Hi, I'm Jason

[newjason]

 I am 40 ish, I speak a little Russian.
I am fresh off a LTR w/RW  that went sour because I was too nice and some other things I will talk about someday, maybe.
I come by and read a little at a time, not often, but enough to become curious and confident enough to finally join.
I am single and I am NOT looking to get married.
Maybe someday but now? no.
I just wanna hang out  if that is cool with you guys..

[2tallbill]

Welcome to the forum Jason!

[Darth_Budda]

Hello hello,,,

[Gator]

  NEWJASON

It is splendid that you speak some Russian, and you come here with experience in a LTR with a RW.  These make you an experienced member.
 
Nevertheless,  there is always something to learn.    I found what you wrote to be an interesting puzzle. Why?

I am single and I am NOT looking to get married.
Maybe someday but now? no.

Such an attitude conflicts with the impression that many of us have about RW who date WM - namely, most RW want to get married. 
 
Then you say:
 

I am fresh off a LTR w/RW  that went sour because I was too nice and some
other things I will talk about someday, maybe.

It depends upon what you mean by nice.  "Nice" can be good such as "dependable" and "generous."  Nice can also imply "weak, "and  RW do not respect "weak."   So maybe you should talk about it.  Everything is anonymous here.  And there are some RW who may offer their opinion.
 

[newjason]

Hello
Thanks for the welcoming.
Yes Gator I hope to learn.
I also hope to share a fresh perspective.

Such an attitude conflicts with the impression that many of us have about RW who date WM - namely, most RW want to get married. 
 

I am not quite sure what you mean by that.. 

I think I will not fit into the profile of the average guy on here.
My story is quite the opposite of the stories I read here.  In fact It is completely in reverse.

Back in 2005 I was working as an independent contractor doing fine tile and stone installations in high end homes. I knew a lot of my peers and there were a few Russian guys i would run into from time to time. As I got to work on several projects with them, I noticed that these guys were the hardest working, most dedicated and motivated men around. They came early, stayed late and took pride in their work. This Impressed me as I am of the same habits.  Although they were polite, they kept mostly to themselves and always spoke to each other in Russian.
So one day, after work, I came home and downloaded etaco Russian phrase book and started learning some simple Russian phrases. I thought to myself,  this is impossible LOL.  Anyway, the next morning I was walking past Val and said : Dobre Utra Val.   He Smiled and said  EEEy  Previet, Dorbe Utra Jason!
From then on, we became quite close and they accepted me in their social circle.  I taught them English as best I could. But really felt foolish when they would ask me why Americans say..  I have a runny Nose.  And  My feet smell.  He explained that in Russian  Nose is for smell, and feet , they run.. right?  Well I could not argue with that.  After some time Val said , you will come to my house Jason. We have big party and you will eat Phiroshki.  I drove to his house, which was in a great private little community where I was welcomed by Him, his wife, and about 10 other people, some I knew, some I didn't and all of them spoke Russian.   As I was introduced to the local Russian community I noticed how different they acted at home vs. at work. 

I was feeling a little overwhelmed.  I then noticed this woman sitting at the pick-nick table,  She was thin, young, and honestly the most beautiful woman I had ever set my eyes upon.  I could not take my eyes off of her. I was just amazed that god had created such a perfect woman. Every detail about her was exactly in harmony with the next.   I had thought about in the past, if I could have the perfect girl, and created an image in my mind of what she would look like, what she would be. . Well, there she was.  I must have been in a trace because Val came and put his hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear.  OOO , She is Yana, you like?  without waiting for an answer,  he yelled... Yana! Come meet my good friend Jason.  I almost fainted with embarrassment as she skipped over and said Hi Jason! How do you know my cousin?  I told her we work together and we continued to chat for the next 3 hours.
I learned she was here on a student visa studying at the local University.  I started doing math  in my head and trying to figure the age gap between us. She was young but very well rounded in her knowledge and beliefs.  As it got late, Val came closer to our table and said very loudly, So, Jason you will marry Yana now , Ya?  I began to laugh and then noticed no one else was laughing and thought  this might offend him or her, so I very abruptly stopped and made a face like "oops" .  The entire group all began to roar in laughter all at once.. And Yana too, and this went on for maybe a full minute as i joined in the laughs again. I was waiting for someone to tell me what was so funny, when Yana leaned over took my face in her hands and gave me a big Muahhh type kiss.

As I went home, I could not stop thinking about this girl. What an amazing woman she was on the outside.  All night I did not sleep as my thoughts were of this evening...  then my phone rang..
I looked at the clock, it was after 3am, I  did not recognize the number and answered softly  allo?
Yana giggled and  whispered, Jason? why you wait so long to call me?  LOL   I said.. What?
She said, "in tomorrow you will come to me and we will goto the sea" ..  "ok?"   I said, of course we will, how can i say no?  she laughed and we continued to talk until the sun came up.  Needless to say, I was  exhausted and late to work and so tired all day.

When Val showed up at the job, He smiled from ear to ear and I thanked him for inviting me to the party and for all the wonderful food and friends.  He said, ahh It's good have you in my house.  He then told me that Yana had asked him for my phone number and he gave it to her, so she will be calling me sometime, I acted surprised and I said, Oh really? Oh ok ok I will wait her call. He said, She is very smitten with me and he can see that.  I said, ahh yea she is an amazing girl. I said, she is very young ? ya?  He said, no, she is girl Jason. I had no idea what he meant by that.

After that Yana and I spent every moment together having the best times of our lives. We were so into each other and we were so much the same with so many things in common, yet so many differences. We feel head over heels in love and I had never felt anything even close to this before.  The best was yet to come.....

 

[Gator]

You tell a delightful story.  And it  has the touches of Russian culture that so many of us appreciate.  Looking forward to the next chapter.

[LAman]

Yes, nice story jason.........sounds like match made in heaven.....waiting for next chapter, yet I  know the ending already......

[Patagonie]

What a beautiful story ! i'm impatient to read the next post.

[newjason]

Wow thank you for the interest. I will try to do a little each day.
Keep in mind, this spans 7 years and that was only the first few months.

....

The days with my new found princess went slowly and I was very eager to surprise her each and every day in a new and unexpected way. We did everything together and loved each moment of our time together. Time apart, even for a short while, found my thoughts coming back to Yana, replaying certain
moments in my mind, creating plans for new ones, It was all just too fantastic to try describing in words.
We had some kind of connection that I had only heard about, and really did not believe in this sort of thing.  People called us "witches" because we were able to sense and feel each other even from great distances. I can't explain what It is, but it is something beyond the five senses. It is like a warm light that I never felt before. That light might be described as ESP or Psychic abilities, but whatever it is, I had mostly ignored it up to this point in my life, because it is not something I can control.  I had been able to, on occasion, see something happen, before it happened. Just a brief feeling of disturbance and clarity where I suddenly already knew something that was not possible to know previously.
 
Don't worry, I am not really a witch, or a psychic but you can relate to this feeling as you read this story, because you already know what happens before it is writtten.

Anyway, this gave us a unique insight into each other and we had understandings of each other so well,  it was sometimes almost creepy.  I am not saying I can see the future, because I can not.  I am saying that Yana and I found in each other much more than we could have ever imagined.  While spending so much time together , enjoying the blissful romance we had created, we had lost sight of what was important to us before we met.  Yana started skipping her classes. I started going to work later and later, and going home earlier and earlier. It was pretty clear at this point we were addicted to each other and we were acting irresponsibly pretty regularly.  At this point it hit me that she is still in college!  ( How did I keep overlooking that. It's not hard to do, trust me. )
I began thinking about what I was doing in college.  I don't really remember much of what I was doing in college, or who I was doing to put it more plainly.  I do remember thinking I was just having fun in college and It was like a lifetime ago now. I began to feel like I was corrupting this young woman as she had lost all interest in her education.  Likewise, The passion I had for my work and my business had no gone into my romance with Yana.  At the time, It seemed (and still does) like a better and more fulfilling way to spend my time.
Now we had talked about her visa and it's expiration and her commitment to the University briefly before, but had not really worried to much about it because we were soaking in all of life and it's many gifts and miracles.  Everyday was a new day , but It felt like I had just seen colour for the first time after previously living with only blank and white.  We walked around with stars in our eyes, it was magical.  You can see it in the photographs, and hear it in our voices. We were in love so deep It felt dangerous. I thanked God every day (and twice on sunday) for bringing us together, for letting us see past our flaws and our imperfections, to accept each other as a gift, and not expect each other to be what we were not.
I did finally shape up and get back into my work, and Yana did get back into her studies and she finished the year with the highest marks in her group. An honor student, brilliant, beautiful, and just amazing to be close to. The energy and aurora of excitement she had was contagious, and It made me feel priceless.  She said it was all because of me, and I told her that she was the star. I was simply the sky it shined upon.  I had never felt so free to be myself with anyone ever before.  That was the best thing with Yana, she was just herself, and  let me be myself. So much so, I declared that I knew we would be life long partners, lovers, and best friends. She totally agreed and said :"when i go to home, i will begin plan our marry"
STOP---   
WHAT? did she just say?
There was no mention of anything like this before that point, but oddly I knew it was the next step and did not feel like we could do anything else other than become married.  I said, we may want to tell our friends and relatives of our plans but first, I need to ask you....
I got on my knee .. 
Will you?
She laughed like we always do and said  "Jason, I knew it from day on that pick-nick, true"
I smiled and put a ring on her finger with a deep blue sapphire trillium set in a double overlap titanium band.
She screamed in delight as this was the ring we had designed together after not finding anything she or I liked that fit our personalities. I may have forgot to mention, on of our favorite activities was shopping. Not always buying things, but going out and seeing what is out there. What fun it is. We had  gone by many Jewellers and looked at jewellery and after some time, It was easy to know what Yana liked and did not like. She made it known to everyone. LOL. One thing about Russian women. They let you know what they think, and do not mince words.  I love that.

The day was fast approaching when she had to return home to the FSU, Three weeks became two two became one and the last days passed before I could blink.  Then, like a cool breeze .. she was gone...
What were we going to do now? I gave her a bunch of money that I had put in her wallet without telling her, that turned out to be a mistake because at customs they  took her declarations and asked her how much money she had, then when she took her wallet out and it was full of 100 dollar bills they gave her hell and I felt like such an ass.  Anyway, it all worked out fine and she was on her way back  to mother Russia.
We decided to see how being apart would work for a while before we made any further plans. Well, that did not last but about 2 days and  then we had to start using the phone and computer to communicate. That was ok, but the reality started to set in, that we were indeed on opposite sides of the planet.  She may as well have been on the moon.

Now it starts getting Interesting......

 

[Gator]

Even better than the first installment.
 

One thing about Russian women. They let you know what they think, and do not mince words.  I love that.

Yep, a RW trait.   

[Eduard]

Great story, Jason! Have you thought of becoming a romance novel writer? Seriously good stuff!

Back in 2005 I was working as an independent contractor doing fine tile and stone installations in high end homes. I knew a lot of my peers and there were a few Russian guys i would run into from time to time. As I got to work on several projects with them, I noticed that these guys were the hardest working, most dedicated and motivated men around. They came early, stayed late and took pride in their work. This Impressed me as I am of the same habits.

I also noticed that Russian guys are usually the best workers around. There is a Russian construction crew that all contractors want to work for them. They are considered the best and are in great demand. It's a paradox which is hard to understand because in Russia and Ukraine their work quality and work ethic is terrible. Nothing ever gets totally finished. New buildings look like 20 or 30 year old ones with no maintenance, wires hanging, cracks left "for decoration?!?!", moldings installed in some places but not in others where they are supposed to be. It's just weird how working here, in the States changes everything.


Looking forward to reading the rest of your story, but I have a feeling that she was just too young. She probably did fall in love with you, but once married for a while, the "in love" feeling was gone after a while (which is normal)  ... as she was growing up she was getting bored of the routine, started wondering "what else is out there", probably was getting a lot of attention from men all around her which boosted her ego, gave her confidence and enticed her curiosity to explore life beyond what she already knew and got used to. And while you were still in love with her she got bored with your love and viewed your trying to be a good husband and accommodate her wishes as weakness. I've seen this pattern of behavior in young, beautiful girls before. I don't think it's a Russian thing though, more of a "woman" thing.
I may be wrong off course about your particular situation but I think that every man should be very cautious about marrying a 20 or a 22 yo. IMO most of them are not ready for a serious commitment at that point yet. If you are looking for a younger wife 25 to 30yo is probably the best time to catch them.

[Anotherkiwi]

Great story, Jason! Have you thought of becoming a romance novel writer? Seriously good stuff!

...Looking forward to reading the rest of your story, but I have a feeling that she was just too young. She probably did fall in love with you, but once married for a while, the "in love" feeling was gone after a while (which is normal)  ... as she was growing up she was getting bored of the routine, started wondering "what else is out there", probably was getting a lot of attention from men all around her which boosted her ego, gave her confidence and enticed her curiosity to explore life beyond what she already knew and got used to. And while you were still in love with her she got bored with your love and viewed your trying to be a good husband and accommodate her wishes as weakness. I've seen this pattern of behavior in young, beautiful girls before. I don't think it's a Russian thing though, more of a "woman" thing.
I may be wrong off course about your particular situation but I think that every man should be very cautious about marrying a 20 or a 22 yo. IMO most of them are not ready for a serious commitment at that point yet. If you are looking for a younger wife 25 to 30yo is probably the best time to catch them.

Jeez, Eduard, we now know for sure that you're Russian!  Do you tell everyone how the film or book ended as well? 

[Eduard]

Jeez, Eduard, we now know for sure that you're Russian! 

did you actually have doubts? 

[newjason]

Thank you for the nice compliments.

to Eduard:

I believe that the contrast between the Russian people you meet who have immigrated to America and the people who you meet in the FSU is simply this:
The quality of their character.
As you know, immigration is no easy task. It is that way for a reason. It is set up to allow those who want  to work hard, and become a productive citizen, to contribute to the economy, and society, an opportunity to do so.
Therefore, those who have been given this chance are held to to higher standard of expectation. To immigrate and become a citizen, you will need to show and prove that you will be a benefit to the country and also will need some one who already is to sponsor you.  So as an immigrant you have a responsibility to be productive.  Most Russian guys I  meet here are the " best of the best" in their country, but get little reward if they are honest. Yet if they are corrupt,  the rewards are plenty.  So if you have a moral dilemma and do not want to lie cheat and steal to become successful, you simply look for better opportunities abroad.

The Russian friends I have made in america are people who are good hard working. quality people. They are thankful for the opportunity to be free and understand that if you work hard, respect the people around you, and do good work, the possibilities are endless. So they make the most of it.
They have a hard time understanding why most Americans are so lazy and do nothing  in this land of limitless opportunity. There is a lot of prejudice still in america and unfortunately A company or business man will hire an american before they will hire an immigrant,  even though the american is less qualified, less motivated than the immigrant.
I must admit, I as born american had this prejudice at first too. A lot of my prejudice was based on ignorance, as I just assumed that since the USSR was our enemy when I was young, they were people who I should hate.
One man,  who does the same trade I do, Victor, and I are very good friends.  I will tell you that we are both very good at what we do and very much the same in many ways. I will say that he does better work than I do, he is much more precise and meticulous about what he does. His attention to detail is amazing and I admire him greatly.  Yet if you ask him, he will say that My work is better than his and point out little things , why it is so. I think he is not right, but I appreciate the respect and compliments from such a professional. 
I have been doing my best to teach him English and he is very eager to learn. He teaches me as much Russian as I want to learn and it is a good learning experience for both of us. We have discussed our lives, how we grew up,  our different cultures, and i was kind of shocked to learn, that While our countries were mortal enemies, we actually had the same experiences and views as children and teens. The difference I noted was that while I was raised catholic, he was forbid to believe in any god and was taught Darwinism or evolution in school and was forced to accept that as the only truth. In fact his father died in a Russian prison because he was catholic and was organizing others who were also members of the catholic church to teach Catholicism in the schools.  That I found to be a terrible injustice and If I were him, I would hate the government that did that to my family. Yet , he does not hate Russia, indeed he loves his country and is and always will be a Russian.
He explained that doing construction in Russia was very much like it is here, except before the liberation, when communism was practiced, you simply went to your work, did what they said, nothing more. And the government provided you with a car, food and a domicile and a little spending money. That was it. If you wanted more, you had no chance to do so, legally.
I am glad Victor wanted more for his life and for his family. I am glad that he came to america, and I am proud to have such a man as my friend. 

Romance Novels  LOL.  No, I have  never even written a story before.  Mystery, Horror, Drama, Romance, Tragedy, Comedy all. As my story unfolds, you will see how it changes.  It is still the beginning, and remember,  7 or 8 years is a long time. A lot can happen, especially when two very dynamic personalities are put to the test.
Yet this is only my story, and of course there are three sides to every story.

I will write more soon. I worked 14 hours yesterday. I got 4 hours sleep, now off to work again. I am tired but telling this story has helped me, like therapy I suppose.

More to come...

[Patagonie]

Jason : don't let you impress by crows, DAVAI. They are just jaleous 

[ML]

And the government provided you with a car, food and a domicile and a little spending money.

The hundreds of FSU people I know would be shocked to know this (the car part) and would wonder where their car was hidden all those years.

[Slumba]

Jason, a note of encouragement - this is a very interesting story so far and the slice of life aspect in dealing with Russians, an added bonus.  Thanks for sharing!

[Eduard]

The hundreds of FSU people I know would be shocked to know this (the car part) and would wonder where their car was hidden all those years.

was I supposed to get a car on my 18th b-daY??? Darn, it's prolly sitting somewhere in a garage in Moscow...a brand spanking new 1978 Zhiguli!
But on a serious side, Jason you probably should visit Russia now. It's a very different place compared to how it used to be even 10 years ago.

[Gator]

It is a misspelling.  he meant to write star (as in red star), not car.   

[newjason]

@Gator  LOL no i did indeed mean Car, as in automobile.

@Eduard  I would imagine it would depend on what you were doing for work. In my line of work, I am like a travelling workshop and Have everything needed on my truck. Taking mass transit would be a real hassle,  loading saws, tool boxes, cartons of stone.. lol  I am guessing that the people in Russia assigned to do construction probably don't use mass transit either to get to and from the project.

@ Slumba , Patagonie   спасибо!

@ ML  Now you have got me wondering about this. I may have understood him wrong, but I am almost sure that Is what he said.  I call and fact check this..   It may be that he was given a work vehicle.  I guess I better pay more attention to what I write here, you guys are sharp



O k ... continue

By this time Yana and I were starting to miss each other terribly. I had no idea how much we had fallen into love until she was gone for a month. I had no idea how we were going to handle being apart, but She kept our phone conversations reminding me why I was so glad to be in love with her.  Yana to me was just perfect.  We began by talking on the phone a lot.  Just like the first night we met, we had no shortage of things to say to each other, and I told her how perfect she was in every detail.  We always ALWAYS exchanged compliments when we spoke and I was simply telling the truth. She liked the fact that I treated her as a princess and I followed my heart and just did what came naturally.  Since the Internet was still not as available as it is today, We would have face time a few times a week, and she would come to chat at the internet cafe. She was great about keeping our "chat dates" and I always looked forward to seeing her beautiful face and amazing smile.  We were so at ease with each other that it was almost a little scary for me.
You see, I had in the past, a few long term relationships, and quite a few more not so long term, and of course the "short encounters" and I had thought I was in love before I met Yana. I was so wrong about that.  All of my past affairs had been with women who I was attracted to.  As I am an attractive man,  I had always dated girls that were very beautiful and kept my interest and attention. The thing I found over the course of these relationships is that, I really did not like these women once the sex was over.  The idea of going and doing something with my girlfriend that we were both into and both enjoyed was foreign to me because I never met a girl who had the same interests, or a similar personality for that matter.  I would date girls who were beautiful, but sadly, not much else.  Don't mis-understand, I loved all my ex's and treated them as queens. I Just could not see staying with a  woman who I did not like as a person or a friend. Therefore all my past relationships ended, and I never saw them again.  I burned the bridges.  Having a line of past relationships as I did, I had become pretty discouraged as far as seeing myself getting married. After a year or two, I could barely stand to be in the same room with some of my ex's, let alone an entire lifetime. I do not take marriage lightly, and when I do get married, it will be for life. Divorce is a cop out, and gives people an easy way to terminate a marriage instead of being there, no matter what happens.  My grandparents were married 75 years. My parents have been married 43 years. My brother,  he married his high school sweetheart and has been married 21 years.  I believe you are committed to your marriage no matter what and two decent people can do this, should do this and will do this. There is no going back on your vows. This is how I feel, and how I believe marriage should be. Since I believe this way, I have yet to meet a quality woman that I trust enough to enter into a life long union with.
Have I dated the wrong type of women?  No. They were are genuine and a lot of fun. Beautiful and breathtaking.  The problem was, I just did not feel anything for them beyond being intimate and the tasks shared in a normal relationship. One common denominator in all successful marriages that I have seen first hand, is that the couple Honestly like each other. They are best friends and trust each other like best friends because they are best friends.
When  i met Yana,  I knew right away that she was different. She was interesting, smart, witty, entertaining, confident and not at all stuck on herself. She worked hard on her goals and was very much like me in many ways.  We had so much in common that it was like I had known her for my whole life before we met. She was familiar to me , it was comfortable being together and never once awkward in the least.  We fit together perfectly. We complimented each other as a couple. We both had strengths and weaknesses that the other had in reverse. We were 10x better together as a couple than either of us were alone.   We never brought each other down, and lifted each other up in every way. It was the greatest day of our lives to have found all of this with each other. Yana told me that she had dreams when she was younger.  In these dreams, her "prince, would come to her and give her happiness and that she had seen him perfectly clear. Every detail she had constructed in her mind. She then said, " so when I saw you, I said to myself, oh my god, there he is"
So, being apart was not a huge obstacle. It was lonely sometimes, but we both knew it was only for a time and was a good test for us to see if we could and would stay with each other.
The phone calls were many, and I had to find a less expensive way to start calling after I got the first phone bill. I will not say how much that bill was, but It was more than my rent X 2.
Of course I was sending her money so she was comfortable and did not need to worry about finding work right away after she got back to Russia.
I did find a way to get my calling rates down to $0.10 / minute by using calling cards. That helped, but the call quality was not good, and most of the time required dialling long sequences of numbers over and over again to try to get through.  This could get a little frustrating at times. It was not a big deal,  Yana was my love and I would do anything just to her her voice.  As we talked 3 times a day on average, she would wish me a nice day before going off to bed.  i would do the same on the night time.
We began to plan our wedding. I was introduced to her mother over the phone and her mom adored me. She said , I not sure how you can do it, but you make Yana so happy! She never act this way before!
So we begin to plan the wedding, and her immigration to the United states.  We had several options.
since she already had some family here, she could come on an immigrant sponsor visa. We could also do a K-1 fiancée visa, but we would have to marry here. Last we could get married there, and do a spouse visa.
At that point I began to do the research on this endeavour. I think this is when I first found this forum. It is also when I first learned of Mail order brides.  I will be honest, The idea if going to Russia and speed dating women until you find one who is willing to marry you is absolutely the most bizarre thing i have ever heard. I learned that guys write letters to agency without ever seeing a girl.  If they do come to Russia, the speak to women using a translator.  They can't communicate with their dates because they speak different languages. I could not believe it. 

So I read everything I could on the best course of action. Of course nothing mattered until Yana decided where and when she wanted to be married.  It was a difficult decision. We wanted both our families at our wedding, yet getting them all together in one country at the same time was proving to be nearly impossible. So we decided, rather than have one family who would miss or wedding, we would have two weddings. One In Russia, and one in America. Sounded great, everyone would be happy with that I assumed. Wrong thing to do, assume.  We found that If we do like we were planning , I could take up to 3 years for her to get her visa.  Damn this was starting to really be a pain.  The other thing ,  was paying for it all.  I was already paying for 2 separate households, every bill i had to pay here, there was another one for Russia. I make pretty good money, But i began to see how this was going to be harder than I had first expected. Yet, hearing the excitement in Yana's voice everyday just confirmed that It was all totally worth the effort.


What happens next is very eye opening....       

[The Natural]

Hi Jason, it's very interesting to read your story and you tell it very good. Look forward to know more...

[newjason]

the continuation ....

I was beginning to become very restless as I  struggled to absorb the full scope of what had happened.
The phone calls, while nice and always a joy, were a poor replacement for the the woman I loved actually being in my arms. Each call started with the same conversation. Both of us telling the other how cruel and unbearable life was without each other. Yana was still busy making plans and preparing everything down to the last detail.
I saw our situation a little different than she, as I just wanted to be with her. I don't care where, or how, or what flavour of wedding cake we had to choose. I missed her so much that I could not concentrate on everyday mundane things without thinking about the day that we will be re-united.
Yana had grand designs of fabulous proportions in mind. She wanted a huge traditional Russian  wedding.  As she informed me that this wedding would last  3 DAYS I was a little bewilderd and needed an explaination what would we possibly be doing for 3 days while our vows were being  exchanged..
Of course I had only American weddings to compare to , since these were the only weddings I had attended previously. 
In America, it's pretty simple. You goto the church, exchange your vows, everybody cheers when you seal the marriage with a KISS, you run to the reception, cut some cake, drink some champaign,  Dance,  tell everyone thanks for coming, sorry to leave you all with this mess to clean up,  but we are out of here... then speed away to into the future...  married.
Yana was very particular about what we needed to have and who was coming to the Wedding. Each day there were new ideas implemented and soon it was just too much for me to keep track of, so I told Yana,  I want you to have your dream wedding, and I will do everything to make it happen, but I trust you and I will leave all the details to you, and I will make sure we can have everything we need.
So write a budget, and give me some numbers of what the cost will be, so I can be sure we will have enough.  Yana, although brilliant,  is not a person who grasps the concept of planning a budget and estimating costs of events such as this.  I was very patient and said I will help,  I asked how much for the dress. ...  flowers.. alcohol, Limo, accommodation, video, photographs.... on and on ...
She was becoming a bit overwhelmed trying to do this by herself, and of course my sort of help, was making things more frustrating.  I called to her mother, and asked if she could give me some estimates on what things will cost.  I read her the list , and she have me estimated costs.
After saying thank you and bye to mom, i looked at this list amd the number at the bottom. My heart dropped and I started to wonder how I was going to save this amount of money in a short time.
That did not include travel back to America, and a lot of other things too.  kept writing down every possilbe expense that we will have fro this and it came to ..   let's use an example..  It came  to  (wedding amount)  wow. I was a little deflated now.  I had some money in the bank but not anywhere close to this figure.  Some more math told me    My income(per month) -( my bills+her bills ) = saved amount. 
 (wedding amount) / (saved amount) = 13
 thirteen months of saving  and working extra jobs and side jobs, I should (would) have enough to cover everything.   I needed to break this news to Yana, but felt that no matter how I presented it, It would not be a happy time.  I thought of asking her to cut the cost of the wedding and everything going along with that, so that we could be together sooner, But I know her, and this is what she has been planning for her whole life, since she was a little girl, dreaming about her perfect day.  I just could not break her heart.  I juggled in my mind, well maybe if I told her we could get a K-1 Visa, marry here,  save the money then go back to Russia and do the big dream wedding when we could afford it, that way we can be together much much sooner and stay together.  She might go for that... hmm  I will call her and explain to her this....

Hi honey.

       Hi sweetie, how are you?

Good. 

       Good. Sweetie? 
 
Yes? 

       I need some  new boots and a fur coat, It's getting cold outside.

Yana?  it's August.
   
      Yes, I know , but sweetie my shoes is broken so bad, and I have no shoes to wear.   

Really Yana? no shoes at all?
       Jason, really. I want boots so much, and Fir coat.  I will be so happy and warm this winter when you come to me.

Yes, about that..

About what?

Coming to you..

yes sweetie?

I did math and it will be not sooner than 13 months before I can save all money we will need.

Oh?  Cool!

? Yana?  no, not cool.  13 months is over a year from now.

Yes, it's ok.  It's good.

How do you think it is good Yana?

Because now we  can get fir coat and high boots !

Who is this?  I am Jason, who are you?

Hahaha.  Jason , you know I Yana!

.... so what hell just happened?
Did she not understand that waiting 13 months will keep us apart for that long?
I think she had coat shopping on the brain. 
After that I sent her money and she bought a beautiful fur  coat that impressed even me, and I don't like fur. 
I said , so let's see your new boots honey!
sweetie, I need new boots, i need high leather boots.
Yana, I just sent you $1000. USD so you can buy boots and a coat.
Jason? no one can buy boots and a coat for this little money!

Are you freaking kidding me? no one can buy boots and a coat for a thousand dollars? Girl we are trying to save for our weddding.
This is what I thought anyway. 
I pretty mad.
she spent $900 on a coat, I can fly to her and back  to america for less money.
At that point
I knew something was up.
i have no idea why.
she was exibiting all the classic scammer symtyoms
And as time went on, the marrage became less the topic of our conversations, and more about, how she needed ....  this or that or wahatever.
So,  I decided to fast track this wedding and bite the bullet, and I borrowed the money to make it happen.   When  I told Yana  of this, that I had all the money and set a day, call your family and friends, tell them we will do it in September.
She was thrilled!
But, I was not....




 

[ML]

Does anyone else start to get a little queasy in stomach when they read some of these stories?

Jason, I don't mean you should stop; as it is good for many to read these stories.

But just wondering if such make others a bit queasy.

Just always thankful that I never fell for a hot 20 something.

[newjason]

@ ML     LOL. What are you saying?  Don't you believe that she wants to get married?  LOL   

[LAman]

 jason.....I kept wondering what was going to end up being the 'reason'. This lasted for 7 years?? Wow
As much as you two were in love.....that has nothing to do with compatability.........in my book, actions speak much louder than words.....