondering from the men who have married women (or long term relationship) who didn't speak much English and the women who ended up marrying men while they learned English; how you communicated once you lost ties with an agency. 

I spoke Russian, so having an agency or other intermediary was not an issue. However, it certainly made my wife's culture shock that much more difficult once she was living in Canada.

[Tanner]

Of course I thought of emailing Shadow.     I guess what I mean is after we start exchanging emails do I use babelfish to translate and hope I don't loose anything in this translation?  I'm basically fishing out there to see if there is another option.

[ECOCKS]

Some options:

1. Get her into English lessons - investment cost is a challenge but shouldn't be more than $100-120  a month for a good program where she can begin showing progress and working on her homework with you via Skype.

2. Hire an independent translator such as anastasia or Tamara. Even some of the wives might be willing to help you out with letters and such for some sort of reasonable rate. The real translators can get onto Skype phone calls with you for real-time activities too.

There is a cost here, both in dollars and cents as well as in frustration and lost moments for a few months and possibly a year or so. You're now encountering one of the reasons that there is a debate concerning starting a relationship with someone who doesn't speak English.

I have met guys who insist they won't date anyone who doesn't have at least Intermediate English skills as well as guys who insist that true love transcends the language barrier. I know what I believe but you have to build some experience and make your own decision.

Good luck!

[Wraith]

My advice - learn Russian if you can. You have the option of getting her into English classes as well. Babelfish = bad. I prefer Google and some say Prompt is very good but I have not yet tried this.

All in all Eco said it best...formulate your own opinion based on your own experience. It is a learn as you go thing in some respects in what works for you and your own level of comfortability.

[ChrisBfla]

While my wife (that came later) and I were writing to each other and I was planning my first visit, I bought an interactive language program to lean Russian and the lady who ran the dry clearers I used was from Moscow.  I would work on my computer program and then, once a week, we would work on real world speaking.  At thesame time Lara (my future wife) was working on her English.  By the time we met fact to face (after 4 months) we didn't do too badly with communication.  I also carried a little sketch pad so when we hit a rough spot I could draw a sketch of what I was trying to ask or to say.

Chris

[Shadow]

Of course I thought of emailing Shadow.     I guess what I mean is after we start exchanging emails do I use babelfish to translate and hope I don't loose anything in this translation?  I'm basically fishing out there to see if there is another option.

Forget about babelfish unless one of you two as experience in interpreting.
Better check the services here and get them translated.

[Simoni]

...after we start exchanging emails do I use babelfish to translate and hope I don't loose anything in this translation?  I'm basically fishing out there to see if there is another option.

There is another option.   Write one of the hundreds of thousands of fsu girls who speak English.

Yes, there are some men who marry a girl who does not speak English and make a go of it.  But why go there? Think about it--marriage requires a lot of conversation and mediation between the two of you.  Personal stuff that you will need to work through--stuff that requires a common language.

And even speaking English, she will be flooded with culture shock when she moves to your country.   Not speaking the language will make it ten times worse.

So my advice is to pass on the girls who do not speak English, BEFORE you get started.

Good luck.

[Kuna]

There is another option.   Write one of the hundreds of thousands of fsu girls who speak English.

Yes, there are some men who marry a girl who does not speak English and make a go of it.  But why go there? Think about it--marriage requires a lot of conversation and mediation between the two of you.  Personal stuff that you will need to work through--stuff that requires a common language.

And even speaking English, she will be flooded with culture shock when she moves to your country.   Not speaking the language will make it ten times worse.

So my advice is to pass on the girls who do not speak English, BEFORE you get started.

Good luck.

I'm with Simoni here...  Why make a difficult venture even more difficult by courting someone who doesn't speak your language?

I know some will say dating English and non-English speakers provides you with a larger pool to search within - but really, do you need to make this any more difficult than it already is?

[kievstar]

It is a bigger investment of time when two people do not speak the same language.  But it is important that the man learns Russian and the Women learn English.  Even a RW who knows English really does not know American English.  Slang.

I have found majority RW (in Ukraine) have a friend who can help out of translation as the women tend to like having a friend with them than a 3rd party translator they barely know.  But this is after a relationship has been formed.  Also, shows her interest in you being around her friends.  

Enroll her immediately in English classes - can be school or private tutor.  You can find a Russian tutor for yourself in almost every city in the world.  I know because I travel a lot and have always found one in any city I go.  Or you can get one online.  

Girls I know who work in the agencies say most guys really focus on girls who speak English, German, French.  But the girls who only speak Russian tend to get married more.  There can be a number of reasons for this and that is for a different thread.  

Really not that hard to date or marry a girl who knows no English.  I dated a girl for 2 years who knew no English and really was not a problem after 3 months.  My wife did not know English and was not a problem either.  But I can travel a lot meaning 1-3 visits a month to Ukraine.  I think that helped a lot.   Easier to communicate face to face.  But that goes for the English speaking girls as well.
  

[HiTech]

If you can find some one who speaks English it will make life a lot easier. But in my search I also found making English mandatory in search criteria also can limit your search a lot.

If you find a woman with very limited or with no English  it will require a lot of time communicating but it can be done if you BOTH want to.

You will have to use all methods of translation and communication, from electronic translators , to having a person translate your email, to having live phone conversations with a live translator.

But the majority of communication can be done with skype and an electronic translator to translate both ways. When Alyona and I met she knew very little English, maybe 50 words. After our initial 4 days we never had a translator with us again, but did on occasions have a person translate our emails when the topics were very serious and needed to be understood with out much chance of miss understandings.

Alyona took only a very few lessons while she was in Ukraine do to her available time. This January she started lessons 4 days a week 8:30 - 1:00 every day and started at level 5 of 12. Each 4 weeks of school is one level. I am amazed at how rapidly her English has progressed in 5 months of classes.

Skype and video do make communication possible, what happens is that you learn what words she knows and communicate using those words, and slowing expand the vocabulary you communicate with. With out daily skype contact communication would be extremely difficult and slow. In fact with out direct internet access for her, communication would have been boarding on impossible. Phone and Email just can not portray the thoughts the same as looking at someones face can.

And NEVER depend on an agency for interpretation, find a 3rd party who has no other motivation other than to do a good job of translation.

HiTech

[Tanner]

Thanks everyone!  I will give a run with my now #1 who speaks limited English.  If it doesn't work then I will try to meet women who speak better English.  I have spoke to many women and as of right now there are only two I would like to meet.  My #1 (with the limited English) and I have a very good emotional connection.  Well, the best connection you can have via translated emails.  She is the same age as me (28) so I also feel she would appreciate our connection and our desires to have a loving family more then a younger woman would.  (please tell me if I am being stereotypical)  I also feel my #1 would work very hard to learn English.  Now my #2 I have growing concern with.  I am not trying to toot my own horn but I am a good looking guy.  As the letters progress she seems to be more interested in a physical relationship when I come to visit.  Well at least more physical for my taste for my first meeting with a potential wife.  I am looking for a possible soul-mate, not a party girl who possibly feels the way to bag a WM is in the bedroom.  Help me out, is this a redflag I should worry about?  She is also 22 years old, speaks perfect English and lives in Odessa.  I have read a few times to stay away from women in Odessa.  So please help if there seems to be red flags or just a woman trying to learn more about my sexual side.  Here are some quotes from her latest letter.

Yeah! We will be locked in the flat. )))))) We will take some bottles of tequila and I will see how tequila influences on you.

To entrain (my real name) will be very nice. May I ask you something? What is your idea of sexy?

You are going to go to Odessa. Will you meet only with me or will you meet with some other women here?

So are these red flags or just a young lady who is lonely that thinks she can win my heart by being somewhat physically aggressive?  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks

[Daveman]

Thanks everyone!  I will give a run with my now #1 who speaks limited English.  If it doesn't work then I will try to meet women who speak better English.  I have spoke to many women and as of right now there are only two I would like to meet.  My #1 (with the limited English) and I have a very good emotional connection.  Well, the best connection you can have via translated emails.  She is the same age as me (28) so I also feel she would appreciate our connection and our desires to have a loving family more then a younger woman would.  (please tell me if I am being stereotypical)  I also feel my #1 would work very hard to learn English.  Now my #2 I have growing concern with.  I am not trying to toot my own horn but I am a good looking guy.  As the letters progress she seems to be more interested in a physical relationship when I come to visit.  Well at least more physical for my taste for my first meeting with a potential wife.  I am looking for a possible soul-mate, not a party girl who possibly feels the way to bag a WM is in the bedroom.  Help me out, is this a redflag I should worry about?  She is also 22 years old, speaks perfect English and lives in Odessa.  I have read a few times to stay away from women in Odessa.  So please help if there seems to be red flags or just a woman trying to learn more about my sexual side.  Here are some quotes from her latest letter.

Yeah! We will be locked in the flat. )))))) We will take some bottles of tequila and I will see how tequila influences on you.

To entrain (my real name) will be very nice. May I ask you something? What is your idea of sexy?

You are going to go to Odessa. Will you meet only with me or will you meet with some other women here?

So are these red flags or just a young lady who is lonely that thinks she can win my heart by being somewhat physically aggressive?  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks

LoL, don't let that direct approach to "physical activity" concern you in the least.  Here there is much of the residual Puritan "sex is evil" mentality. Most RW do NOT suffer this affliction.  Some on the board will red flag this by saying "an RW will NOT speak about sex until after you meet in person". Um.. that's absolutely not true.  If you strike her fancy, she'll go in that direction.  While there certainly isn't a "one size fits all" in any of this, I think I can say that the majority of RW, UW, FSUW are quite uninhibited in that area.

Be a gentleman always, but, if you like each other at the meeting, she'll probably think something is wrong with you if you DON'T put the move on her.  She could take it as a rejection, OR, simply think something is wrong with your plumbing functionality.   

Remember, here, we hide condoms and KY off in distant corners of our shops, while there, these items are proudly displayed and sold along with the candy at the checkout counter. Get the drift? 

So, as always, tread cautiously when meeting a and getting to know a new lady, but if you do have chemistry, prepare for some serious fireworks.    Don't walk on eggshells in any way.  If you want her, take her. She'll think you're a nut if you don't.

[Natasha_S]

Thanks everyone!  I will give a run with my now #1 who speaks limited English.  If it doesn't work then I will try to meet women who speak better English.  I have spoke to many women and as of right now there are only two I would like to meet.  My #1 (with the limited English) and I have a very good emotional connection.  Well, the best connection you can have via translated emails.  She is the same age as me (28) so I also feel she would appreciate our connection and our desires to have a loving family more then a younger woman would.  (please tell me if I am being stereotypical)  I also feel my #1 would work very hard to learn English.  Now my #2 I have growing concern with.  I am not trying to toot my own horn but I am a good looking guy.  As the letters progress she seems to be more interested in a physical relationship when I come to visit.  Well at least more physical for my taste for my first meeting with a potential wife.  I am looking for a possible soul-mate, not a party girl who possibly feels the way to bag a WM is in the bedroom.  Help me out, is this a redflag I should worry about?  She is also 22 years old, speaks perfect English and lives in Odessa.  I have read a few times to stay away from women in Odessa.  So please help if there seems to be red flags or just a woman trying to learn more about my sexual side.  Here are some quotes from her latest letter.

Yeah! We will be locked in the flat. )))))) We will take some bottles of tequila and I will see how tequila influences on you.

To entrain (my real name) will be very nice. May I ask you something? What is your idea of sexy?

You are going to go to Odessa. Will you meet only with me or will you meet with some other women here?

So are these red flags or just a young lady who is lonely that thinks she can win my heart by being somewhat physically aggressive?  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks

Hello Tanner,
It depends on how soon she started the sex talk. If it was very soon I would say it is a red flag.

[Simoni]

Tanner, try not to become emotionally involved with a woman before you meet her.  It's best to just write a few letters and meet her fast.  And I recommend you wipe "potential wife" from the equation.  Start with finding a girl friend, and see where it goes from there.

The problem with finding a girl from a great distance is that many women see American men as targets.  You can lose not only your heart, but your money as well.  Even face to face you may not be able to discern  this, but by translated emails it's very difficult.

Having given you this warning, it's also true that there are loads of good women in the fsu who dream of finding their ideal man.  So you can do it.  Just watch out for the wolves along the pathway...

[MatryoshkaMan]

I am pretty much only into women who speak at least a moderate level of English. You are swimming upstream in a powerful river if you try to communicate with a woman who you cannot communicate with - especially is you want to do a WOVO style trip. The chances of going to meet her in person and crashing and burning are much higher if communications are through translators before-hand. Its like oh snap I thought you said you loved me but now I understand that the translator screwed up, you actually told me to go to hell and never want to see me...I am not ruling it out myself but so far I have always managed to hook up with someone with good English. Actually I am surprised that a lot of the women that list that they have "fair" English are actually quite good and you can easily see what she is saying. In my opinion a woman has to be very hot and attractive to have a lot or men chasing her if she does not speak any English. Its a big strike against her I am sorry to say. Life is rough...

[GoodOlBoy]

There is another option.   Write one of the hundreds of thousands of fsu girls who speak English.

I completely agree with Simoni.

After 4 years of marriage to my wife, I realize now that I would NEVER encourage another member to seek or pursue a relationship with an FSUW who has little or no English skills.

My wife has also said to me that she was glad to have learned her advanced English skills in Russia, way BEFORE....Coming to the GoodOl' USA.

She could have NEVER advanced in her career to Senior Staff Accountant so quickly, with limited or no English skills.


GOB

[Turboguy]

After 4 years of marriage to my wife, I realize now that I would NEVER encourage another member to seek or pursue a relationship with an FSUW who has little or no English skills.

She could have NEVER advanced in her career to Senior Staff Accountant so quickly, with limited or no English skills.

GOB

Some people may not be to concerned with how quickly she can advance her career or even if she works.

When I was hunting it was not anything I considered important.   I do think if the women is high strung, moody or has low motivation then I think it could be a serious problem.  Yes, you would need interpreters for the important discussions.  If you two click you could put her in English lessons and be able to communicate ok by the time she arrives.   I know one woman who arrived knowing only how to say I am hungry and I need the toilet, she did fine and is now totally fluent.  Both need to have a fair amount of patience.

[GregfromGa]

I could never recommend getting involved with anyone that didnt speak your language. You'll encounter enough obstacles to deal with once she arrives. Being able to actually communicate with her doesn't need to be one of them. My wife understands me perfectly and me her but there are times when I have no earthly idea what she is talking about.

[kievstar]

Roughly 95% of the women I ever meet in agencies spoke English. It does make it easier but I found them to be to career orientated.  Which is fine but not what I was looking for.  But I think people have raised good points if a woman is into her career or you need your future wife to work to earn money than go the English speaking way.

But just remember that English speaking ladies have enough options with expats in Kiev and not always the best quality of woman in the agency.  I have posted several months ago if a man on RWD has married a women from Kiev under 30 years of age with no children and nobody responded.  I saw this same poll on another board with no responses.  Most of the agencies in Kiev have few marriages with women under 30 years old and no children.  However there are thousands of women speaking English in agencies in Kiev that have numerous visitors.  Just be careful of the younger English speaking women in Kiev. Most members on RWD who found wives in Ukraine that speak English were not from Kiev.  There are enough expats in Kiev that women do not need to use an agency if they speak English.  Most expats I have met in Kiev prefer the English speaking women as well unless they were fluent in Russian which was rare.  This is just for the younger women with no children.  Once a woman has a child in Ukraine the number of men interrested in her goes way down. Kiev is easy for men to visit but focus on the English speaking girls in other cities. 

[HiTech]

"She is also 22 years old, speaks perfect English" This is a possible red flag, especial the 22. While you see many this age, most do not have a solid foundation of what they want in life, and just as you are experiencing, more of a party attitude. Because of this the possibility of building a relationship, only to have her change her mind that she does not wish to move is very great.

Also who is doing your letter translation, if it is the agency you met her then the physical talk increases it's red flag value.

HiTech

[Gator]

I have spoke to many women and as of right now there are only two I would like to meet.  My #1 (with the limited English) and I have a very good emotional connection.  Well, the best connection you can have via translated emails.

Limited English is okay.  This suggests that you can converse albeit at a slow pace, with the frequent help of electronic translator, and the ability to not become frustrated.  Even so, make sure she speaks English well enough to have a serious conversation BEFORE you marry her. This could take a year or more of intense lessons.

My only concern is that you may be ahead of where you should be emotionally.  Go slow. 

 

Now my #2 I have growing concern with...As the letters progress she seems to be more interested in a physical relationship when I come to visit.  Well at least more physical for my taste for my first meeting with a potential wife.  I am looking for a possible soul-mate, not a party girl who possibly feels the way to bag a WM is in the bedroom.... So please help if there seems to be red flags or just a woman trying to learn more about my sexual side.

Don't make your first trip a wife hunting trip.  Have some fun, learn a lot and meet some interesting women.

In many ways you should approach a date with a RW about the same as with an AW with some key exceptions.  Sex is not an exception unless you are one of those who wants a virgin.  The first week during my first trip of 30 days, I passed on a threesome offer after telling myself “This is not wifey material.”  Kicked myself in the butt a few times later.

Yeah! We will be locked in the flat. )))))) We will take some bottles of tequila and I will see how tequila influences on you.

To entrain (my real name) will be very nice. May I ask you something? What is your idea of sexy?

You are going to go to Odessa. Will you meet only with me or will you meet with some other women here?

Nothing alarming other than the third.  She wants to know if you are WOVO or WMVM.  She is claiming you early.  Be diplomatically honest, but over the telephone, not in an email.  The other two questions are good openers to learning more about you. 

[Tanner]

Excellent advice!  I am glad I found RWD.  But now I feel like this is a lose - lose situation.  I agree the challenge of limited English would be a serious up hill battle.  (Can someone link one of the Electronic Translators I hear so much about)  At the same time I agree that the 22 year old English speaking woman may be a red flag.  We will be starting phone conversations soon so that might help clear my thoughts on what her true intentions are.

I hope i didn't lead anyone to believe that I was saying I was looking for a wife NOW.  What I meant though (same as if I was dating a AW) I don't want a girlfriend who isn't a marriage possibility.  So I think which ever woman I decide to visit first will be my only WOVO experience. 

I was trying to determin a way to gauge if I was getting to emotionally attached to these women through these letters after Gator suggested this is what I may be doing.  I took a step back and realized he may be right.  I will go with the mind set of meeting new friends and taking a vacation in a new country.  Not the mind set of meeting Mrs. Right on my first trip.

[Misha]

"She is also 22 years old, speaks perfect English" This is a possible red flag, especial the 22.

Why? I met a lot of women who went to schools specialized in the teaching of foreign languages and who then went on to continue their studies in universities specializing in the teaching of those same languages. By the time they graduated, they were pretty much perfectly fluent in English. Many of these young women went on exchanges to the United States or that program that allows Russian students to go work for a year in the United States (sorry, I can't remember the name of the program). This would of course have honed her language skills in both speaking and understanding colloquial English. In other words, such women do exist and they are not that rare.