New guy saying hello

[Missouri-Hunter]

Thanks ambach.  I'm doing the best I can to improve my finances, and in the meantime I'm reading a lot here and trying to learn all that I can. I may never get to where I can pursue this, but it won't hurt to educate myself anyway. 

[Sculpto]

Hunter, don't buy into that hogwash.  You can do it if you set your mind to it.  I believe in you! 

[Kuna]

Boethius has written a very good analysis of AM/ RW relationships, and in perfect English. Such introspection is rare.

ambach,

I think you'll find she is an AW married to a RM/UW...

[sweetpea]

Hello, Missouri –Hunter
I do not know if you are interested in a woman’s opinion here  ,  but I feel you are a good person and your desire to find a partner is sincere. Krivoy Rog is not a right place to go. Other Russian/Ukrainian cities are not good places as well. I am very sorry. My heart hurts when I try only imagine you on the Russian streets. Here men do not hold doors for women ( rarely), people push each other and do not say sorry. As for disabled people…I even do not know what to say…
 Guys and girls, who posted here are meaning well  and they are right. If you are around 50 you have to look for a woman of your age , maybe from the Russian village. I bet you would find a great wife there, but problem is that people there do not have internet. City girls, let alone 15 years younger…it’s not realistic at all.
I may be wrong but I heard about local cites for disabled people. I think it might work for you. Or you still can write Russian ladies but only when you are really financially ready . I wish you all the best. You will find you wife one day. 

[Simoni]

Sweetpea: You have given Missouri honest and accurate advice.  For a multude of reasons, the FSU is not the best place for him to seek his other half.

MH- Best wishes to you; I mean no hurt to you but write this to help you avoid experiencing something very tough and fraught with obstacles.  I remember back in 2005 my visit to an agency and the way the staff there made fun of a wheel chair client.   None of the girls would agree to go out with him, so his trip was a waste.   The US is much more advanced that the FSU when it comes to respect for the handicapped.

[Simoni]

ambach,

I think you'll find she is an AW married to a RM/UW...

Yeah, she continues to confuse people. When I came back after an absence, I found the strong presence of Boethius.  And since Boethius is a man's name, and a famous one at that, I at first assumed male, since (he) did not show gender on the profile.  But the voice was of a woman, and the language style of an American woman.  So I read all of her posts to try to figure out what she/he/it was.  The issue of gender kept coming up, post after post.   I think it does because of the combination of posting under a male name and not showing gender. Boethius chooses to not show her gender, so this misunderstanding will continue.

Although I have some minor disagreements with some of the viewpoints of Boethius, she makes many good points and her experiences of being a woman who has  lived in the Soviet Union make her unique. I think (she) is a good addition to the board.

[Daveman]

Sweetpea: You have given Missouri honest and accurate advice.  For a multude of reasons, the FSU is not the best place for him to seek his other half.

MH- Best wishes to you; I mean no hurt to you but write this to help you avoid experiencing something very tough and fraught with obstacles.  I remember back in 2005 my visit to an agency and the way the staff there made fun of a wheel chair client.   None of the girls would agree to go out with him, so his trip was a waste.   The US is much more advanced that the FSU when it comes to respect for the handicapped.

Yes indeed.  Here's the thing MH.. the people in this thread who are cheering you on have been raised in America with a little different set of values.  Sweet Pea, Simoni, Boethius, KenC, etc, are telling you the reality about what you *will face* if you travel to FSU, and/or continue to search there for a partner.  You will have many snickering behind your back, and be limited to virtually no assistance... one thing you must understand is that "over there", appearances are often much more important than reality.  Very few ladies would want to be seen in public on a date with a handicapped man.  It isn't about what you may or may not deserve, or about your character, or even about what inner beauty you possess.  Of course, the agencies will gladly take your money and blow smoke up your ass to keep the flow of cash coming their way.  You will be a prime target with a bulls eye on your back for every unscrupulous agency, lady, et al over there.  

This is a very high risk, low success rate venture for anyone.  Your situation, while perhaps not completely insuperable,  is one which magnifies the problems exponentially.  If you do decide to continue this, which of course is your choice, you really need to knock those starry eyed dreams out of your mind, get focused on the realities of what you absolutely will face, the pitfalls you must avoid, the scammers and criminals you must learn to recognize along with the million ways these unscrupulous people will use to separate you from your money while smiling to your face and pretending to care.  

what you read on the net about FSUW, aside from places like here, is absolutely horse sh!t.. THAT is something you need to wrap your mind around and understand from the beginning.  That nonsense is written (or spoken) by people who want your money.  

The cheerleaders in this thread who are telling you to just "go for it" have their hearts in the right place, but their advice to you sucks out loud.  You are nowhere near being ready to attempt this (either financially or mentally), and you really need to take a cold hard look at reality and how difficult this would truly be for you.  Get a grip on reality, put everything into perspective, and then you can make an informed decision rather than one based on photos of young hot babe and agency hype.

I do wish you only the best,
Dave

[Missouri-Hunter]

Thanks everyone; I'll keep all this advice in mind as I consider what I want to do. 

[Kuna]

Yeah, she continues to confuse people. When I came back after an absence, I found the strong presence of Boethius.  And since Boethius is a man's name, and a famous one at that, I at first assumed male, since (he) did not show gender on the profile.  But the voice was of a woman, and the language style of an American woman.  So I read all of her posts to try to figure out what she/he/it was.  The issue of gender kept coming up, post after post.   I think it does because of the combination of posting under a male name and not showing gender. Boethius chooses to not show her gender, so this misunderstanding will continue.

Although I have some minor disagreements with some of the viewpoints of Boethius, she makes many good points and her experiences of being a woman who has  lived in the Soviet Union make her unique. I think (she) is a good addition to the board.

Agreed that she offers the board a new an interesting perspective.  I have a strange interest/curiosity for her posts because I strongly disagree with about half of what she says... and then I find the other half of her posts interesting - even insightful at times.

Still... telling a guy not to visit a ladies hometown if she is uncomfortable because SHE MAY HAVE A LOCAL (even casual) BF THAT SHE DOESN"T WANT TO GO SOUTH IF HE FOUND OUT is one of the craziest bits of advice I've even read in here.   

I think she has great experience...  but the way that experience is used gives me the impression her day job is that if a manager of a womens shelter.   

[Simoni]

Still... telling a guy not to visit a ladies hometown if she is uncomfortable because SHE MAY HAVE A LOCAL (even casual) BF THAT SHE DOESN"T WANT TO GO SOUTH IF HE FOUND OUT is one of the craziest bits of advice I've even read in here.   

I think she has great experience...  but the way that experience is used gives me the impression her day job is that if a manager of a womens shelter.   

I agree with the first point 100 %.  That was the craziest advice I have ever seen given at RWD (don't go to her hometown because she may have a local boyfriend)!

Your last point may be accurate, too.  Another poster PMed me saying, "why am I arguing with a 50 year old American woman about RW?"   Turns out she is Canadian, but I get the same feeling as he and you do.

[Boethius]

First, I never posted the woman had a boyfriend.  I posted that she may be seeing someone.  Putting your eggs all in one basket is not the way women think.  

Second, I'm not fifty, at least not yet.  And unlike most of you, I actually lived with Russian women (my SIL and MIL), had Russian and Ukrainian girlfriends, and heard how women talk about their husbands, and boyfriends.

[Misha]

Just to give you a proper perspective, there is a member here who has made 20 plus trips to FSU but has not succeeded, he is young, good looking, has plenty of cash and does not have very high demands.

Let's see. Spent one summer, was youngish, high demands and little cash. Met a wonderful woman, got married and 3 years later, I am still married. Ambach, I have to say that you like to pick and choose your "examples" to suit your narrow point of view  

[groovlstk]

First, I never posted the woman had a boyfriend.  I posted that she may be seeing someone.  Putting your eggs all in one basket is not the way women think. 

Second, I'm not fifty, at least not yet.  And unlike most of you, I actually lived with Russian women (my SIL and MIL), had Russian and Ukrainian girlfriends, and heard how women talk about their husbands, and boyfriends.

But since, evidently, I've worn out my welcome, I will say goodbye.

Boethius, I sincerely hope you won't leave. Your posts are always intelligent and insightful and you have many fans here, including me

[KenC]

Boethius, I sincerely hope you won't leave. Your posts are always intelligent and insightful and you have many fans here, including me

Boethius,
I second Groov's assessment.  We do not always agree, but the overall IQ level of RWD would be diminished with your exit.  We need all the deep thinkers we can attract here.
KenC

[I/O]

Boethius and another wrote two of the most excellent posts I have read anywhere on any forum relating to this subject. One wrote "My heart aches when I imagine....." or something similar.

M' hunter: I've just returned from 3 weeks in various parts of Russia. This is about my 13th trip to FSU regions or nearby. I've travelled 27 countries over the last decade and seen a bit along the way. Ukraine IMO is little different from Russia and I think there is about a dime of difference between the two peoples for the most part other than some political differences applying to different regions. I've been married to one of the kindest RW you'll ever meet for a couple of years (she must be kind to tolerate me).

To Mrs I/O and about every Russian I have ever met, "disability, or handicap" are words which don't exist. They refer to such people as crippled, nothing more, nothing less. They mean no ill by this. My wife, as I write is visiting a lady from near her home apartment who is wheelchair bound and has been for years, the dearest of dear friends, a perfectly beautiful looking woman, mother of two and a wonderful housekeeper whom my wife loves dearly but refers to as crippled and cries everytime she speaks of her because she can see there is NO LIFE for her in Russia. It is a huge effort for her to even get outside the apartment building which happens maybe once a week if she is lucky. They live in a middle class location and are by no means poor, but let me give you a small example of how it is.

The elevator, after the door slams shut two or three times as you try to get in, will handle your chair from whatever level to level one, but level one is not on the ground, you will still have one flight of stairs to descend. Ain't NOBODY gunna help you do that. When you do drag yourself down the stairs, chair with you, through God knows what where the boys spit on the stairs constantly, remount your chair, you still have to get the heavy security door open which has a bottom plate still protruding upwards 3" or 4" and then somehow around the cars parked where they shouldn't be and onto some semblance of a walkway which might, if you are lucky, end up on a paved path through a park. God forbid you would want to cross a street or use an underpass or overpass at an intersection. They are ALL stairs, a few have wheelchair channels (A pair of 5" x 2" upturned steel "c" beams welded to the stairs) if you can find someone strong enough to push you up or down because they are bloody steep I can tell you.

I have no desire to seem unkind and as a Taxi company manager, I spend many 1000's of company $ every year with no viable return to accommodate people in chairs but I have to say, your even remotely flirting with the idea of travelling to Ukraine or Russia in search of a wife is ridiculous. Without at least two full time hired assistants you would die of starvation within days if you made it across the first intersection which I highly doubt. Add to that, Russians (Ukrainians if you like) find dealing with disability embarrassing and are largely uncomfortable with it. God help you if you want on an aeroplane. You must negotiate whatever number of stairs in the given airport, then get through impossible doors, then onto a bus which is often more like a barn cart, then somehow onto the plane.

The most significant concern I would venture is that any woman, I don't care who, isn't going to rush out of her country into poverty just for the hell of it. You are very entitled to dreams and hopes but again with no intention of being unkind,  you have absolutely no hope of pulling something like this off. Posters who encourage you to try are being very unkind.

I/O

[Kuna]

You advised the member not to go to her city if she was uncomfortable because:

She may be seeing someone there, even if not seriously, and if things don't work out with you, she may be thinking it could affect her future.

That's just bad advice...  no matter how you want to justify it!

[I/O]

You advised the member not to go to her city if she was uncomfortable because:

That's just bad advice...  no matter how you want to justify it!

Kuna: I register my disagreement. I don't know where the comment came from, I assume another thread but my advice would be exactly as my practice always was, if I gained the slightest, even the tiniest hint a woman was even thinking about being uncomfortable with my visiting her home town, there was NO way I was going there, in fact there was no further communication period.

The key is the "uncomfortable" part, not whether or not to visit her in her home town.

As far as I am concerned (I differ from many others), her home town meetings are mandatory and preferably first meetings at that. For me, any woman I communicated with, from any country (there was a few) who hesitated in the slightest about this was toast. Conversely, I often found another thing when I prodded which was exampled by my wife early on. We communicated for a short time and I commented that I would come meet her. Her response was "I'm glad, someone serious" and when I prodded further regarding whether or not she was happy about my visiting her at home, she was almost insulted and made it quite clear (as only RW can) I was barking right up the wrong tree. As you know, ironically, events ultimately twisted for us and we finally met much closer to my home town than hers but the point shouldn't be lost. She is uncomfortable, don't go, in fact don't bother further.

I/O

[kievstar]

I recently flew from Kharkov to Kiev.  There was a lady with her boyfirend or husband (in a wheel chair) 25-30 year age range.  The airline would not help him onto the bus from the terminal to the bus.  A couple people jumped off the bus and helped him on.  When the bus got to the airplane the airline again would not help him on the plane.  Some passengers helped him but his girlfriend / wife paid some money.  Hard enough to get on these small planes let alone carry a handicap person - one man grabbed his head and the other his feet.

I saw her pay some more money when landing in Kiev. 

I was watching the other peoples reaction and could hear what they were whispering and they were pissed this man had the nerve to slow up the plane to Kiev.

This is the only handicap person or wheel chair I have ever seen in Ukraine who was not begging for money on the street. 

[Missouri-Hunter]

That does sound like a nightmare. I'd need the mechanical wheelchair so I could fold it and drag it up stairs, but I'd need the electric one for inclines and rougher ground (like gravel). I don't go anywhere assuming that others should help me (though they often do), but some of what's being described does sound insurmountable. I've been figuring it'd just be harder on me during the time I'd visit, but it sounds like I'd literally get stuck. 

Thanks again for the info.   

[Daveman]

That does sound like a nightmare. I'd need the mechanical wheelchair so I could fold it and drag it up stairs, but I'd need the electric one for inclines and rougher ground (like gravel). I don't go anywhere assuming that others should help me (though they often do), but some of what's being described does sound insurmountable. I've been figuring it'd just be harder on me during the time I'd visit, but it sounds like I'd literally get stuck.  

Thanks again for the info.  

It's a very different world in many ways... in my mind, though very modern in many aspects, it's also a place that feels like the 50's in other areas.  Just concerning your wheelchair.. there are no provisions for this on any public transportation, and all the taxi's (perhaps there are exceptions, but I've yet to see one) are very small, similar to honda civic size.  And as Kievstar mentioned, connecting flights would be a nightmare because MOST of those flights as not ramped to the concourse like in USA, they are out on the tarmac and you have to take a shuttle bus to the plane, then climb those tight, steep portable rolling stairs.

Another Option:
Your situation would be one of the few exceptions where, if you really want to try this, you should contact someone like a former member Eduard, who actually travels with his clients and arranges everything in advance, plus serves as translator, guide, etc, and also hunts down ladies in off the beaten path places who are interested in meeting.  He could take care of the logistics for you as well as find and screen ladies so that you would have less risk of being scammed, being used to get a green card, lend assistance with your chair, etc... the benefit of Eduard is that he is a Russian man living in the USA.

I don't have his contact info as he no longer is a member here.  Perhaps someone reading this thread who has this information could PM MO with the information.  Of course, it would add to the cost of your travel, but in your situation, I really, truly think this would be nearly impossible for you to do alone simply for the hardship of travel logistics as well as the language barrier.  It certainly wouldn't hurt to talk with him and get his opinion on the situation.

Dave

[Missouri-Hunter]

Thanks Dave. 

[BillyB]

Hi MH,

 I use to live in Missouri myself and have relatives in Buffalo. The biggest town in Dallas county with over 2000 people! I suspect you live around a lot of nothing too and that may not be appealing to many women. My relatives said a few men in the area have married RW with poor results. If you do this, you need to tell the ladies not only your physical condition but make them have a clear understanding of your living conditions. You also need to understand there are many insincere women out there that will consider you useful as a visa mule.

Google Russian international disabled dating site and you will find some sites like this:

http://www.alldisabled.org/gal_filteredfast_2___.html?sid=add590b27b1dd59cd66b4b9251c4bc8f

Keep in mind, some sites can scam men so try to get the ladies phone number to communicate with them directly. Don't visit any woman if she doesn't think you're worth talking to.

[Taz]

As has already been mentioned, but it is worth repeating, this is not an inexpensive undertaking. Just finding the right  woman can take some time. The travel costs are substantial. The continued relationship costs can pile up if you try to stay in contact. I think was averaging about $300 month on phone calls. That was through about the best service I could find that balanced call quality and cost.

Of course you can use things like Skype IF she has a computer or access to one. Mine didn't and if she went to the internet cafe, it was convenient and it was still about $2/hr. to talk for her and not to mention the total lack of privacy there. Can't overlook the visa costs and the cost of bringing her here in addition to the costs of her keeping in touch with her family.

While I think it might be easier to find a RW accepting of your condition, there are going to be a lot of questions asked about your ability to support a family. Have you thought about moving there? If you have any sort of pension or disability income, it can go a long ways there. With a little work, you could find a place to live and convert it to be more friendly to your condition.

Travel to and from there will be problematic. It is a PITA at times if you don't have any physical issues. I had to make a few flights while injured and it was not something I want to repeat EVER! Traveling too and from may be a much bigger challenge than its been painted her so far. Nobody is going to cut you any slack for the most part. Almost nobody will help you anywhere even the service personnel in almost any establishment will likely look the other way rather than help. Almost every elevator in an apartment building has at least 10 steps you have to go up to you before you even get to the elevator. Half the time it doesn't work.

On a recent trip Murphy's law kicked in full force. I had an apartment on the top (9th floor). I arrived late at night thanks to a few delays after flying from Egypt to Ukraine. I then was even later because of limited connections. I arrived at about 3 AM at my apartment. I had to leave at 6 AM for a train back to Kyiv. I figured I had about enough time to take a shower and not much more. I get in the building and the elevator doesn't work. OMG! I had to climb 9 flights of stairs repeatedly because of my luggage. I even negotiated with the taxi driver to help out. He made it up 5 flights and I thought he was going to die! I was already on the 9th floor and I could hear him wheezing all the way up there.

What would you do in this kind of situation? There is almost no such thing as a ground level apartment. They almost all have stairs up or down from the street level. I had to use crutches for a while there and it was really difficult. I can only imagine how bad it would be for you. I probably would still be climbing to the top floor of my apartment if I was on crutches...

As good as RW can be, their apartment buildings are the AW of buildings... 

[Missouri-Hunter]

I'm still reading; thanks everyone.