The fiance's B-day

[ronin308]

Those who read my previous trip reports know that I started as a one week wonder.  I did have previous time in the FSU but not very much.  I made a commitment though that instead of just sitting and waiting for the visa, I would visit her as much as possible.

I've now had the priviledge of 2 weeks vacation with her and the value of spending 24/7 with someone important my life.  This last trip was to spend just over a week living with her and her mother for her birthday.  I was able to see what she was like on her now, now I would get to see her with family and friends.

The flight over was nothing special, but I have learned through bitter experience that coming from the west coast a direct flight to the european continent makes things easier.  Last time it was through Amsterdam, this time it was Munich then onto Kiev arriving late in the night.

I arrived in Kiev, breezed through passport control and customs like the last few times.  After driving past it a few times in cars and on the bus, I finally got to stay at the airport hotel.  As I walked from the terminal to the hotel down the darl tree lined street I couldn't help but feel a little nervous.  Then I remembered where I was and the nervousness faded into more of an alertness. 

Check into the hotel was the most interesting yet, 3 different people to see at the front desk and still no key until i reached the key mom on my floor.  What a cutie too, if i was still single I'd think about trying to flirt in my bad russian.

This was a definate contrast to the more western style hotel located in the town of Borispol. 

Get into the room and it truely is a single bed, about the same size as a room in a local hotel in Japan.  At least it had a shower.  I sleep the sleep of the dead and in the morning wake up on the late side.  No rush, the flight wasn't for a while yet.

I walk back to the airport, pickup my tickets and head to the domestic terminal.  What a change from the international terminal.  Less of a hustle and bustle, a lot more free seats and definately a Soviet style public building.  I sat waiting for the flight with a bit of trepidation, while they have an excellent record, it's not everyday you fly on a 1960's plane from the FSU and I've done a lot of flying.

As we rode the bus out to the plane it started raining. The plane was quite interesting, not everyday you see curtains anymore.  Also you pretty much sat wherever you wanted.  Interesting note, the baggage is stored in front of the passenger compartment, something different from most western turboprops.  So the pilots walk through the cargo compartment to the cockpit.  The quick glances I get of the cockpit while waiting for us to go don't really make me all that comfortable.  Read the first statement of this paragraph.

[ronin308]

The flight was uneventful, but note that the water they give out is carbonated.  I opted for tea instead.

As we got out of the plane I saw we were at a fairly small airport.  Luggage is put on the cart and dragged over to the wooden gate that you walk out of.  I saw her and had to go to her straight away.  Once we greated each other exhuberantly I remembered I had to get my bags, to do this though I had to fight my way back through the other passengers and past the wooden gate.  Note to self next time get the bag first.

I come back and she grabs us a taxi.  I'm careful not to say much so that they American factor doesn't come to play (ie 2-3x the price for the same thing).  We get to the apartment and she pays the driver.  (One thing about our relationship, when it comes to minor expenses whoever has money in hand usually pays.  The taxi was 6 grivna)

Once inside I greet her mother who I had met on my first trip there.  This was the one portion of my trip that I had worried a little about, here I was living in someone's house who I didn't have a common language with.  It turned out to be not so bad and the total imersion increased my Russian abilities by a lot.  Towards the end I could actually understand a good portion of what she was saying.

That night we had a "special" dinner that she had worked on all day.  It consisted of several Ukrainian dishes, some of which we would eat for several days as she made enough to feed and entire football team.

I really learned that a 2 room apartment is just that, no living room etc.  It was a shock to me when she converted the sofa into a bed for us and we slept in the room that on the first visit I thought was just the living room.  Wow cultural difference #1, despite hearing it, it wasn't until I saw first hand exactly how cramped things are in a typical apartment.

I woke the next morning to shock #2 they had no hot running water, so a regular shower was out.  In fact I would shave the next week in cold water, at least she took pity on me and bought some shaving cream and after shave.

That day was her birthday so we spent the day in the apartment with her getting ready (ie cooking).  She had made a cake that was fantastic and huge.  It was 12 in tall with a frosted pinapple growing out of it.

Over the afternoon her family and neighbors showed up as we began the festivities.  Quite a few bottles of wine were shared into the night and I broke the cork screw. 

Throughout this trip I was privy to being taken care of like many of the experienced men would testify to.  This included having her make me breakfast for me every morning including home cherry varenyki one morning.  Yup nothing like being pampered by your lady.

The day ends with us together on the bed.  Even during our trip to Turkey she was insistant that we wrap ourselves together while we sleep. 

[ronin308]

So we proceded to settle into our normal routine of going to be late and sleeping in.  It was kinda nice for because it reduced the effects of jetlag.  We really did it though because it was too cold in the morning to get out.

We then took the bus to go shoe shopping because she didn't like the condition of my shoes (yeah they were a bit worn out).  We also went out to get her birthday gift and we were supposed to meet the agency staff and say hello.

As anyone who's shopped in the FSU knows, unless you go to some of the bigger western style stores selection is minimal.  You might find a shoe you like but chances are it won't be in your size.  We ended up stopping in 4 stores before we found something I liked and they had in stock.

We missed the agency staff but had a nice dinner in town.  I also got to witness what I call the mashrutka pass.  This is where on the crowded minibuses they pass their fare to the driver at the front.  Then change and a receipt is passed back. 

Generally we'd get back to her apartment a little after dark and spend the evening watching TV and getting to know each other.  I know a little boring compared to some of the guys here but oh well.  I was living the married life and we weren't even back in the States yet.

The next day we made the agency and I met one of her friends that worked next door.  Apparently that was how she got the idea to apply to the agency. 

We headed downtown to a another of my favorite restaraunts.  This one is something straight out of a movie set.  It's like the interior of a castle but with a fireman's pole from the second floor and other night club fixtures for later in the evening.

By now I'm becoming more familiar with the city and it is shrinking the way things do when you start learning your way around.  One my first trip I didn't feel the city was a good walking city like Kiev.  Well my opinion has changed now that I've had to do a bit of walking and bus riding.

Of course besides the "pass" ,riding public transit is an adventure.  I remember getting on the trolleybus and having them shut the door on my fiance.  Then once we get her in, she's leaning on it and I'm thinking oh god the door's going to open and she's going to fall out.

After those kinds of adventures riding the metro in Kiev is kinda blase.

Along the way we had our moments.  I've learned that I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes because my style of humour isn't going to be appreciated.  At least we can work things out.  I can honestly say the only annoying thing about her is that she is too caring.  Not a bad thing but it can get tiring, an example of this would be breakfast.  I am not a big breakfast guy, but as I said earlier she insisted on making me something, even if I didn't want anything. 

The other annoying thing is that she wanted me to make all decisions.  Now I understand this is in their culture and in normal circumstances it's fine but when I'm in a strange city don't look at me for a restaurant suggestion, sure give me a few options.  In the end it doesn't matter because she will want something different anyway.

[ronin308]

So the next day was a visit at her grandparents.  Her grandfather was unable to make it to her birthday so this would be my first time meeting him.

On the way we stopped at the supermarket to pickup a cake (seems like every event involves cake) and some vodka.  She informs me that's all her grandfather drinks.

Now I was in for the biggest shock yet.  You can hear about Ukrainian houses but until you see one for yourself it's an experience.

Her grandparents lived in a smallish house, no running water or sewage so it was outhouse time.  They had just got gas a while back so that wasn't a problem.

When we arrived her mother was cooking and we sat in with her grandfather.  To me it was most interesting, here was a guy who was a boy during world war II.  What he must have gone through was just amazing.  He was a great guy, really friendly and open.  (Well as much as you can through translation.)  By now I at least to manage a minimal conversation in Russian and understand most of what was being said, even though I was a little afraid to say much.

This was the first time I've sat at a table with Vodka.  Of course my fiance and I drank wine, for some reason she thought I was a lightweight.  So we would toast and eat and talk.  When they left me alone with her grandfather it was most interesting and he and I had our own private toast.  He was a little upset that I was taking his grand daughter away but I assured him that we would be back to visit.

After the visit as we walked back into town it began snowing on us.  The ground wasn't cold enough that the snow would stick, but we had flakes on our coats.  We went through the open market and she picked out a cream like yogurt or custard for me to try.  She was always exposing me to new Ukrainian foods and parts of her culture.

That visit was the last time I would feel normal again during the trip.  I woke the next morning, with the slight signs of an infection, a little swelling etc.  Today we went sweater shopping as she had lost her favorite sweater in Turkey and it was now cold enough she was missing it.

This would be our worse day together.  She's not big into shopping and after going through 6-7 shops with no luck she began getting upset.  I being the male idiot said something I shouldn't which just upset her more.  She blew up and after about 20 minutes of pouting was getting better.

In order to forget about what made her mad in the first place, we went to the pizza parlor.  Of course the first one I chose she didn't like and we ended up riding the bus back towards her apartment. 

That night I wasn't feeling well at all, I alternated between hot flashes and shivering.  The infection got worse the next day and I was having problems walking.  She played nurse for me and in the early afternoon she went out for some movies and food.  She came back with a couple of interesting movies (in Russian of course but hey it's a good way to learn the language) and some cupcake like things for my trip the next day.

We decided to try some anti-biotics so she had her mother pick something up.  Thank god that you could get prescription strength stuff without a one.  The drugs helped a little that night and she expressed how upset she was we couldn't make love.  The way she said it almost made me laugh.

The next day was hell.  We had to get up early to make the flight back to Kiev.  I was fine as long as I didn't move.  Once in Kiev I had about 6 hrs before I could even check in so I tried to make the best of it while being in extreme pain.  I bought more of the antibiotics which did help a bit.

This trip required an overnight in Munich.  I was hoping to play tourist but of course there was no way.  I feel asleep with the idea that if I was in the same shape the next day I'd go to the doctor there in Germany.  I woke up around 4 am starving because I didn't eat dinner.  I ended up eating a cup cake thing and 2 packets of gummy bears the hotel set out in the room, yummy.

Around 9 the next day I finally got moving a bit and low and behold things did seem better.  I made it back to the airport and back to SFO.  After spending the night in the hospital and being released with no medication or real diagnosis I felt I would have been better seeing a Dr in the Ukraine.  It turned out after 4-5 days in bed not moving and the antibiotics the swelling went down on it's own.

So what did I learn on this trip?  A lot, first there is no way to compare their standard of living to ours.  What I saw seemed to match with many of the other people in the city and this wasn't a village by any means.  And no andrew they did not have a washing machine, neither did their neighbors.  In fact the only apartment in Ukraine I saw a washer dryer was my first trip and it was a "western" apartment.

Secondly people there can have deep roots.  Her mother had owned that apartment and lived next to the same neighbor for 20 years.  I don't see that often here.

I talked with her more about why she was interested in a non-Ukrainian man and the story I got made me think that while economic betterment is problably in her mind (how could it not be?) her previous husband soured her on Ukrainian men.  It's much like women here being bitter about men, or hell, men here being bitter about the women.

I also knew I wasn't the first one to express an interest in her (hell she picked me) but that she wasn't willing to go with just anyone, to me that says a lot and combine that with her character it makes me feel that much stronger about her.

It's strong enough now that the K-1 isn't going to be the trial period like some people want to use it.  The wedding is going to happen assuming 2 things:

1. She gets here.  She hasn't expressed any regrets yet but I think as reality sets in that will change a bit.

2. She pulls a 180 once she gets here.  From everything I've seen after meeting her friends and family I doubt this will be true as well.  Every step of the way she's been honest and sincere.  To the point that I sent her money for the dress and I sent her too much.  When we last spoke she told me this (I had miscalculated) and said when I came in December she'd give me the extra back.

I definately would not walk this path again, should I ever do this again I would spend at least a month or more with her but since I've started this way I intend on committing myself to spending as much time as I can pre-visa plus the usual phone and email conversations.

[Turboguy]

Nice Report.  I enjoyed the culture tales.  It brought back a lot of memories.  You should have flown out of Zularney 8 or 10 years ago.    What you experienced would have seemed modern.  You had to fly out of the intourist office in those days because they didn't want you mingling with the locals.   My plane had a baggage compartment but you had to carry your bag out on the tarmac and put it in the baggage compartment yourself, just like a greyhound.  Tea was not a beverage sellection.  The choice was water or water. 

I think you have made a good choice of tactics.  I was basically the same technique I chose.   I hope however it works better for you.   I think living conditions there tend to be bad by our standards but they don't know that.   They have not known anything else.  With my gal, I remember her and a friend talking about Russia being the best country in the world.  She was afraid she would hate it here.  I think it took about two seconds of being here to have reality set in.  I think now that she is back in Russia she would about sell her soul to get out, and may.

It sounds to me like you are doing things right, that you have a good gal and have a good chance of things working out like you would like.   I would not take the tiff's too serious at this point.  You are dealing with different cultures and gals from that part of the world can get a little emotional.    Good luck. 

[KenC]

The other annoying thing is that she wanted me to make all decisions.  Now I understand this is in their culture and in normal circumstances it's fine but when I'm in a strange city don't look at me for a restaurant suggestion,

Don't worry about this too much, Ronin.  She will be telling you what to do in no time!    Nice report.

KenC

[Bruce]

Great trip report.  I can see you are starting to understand the real deal.  Time with her grandfather is precious.  I hope you drank some vodka shots with him - but it is good your fiance and her family believe you are a lightweight.  The reality is you probably are compared to her grandfather who wakes up and drinks some vodka. 

What suprised me is that they did not have you gargle with vodka and hot pepper either in conjunction with or before the "antibiotics."

[ronin308]

Thanks for the encouragement.  After the initial one week wonder decision I said to myself you're crazy to bring this girl over without even spending more time with her.  That's when I made the commitment to visit her as often as I can.  It doesn't make my business partner happy but he does understand.

I put the tiffs and other comments in there just so you could tell that everything was not perfect and while my glasses still might be rose colored their not a strong tint anymore.  As with anything there's an adjustment period and for me I know the 2 big changes I need to make and neither one is all that big. 

I love being immersed in the culture, even if there some consequences of living below what would be considered par here.  Bruce is right, her grandfather is a treasure and it's great spending time with him, I hope to do so more when I go over at the end of December.

I didn't drink vodka with him then, just the wine but my hope is this time to do so. 

Now we're back to our routine of talking on the phone about every other day and emailing occasionally.  (She doesn't like computers).

I hope now that the sevice center should be looking at our documents, things will pick up speed, of course California did take 45 days to clear 1 weeks worth of 129fs.  If I'm lucky maybe she'll be coming back with me at the begining of January but who knows. 

[Goombah]

Ron -

You K-1ing it?   Took Evia and I 4 months to get our NOA2, and 3.5 months to get her Interview after that...

Kevin

[ronin308]

Yeah I'm K-1ing it, and so far it's been over 4 months no NOA2.  I hope the timeframe between the NOA2 and interview will be less but who knows.

I know I'm probably on the hopeful side but hey hope is a great emotion to have. 

[2tallbill]

I woke the next morning to shock #2 they had no hot running water, so a regular shower was out. 
In fact I would shave the next week in cold water, at least she took pity on me and bought some
shaving cream and after shave.

This comment is for newbies and not for the OP.

Having no hot water happened to me countless times in the FSU and even more times when
I lived in North Dakota in a camp trailer. I spent several months without running hot water
in North Dakota living in a camp trailer with ice on the interior walls.

I learned how to microwave big containers of water and/or boil it up on the stove. Going to the
FSU is not for the everyone. Marrying an FSUW will require a lot of adaptations. If you can't
figure out how to figure out how to survive without electricity, hot running water or foregoing
your facial masks, then this pursuit is not for you.

[olgac]

My husband and I went trekking to Nepal for a month in 1999. There we just boiled a pot of hot water, poured in the bucket of cold water to make very warm water, took a cup went to a shower tent and washed ourselves from this bucket can easily do it in the bathtub in an apartment too