Need help in Odessa!!

[392ihc]

Hi, this is Mike from Wyoming. I am writing this sitting in my rented apartment in Odessa, UA.  This is my second trip to UA.  I have come here to meet a woman from Moldova with whom I have corresponded for over three months.  She wrote beautiful letters to me during this time.  She is not that attractive but I really liked the words that she wrote to me during this time.  I refused to meet with her in Moldova because of the political climate there and suggested a meeting in Odessa. She agreed but (of course) told me she could not afford to travel from Tiraspol to Odessa without assistance....and that she would not be allowed into UA without sufficient cash to insure she would not become destitute in this country.  I sent her $250. and told her to take taxi to Odessa. (about 100km).
I flew here from Kiev and was picked up by the apartment agency director. She was here when I arrived. We had already agreed not to have sex during the week we planned together so, I gave her the bedroom.  She does not speak a word of English; I speak only Russian greetings.  I asked her in Russian to speak more slowly. I showed her how to use the electronic translator I have.  She continued to shoot Russian babble at me like a machine gun.  I suggested we call a local interpreter who was recommend to me in Kiev.  She agreed but, without my knowledge, set it up for the next day.
We spent yesterday touring the city. We took a very pleasant boat ride and then back to the flat. I fixed her dinner and waited for interpreter.  I called her to inquire why she was late.  She said Natasha had insisted on the next morning at 9:00am.  OK...so I ask Natasha and she will not explain. She uses the bathroom and goes to her room and closes the door.  Nothing for 30 minutes.  I write her a letter and translate it using online translation.  I knock on her door and she is visible irritated.  I ask her to read my letter. She does and says nothing. Says the room is too cold and returns to her bedroom.  I sleep on the sofa. At 5:30 this morning she comes out of the bedroom, uses the bathroom, and then flips on all the lights in my room and gives me a note written in perfect English:  "I'm sorry, I'm going home. Have a good time."  I yell out "Why" as she is headed to the front door and then she is gone!!!!!!!!!
 
The interpreter arrives at 9:00. She is very concerned that I have been scammed!  (Yeah, like no shit!) but she helps me piece together the parts of the scam so I can see them more clearly.  I ask her if she knows any local women who may be interested in an old fart like me.  She agrees to see who she can find.  That was about 8 hrs. ago. Maybe she will still call later....
So, here I sit in a flat alone.  I have already paid for five days for this place. I can fly back to Kiev and stay in another place for even more money. I can change my plane reservations (maybe and fly back to JFK also).  I have written every woman I found on a couple of dating sites who live in Odessa.  I cannot sit in this ugly place for four more days and play on my computer and watch Russian television!  I have no confidence in approaching local women due to my lack of Rooskee and besides, I am almost 60 years old.
So, before I give it all up, I am asking if anyone out there knows a name and a number of a woman (non-scammer preferred) who I can at least call to invite for dinner, even call and invite for coffee? 
I'm a very nice guy, generic looking, not fat, not bald, not rich but also not poor. I have a delightful sense of humor which women have told me is enjoyable.  Just at a bad place right now....plus I feel so deceived and so naive for the hours I spent writing her and arranging this trip!  Maybe some of you know what it is like.
Mike in Wyoming

[Faux Pas]

Mike,

I am not familiar with Ukraine but, it seems to me you need the address of a good agency. Do some internet searches. You can meet women and set up dates there. Hopefully some of the UA savvy guys will chime in and help you with some info here.

Good Luck

[BC]

My tip, forget finding a woman and get out of your room.  Odessa really such a craphole?  Loosen up and GO have fun!

Sounds like no chemistry rather than scam.  A scammer would not have even shown up.

[Gator]

You are still in state of shock.  It will get better soon if as BC said, you get out of the room.

Sounds like no chemistry rather than scam.  A scammer would not have even shown up.

Agree.  Happens frequently. 

There must be some agencies in Odessa.  Talk to them and look at their catalogues of UW.


Upon your return to America, we can discuss what went wrong.  Meanwhile, don't fret.

[I/O]

Mike: From the little I can decode, I doubt you struck a scammer. I assume she wasn't involved in arranging the apartment etc? You've covered her travel to and from with a couple of dimes besides. For mine, both of you were caught in the void between language, culture, first meeting, progress, fear and whatever else it is. The number ONE reason why I advise against non English speakers. It is doable in the long run but for the most part the couple won't survive the first few days. I think she hit the panic button and the easy resolution was to bail out.

Chalk this one up to experience, go for a walk around central, if it is the same as when I was there, there is sandwich boards for marriage agencies everywhere on the sidewalks. I never ventured in but I saw some brands I'd seen on websites so I assume they had something/someone to offer. I suggest you do that. I suspect someone will come forward with a number or contacts for an agency over the next few hours also. You have 4 days to make a fun trip out of it or shelve this whole idea for keeps. It's your call.

I/O

[Jooky]

Mike,

I recommend you go to this site: www.singles.ru. On the left hand side select English. Create an account. Search for women in whatever your age range is. (I'm guessing 20 years younger is max), and fire away some messages to any woman that catches your eye and tell them you're in town for a few days and looking for a serious relationship. You can see who is currently online. Women will be chatting away at work, so try to set up some evening dates.

Apparently you are using some sort of agency. They should be able to hook you up as well.

Forget about about 'having no confidence'. There's no time for that BS. You didn't get scammed, you blew it (if you were really interested in the first woman). If you see an attractive woman on the street give her a good look. If she gives you any kind of indicator, approach her. Don't worry about your lack of language skills. It will a plus in this case. Basic stuff. Good luck!

[myrddin]

Mike,

Sorry to hear about your problems.  You've got some good advice above; I agree with those who don't think she was a scammer.  I'll third this notion: don't stay in your room!

[Vaughn]

 ....plus I feel so deceived and so naive for the hours I spent writing her and arranging this trip!  Maybe some of you know what it is like.

You were not deceived at all. She didn't connect with you, and immediately made her plans to return
home. I agree with BC and the others - no scam...

By all means, return to the room only to sleep. Odessa is full of opportunity. Explore the city.
I cannot recommend this agency (having no experience with them) BUT I see a green flag in
their choosing to post a verifiable address & phone numbers....they are part of Angelica (sp?)
Network...

ADAM AND EVA Agency

Adam and Eva Agency belongs to the Angelica Network that is a group of alliance agencies.

 
Natasha Varetskaya
Deribasovskaya str., 12 office 25
Ukraine 65000 Odessa
+380 48-741-17-18
+380 48-741-17-17
 
They display many women with good English ability, even in their 30s and 40s..   Worth a shot?
Me? I'd walk in unannounced - and see what happens...  what have you got to lose?

[BillyB]

Mike,

I don't think you got scammed unless you're holding something back that you didn't tell us about. Did she take you shopping the day you two went out into the city? Scammers/pro daters have been known to show up but they want to get more out of you. Also they would just leave without announcing it when they're done with you. Your lady was nice enough to tell you she was leaving. The letter may have been pre-written back home with the help of a friend who knew how to speak English. She was prepared in case the meeting between you two is a bust.

You noticed she was visably irritated but you don't seem to understand what caused it. Maybe you dressed poorly when you went out and she was embarrassed since she was dressed very nice? Maybe your behavior when you went out was goofy or not proper in some way? Maybe you babied her everywhere you went and it was a turn off? Maybe you tried to please her so much she sensed desperation in you to make things happen? Maybe you showed panic when you two couldn't speak to each other instead of calm when finding a solution? Women will expect a man your age to have much life experience and solve problems easily instead of panicing or looking clueless. Be honest with yourself and figure out where the major malfuction is and correct it. If you don't you may have the same problems with other RW you date.

Bride.ru search engine is poor but you can get phone numbers when you order contact info of the ladies. Emailing ladies back and forth is too slow to try and plan a day and time for a date with some ladies only 5 days left on your vacation. Google "Odessa marriage agency" if you want agency service to help line up dates. These are things every guy should do before getting on the plane whether he's visiting one or a number of ladies.

[ECOCKS]

Get on Elenas Models and setup some dates. There is plenty to do in Odessa for a single guy on vacation. Stay away from the evening-time street walkers.  

She was possibly a scammer, but the second type that is more of a serial dater and opportunist rather than out and out thief.

PM me if you need to.

[Jooky]

Why are guys on this site constantly plugging Elena's Models?

A quick search show a grand total of 34 women in Odessa over the age of 35, 17 active within the past week. I sincerely hope Mike isn't looking for women younger than 35. I think 40 is already a big stretch (only 7 women over 40 active within the past week).

He has less than a week. What's the chance of being interested in and meeting one of those handful of within the next few days?
Sure, take a glance at Elena's Models, but put the first girl out of your mind and use all other means available to meet women if you want to make any use of this vacation.

[Misha]

I recommend you go to this site: www.singles.ru.

I recommend this as well.

[groovlstk]

I recommend this as well.

Me three.

I see absolutely no scam here, simply a matter of a woman not being into you and cutting you loose rather than living a lie for a week. FWIW, this is yet another example of why getting emotionally invested prior to a trip is unwise.

[392ihc]

Now I understand....  by benefit of an email and a phone call to the lady in Moldova I found out that she thought I was asking her for sex after we had agreed not to.  She understood this by virtue of my rather formal invitation typed into the computer and translated into Russian.  This is why she stiffened so suddenly upon reading it.  Of course she felt betrayed and told me she didn't sleep all night.  I have tried to explain to her that I did not ever, ever suggest that we have sex.  I have told her it was a poor translation of a too formal invitation to join me in the living room to watch television (since we had two tv's on in two rooms).  I doubt it will make much difference. Once some of these women make up their minds to something...especially on offense, it is just about over.  She told me in her email that I should go and find one of the loose women in Odessa!  I have explained again that I am not here for that and I do not do these things even in America.  Whether she believes me or not, I cannot tell.  I have invited her back to Odessa since she has holiday for all week. I have told her I will rent a separate apartment for her, if she will consider this.  I can't do any more than this.  If I grovel she won't respect me for that either...
Oh, and yes, I did go out today. It is dark now but I was out earlier and there was a band playing in the park.  And I initiated a conversation with a lady who was very friendly (even if she was passing out handbills for a Chinese cause!).  I will also follow-up on the recommendations posted above.  Thank you.  I think first I'd better wait to see if Natasha will return!
Everyone is also correct in that she was not a scammer--she is a conservative and moral woman, which is part of the reason I wanted to meet her.  We were destroyed by a bad translation from a website.  Something so little can destroy months of preparation.  I have apologized profusely but I will not hold hope.  I even called her back in Moldova after she arrived home.  She was not rude to me and stayed on the line, but still we could not effectively communicate.  I just said her name and said sorry in Rooskee and asked her to read my emails.  Beyond this I can do no more.

Thanks to all who have jumped in here. I appreciate it. I think she is a fine lady and I will sorry to lose her.

[ECOCKS]

We plug EM for the same reason anyone recommends industry standards, they work.

It's an unfortunate analogy but, like WalMart, they have a large, diverse selection of quality products in many locations for low to reasonable prices. It's a contact list.

By all means, use whatever is available but when you're sitting there, eating up your vacation time, picking up the shotgun and going for numbers is the effeicient way to salvage your trip.

This is sort of a case study in why WOVO is not a widely recommended strategy for normal situations.

[BillyB]

Got to be careful what you say when using an electronic translator. Your best hope to get her back is to hire an interpreter to let Natasha know it was a bad electronic translation and you did not have insincere intentions.

If Natasha does not accept the explanation from a certified interpreter, then she is not a very forgiving person or she does not think much of you to come back and it's best you move on to a woman who enjoys your company. Meeting women on the street is a good option.

I hope you come back occasionally and let us know how things turn out.

[Muddy]

Charming Lady

URL: http://www.charming-lady.net

[bobb]

Got to be careful what you say when using an electronic translator.

That is so true. 

When using an online translator you must be able to write short sentences with absolutely no slang or words that have double meanings.  Try to avoid the words 'a' and 'the'. 

An example:  I was asking L for the number of our car in the train so I could give it to go-to.ru when reserving a taxi from train station to DME.  Google translate inserted 'автомобиль' (automobile).  Having enough basic knowledge of Russian I knew this was the wrong word for my meaning and would cause confusion.  In a previous email her use of cars, which I translated with Google, had the proper use of the word in Russian I wanted.  I was able to cut and paste.

Google translate is much more effective when the people are at the computer together and if there is a misunderstanding a person can attempt to say the same thing using different words.  It's a challenge, but it can be better than the alternative. 

If using Google translate:
1. Copy the translated Russian into the original window
2. Click on the swap button (changes from --> to settings)
3. See where some work needs to be done.

[BillyB]

words that have double meanings. 

Double meaning words probably got a lot of men in trouble. A guy may never understand why some women quit writing him is because of bad electronic translations of his poor choice of words. Also words that are different but similar like "may" and "May" have two different meanings. If a guy's not careful, he may come off as a pervert or an idiot lacking a decent education.

[groovlstk]

Mike, good luck salvaging your trip.

Double meaning words probably got a lot of men in trouble. A guy may never understand why some women quit writing him is because of bad electronic translations of his poor choice of words. Also words that are different but similar like "may" and "May" have two different meanings. If a guy's not careful, he may come off as a pervert or an idiot lacking a decent education.

I'd agree, but I also believe that it takes an enormous amount of patience and restraint in these instances, and that applies equally to both men and women. My wife and I had a few disagreements early in our relationship due to misinterpreting the meaning of each other's words, but we both quickly understood that jumping to conclusions was dangerous.

[bobb]

I'd agree, but I also believe that it takes an enormous amount of patience and restraint in these instances, and that applies equally to both men and women. My wife and I had a few disagreements early in our relationship due to misinterpreting the meaning of each other's words, but we both quickly understood that jumping to conclusions was dangerous.

Patience is a very prized possession in this pursuit.  In the very beginning I have always asked the woman if I what I have said or written is not clear to ask me if her interpretation is accurate.  Even with two people who do speak the same language this is not a bad action, especially considering how we all seem to 'assume' many things.  It is especially difficult to resolve disagreements with email or on the phone.  It is one of the major challenges facing any who pursue a woman with limited or no knowledge of English.  I'm not suggesting you disregard women in this category...I didn't, but a person should be aware of the frustrating moments one will encounter along this path.

[ECOCKS]

So, Mike, are you going to hire a car to take you over to Moldova and try to get her back or look to make the most of the trip you're on?

Let us know what you want to do and folks here will do their best to help you salvage what you can.

Best of Luck!

[HiTech]

392ihc: If you wish to head to Nikolaev , an hour by taxi, I have some good contacts to help you out.

Just private message me your UA phone number,

Dale

[Sculpto]

Mike, sorry to hear about your situation, but, you have got to get out of that apartment!  You are in Odessa in summer, go to the beach!!!!

Have you figured out which street Ekaterinskaya is?  Near the intersection with the walking street, forgot the name, towards the opera house in the American business center there is an American owned agency.  There should be ads for it on the "a frames" on Ekaterinskaya and on the walking street.  I never used them, but, I did have several conversations with the owner who seemed decent.  Some of the cafes in that area will have a bunch of expats hanging out in the mornings and in the afternoon coffee time.  See if you can find those guys.  They will help!

here are a couple of links that might help

http://www.odessafx.com/blog/1
http://www.expatua.com/

The other advice you have been given is right on target.  But seriously man, Odessa in Summer!!!!!  You are on sacred ground, don't squander the moment. 

[Gator]

Now I understand....  by benefit of an email and a phone call to the lady in Moldova I found out that she thought I was asking her for sex after we had agreed not to.  She understood this by virtue of my rather formal invitation typed into the computer and translated into Russian.  This is why she stiffened so suddenly upon reading it.  Of course she felt betrayed and told me she didn't sleep all night.  I have tried to explain to her that I did not ever, ever suggest that we have sex.  I have told her it was a poor translation of a too formal invitation to join me in the living room to watch television (since we had two tv's on in two rooms). 

My serious recommendation is to give up on this woman because of not less than FIVE RED FLAGS: 

-  The two of you can not communicate over something as simple as asking her to watch TV with you.  Such should require only a knock on the door and some hand gestures.

-  It is really weird for a woman to be in her room alone watching TV when you have travelled so far to meet her. 

-  When you used an electronic translator, surely the Russian was not clear.  She assumed the worst rather than give you the benefit of the doubt.  Do you really want to be married to such a woman.

-  Pardon me, but I never met a RW with such a hangup about sex.  You and I are different; however, unless you are contented with a marriage with bad sex, find a normal woman.

-  Pardon me again, this woman has you kissing her ass on the first day.  You will be the most P__W____ed man east of California.   

We were destroyed by a bad translation from a website. 

You should kiss that translator for bringing to the surface these red flags.