Going to Mexico with my lady

[LiveFromUkraine]

Yes, I learned that it does not pay to be nice in forums  :evil:

You think you are cool using that icon in almost every post?  I think you need to work on your insecurities instead of trying to manifest one on this forum.   :evil:

[Misha]

You think you are cool using that icon in almost every post?  I think you need to work on your insecurities instead of trying to manifest one on this forum.   :evil:

What exactly are these insecurities? I am happily married to a woman that I had no need to "import." If that makes me "insecure" then I will be more than happy to embrace the title. I don't quite see the need to discuss what was allegedly said or did on another forum.

The Sculpto story, IMHO, is simply the outcome of a middle-aged man falling for a 20-year-old woman and rationalizing bad behavior. This is what I was warning Sculpto about weeks (months?) ago. I feel bad for him, but whatever may happen will be the outcome of the choices that he made. 

[LiveFromUkraine]

What exactly are these insecurities? I am happily married to a woman that I had no need to "import." If that makes me "insecure" then I will be more than happy to embrace the title. I don't quite see the need to discuss what was allegedly said or did on another forum.

The Sculpto story, IMHO, is simply the outcome of a middle-aged man falling for a 20-year-old woman and rationalizing bad behavior. This is what I was warning Sculpto about weeks (months?) ago. I feel bad for him, but whatever may happen will be the outcome of the choices that he made.  

No need to import?  BS...  You said you couldn't find a woman in Canada so you went to Russian. You stated this many times on this very forum.  

You may feel bad for Sculpto but it is obvious you feel so much better being correct.  That is a sign of insecurity.  

[Misha]

No need to import?  BS...  You said you couldn't find a woman in Canada so you went to Russian. You stated this many times on this very forum. 

Yes, I expanded my dating pool to include Russia, but I do not consider this "importing" a wife.

You may feel bad for Sculpto but it is obvious you feel so much better being right.  That is a sign of insecurity.  

If that is how you interpret it, go ahead.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Yes, I expanded my dating pool to include Russia, but I do not consider this "importing" a wife.

So you did what every other guy on this forum did, expand their dating pool.  So that makes me somewhat confused as to why you would state you didn't need to import a wife?  Who needed to import a wife here?  Maybe this is your subconscious working.

I do interpret a lot of your posts as coming from a insecure man.  Sorry no cheerleaders here.   :evil:

[Misha]

So you did what every other guy on this forum did, expand their dating pool.

Which is why I have NEVER said that any of the other men "import" their wives.

I do interpret a lot of your posts as coming from a insecure man.  Sorry no cheerleaders here.   :evil:

The thing is, I don't need the cheerleading.

But, I am curious, are you married?   

[LiveFromUkraine]

Which is why I have NEVER said that any of the other men "import" their wives.

The thing is, I don't need the cheerleading.

But, I am curious, are you married?  

Yes I am.  Don't worry you are still the man since I don't speak fluent Russian.  

Luckily I have more going for me than being married.   :evil:

[Misha]

Yes I am.  Don't worry you are still the man since I don't speak fluent Russian.  

Luckily I have more going for me than being married.   :evil:

So do I, but I am glad that you are happy.

[LiveFromUkraine]

So do I, but I am glad that you are happy.

I actually hope every guy on here is happy.  Regardless if I think they are doing the right thing or not.  Heck, I am not qualified to make the call if they are not doing the right thing.  I think there are far too many arm chair experts here.

Don't kick a man when he is down.  He needs to learn stuff for himself.  It isn't about cheerleading but about being a nice person and helping someone feel better instead of making him feel worst.

[GQBlues]

I can't help but wonder whether or not Sculpto's (I like that handle much better) silence suggests he's on board a plane flying home or on board  just flyin'....

Whatever. I just hope he's doing well.....

[boaterguy]

I can't help but wonder whether or not Sculpto's (I like that handle much better) silence suggests he's on board a plane flying home or on board  just flyin'....

Whatever. I just hope he's doing well.....

I would wager he's off hacking his way through a jungle exploring...wonder if he has his lady in tow?

[Gator]

...wonder if he has his lady in tow?

Good expression for a boating enthusiast. 

I did the "in tow" routine when I experienced the episode of "innocent misunderstanding elevates to huge argument with intractable RW."

For two days after the misunderstanding, sshe withdrew in mind and spirit.  We rarely spoke as she followed me while I explored Italy.  Even when stopping at restaurants and bars, I would chat with others rather than her.

On the third day she said something about buying shoes which I assumed was the beginning stages of glacier melt.  So to help, I bought her a pair of $200 shoes and we were friendly after that.  I don't know if buying the shoes was a mistake or not.  Chalk it up as my trying to soothe the turmoil without forcing either of us to admit we were wrong.  I could not stand another day of walking around with a RW in tow.

Did she forget it about the misunderstanding?  No.  It came up again months later, spontaneously.   A discussion using an interpreter could not reconcile our differences.  That is when I decided that the relationship was probably hopeless, and I stopped trying.

Are all RW the same?  Absolutely not.  My wife will become a little angry about a misunderstanding, yet she wants to reconcile it almost immediately.  For sure, she would not let us go to sleep with upset feelings.  That is one example of our compatibility.

Some people stand and fight, and others take flight.  I am the first type. 

[dogspot]

Sorry to hear about these developments, Eric. You know some of us are pulling for you over here. I will offer you some of the same advice that has already been given. When I had similar issues with my ex, where she would become unreasonable, I would just stop talking, let her get it out, and basically ignore her until she was finished. As far as your time with her in Thailand, I would suggest doing what Gator suggested. Try and have a good time with or without her. I think after things have cooled down the two of you will still be able to have a good time together. Try to forget about not being able to live with her and focus on enjoying your vacation. She will likely want to enjoy it with you.

[dogspot]

Don't kick a man when he is down.  He needs to learn stuff for himself.  It isn't about cheerleading but about being a nice person and helping someone feel better instead of making him feel worst.

Well said, LFU   

[dogspot]

But, I am curious, are you married?   

I've noticed you toss this question into your arguments with people on this forum. Why is that? It seems to me you feel your marriage to a RW makes you an authority on every topic.

[SMS60]

[quote author=LiveFromUkraine link=topic=9763.msg204431#msg204431 date=1255724631 Don't kick a man when he is down.  He needs to learn stuff for himself.  It isn't about cheerleading but about being a nice person and helping someone feel better instead of making him feel worst.
[/quote]

Wrong answer

Nice guys finish last.

Some members on this site are enablers. I know it makes you feel all fuzzy and warm inside but it compounds the problem.

When Im screwing up I want someone to grab me by the shirt collar and shake some sense into me not get all emotional and teary eyed. Especially with being a male. This is what Sculpto needed months ago but instead he recieved oil downed back rubs and flowers. Maybe even a pop on the back of the head to wake him up.

All these warm feelings work perfect (especially on forums) until your on the battlefield with bullets whizzing past your ear... can you say reality?

And now back to "As the World Turns"

[Turboguy]

I will agree that often nice guys finish last.  I have enough first hand experince with that to belive there is a lot of truth in it.

You may be the type that needs someone to shake some sense into you but not everyone is.  Wacking someone on the side of the head may work with some but it will have the opposite effect on many.  Personally I will stay with believing you don't kick someone when they are down and I think it has little to do with trying to help someone and a lot to do with the kicker being devoid of character.

[Sculpto]

unfortunately when this argument took place we were in front of the travel agent that had arranged the transport to the south and we were waiting for the bus that was due to arrive within the hour.  Instead she changed her return ticket back to Moscow and we did not get on the bus.

Intractable is an understatement. 

Yes, she was trying to train me, and to test me, AGAIN.  She got rotten advice from some people in Russia, including her Mom, who told her "something like this will happen".  Also, there are numerous men in Moscow chasing her and trying to convince her she is making a mistake with me.  She is getting flowers and gifts on an almost daily basis.  All those things put her in a confrontational footing as if she was just waiting for the "incident" to occur and confirm her fears and give her an excuse to end it with me.  Even though the first few days were really sweet she was acting weird about a few things that had my guard up, in particular food and making fun of Thai food that verged on racist.  I was trying to just be patient and ignore her "caprice" but yesterday there was just no avoiding it.  It was also really hot and humid and we had been running around buying stuff to go south, in particular finding some sport shoes for her had proved to be almost impossible.  2 hours wandering around the crowded street markets had us both on edge.

However, as I said, during the discussion that followed a lot of other things came out that really make me question the value of continuing with her even if today she should change her mind again.  I think it is possible that she would, but, there are things I can not live with or support under any circumstances.  Sorry but i can not reveal the nature of all of those issues... but let me simply say that the way she earns a significant % of her income is nefarious and even in my liberal and accepting point of view unacceptable.  Based on her previous commentary on certain subjects for her to be doing what she does is not only corrupt but makes her a hypocrite to the 10th degree.  When she justified her "business" by saying, "Why not, its big money, easy to do" even though it is directly in contradiction with what she has said in the past on the topic it goes beyond what I can support.

It breaks my heart.  But, I guess there is about a 1% chance we will fix things up today.. but.. even if we did and decided to continue the trip there is enough doubt in my mind to call off the relationship anyway.  A life with her will not be a mere rollercoaster which I could have handled and even enjoyed, but, rather, it will be a life that proceeds from one crisis/conflict to the next, and, no matter what the reality, it will always be my fault. 

There is one thing I will say that is personal, that will make it clear what part of my concern is.  She admitted to me that she had been hospitalized for a psychological disorder, one that would automatically make her ineligible for the fiance visa.  Its another lie that she told me months ago.  I specifically asked her if she had ever had a serious psychological problem that required therapy or being put in a hospital and she said no.  Then, last night, during one of the many of her mood swings I endured over the 6 or so hours of discussion, she admitted, almost with some weird kind of pride, that her mood swings, caprice and tyrrany are expressed to EVERYONE, her freinds, Mother, sister and even her now dead father and that it had resulted in an extended hospital stay.  The other hypocrisy relative to her earning money would also make her ineligible.  Its too much of a hurdle, even if her doctor will write her med papers for a fee.  And, aside from that, I don't want to deal with it.  She has it in her head that she is going to be some sort of female oligarch, and she might, but, I finally saw her soul uncluttered with her trying to impress me and not only did I not like what i saw but it made me sick.

ok, venting complete.

[Sculpto]

Two words that caused two massive arguements.. once in Moscow, and once again here in Thailand.

"Slept and Slut".  She thought I called her a slut, both times.

She got on the plane last night but not after about 18 hours of crying, laughing, talking and resolving a lot of lingering issues and misunderstandings.  The last few hours we couldn't let go of each other.

Did we break up?  No.  What happens next?  I have no idea.  My patience is pretty much finished.  But, the look on her face when she finally after two hours of discussion finally recognized that I had not called her a slut, and after she had already changed her ticket, was heartbreaking. 

I really don't know if I can go forward with her.  She is carrying a lot of crap around that she had hidden quite well over the last two years.  One of the purposes of getting her out of Russia was to dislodge what she was hiding and this trip was successful in that respect.  Now, it is up to me to decide if her baggage is a load I want and am capable of carrying.  Right now at this moment the answer would be no, but, its still a raw wound.  Plus, as I mentioned in the other post, she is involved in some very shady stuff that really goes against my ethical and moral compass. 

I considered staying on for a week or two in Thailand and seeing the sites alone, but, it hardly seems worth it at this moment.  I would feel a lot better just getting back home and focussing on getting my business going and saving the money I would have spent for the rest of the trip.

I can say that Thai ladies are pretty amazing.  I went to an awesome club last night after "A" left for the airport and to put it mildly, I got a LOT of sympathy and spent the better part of the evening at a table with six very lovely ladies and I will only say that I never made it back to my own hotel.  google the "bed supperclub" in bangkok.. thats where I went last night.  Amazing place!

So anyway.. the story isn't yet completely over, but, I wouldn't say there is a lot of hope for a positive outcome.  If the lady is not going to be able to discuss things without going into a rage it just isn't worth it no matter what her positive qualities are.

FWIW.. the postings I just read from everyone were good.  Misha has his head buried somewhere so I just ignore his hostility, but SJs post didn't bother me and there have been some others very worth while.  I would ask that the thread doesn't turn into a slug fest about who is being nice or not..

langauge, arguing, and compromise are three topics very much worth further discussion and I would ask any additional postigs address those issues.  I don't want to see a flame war here.

I would also specifically like to ask Blues Fairy to talk about those three topics.  When the meltdown was occuring I was thinking about you a lot.  I am nto trying to provoke anything, just to be clear, but, I am asking for your input because the way "A" behaved reminded me นด นีใ  แพฟยม ณ หะ หไรแก น ฟรใ+

[Misha]

I've noticed you toss this question into your arguments with people on this forum. Why is that? It seems to me you feel your marriage to a RW makes you an authority on every topic.

No, but I am always amazed to see men who have never been to Russia, have never really been in any long term relationship with a Russian woman, but are experts on Russian culture and Russian women based on whatever they have read on some website.

[remiel6]

I am also a very liberal guy, but I will say trust your instinct. I do not know what she does for her money, but if its enough to make you react like this. I will say run, fly, flee, hurdle, sprint, steal a car, whatever you have to do to get away. Someone who justifies what are clearly morally corrupt actions will always justify them. If you cannot count on them to 1) tell the truth 2) most importantly do the right thing, when the right thing matters. Without these 2 things you don't have a relationship you have a lie based on another lie based on a 3rd lie based on a lie that cannot be corrected because she is telling the lie to herself. Yes, she may "change" but ask yourself if the woman you saw at her worst point on this trip is a woman you can live with, if the answer is no, leave. Never, ever, under any circumstance think that 1) they will ever change or 2) you have any right to ask them to change. Love them for who they are right now, or do not love them at all. Most importantly, yes compromise is a wonderful thing in life, but In my humble opinion
DO NOT EVER COMPROMISE ON MORALITY!!!!!!!!!!!

[Misha]

She is carrying a lot of crap around that she had hidden quite well over the last two years.

Hidden or that you did not want to see? You were told months ago by some that her behavior was not normal, yet you had come up with numerous excuses to brush off bad behavior. Groov has a nice metaphor about cockroaches and that if you see one, there are many more hiding. I will use the iceberg metaphor in that what is visible is only a tenth of what lies under the water. The simple truth is this: rather than trying to find a woman and trying to make it work, find a woman who is as perfect as possible to begin with, and then build a relationship together. In other word, work with the reality that is there, and not the fantasy life that you imagine for the future once all the problems have been solved..

Misha has his head buried somewhere so I just ignore his hostility, but SJs post didn't bother me and there have been some others very worth while.

Sculpto, next time, I would simply suggest that you spend more time analyzing any girlfriend's hostility, that that of some random poster on a forum. It will be much more beneficial in the long run for you.

[Blues Fairy]

I am asking for your input because the way "A" behaved reminded me นด นีใ  แพฟยม ณ หะ หไรแก น ฟรใ+

...reminded you what?  I can't read the last part.

[Misha]

This is what Sculpto needed months ago but instead he recieved oil downed back rubs and flowers. Maybe even a pop on the back of the head to wake him up.

Many tried. Kuna did warn him repeatedly as to why Sculpto had to go to her city and meet with her parents. A number of people did say that his girlfriend's behavior was not acceptable and had nothing to do with her being Armenian. The problem is that some men insist on marching to a different drummer, but end up going down the same path as all the others....

[ECOCKS]

Many tried. Kuna did warn him repeatedly as to why Sculpto had to go to her city and meet with her parents. A number of people did say that his girlfriend's behavior was not acceptable and had nothing to do with her being Armenian. The problem is that some men insist on marching to a different drummer, but end up going down the same path as all the others....

Agreed.

Numerous people attempted to reality check what their experiences signaled to be a forthcoming trainwreck but were corrected by others as not understanding how much more perceptive and understanding an artististic type could be.

Most then just seemed to slip into neutral and watch the event continue to unfold while softly wishing him luck and jumping on the kindler, gentler bandwagon.