RW with children: pros and cons

[fivetrout]

Whack jobs? Yes my ex was one. We had tried through a clinic to have a child, and I was surprised to learn...one of every five couples couldn't conceive. Therefor if that applies...perhaps one in ten women can't???

[calmissile]

Back on topic...........
With reference to older men seeking an older FSU woman, that is exactly what I have done and have found a wonderful women that I expect to marry in Feb, 2012 and bring her and her daughter to the US.

There are a lot of opinions expressed in this thread that seem to be from folks that are simply parroting other opinions without any first hand experience.  So let me address some of the comments.

1.  It is pretty widely accepted that women in the FSU that are over 30 and with children are not widely sought after either by FSU men or by WM.  This has been confirmed by many posters on several sources.  Just a fact, like it or not!
2.  There are a number of advantages for an older WM to seek this category of woman.  Having and raising a child is more likely to mean that she is not as selfish and self-absorbed as a single women that has no children.
3.  As noted in some posts, women are usually interested in the well being of their children as well as themselves and may be interested in an older, more stable man than marrying an unstable party animal.  What is wrong with that?  If both parties are happy with the relationship, it is the best of both worlds.  If her options for her life and that of her child were better in her native country, she would exercise her options there.
4.  The child can actually be a gift for the step-parent.  If you love children and are dedicated to being a good father, then the child can bring a great deal of happiness to the relationship.  Of course, as noted in a lot of posts it can also be the source of a lot of grief.  It depends on the attitudes of the parents and the personality of the child.
5.  The arguments about discipline of the children pissed me off to the point that I am not going to dwell on it other than to say that I never suffered any ill affects from getting spankings and that included at least one from the Grade School Principal.  In no cases was I ever spanked when my parents were angry or out of control.  Perhaps this is one point overlooked in the arguments.  I really feel bad for the fellow that has nighmares about being spanked with a slipper.  I probably should also be having nightmares about the fat English teacher in High School that chased me all the way to the principals office with a yard stick in her hand. GET A LIFE!

The relationship between the child and the new stepfather is key to success or failure as noted in some posts. I disagree that it is any different than if I were to marry a WW in my own country.  In fact, my observations lead me to conclude that UA women are much better single parents than WW.  When we look at the crime statistics in the US as well as what we observe with our own eyes, you can't help but conclude that a large percentage of the crime problems come from children of unmarried mothers.  For the most part the children have NO discipline by the mothers and may as well be abandoned other than food and shelter.  I have not witnessed this as typical behavior in UA.

My finace has a 23 year old son and a 13 year old daughter by 2 fathers.  She is 46.  The first father left the family shortly after the son was born and the second husband she threw out because of his lack of interest in a family life and lack of participation in any of the responsibilities.  She has raised the children on her own and appears to have done a fine job.  She previously worked in a bank for 10 years and then bought a former collective farm.  She currently owns a gift shop which she works at (along with mom and the kids) for 7 days/week.  She also works her farm totally with hand tools and feeds her and her children with only minimal purchases from the grocery store.

For me she is a perfect candidate for marriage.  She is not lazy, in fact very energetic, has done a wonderful job raising her children on her own, and is not a high maintenance 'party girl'.  She is also very beautiful (at least in my eyes) which fulfills my ego driven desire to marry a beautiful woman.

The relationship with the children is very important as pointed out earlier by many.  Her son has never been in any kind of trouble and is very respectful to me.  He also is warm and affectionate.  If he were under 21, I would gladly bring him to the US on the K-2 if it were allowed.  As it is, he is going to live on the farm and maintain it.  We are keeping the farm to have as a summer home in Ukraine and I am confident he will do a great job.  He currently is building a large addition to the  house to make it more comfortable for us and himself.  Although I will not be 'raising' him, the respect he shows to me and his mother and sister has me convinced that he will not likely be creating problems for the marriage.

The relationsip with the 13 year old daughter is also very favorable.  For all practical purposed, she has never had a dad, and she seems to be very happy to have a 'complete family'.  She is also very respectful and supportive of her mom and I getting married.  As far a discipline goes, we have discussed the topic and I was asked to talk to her because mom did not feel that she was listening to her.  Apparently I passed the test because the 'father influence' appeared to have made a difference in the child's actions.  Another forum brought up the topic of discipline of stepchildren and it was a reminder that we had not talked about it.  I point blank asked my fiance what her wishes were about discipline of her daughter.  Her answer was very clear...  She expected me to discipline her as she would herself and we would back each other up on our decisions.  This is no guarantee that things may not get difficult as the daughter gets further into her teenage years, but at least it's a good start.

To sum it up.....
There are many, many, unmarried UA women with children that would be very happy to marry good WM that are stable and treat them and their children with respect.  A better life for mom and her children is something they are likely to make compromises on (such as the age difference.).

WM that like children and can provide a stable environment for them should not overlook this large pool of women.  There is  much less competition for them and the rewards can be outstanding.

[ML]

calmissile I do wish you the best of luck.  But right now, it seems like you are living in a fantasy world regarding the perfect woman and her children.  Best to be a little more realistic so you don't fall so far when the bubble pops.No, I am not saying be negative.  This will probably all work out well for everyone.  Just back down a few notches.   

[calmissile]

Manlooking,
I read your advice with interest.

I cannot tell what your background or experience is based upon your profile.

Have you married a FSU women?

Have you raised the child of a FSU women?

Considering the amount of time we have spent together as a family and the in depth discussions we have had about our future, I am confused about your comments infering that I am living in a fantasy world.  Could you be more specific about your comment and provide us the experience level from which you make that assessment?

Why do you consider anything that I posted as living in a fantasy?

[BillyB]

 
So far I see Calmissile talking about his woman and children with great pride and love. That's a good thing that most men wish they could do. Fantasy or not, his fiancee and future kids are lucky to have him.

[Vaughn]

calmissile,
 Your situation, your choices and your values so closely mirror mine that I could have written your post ten years ago.
 FSU women, well past their 20s with children are the most overlooked group of women - much to your advantage and mine. Not all men, western or not, are good candidates for stepfathering. Continue to channel all your strengths in your heart's direction ~ many FSU women seek the elusive man that you are.

[calmissile]

BillyB and Vaughn,
Thanks for the encouragment.  If your intersted in the details, the trip reports are filed on RUA under the private section with the titles 'Country Girl'.  Lots of photos also.

It is nice to hear some positive responses for a change on these threads

[Faux Pas]

calmissle


Congrats to you on having found what you were looking for. If you came to a forum to find someone in total agreement with you, it might take you awhile. Don't fret, you will find some but, no matter the subject you'll probably find many more that don't.


I'm not sure I understand your problem or is there one? Are you just laying a rule of thumb for others to follow? Regardless, keep in mind whats good for one guy is no good for the next. There are many different walks of life WM that look to the FSU and many are represented here at RWD.


In any event, congrats on the wonderful woman and her family. Keep in mind the advice on forums is usually worth every penny you paid for it. Take what you need and leave the rest.

[calmissile]

FauxPas,
The reason I made the post was to provide an example consistent with the topic heading.
Pros and cons.  Of course, it is not the answer for everyone. I also would not want to see guys turned off by reading the negative posts by people that have never experienced a relationship with a FSU woman with children.

[Ade]

5.  The arguments about discipline of the children pissed me off to the point that I am not going to dwell on it other than to say that I never suffered any ill affects from getting spankings and that included at least one from the Grade School Principal.  In no cases was I ever spanked when my parents were angry or out of control.  Perhaps this is one point overlooked in the arguments.  I really feel bad for the fellow that has nighmares about being spanked with a slipper.  I probably should also be having nightmares about the fat English teacher in High School that chased me all the way to the principals office with a yard stick in her hand.

Interesting comprehension problems you have there and if you have these issues with English, I'd say your problems will be many times magnified when it comes to a foreigner. Good luck with that. Still, seems pretty much par for the course amongst the MOB crowd.

For the record, nightmares were never mentioned.

To this day, one of the most vivid memories I have as a child is of my father chasing me up the stairs with a slipper in his hand and slapping me across the arse when he caught me. It didn't hurt much as far as I remember, but I, as a 6 or 7 year old, was absolutely terrified and that image remains with me to this day.

GET A LIFE!

  And how old are you again?

I guess you look up to this guy huh?

[2tallbill]

One additional item that you could discuss Ed, is the phenomena that the FSUW will always put her children first above the man, even when it is a trivial matter that doesn't affect the health and well being of the child.  It goes way beyond the normal situation of mother protecting her children.

100% of all women from every country on Earth will put their children first. If she has a teenage boy,
my advice is to forget about her and find someone else. 100% of teenage boys will have conflicts with
their fathers and 1399% will have serious conflicts with their stepfathers. This is baked into boy DNA at
the chimp/caveman level.

Girls will try to make their mothers cRaZy. This is all a natural part of birds leaving the nest. The birds
can't stay, they need to eventually move on. 

So if the woman is a superior candidate for marriage and the best woman you have ever dated
(but not having a teenage son) you have 10,000 conversations. What do we do if they talk back
to you, talk back to me? What happens if they are caught in a lie? What happens if we suspect
they are lying? what happens if they refuse to do their chores? What if __________________
(list of ten thousand things here). Maybe 10,000 is too short of a list because it's certainly not
too long.

Many men do NOT do this, they are divorced. I know so many, too many. Don't doubt me on
the stepson thing. I have experience with my first wife AND we adopted a boy.