Going to Mexico with my lady

[Vaughn]

Not that Misha needs a blocker downfield, but I really don't see his response as hostile
at all. Many cringe when somebody says in so many words "I told you so..." but let's face
facts, 2012 Sculpto sure knew the gamble going into the journey.

She's half his age, and just from what 2012 has written about her in past posts, there
was certainly cause for concern. OTOH, 2012 wanted to hear none of it, especially if it
was the pointed-truth opinion of an observer who clearly saw a gaping crack in the traintracks.

2012, I wish you well. You've in so many words and so many times said this one's over.
Don't make the mistake of trying to salvage it as there are too many more well-adjusted
artist types all over the globe who could make your life more peaceful - and I doubt the
strife and trouble you've just experienced are a thing on which you thrive. Thanks for
posting the follow up report. In the future I'd suggest when an acidicly presented opinion
offends your sense of pride such as Misha's obviously did, pay attention to it before the
fact. The PC-ness (that many claim to be admirable and the "right" thing to do) doesn't
really amount to much in terms of the time, treasure and heartache that Misha's honest,
albeit, rash advice would have saved you. And be honest here - you were pursuing this
relationship come hell or high water, no matter what - correct?

[dogspot]

No, but I am always amazed to see men who have never been to Russia, have never really been in any long term relationship with a Russian woman, but are experts on Russian culture and Russian women based on whatever they have read on some website.

Fair enough

The simple truth is this: rather than trying to find a woman and trying to make it work, find a woman who is as perfect as possible to begin with, and then build a relationship together. In other word, work with the reality that is there, and not the fantasy life that you imagine for the future once all the problems have been solved..

I completely agree with this statement. From my own experience with a RW, I chose to ignore some of the differences that stood out during our courtship, thinking that I could adapt to her character and her to mine. But the reality is, no matter how beautiful she is, and how amazing the sex is, if there are character traits that conflict with one another, there is no future. Sculpto, it's time to cut your losses and start anew.

[JR]

Sculpto, get on a plane and come to Donetsk with Daveman and I. We'll drag Taz there too:) Now could it get any cooler than that?

[SANDRO43]

I can't read the last part.

นด นีใ แพฟยม ณ หะ หไรแก น ฟรใ happens to be Thai, but doesn't make much sense with the PARALINK translator : Software platform as the Company ใ weep at what Gary หะ for a software associated .

Eric, I hope you're alright, despite that cryptic sentence .

[groovlstk]

Did we break up?  No.  What happens next?  I have no idea.  My patience is pretty much finished.  But, the look on her face when she finally after two hours of discussion finally recognized that I had not called her a slut, and after she had already changed her ticket, was heartbreaking. 

Here we go again. Sculpto, I wish you and your girl the best, but to an objective bystander it's horrific to watch the same pattern unfold again and again. You're already hemming and hawing about the "breakup" and I predict by next week you'll have assumed most of the responsibility for the fireworks and you'll be making excuses for her, all tempered with some tough talk about the next straw being the last.

Go back and read your other trip reports and you'll see the exact same pattern. Things start out well, an argument or blowup ensues, you come to RWD and vent about how you've had it and this time things are really, really over. After a few days, you calm down and blame her bad behavior on yourself and the environment and argue with everyone who sees this for what it is. It would be funny if you weren't a decent guy - instead it's painful to read.

[Misha]

Go back and read your other trip reports and you'll see the exact same pattern. Things start out well, an argument or blowup ensues, you come to RWD and vent about how you've had it and this time things are really, really over.

Pretty much my summary as well. It is what I warned Sculpto about after this first trip, after his second trip and prior to his third trip. Sure, I did not sugar coat it, but I did warn him that he did not have a relationship yet. If the whole thing fell apart because of a misunderstanding over one word, clearly there were major problems even before Sculpto arrived in Thailand.

[Boethius]

2012 never said the everything fell apart over one word.  He said they had a big blow out argument over one word. 

[Misha]

2012 never said the everything fell apart over one word.  He said they had a big blow out argument over one word. 

Okay, I stand corrected. It still is not much of a relationship is one word leads to a big blowout that that leads to her flying off.... Relationship begin when a couple can actually work through any misunderstanding over one or even two words. But, hey, what do I know.

[ECOCKS]

Sculpto, get on a plane and come to Donetsk with Daveman and I. We'll drag Taz there too:) Now could it get any cooler than that?

Now there's you a great proposal Sculpt. You are loose for your vacation, don't need a visa and can go with a support group.

[Boethius]

Okay, I stand corrected. It still is not much of a relationship is one word leads to a big blowout that that leads to her flying off.... Relationship begin when a couple can actually work through any misunderstanding over one or even two words. But, hey, what do I know.

Really?  I've known more than one couple who could have major blow ups over a couple words, sometimes not speaking for days.  Yet, all remained married over 50 years, and in two of those marriages, one spouse packed it in when the other died - couldn't live without him/her, and died shortly thereafter.

But apparently, those 50 plus year unions did not qualify as relationships . . .

[GQBlues]

Well Sculpto, regardless which direction you take from here on in I hope you can give thoughts to what I am about to say...

I don't know your inamorata nor the history of the two of you except for bits & pieces in what you and everyone talk about on threads, so I would rather not get into a discussion about her - but maybe touch on something I noticed about you.

I believe your passion is out of kilter. You seem to occupy yourself only on those you feel that requires assembly. When they come assembled, you break it down to make it worth your while for the sheer purpose of re-assembling them. Why do I say this?

1. You once told me you came from a rich family and you had more money than you care to have. So what did you do? You lose it and then stated you happilly built yourself back-up financially on your own.

2. You go to the deepest corner of Mexico and immerse yourself to an environment you believe, in your perspective, to be profoundly dire. So you said you spent your fortune and build them a school.

3. In a discussion involving a prostiture, you defended a subject against posters who held damning opinions about it (her) and was literally ready to rehabilitate a subject who you don't know if it (she) really exist.

4. You even tried to nurture and console our manic/depressive friend, Mark.

5. You're an artist. You create art. You build things. You rehabilitate.

I do believe you're one of the good guys so I'm not chopping you up at all. Make no mistake about it. Especially in message boards like this, we all roar like lions but each one sacrifices like lambs.

There's nothing absolutely wrong with being passionate about how you see this world and about yourself. However, having this much passion so close to your heart can sometimes cause more harm than the intended 'good'. Find its balance Sculpto. Understand where it sits between your heart and mind, man. You don't need a perfect woman anymore than you have use for a finished art. You'll just end up going nuts and destroying that to get an opportunity to create your own.

Next time, give the heart some rest and leave it at home to give your mind time to re-acquaint itself with your passion. You can start by being less-controlling. Not everything in life needs nurturing or changing regardless of what you think.

Anyway, good luck, dude.

[Misha]

But apparently, those 50 plus year unions did not qualify as relationships . . .

Yes, and my wife and I have had more than our share of blowups. But, we are able to work through the blowups and actually learn from them. Now that the worst of culture shock has passed, the blowups are becoming exceedingly rare. But, in reading Sculpto's posts over these many weeks and probably months by now, it certainly seems to me that the entire relationship is defined by blowups, miscommunication, arguments, etc.... As Groov pointed out, every trip reports ends with their breaking up, his forgiving her at some point when her returns back home, his overlooking everything that occurred, his going off to the next trip, and the whole process starting all over again.    

[Boethius]

Misha, you see everything through the prism of your own relationship.

Every marriage, and every relationship, is its own kingdom.  How you and your wife react to a situation, or resolve it, is irrelevant to anyone else's relationship.

[Misha]

Every marriage, and every relationship, is its own kingdom. 

Fine, I said all that I had to say. I will stay mute and simply read the next installment of the sage without comment 

[Sculpto]

...reminded you what?  I can't read the last part.

lol sorry the computer in thailand switched to thai... anyway.. her stubbornness reminded me of you.  Please dont be offended.. i am just trying to understand the mentality and see if there is any hope or reason to try and salvage this relationship.

[Sculpto]

whatever.  I wanted to get to the bottom of things and I did.  End of story.  Dont make me regret having shared.

[Sculpto]

Misha, please take a hike.

I told you guys I wanted to put her into a pressure cooker and you all said no it wont work its a bad idea you wont learn anything.  Guess what, 95 degrees and 100% humidity can make people a bit cranky and irrational and push them to act out in ways they might be able to hide in less extreme circumstances.

Yeah I am disappointed.  yeah it sucks.  Yeah it was expensive.  But you know what, if it saves me having to go through a divorce or spending several more years with someone who isn't right, so be it.

So, quit patting yourself on the back.  You are just making yourself look bad, even worse than you already do most of the time.

I haven't seen even one single word of value in any of your posts so far.  

In the very small chance I decide to continue to pursue this relationship I am at least now doing so from a considerably more informed vantage point.  However, the chances of a continuation are rather slim.  I am looking for an extra-ordinary effort on her end to make up for what has happened and I just doubt she is up to the task.  All will be revealed soon enough.

[Misha]

Misha, please take a hike.

With pleasure as I will probably go for a walk with my wife now. Good luck in your future endeavors! I really do sincerely hope that you will find marital happiness one day.

[KenC]

Wow!  Who coulda saw that one coming?

Only everyone but you Sculpto.

Maybe in the future you will treat people trying to help you with more respect and not be so nasty?

Nah, never gonna happen because I forgot you just KNOW everything!  I see you're already spinning this into some delusion of victory on your part.  

Dude, EVERYONE with half a brain saw this coming from miles away.  I really do not get any pleasure in you falling on your ass (again), but maybe in this lifetime you'll learn.  Oh, but I already qualified that it would require a half a brain.
KenC

[Blues Fairy]

her stubbornness reminded me of you.  Please dont be offended.. i am just trying to understand the mentality and see if there is any hope or reason to try and salvage this relationship.

Sculpto, are you trying to say that you suspect my mentality and that of your (ex?)girl have similar roots?  I seriously doubt that; I rarely, if ever, fly into rage and normally try to reason (or joke) rather than impulsively and viciously attack anyone.  Your girl seems immature and impulsive but then so do you; I figure the similarity you see between her and me is not in the way she and I behave but rather in the way YOU FEEL when faced with any behavior that runs contrary to your expectations.  You feel personally attacked, misunderstood, deeply wounded and irritated, and hence very tempted to put definitive labels on the persons who you perceive are attacking you.  Therefore I am "stubborn", and she is a "tyrant" though we might be as different as night and day.  

I don't know her but knowing you a little, I suspect she is no more stubborn or tyrannical than any other childish RW; she is simply a child from a troubled family, with rather ill manners and uncertain morals, who has a thorny life before her if she does not deal with her psychological issues.  You, however, can't see beyond her manifestations and put yourself in a defensive mode when confronted with a perceived wave of negativity going your way.  

My prognosis?  In a relationship with you, someone has to be the tougher grown-up and since it's not going to be you (too late to change you, considering your age and your mellow S-F culture ) it has to be her.  You are in a better position to estimate whether she has any chance of growing up any time soon.  

[KenC]

BF,
Impressive, very impressive.
KenC
 

[Gator]

Blues Fairy is near the pinnacle of reasoned deliberation, albeit with some innate stubbornness, probably from being intellectually correct most of her young life.  Eric, your "A" is entirely different.  

Did we break up?  No.  What happens next?  

If you want to meet her for an evening of fun while you are gallivanting around Russia, then do it, but don't harbor any thoughts about a relationship, especially marriage.  

It is obvious that you are really attracted to vivacious, intelligent women, and A is a prime example.  Add a touch of the exotic and they are irresistible.  I also find them exciting, yet most are really difficult to live with.  

Here are my four reasons, specific to you and "A," why you should FORGET about marrying her:

1.  You can’t live together.   You and she meet for a 30-day romantic and adventurous holiday in an exotic resort area with no outside pressures such as job and family illness. What does she do?  She spoils your holiday and bails out in a dramatic fashion before you get started.  So I ask how will the two of you ever live together in California?  Life with her would be nothing but a series of turmoils.

2.  She does not share your dreams, e. g. she does not like Thailand and your style of travel, so what do expect her reaction to be to rural Mexico?

3.  Her values differ from yours.  She has displayed her moral compass and it does not point in the same direction as yours.

4.  Your personalities connect wonderfully in some areas yet  are incompatible in key areas, e. g., communication, productive resolution of disagreements.

Just one of these reasons is enough to question marriage.  Two would make it impossible.   I think you have four.

This is far, far worse than forcing a round peg into a square hole.

[JR]

In the very small chance I decide to continue to pursue this relationship I am at least now doing so from a considerably more informed vantage point.  However, the chances of a continuation are rather slim.  I am looking for an extra-ordinary effort on her end to make up for what has happened and I just doubt she is up to the task.  All will be revealed soon enough.

Sculpto, Don't be stupid OK? Stick with the decision to walk, it is the right one. If she can't or won't listen to reason over two similar sounding words from a person who speaks the language natively while she at best has a vague grasp on it....well just won't get any better. You dig what I'm saying?

[Daveman]

I just can't believe he's even entertaining the remotest possibility of staying with such a royal Preparation-H immune pain in the ass.

What's that non American English word I'm lookin' for? Gobsmacked or something like that.

[I/O]

Sculpto: I deliberately did not read your thread until I guessed (By the number of times it appeared in the recent posts section) it would be ½ dozen pages or so in. Why? Buddy, sorry to say, cruel though it is, this had train wreck written all over it from the get go. I hope things improve in your world soon but FWIW, that isn’t going to happen whilst you entertain notions of this woman. It isn’t going to happen whilst you entertain thoughts of long shots, huge age gaps, language barriers and women who are “head cases”. The clue you need to “get” is that you are simply NOT so much smarter than everyone else and as such are no better positioned to tame tigers.

Two things really amaze me in this thread. One was your initial delusional enthusiasm (Not meant to be mean, just an honest appraisal) for success and two was the Russian women advising on the do’s and don’ts of eating, hygiene, drinking etc in Mexico, particularly Mexico city. Not only was that funny, they were just so far wide of the mark it was………………….something like most of us as western men telling them how Russian (monstrous generalisation intended) women think.