Going to Mexico with my lady

[remiel6]

sculpto, I have in my life a great many times been accused of creating catastrophic situations just to give myself something to do.  I suspect perhaps there is a small part of you that needs the drama, why? I don't know, maybe your bored. I'm not sure. I respect you. You march to your own drummer and aren't affraid to pick a fight with a forum full of people who are going to pounce all over you for it. Also, you came here and stood up and admitted a turn of events that you knew you you were going to be taking shots for taking. All of that being said, I repeat what I said before. Never compromise your morality. This is a regret that you will not easily overcome. That is not a test or a challenge, I know you love a challenge. Once in my life did I stay with a girl when I had to accept a moral compromise to do so. This was fifteen years ago now, and I regret it to this day. In the end I lost the girl and the respect I had for myself. You are entitled to do what you want, lord knows you will anyway, but if you even contemplate going back to a woman whose morals you question, whose solutions to problems is to get on a plane and run away and cry, thats what it sounds like to me anyway, then I shake my head at you and wait for the blow up, the real blow up, not the fight that you get into with the girl, but the thought that runs through your head and your heart in the middle of the night and you ask what the bleep have I done to myself. I fear one day you wake up next to this girl and realize not only do you have no respect for her, but you hate her. That is a lonely terrible feeling, then you stand up and walk to the bathroom mirror and realize you hate yourself too.
You had the guts to come here and tell a very difficult story and I admire you for it, now have the guts to walk away.
and Psst, if you have the money join dave and Jolly, that would be a hell of an adventure to read about. 

[Blues Fairy]

BTW if you, against all odds, ever progress with her to the point of bringing her over, how is she going to handle K1 forms?  Lie about her shady dealings?  There are direct questions about that on the immigration forms and any information she supplies CAN potentially be verified. 

[Gator]

Eric knows what to do.  He knows he needs to disconnect from this woman.  Right now, however, he hurts.  Love hurts. 

So everyone be kind.  Most of us have been in his shoes.  Show some empathy.

Whoever first labeled Eric's "A" as a Drama Queen wins the prize for Best Analyst.  While Eric would be unhappy with a "cozy home" type of RW, his "A" is too extreme, too immature, too everything.

Eric, don't feel sorry for this woman.  You tried to help.  She did not want your help. 

While it is fresh in your mind write on paper all of the bad things this woman has done to you.  Add to it a list of the different ways the two of you are incompatible.  Even include a summary of how the two of you differ with regard to values (morals) and goals. 

Next, glue this paper where you can see it every day. 

In the future you will get thoughts that she is the ideal woman for you, and only if you had done _______________ you could have saved the relationship.  When those crazy thoughts come, read the list and say "Whew, I am glad I did not save the relationship."

[ScottinCrimea]

Sculpto, I'm going to paraphrase a bit here, but it seems to me that your response to those who warned you of the dangers of this relationship was to say that the positives were worth all the risks.  Now that you have faced the risks head on, is your feeling the same?

You put your heart and soul into this relationship, to the point that you ignored the obvious warning signs that so many pointed out,  I truly feel for you.  All of the rationalizations must be a heavy burden to bear.  Don't begrudge those who tried to help, such as Misha. They had no personal gain from from questioning your rationalizations.  They could have proven to be your best friends if you had listened.

Your loss is not just that of a woman, but of the dreams you had for your future.  Ultimately, the woman that you counted on to make your dreams come true proved inadequate.  It frightens me that you would even consider continuing a relationship with a woman that you have clearly stated has views and a morality that totally conflict with yours.  The compromises that you would have to make in your own moral compass to continue the relationship would only destroy you.

Your goal was to find a woman to build your future with.  At this stage in your life, I would suggest that you build the life that you want and THEN find a woman to share this with.  One will come along who wil be attracted to you for the right reasons. 

You aren't happy with your everyday life in SF.  You have expressed various ideas about what you would really like to be doing.  Pursue those dreams and when you do, someone will come along who shares those dreams. She may not be 21 years old with a hot body and an exciting roller coaster personality, but she will have compatible experiences and the sort of groundedness that you need.

Remember the advice you gave to me in your PM?  Maybe it's time for you to take your own advice, get this out of your system, and then start planning your future.

"If you build it, they will come,"