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Author Topic: How do you connect?  (Read 4616 times)

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Offline Ranetka

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How do you connect?
« on: July 20, 2009, 11:24:03 PM »
Hello Guys, hope you can help me.

I am corresponding with a man on a local dating site. The bloke seems to be everything perfect, ticks all boxes for me. We correspond now for a three weeks or so, he writes nice interesting long letters, I write nice interesting long letters. At some point our letters became "what did I do last weekend" type of things. In his last message I got indication he is struggling what to write.

I do not want to miss this guy, I want to meet him, I do not think we are at the point of meeting yet but I just see how the interest is dying.

How to reconnect and make letters exciting? So he would wait for them and it would be easy to answer? Please help my next letter has to be exciting otherwise I think we shall stop writitng and I will never have a chance to meet him in person.
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There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them.

I do resent the fact that most people never question or think for themselves. I don't want to be normal. I just want to find some other people that are odd in the same ways that I am. OP.

Offline Sculpto

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2009, 11:34:26 PM »
Ranetka..

cool that you found someone you like!  But, I think if letters are getting shorter.. its time to meet.  If he is local.. shoot.. I would not wait three weeks.. four or five letters would be enough to go get a drink.

Best of luck!
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Offline Ade

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2009, 12:00:54 AM »
Quote from: Ranetka on July 20, 2009, 11:24:03 PM
Hello Guys, hope you can help me.

I am corresponding with a man on a local dating site. The bloke seems to be everything perfect, ticks all boxes for me. We correspond now for a three weeks or so, he writes nice interesting long letters, I write nice interesting long letters. At some point our letters became "what did I do last weekend" type of things. In his last message I got indication he is struggling what to write.

I do not want to miss this guy, I want to meet him, I do not think we are at the point of meeting yet but I just see how the interest is dying.

How to reconnect and make letters exciting? So he would wait for them and it would be easy to answer? Please help my next letter has to be exciting otherwise I think we shall stop writitng and I will never have a chance to meet him in person.

I think it's fairly natural to get "slow" days when the writing on either side can become a little mundane. But you can try to touch on some taboo or sensitive subjects if you haven't already. Sometimes people avoid these until after they've met but, IMO, there's no time like the present and these type of subjects can indicate compatibility (or not) more than talking about where you've been and what you've done. A few would be sex related (of course), crime and capital punishment and even your general political stance if you feel strongly about something.

I agree with Sculpto though, there's no reason to delay a meeting. Go for it. ;)
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Offline GoodOlBoy

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2009, 05:28:35 AM »
Quote from: Ranetka on July 20, 2009, 11:24:03 PM
The bloke seems to be everything perfect, ticks all boxes for me.

Hello Ranetka.

I'll give the same advice to you, that I give to all the male Newbies here on RWD.

Get on a plane/car and go meet the "bloke"!

Just make sure to have a "back up" plan Ranetka, in case things don't work out. 8)


GOB
« Last Edit: July 21, 2009, 05:30:19 AM by GoodOlBoy »
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Offline Kuna

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2009, 06:07:01 AM »
Ranetka,

I agree with SJ...  you don't know what's happened in his day or what's occupying his mind while he is writing to you.  It's good that he's writing - so don't get too concerned.

I don't think any of us can tell you what to write or how to interact but I don't see the need to wait before meeting.  Honestly, I think meeting sooner rather than later is better anyway.

If you want to grab his attention you could attach a jpg with the filename "nudephoto.jpg" to your next email (like the one I've attached here - hint hint.. it's "nude" in colour only!).  

You can then tease him about getting far too excited before even meeting.   ;)  

A bit risque - but it'll certainly get his attention!

Bets of luck - I hope it goes well.  Relax and have fun...  he'll see what a great catch you are!
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Offline ambach123

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2009, 08:53:59 AM »
It happens very often, after a flurry of initial letters, they die down, there is nothing more to say to a stranger.

The next step is meeting. Howver the stats are that only 3% of the WM who write ever visit the FSU. The numbers visiting one lady are even lower.

How do you progress to meeting stage? That is the difficult part. There lies the rub in this pursuit. Depends upon where he lives, what kind of job he has and a number of other factor, not the least of which is what he wants and how feels about you.
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Offline kievstar

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2009, 09:48:42 AM »
If I had to rely on my writing skills or phone skills I would be gay so can not help you there.  My advice tell him its time for the next step and here is my phone number.  If he is interested he will call.  How far is this guy from you - if within 3 hour plane ride on first phone call pick a time and date. 
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Offline Sculpto

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #7 on: July 21, 2009, 12:52:47 PM »
she said he is local.
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Offline Daveman

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2009, 01:15:50 PM »
I go along with the others that it's time to meet.  Has he not asked for your number yet or called you voice? only letters?  here's what I would do, of course not knowing any topics you have discussed, I would find something in the letters which you both have serious interest together, and suggest that you do it... "Hey, there is "this" going on right now and I thought about you, would you like to go? It would be very interesting to see "this" and of course to meet you.. here's my number, why don't you call me and let's talk about it?"

it's nothing for a lady to make the first move in the west. Happens a lot. 



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Offline Ranetka

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2009, 01:31:49 PM »
Well thank you all for replies.

I did eveything suggested - spiced a letter up and finished with asking for a date. Kind of.

Now fingers crossed and if somethings wrong - it's your fault  :D
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There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them.

I do resent the fact that most people never question or think for themselves. I don't want to be normal. I just want to find some other people that are odd in the same ways that I am. OP.

Offline Ranetka

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2009, 01:45:08 PM »
Ohhhhhhhh what can I say?

Never more will I contact a guy first or ask for a date!!!

Poor me.... :'(
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There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them.

I do resent the fact that most people never question or think for themselves. I don't want to be normal. I just want to find some other people that are odd in the same ways that I am. OP.

Offline Daveman

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2009, 02:13:05 PM »
Quote from: Ranetka on July 21, 2009, 01:45:08 PM
Ohhhhhhhh what can I say?

Never more will I contact a guy first or ask for a date!!!

Poor me.... :'(

Are you sure he turned you down? Nothing ventured nothing gained, Ranetka... everything is a chance we take.. just because one man reacts a certain way, or even an hundred.. who cares? all you need is one.. the right one.. 

Perhaps he put you off because he was busy or something?  Feel free to send me a PM if you wish.. I'd be glad to help you behind the scenes if you would some specific input... if not, then let me just add, don't be afraid to try again.. either with him, or with someone new.. fear is a killer of happiness... take the reins of your life and go for it...
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Offline Blues Fairy

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #12 on: July 21, 2009, 02:35:16 PM »
If he's failing to keep up lively correspondence, then chances are, he's not a very good conversationalist.  Good riddance.  You deserve better. :)
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Offline Muddy

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2009, 02:42:57 PM »
Quote from: Ranetka on July 20, 2009, 11:24:03 PM
Hello Guys, hope you can help me.

I am corresponding with a man on a local dating site. The bloke seems to be everything perfect, ticks all boxes for me. We correspond now for a three weeks or so, he writes nice interesting long letters, I write nice interesting long letters. At some point our letters became "what did I do last weekend" type of things. In his last message I got indication he is struggling what to write.

I do not want to miss this guy, I want to meet him, I do not think we are at the point of meeting yet but I just see how the interest is dying.

How to reconnect and make letters exciting? So he would wait for them and it would be easy to answer? Please help my next letter has to be exciting otherwise I think we shall stop writitng and I will never have a chance to meet him in person.
Its not good to keep writing and writing all these long letters
Best to write short letters, talk on the phone, and meet
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Offline Muddy

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2009, 02:46:38 PM »
Quote from: Ranetka on July 21, 2009, 01:45:08 PM
Ohhhhhhhh what can I say?

Never more will I contact a guy first or ask for a date!!!

Poor me.... :'(
Its you got your answer, now you dont have to waste your time and write anymore letters
move on, find another man
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Offline Misha

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #15 on: July 21, 2009, 02:47:24 PM »
Quote from: Ranetka on July 21, 2009, 01:45:08 PM
Ohhhhhhhh what can I say?

Never more will I contact a guy first or ask for a date!!!

Poor me.... :'(

I will give you the same advice I would give to any man. It is all a numbers game. Contact enough, and you will find the right one. If he does not like a woman asking him out, then he does not deserve to be pursued IMHO. I would not stop contacting men just because of him.
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Offline JR

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #16 on: July 21, 2009, 03:24:25 PM »
What is it we always say around here?

Be Honest!!!
Hey Mr. Perfect, I noticed that the interest in writing is waning. I too am tired of writing. Man up and do what needs to be done.
Yours very truly,
Miss Perfect.

Really, it's that simple. We always talk about openess and honesty but rarely do we practice it. Just tell him where you think it's at, poke him in the ribs and get him moving. Assume nothing. But do what you want! Just move on? And maybe miss a great thing? Maybe he had a bad day and didn't want to relate it to you because he felt like he'd be dumping his problems on you. Stop guessing, start doing what you want.

And another thing we always say: "Get on the DAMN plane!!!" Meaning: get your butt moving R!
« Last Edit: July 21, 2009, 09:35:31 PM by JollyRats »
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Offline Ranetka

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #17 on: July 21, 2009, 03:48:07 PM »
Quote from: JollyRats on July 21, 2009, 03:24:25 PM
What is it we always say around here?

Be Honest!!!
Hey Mr. Perfect, I noticed that the interest in writing is waning. I too am tired of writing. Man up and do what needs to be done.
Yours very truly,
Miss Perfect.

Really, it's that simple. We always talk about openess and honesty but rarely do we practice it. Just tell him where you think it's at, poke him in the ribs and get him moving. Assume nothing. But do what you want? Just move on? And maybe miss a great thing? Maybe he had a bad day and didn't want to relate it to you because he felt like he'd be dumping his problems on you. Stop guessing, start doing what you want.

And another thing we always say: "Get on the DAMN plane!!!" Meaning: get your butt moving R!


Well I did ask him "Date or wait" the answer was wait. So he is not interested in me enough to meet. Tough but end of story.
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There are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them.

I do resent the fact that most people never question or think for themselves. I don't want to be normal. I just want to find some other people that are odd in the same ways that I am. OP.

Offline JR

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #18 on: July 21, 2009, 04:02:46 PM »
It's not the end of the story. It's the beginning. Put his butt on the back burner and move on. You're too good a catch to wait...for anyone.
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Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else :)

Offline Gator

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #19 on: July 21, 2009, 04:04:04 PM »
Quote from: Blues Fairy on July 21, 2009, 02:35:16 PM
If he's failing to keep up lively correspondence, then chances are, he's not a very good conversationalist.  Good riddance.  You deserve better. :)

My sentiments too.

He probably had some well crafted introductory letters about his philosophy, etc.  Now that he has used all of them, he does not have any new interesting material.  

Did you ever talk with him on the phone?  I preferred that 10x more than letters.  It is not that I gave "good phone," I just enjoyed the spontaneity.  

If I married a RW, I sure was not going to write her scripted notes every day.  Natural connection on the phone was a mandatory criterion, especially the ability to talk about anything.

You and Lily should compare notes.
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Offline kievstar

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #20 on: July 22, 2009, 01:13:03 AM »
He maybe a guy who just likes to write as he maybe married.  There are many guys who use the internet as an escape from reality and enjoy writing women with no intentions of meeting.  You will find someone better. :D
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Offline ladyR

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #21 on: July 22, 2009, 02:18:36 AM »
I have slightly different opinion about writing/meeting in local sites.  My experience with Moscow local sites was like this: first letter/note - "Hi", second letter/note - "Let's meet today/tomorrow". I received several dozens of such letters and was wondering - how I can decide with whom I should meet if they all have almost the same (in general) photos, descriptions and things like this. From 70 persons I choosed about 10 I start to write, from this 10 I choosed 3 with whom I had no problem in emal communication - they said that they would be glad to meet when I would want it. At the end I have 3 good friends now :).

Regarding the topic - I greatly beleive that if you feel that you are not comfortable in email communication and you start to "wonder" what you should do to make him do something - it's just not a right person for you.  Even if you artificially make him "more interested"  this things will require more and more "investments" in the future.

"If a destiny give you a lemon, just through it away  (if you don't want to be a professional lemonade maker :)".
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Offline Ade

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #22 on: July 22, 2009, 03:12:04 AM »
Quote from: Ranetka on July 21, 2009, 03:48:07 PM
Well I did ask him "Date or wait" the answer was wait. So he is not interested in me enough to meet. Tough but end of story.

Unless he has a very busy schedule that he can't get out of I don't see that he has a valid excuse. Did you ask him, "why wait?
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Offline remiel6

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Re: How do you connect?
« Reply #23 on: July 22, 2009, 06:14:35 AM »
This information might be a bit late, but
1)If he is a local and doesn't want to meet, then good riddance. You deserve much better. If he cant even make a committment to meet you then there is less hope for commitment later.
2)if he is not local, then try asking him about something to stir up a conversation. As someone who is generally regarded as a good letter writer I could write letters forever, and have.
3)Please do not give up contacting men first. Some men like that and do not let one man's stupidity, and if he doesn't want to meet you he's not right for you, stop you from going and trying to find what you are looking for.
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