New guy saying hello

[kryten41]

I hate to discourage you because of your mobility issues, but what Taz said is true--you won't find buses with wheelchair access, you won't find ramps, or even cuts in curbs, and public toilets are usually 2 footprints and a hole.  When I questioned what I thought was unusable wheelchair access (2 rails attached to a very steep set of steps) I was told it is for women with baby strollers, that there IS no handicap access in Ukraine. 

Good luck.

[ECOCKS]

If you go to Ukraine....

Stay in Kyiv. Have the girls travel to you.

Plan on basing yourself in Hyatt-level/style hotels and specify access issues. This will have a tremendous effect on your expenses and itinerary.

Arrange a private car and driver for anytime you go out and be completely aware that as stated above, accessibility is going to be a major issue at any location you go to. The toilet facilities will be a particular problem since many involve navigating through a narrow doorway, then a step up onto a platform and planting your feet before squatting. Check ahead and see how practical going somewhere will really be. Even the major museums are not handicap-equipped and lack elevators, handrails and any design consideration around the exhibits.

Be prepared for a complete lack of understanding if you are awkward in getting through a doorway, blocking a pathway or in any way involved in a delay. The people understand handicap exist but regard it as inconsiderate of you to get in their way, you should be home or in a special facility so you do not need to impede the entrances or exits.

My real advice would be to go with a WOVO strategy, with them coming to you AFTER you have done everything possible to confirm them as credible. As stated upthread, be up front in this right away, preferably in your profile. Include pictures and clear, unambiguous statements concerning your limits. You could meet them in Jamaica or elsewhere if you want a more romantic environment but you are not going to look independent in this environment.

I wish the best for you.

[Sculpto]

excellent advice above.. well done Ed

[Missouri-Hunter]

That's all good information to have; thank you. 

[KenC]

Welcome to RWD.

I am wondering why you have chosen to look for a woman in Ukraine?  Personally, I cannot think of a more handicapped unfriendly destination than the fsu.  With that in mind, along with the distance of travel and the overwhelming expense, have you considered South America for your search?  It would seem to be a better choice considering your limitations.  Closer, and the possibility of a meeting scheduled in the Carribean at a handicapped friendly resort would seem like a more workable plan in my mind.

I am not trying to be discouraging, just throwing out alternatives.
KenC

[Missouri-Hunter]

Since I've never traveled abroad, there was no way for me to pick which country or continent was more user friendly for me. I've always thought that women with a Russian accent sound sexy (Ukrainian sounds the same to me), Ukraine has fewer travel restrictions and by the profiles I've looked through I see more of the little blue eyed blondes that I like from Ukraine than from anywhere else. I like the Salma Hayek/Penelope Cruz type too, but the Heather Locklear/Michele Pfeiffer type knocks my socks off. 
  I've got to figure out the financial aspect of it, and I'll endure the difficult travel if it means finding someone to share the rest of my life with and who is willing to leave everything she knows to come here. There are places even here that I have to get on my hands and knees to get up stairs while someone else carries my chair or scooter up for me. Humbling, but I see it as improvising to get things done. 

[KenC]

Ukraine has fewer travel restrictions

MO hunt,
Huh?  On what do you base this statement?  The whole premise of my post was that the opposite is true.

Your criteria of blond hair, blue eyes and sexy accent seems rather superficial when you need to find a woman with depth that can accept your handicap IMO.
KenC

[Missouri-Hunter]

MO hunt,
Huh?  On what do you base this statement?  The whole premise of my post was that the opposite is true.

Your criteria of blond hair, blue eyes and sexy accent seems rather superficial when you need to find a woman with depth that can accept your handicap IMO.
KenC

Everything I've read said that Russians need Visas and stuff that Ukraine doesn't require. I don't actually know anything about this, which is why I'm here.  

As for being superficial;

Yes, I like pretty women and would like to marry another one. Why do you assume that only ugly women have the compassion to deal with disabilities? Why does my disability make it wrong for me to have dreams and desires? Rather condescending IMO.

[KenC]

Everything I've read said that Russians need Visas and stuff that Ukraine doesn't require. I don't actually know anything about this, which is why I'm here. 

While it is true that Russia requires a visa to visit and Ukraine does not, many Carribean destinations do not require visas either.  With travel time less than half of a trip to the fsu and the point made earlier about handicapped accessible resorts, it just seems like a viable alternative.

As for being superficial;

Yes, I like pretty women and would like to marry another one. Why do you assume that only ugly women have the compassion to deal with disabilities? Why does my disability make it wrong for me to have dreams and desires? Rather condescending IMO.

At no time did I suggest you need to seek out an ugly woman or that beautiful women could not be compassionate.  I do find it interesting that you didn't mention "compassion" as a criteria earlier but instead were only interested in looks.  Your silence on the subject of inner beauty (compassion, understanding etc) was surprising to me.  BTW, in no way do I think women from South America are ugly in any way.  (You even mentioned some beautiful Latino women earlier)

Here's my late wife, who didn't share your view of the disabled just being grateful for anything that comes their way:

  Your late wife was beautiful.  I never suggested that you need to be grateful for anything that comes your way.
KenC

[Ranetka]

Kuna,
   I'll contact Misha, because being able to write without spending a bunch of money on e-mails sounds great. I'm definitely interested in that.



I've been searching on AFA and Elena's Models...

Here's my preferences;

No smoking.

Doesn't want to have kids. (I can't, and don't want to anyway).

From Ukraine.

I usually search for 30 to 45 year old.

Petite

Blonde is a bonus, but not mandatory.

Then I start looking at what they like/dislike, and most of them aren't matches due to;

want kids,
want a "sporty" man, (not sure what it means, but I'm not sporty)
want to travel,
want to be kept busy/not bored.

I haven't made it past all of that yet to even try addressing the religion issue. We follow the OT Holy Days and Sabbath (no work from sunset Friday until sunset Saturday), and while I don't care what someone believes or how/if they worship, there are certain things that I can't have in the house such as Christmas, Easter or Halloween stuff. I haven't yet figured out how to coexist and not interfere with each other. 

I am sorry if someone already mentioned it, I have not read the topic to the end, feeling the urge to answer now.

So you are disabled, not fully mobile and poor. And you are looking for someone 20 years younger than you are. You need to get more realistic. Much more.

[GQBlues]

Forgive me and out of sincere respect to your late wife, maybe it's a good idea to take away your deceased wife's photos. Posting them as a sampling, especially on a 'forum' centered on information about dating foreign women, just to exemplify and justify your taste for pretty women seem rather macabre at best.

If I find myself alone in this sentiment, then so be it.

[janic]

If I find myself alone in this sentiment, then so be it.

You aren't.

[GoodOlBoy]

MH.......VERY poor taste (posting pictures of deceased wife).


GOB

[Missouri-Hunter]

Wow;  OK, the pictures are gone but it's hard to even respond to the rest of it. We've determined that I shouldn't look at certain women who appeal to me because I'm not worthy, and then figure out which continent has more "women with compassion". (We know that the ones I like just can't have any redeeming qualities). If proximity is one of the criteria we're using I guess I should go with Illinois. I apparently should also look for older women who may be facing some health problems of their own soon. (I see no need to list personality traits that should be presumed we're looking for, while stating the things that we're able to search for. Do you really think that I'm looking for a mean serial killer type just because I didn't state otherwise? Ever heard of common sense)?
  I don't think any search parameter is going to bring up "compassion towards disabled", and I doubt any profile would bring up such an odd thing. I searched for what appeals to me, and then started looking for who the person is, and I can tell you that I won't marry someone if I view it as settling for less than I want. (...and I would expect the same from her. Either it isn't an issue or we go our own ways).

[facetrock]

MH. Can you date the pretty blue eyed blonde haired and petite women now that are 20 years your junior? If you cant do it locally you will dissapointed in Ukraine. I get the feeling you have been reading way to much hype and believing most of it.

[Missouri-Hunter]

Not all of them, but I'm only looking for one.  I just don't understand why it's automatically wrong to look for someone who is attractive to me. If I'd have said I wanted a lady with brown eyes and jet black hair you'd be asking what's wrong with considering blondes. I would rather remain single in the pursuit of what I want, than to get married to someone and think "Oh well, that's the best a guy like me can do." I think that would be a terribly dishonest thing to do with any woman, and I won't do it. 
Regarding the hype you're undoubtedly right to whatever degree, but I fail to see the harm in going through extra profiles. With looks you guys say not to be so narrow minded, but with age I'm wrong for being too open minded. Anything other than "someone who will put up with me" seems to be asking too much according to some of the people in this thread.

[KenC]

Wow;  OK, the pictures are gone but it's hard to even respond to the rest of it. We've determined that I shouldn't look at certain women who appeal to me because I'm not worthy,

Who the hell said that? (hint: no one except you)
 

and then figure out which continent has more "women with compassion".

Again, no one said that.  It was only YOU that said your criteria was based only on looks with no mention of any character traits.

(We know that the ones I like just can't have any redeeming qualities).

More delusional, self pity.

If proximity is one of the criteria we're using I guess I should go with Illinois. I apparently should also look for older women who may be facing some health problems of their own soon.

Why go to IL?  Stay in MO.     I see a theme developing here where you continue to make the worst false assumptions from some innocent and constructive advice.  I've got a news flash for you, the age advice would be given (and has been given) to everyone, handicapped or not.  It has nothing to do with your health issues.

(I see no need to list personality traits that should be presumed we're looking for, while stating the things that we're able to search for. Do you really think that I'm looking for a mean serial killer type just because I didn't state otherwise? Ever heard of common sense)?

Yes, I have heard of common sense.  Have you?  You don't seem to be displaying much.
 

I don't think any search parameter is going to bring up "compassion towards disabled", and I doubt any profile would bring up such an odd thing. I searched for what appeals to me, and then started looking for who the person is, and I can tell you that I won't marry someone if I view it as settling for less than I want. (...and I would expect the same from her. Either it isn't an issue or we go our own ways).

  No one said or even suggested that you should "settle" for less than you deserve(not less than you want)  What makes you think you deserve a woman 20 years your junior, slim, petite and beautiful?  What attributes do you have to offer a woman like this?  You see this is not a fantasy game or picking a puppy in the window.  You must have a real relationship in order for the marriage to last beyond the 2 years it takes for the lady to get her green card.  Me thinks you have swallowed the agency fantasy- hook, line and sinker.  ANYONE, and I mean ANYONE can lure a woman from the fsu or any other disadvantaged country into marriage and relocation to America. But once the woman is here in America, the playing field is leveled and your advantage of a blue passport is long gone. The real trick is to find a life partner that shares your same hopes and dreams.  A woman that is into you and not just your citizenship.

The path you are describing is one that will surely bring you heartache and disappointment.  If you want to live a life of fantasies filled with Michelle Phiffers and Heather Locklears, so be it.  Good luck and God bless.  If you want to be realistic and find a true soulmate, this community will assist you in any way possible.  The choice is yours.
KenC

[janic]

Look, maybe there are some misunderstandings and prejudices on both sides, but frankly, I'm a) skeptic about you, your attitude, personality and b) skeptic about your chances to be successful. But nevertheless I'll comment:

a) You have been advised to "Put your thick skin on" and you said, you had no problem and would be fine. If what I see is your thick skin, than I don't wanna learn how you react when you have a bad day. You should really consider tuning your sensibility level because otherwise you'll not be happy here. Ok?

b) Apparently you are neither young nor very handsome nor wealthy nor influential. You are just an average guy who - my interpretation of what you wrote earlier - lives on a rather tight budget and is additionally handicapped. Am I more or less right? Yes? Then let me tell you: I have a growing impression that you will utterly fail. In the first place because apparently you lack the necessary funds and in the second (but I could have gotten a wrong impression) because of wrong expectations/assumptions of what you can realistically expect to find 'over there'. The woman in the FSU aren't desperate. They will marry a WM (western man) and they will also accept some '-' because in exchange they get some '+' in other aspects.

If you are looking for a serious long-term relationship then I see no reason why you shouldn't adjust your expectations to a more realistic approach. More realistic in terms of chances to find and more realistic in terms of chances to stay together for a long time. There are MANY very good looking, attractive and honest woman in the FSU in the late thirties or early forties. And such a woman will much better know what she is doing when she starts a relation with a man who has some considerable health-issues than some younger hot-chick who might settle for some FEW years with you in exchange for a green card. You want that? You accept that? Then go on, bcause it's your life, your decisions, your mistakes.

I apparently should also look for older women who may be facing some health problems of their own soon.

Who spoke about health problems? And - btw - I had quite a flirt with a young, good looking UW who had a minor disability and I might have started something, but just couldn't stand the pitch of her voice.

(I see no need to list personality traits that should be presumed we're looking for, while stating the things that we're able to search for.

Then you shouldn't be surprised if ppl here get impressions that are (possibly) incorrect or incomplete.

and I can tell you that I won't marry someone if I view it as settling for less than I want.

Again: Nobody asked that from you. It's just that you probably should reconsider what you want.

I spent some time writing this and I hope it wasn't a waste of time.

j.

ps: I see Ken posted something similar. Listen to the advice. - Even if he's startinging to take the gloves off.

[Boethius]

deleted
 

[groovlstk]

Why does my disability make it wrong for me to have dreams and desires? Rather condescending IMO.

MH, the kind of feedback you're getting here is extremely valuable - everyone in this business from agency owners to taxi drivers will consistently blow smoke up your butt and tell you only what you wish to hear. Like it or not, at least here people are willing to be frank with you.

FWIW, many posters in this thread pointed out the logistical difficulty in getting around Ukraine w/a disability. Take this a step further and try to imagine a society that can't (or won't) provide even the most basic services for disabled folks and how this shapes their perceptions of those w/disabilities. In the West, you are a productive member of society, no better or worse than anyone else, but most importantly: a man. In Ukraine many will instantly (and unfairly) tag you as second rate, worthy of a small pension and maybe some sympathy, but little else.

Now, you can reject this and listen to only what you wish to hear, or you can tuck this knowledge into your back pocket and rely on it to help ward off the usual dangers we all face in the FSU - being exploited for $$, a green card, dinners at expensive restaurants, etc.

Good luck to you.

PS: My condolences on the loss of your wife, you two looked radiantly happy together.

[MatryoshkaMan]

I have to echo what some of the other posters said. Post USSR Russia and Ukraine have devloved into a total survival of the fittest society. Everyone but the crooks are suffering. Totally disfunctional countries, especially Ukraine. Like any 2nd world country the poor and disabled get a little bit of sympathy but not much else. My ex-wife used to give me a lecture if i gave a person on the street a 5 grivna bill. In other words in their society disabled people are cast-aways. Pitied by their families and with no government support at all. This is a deep-seated feeling there and it will be nearly IMPOSSIBLE to attract the kind of woman you were talking about unless she will use you and throw you away once the green card is in the mail. I really suggest to you that you look for a woman 40+ who will have a pre-disposed sympathic and caring mind-set. Unfortunately you have almost all the possible strikes against you. The one clear thing you have on your side is US citizenship. Don't let a woman use you for that. If you believe all the marriage agency BS it will happen to you as you will be brainwashed into thinking that youg hot women over there are just dying to marry anyone with a pulse. Best of luck to you. If you re-set your goals, you will find it.

[Missouri-Hunter]

Thanks for the replies, and I didn't think anything I said was too harsh but I'll tone it down.

What I saw, as much through implication as expression, was that I was asked what I want and then told I shouldn't want that. All the personality traits and depth of personality are things that we can't find as search parameters, and are also what I'd consider to be a given. It never occurred to me that people would think I was looking for someone who didn't like me and wouldn't accept me just because I didn't spell that out. Having taken that for granted, I listed the things that initially attract me to someone and make me want to find out if the other qualities are present.
   Having read the descriptions of life there and the attitudes that environment has created (and the husband who is from there saying flatly "No" to my chances of success), perhaps I was right a few days ago when I was thinking about just backing off of this idea. I don't know if it's part of the MOB hype, but I had it in my mind that people from there would be more tolerant of difficulties because they'd braved more than people from here. (...in general).
   Maybe I should go back to more reading and less talking like when I first signed up here, but I wouldn't have gotten these answers without posting anything.   

[JR]

Don't give up. You are correct that most UW/RW have endured much more than we have and hopefully ever will.

There are pitfalls but there are also benefits a-plenty

Your adventure is just beginning, don't turn back now.

[GQBlues]

<snip>...but I had it in my mind that people from there would be more tolerant of difficulties because they'd braved more than people from here. (...in general)....

I haven't been back on this thread since my last post, and thank you.

As far as your thread's subject is concerned, I do see you've gotten a lot of support on the onset along with a lot of great advice and opinions.

I am married to a very wonderful woman who happens to be from Russia. She's wonderful not because of her being Russian, but rather because of her being her. That being said, one married man's opinion into this whole experience is when all is said and done and the cows start coming home ~ there's a lot to be said about marrying someone from your own culture. Ironically, if what you said in this thread is true, then you of all people should already know that.

Good luck.

[ambach123]

Boethius has written a very good analysis of AM/ RW relationships, and in perfect English. Such introspection is rare.

Quote " If you ever read FSU women's boards, the biggest complaint about their American husbands is lack of cash."

I have been saying that for an year. If you don't have enough cash, this is an unwise pursuit, for the short run and the long haul.

Just to give you a proper perspective, there is a member here who has made 20 plus trips to FSU but has not succeeded, he is young, good looking, has plenty of cash and does not have very high demands. There are others who have gotten nowhere with none of your handicaps on multiple trips. There are still others who have cut a sorry figure after they brought the RW; read the archives. It is enough to curdle your blood. And these were people who had none of your handicaps.

You will be wiser to save your cash, whatever little you have got, you will lose it in a hurry to the scammers who will swarm around you. At the very least learn how to recognize them.