How to deal with the dreaded question - other women

[SANDRO43]

MM Watch the movie "waterboy" with Adam Sandler. There is a part which would answer your question.It is hilarious.If I was computer savey I would post a Youtube clip. Any Takers?

Is it somewhere here?

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiIO_gp92js&NR=1[/youtube]

[Misha]

i just want to remind everyone that our suggestions to the OP should be considered/judged in context: he is basically a guy who is chasing after multiple rw while using skype and maybe "chat rooms".

Not a chat room, a Russian dating site that is part of the Russian mamba network. Yes, he does come across as a kid in a candy store as he has realized that he can chat with potentially  hundreds of thousands of women for free. Not only that, many of these women are interested in chatting with him. Having lived through it in the past, I can attest to the fact that it can give a guy a giddy rush those first few days.

[Misha]

Yes....and also be prepared for the "fleeing" when you DO tell them the truth (ie: Hi Natasha, I just wanted to let you know that your number 9 on my list of the top ten FSUW that I will be coming to visit this Fall!) 

GOB

Well, he has yet to decide which women he will visit. At this stage, he is only chatting. Very normal behavior for men and women. The women on the site are doing the same thing. Do you think they only chat with the first guy who happens to send them a message  :evil: Until they actually meet someone and fall for him almost all will continue entertaining other online options.

[OlgaH]

Well, romance does tend to knock reason on its ear sometimes.

Everything depends on where you are or what stage you're in during the communication process.  

Here I absolutely agree with you.

[MatryoshkaMan]

So many good comments here. I have soaked them all in. I think I have enough ideas now how to deal with it, when it comes. So far only 1 woman has asked, thats why I created the post.

Mars said it best - "Once a woman asks the question about others, it is probably too late.  At that point, you either lie and lose her later or tell the truth and lose her immediately.  And, although some of the ladies here say such questions are in bad taste; it is a burning question for virtually all women in all countries of the world."

I am sure all (who are genuinely interested) are thinking about "the question" but don't ask because they think a) I probably don't want to know the answer or b) its too forward to ask.

I am done for now contacting any more women. I will just see where it goes with the current ones. None of these are on the "find a foreign husband program" (at least explicitly) so I don't know how that will pan out in comparison to using the typical RW site where it is implied that she will be willing to leave her country for the right man.

Yes I have gotten over my head here and I am already slowing down. My plan is to head over to FSU in Speptember / October time frame and while morally I would like to go see only 1 woman, I am seasoned enough to know that the risk of having a falling out or lack of chemistry with "the one" is a GREATER risk than associated with dealing with the issues that some women might have with me seeing more than just her. And the difference is that is HER problem, not mine.

I am not going to be a player by seeing 2-3 women over 3 weeks. I guess the problem is how to do it logistically. I would assume that top choice should be first so that you give her the first shot and if it all works out you MIGHT have to say sorry to the others.

But that is a discussion for another time - the logisticals of VM.

Thanks all, this site is an amazing resource!

[MatryoshkaMan]

Misha put me onto this site (HUGE thanks Misha!) and he is right. I was using Elena's before -- total waste of time when compared to this site. Its is active like you wouldn't believe. 11+million users, 30,000-70,000+ people on-line at once. And the crazy thing for me is that I only contact the hottest women (well 8+) and I am getting a pretty good response rate back. I think out of 200 "hi's" I sent out I have chatted at least a bit to 40+ of the women. Many say they have never talked to a foreigner before. On Elena's my response was not as good - although not bad. Maybe the women there are jaded and battle-hardened. Most of the women I am chatting with are in the 27-33 age range, quite reasonable I would think. A few have kids but most don't. The biggest difference between dating.ru and Elena's is that on dating I get unsolicited mails from attractive women. I have done a few double-takes already when I opened my box. Usually on Elena's I groan when I see I have mail there. I am hoping within 2 months to have the top 3 cemented and then I can start to figure out a real plan of action to meet them in person.

[GQBlues]

<snip>...Yes I have gotten over my head here and I am already slowing down. My plan is to head over to FSU in Speptember / October time frame and while morally I would like to go see only 1 woman, I am seasoned enough to know that the risk of having a falling out or lack of chemistry with "the one" is a GREATER risk than associated with dealing with the issues that some women might have with me seeing more than just her. And the difference is that is HER problem, not mine.

I am not going to be a player by seeing 2-3 women over 3 weeks. I guess the problem is how to do it logistically. I would assume that top choice should be first so that you give her the first shot and if it all works out you MIGHT have to say sorry to the others.

But that is a discussion for another time - the logisticals of VM.

Entertaining thread. I would have waited a bit longer for the chum to float a while and stay firm until it boils, but...

...what I was curious about the whole time however is...is the term 'other women' happen to include the Belarusian woman with huge knockers you were head over heels with the other day, or is it someone else with lesser assets? 

[ambach123]

I would limit the chatting with them to minimum. Meeting in person is what determines if you can have a relationship.

Sometimes chatting creates unwarranted expectations which later on are not met.

A Few letters, a few phone calls, and then meet.

[MatryoshkaMan]

Ambach, that only works if a person has virtually limitless time and money. Don't get me wrong, you are 100% right - its the best approach but see above. If I was idle rich, damn I would be over on the next flight and then repeat ad naseum until I met the best one.

[Daveman]

Ambach, that only works if a person has virtually limitless time and money. Don't get me wrong, you are 100% right - its the best approach but see above. If I was idle rich, damn I would be over on the next flight and then repeat ad naseum until I met the best one.

No, it's not the *best* approach... perhaps the best approach for Ambach, yourself, others, maybe myself in the future ----- but as mentioned in other threads -- unless you are lucky, you *will* be making many trips then lather,  rinse,  and repeat until you find that elusive mate.  Don't kid yourself... IF you just run through a set of ladies, make a trip, pick one and marry her, without several follow-up visits, etc, your chance of long term success (making it 5 years or more) is left much to chance and the roll of the RW dice (can you say understatement of the year?)

MM, you don't need to be rich. That's not the point, but you do need to have the means to be able to find a lady, visit her several time to develop the relationship until it's ready for marriage (the words of a great Italian Philosopher yet again... "Marriage is a container for a relationship..."), and at any time during this growth process, you *must* be willing to walk away and start over... you can't rationalize it in any way..  in most cases, this is a time and capital consuming venture. Much more than I thought from the outset, that's for sure and certain.

Dream big but you gotta have a handle on reality in this or you'll drown in the quagmire that is the process... ya dig? 

[MatryoshkaMan]

You guys gotta realize I am not to this, its my second trip around the block. I first was into RW way back in 1999 when I was "introduced" to my first wife though a friend. Back then we communicated by good old fashioned snail mail. In February 2000 I went to Ukraine for the first time and lived there for 6 weeks and was married near the end of my trip at ZAGS in Zaporozhye. My wife came over in December 2000 and we were happily married for many years and the only reason it ended in 2008 (on good terms, we still see each other a few times a week) was over the issue of kids, I wanted, she always postponed them indefinately into the future..In my married years we became friends with a bunch of the younger russian/ukrainian community here and all her family has been for visits. Father came over and lived with us for 8 months last year. Brother lives here now, we brought him over on a visitor visa and he was lucky enough to meet a great women and they are now married and have a kid. So anyways there it is, yes I have the "kid in the candy store" syndrome right now but its just a temporary phase. I am enjoying what for me might be my last time playing the field, at least that is the hope!

[SMS60]

Is it somewhere here?

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiIO_gp92js&NR=1[/youtube]

Sandro, Not there.

Part where he is at a fraternity party and approached by 2 women. They ask him if he has a girlfriend. He replies he has many girlfriends........................then it gets out of control

[Gator]

You guys gotta realize I am not to this, its my second trip around the block. I first was into RW way back in 1999 when I was "introduced" to my first wife though a friend. Back then we communicated by good old fashioned snail mail. In February 2000 I went to Ukraine for the first time and lived there for 6 weeks and was married near the end of my trip at ZAGS in Zaporozhye. My wife came over in December 2000 and we were happily married for many years and the only reason it ended in 2008 (on good terms, we still see each other a few times a week) was over the issue of kids, I wanted, she always postponed them indefinately into the future..In my married years we became friends with a bunch of the younger russian/ukrainian community here and all her family has been for visits. Father came over and lived with us for 8 months last year. Brother lives here now, we brought him over on a visitor visa and he was lucky enough to meet a great women and they are now married and have a kid. So anyways there it is, yes I have the "kid in the candy store" syndrome right now but its just a temporary phase. I am enjoying what for me might be my last time playing the field, at least that is the hope! Here is a picture of my ex in case anyone is interested. Great lady and the reason why I am forever hooked on RW!

Thanks for the elaboration.  It gives a much better impression of your values and goals.

This trip will indeed be like reliving your youth.  Nevertheless, this forum is about marrying a RW, not sex tourism.  A large number of men go to the FSU, make a lot of promises, sleep around and never marry.  What separates the sincere RWD man from the sex tourist is not the number of RW a man meets nor even how much sex (IMO) he has.  Rather, the difference is found in his intent,  disclosures, promises, followup and especially his respect for RW. 

While the FSU has  a known history of scamming, there are many, many sincere RW with a good heart and dreams for a new life.  Be a gentleman.

[Kuna]

Be a gentleman.

Gator,

Excellent way to end your post.  I hope MM realises it's not gentlemanly to post one's ex-wife on an internet site and virtually offering introductions to potentially thousands of strangers.

Perhaps it's purely a difference of values but this is all sounding wrong to me.  At least his manic romancing is not on a specific marriage site...  that is the ONLY saving grace at the moment.

MM...  chill dude... take a breath...  book a ticket...  go meet some nice ladies.

Kuna

[GoodOlBoy]

MM, you don't need to be rich. That's not the point, but you do need to have the means to be able to find a lady, visit her several time to develop the relationship until it's ready for marriage......

GOB agrees with Daveman, BUT....I would also like to add that it might be beneficial to stay 2 or 3 months (straight without separation) with your potential wife in her hometown.

I can almost guarantee that you will see a totally different side of her and most importantly, she (and her family) will see all the different sides of you (good and bad).

NO GUARANTEES....BUT....After this amount of time together you will probably know if you two are "compatible" and if she really is "the one" and vice versa.

JM2C's.


GOB



PS...... I personally have some unbelievable adventures/memories from staying in Omsk (Siberia) for 3 months (mushroom picking in the forest, several "shashlik" cookouts , going fishing with my FIL and BIL , driving my FIL's car all around Omsk , going to a "dacha", spending a day with my BIL at his workplace, a whole lot of quality time with my In-Laws...etc.) and during these 3 month's I also learned things about my wife that I could have NEVER known or understood during our 3 short vacation's/holiday's spent together in Greece, Thailand and Prague.

[Chicagoguy]

Wait...
Nothing wrong with writing many women. But wait until you accidently use the wrong name or send a letter to the wrong person. I had this happen on her mail to me also. Different women.     

[Simoni]

And do keep in mind that she is in all probability writing other guys and has a local boy friend...

[Misha]

And do keep in mind that she is in all probability writing other guys and has a local boy friend...

Well, that is how the game is played  :evil: Most RW that I know, until they are committed to their guy (i.e. married or living together), see nothing wrong with looking at other options, notably if she only had a few dates with the other guy.

[Mars]

Most RW that I know, until they are committed to their guy (i.e. married or living together), see nothing wrong with looking at other options, notably if she only had a few dates with the other guy.

But they will drop a guy in an instant if he does the same.

[Misha]

But they will drop a guy in an instant if he does the same.

Online, on a dating site, when both are still at the early stages of chatting? Nope, ain't going to happen most times  :evil: Yes, there might be the odd exception (always is), but most will continue chatting with you and won't expect such commitment at the beginning.

[Simoni]

The biggest mistake made by rookies is falling in love with a picture or girl on the other end of the webcam BEFORE meeting in person.  i advise guys to FORGET forming exclusive relationships with girls they have not met in real life! If they do, it's likely exclusive for them but not the girl. 

Stop skyping and go meet her!

[jdk1963]

Hey all, really need some level-headed advice now.
I am starting to get the question "so are you communicating with any other women?"
Just got one this morning and this is from a woman that I am attracted to and I don't want to blow the answer - which is - truthfully - yes, a lot.

Do you guys have a canned response or did you have one in the past? If so, what is it?

Yes, my mother, my sister and my daughter.

[phantom]

Me, I usually bypass the question all together.  They usually don't ask again, and when told me on skype, "I only write you", I clicked off.

[MatryoshkaMan]

I have already had the "other women" question asked to my by my top woman. I told her the truth that yes I am writing to others, and that based on my recent experience where I got burned by going exclusive way too soon I am too cautious to commit to one woman before a first meeting. She stated that she was not happy about it but completely understood and stated something like "well I know you like me most so I don't worry" She was true and she got big brownie points for having the right attitude. But she did tell me that she only writes to me, which put me in a bit of a spot...

Another women who I have had a few long chats with on skype is about to ask me "the question" - I can feel it burning on her lips..well fingertips..will deal with her in the same way and hope that she also can accept it even if she is not thrilled about it.