So confused,, Ok experienced one's, I need advice!

[Mishenka]

yes very true, 

No confusion on falling in love vs being in love. We still care deeply for each other.   Strange that this thread has  turned from therapy Regarding Tanaya to therapy with Nadya.  I don't feel I could ever stop caring for her.

Thanks guys,

Misha

[ScottinCrimea]

So you knew Nadya for 4 months and were more deeply in love than you had ever been before.  At 4 months you are still in the whirlwind infatuation stage, not the true love stage, and I'm guessing that you were feeling "deeply in love" within the first couple of weeks and most likely within the first few minutes of the first time you had sex.  At this early stage of a relationship you are still chasing a fantasy and it's easy to fall in love with the fantasy instead of the reality of the other person. The problem is that her infatuation stage ended before yours did, just as in past relationships yours did before the woman's.  You were a man that she could fantasize with, but not love in the real world.  You mention that you still cares for each.  Don't confuse "caring about" with with love.

[Mishenka]

I find it amazing how many trained experts there are here.  So judgemental.

Nadya and I met Feb 1,  I ended it end of July. 7 months.   I feel like it took 3 months to break up because it was difficult and I struggled with her and this disorder so much.  I wasn't chasing a fantasy, it was all to real. We are not 17, we are  52/44, we were way past infatuation.   We know what we want in a relationship.  She trusted me to let me into her heart. This takes time.  She trusted me with her children, this is also HUGE and takes time.  We were still very attached and in love.  We knew each other better than most do after a year or more.  The shame in all this is Bi polar disorder. She felt no one could help her. I thought I could.  When it came down to it, I couldn't help her.  She gave up on trying to get help.  Why would I rush to her home during the night of the fires if I didn't still have deep feelings of love and concern?  I have not spoken with her since the end of July.  I did make a call at 3:30 Am the night of the fires to make sure she had evacuated when the fires came so close to her home. Thank God the winds blew south and the fires missed her home. 

The kids still would call after we broke up and talk to me using their mom's cell phone with her permission. We were friendly after we broke up, I chose not to call her anymore after July so we would both heal.  I asked her not to call me. She hasn't called since.  I don't expect her to call me, or expect to have a friendship. I believe that was the end with her and I, whats over is over.  Scott, Your guess is wrong. To get hormones raging you do have to have chemistry,, and that we had in great abundance,  she had zero self control when it came to sex.  One kiss is all it took.

I feel if we do happen to bump into each other face to face in public we won't avoid each other. We came to an understanding and that was it.  We had our hug goodbye, it was tender, and I'm sure we would share a hug hello if we meet again. Maybe even a kiss,  on the cheek!! not her lips.  I know better than to lock lips with her.   I am cautious now, so I don't frequent the places we spent time together. Although my Mother and sister live about a half mile from her house, Ive only seen her driving on the street twice.  Nadya had a huge effect that no other woman has ever had.

[ScottinCrimea]

All we can do is try to form conclusions and offer advice based on what is posted.  Sometimes we are dead on and sometimes we miss the mark.  Either way, we usually hit close enough to home that the wise person will do some introspection and focus on the things we got right rather than those that we got wrong.  It's amazing how so often the stories change or the wording is adjusted to make the unreasonable seem reasonable.  Sometimes it's just a clarification and sometimes it's just rationalization.  Only the poster can know for sure and only if he is honest with himself, which can often be a difficult thing.

Michael, I appreciate that you have seen our input as something not meant to be malicious and haven't taken the low road of striking back or just running away.  That tells me you are open-minded and thick skinned, two characteristics that are essential if you have any hope of succeeding with a RW.

[Mishenka]

Thank you Scott,  I do value all of your input and I agree many of the posts that all of you make here are spot on in some way or another. Some also jump to conclusions and could use more information before giving advice.  As always, I welcome comments.  I sort through what I feel is important and speaks to me the loudest. 

I continue to care about all of the women I have met and dated.  I have found that it is rarely possible to continue a friendship after a break up.  I don't call them and they don't call me. I found it typical of Russian women to want a man to chase her a little and may not call back unless he makes at least a few attempts.  As a business man I expect a call back,  if I don't get one,  I call once more and leave it up to them. In Nadya's case I had to ask her not to call me anymore.  She is a nurse, and I did Have pneumonia for that last 4 months so she would call and say "it's the nurse in me who is calling, how are you doing? "  Very cute but,  I know she was having just as hard a time letting me go as I was.  It caused more stress in my life. It is because of her knowledge in medicine that she chose the right anti biotics to kill this infection in my lungs.  I owe her big time and she knows it!  Sheis very astute, very brilliant mind and very loving person.  I know if it werent for the bi polar issue we would still be together.  Actually those were her exact words.   

Misha

[Misha]

Thank you Scott,  I do value all of your input and I agree many of the posts that all of you make here are spot on in some way or another. Some also jump to conclusions and could use more information before giving advice.  As always, I welcome comments.  I sort through what I feel is important and speaks to me the loudest. 

Maybe, but too often people aren't looking for good advice, they are simply looking for someone to validate what they believe. Simply put, rationalizing bad choices and looking for someone to pat them on the back.

[Simoni]

When a guy becomes interested in FSU women, he often buys into the marriage agency blurb that russian girls like american men because they are kind and gentle and sensitive and thus make better husbands than do the hard drinking, insensitive russian men.

Baloney!

That's not what a real russian girl wants at all.  She wants a MAN, not a puppy dog.

A friend of mine here at RWD PMed me the following...

"...when I began my search, I was way too trusting and
touchy-feely romantic, thinking that most RW would love such a guy when
the opposite is true. "

Exactly true.  The opposite is indeed correct.

So newbies, don't go in all wishy washy and indecisvie.  Take charge of the romance and be the man.