Im talking to my Moscow girlfriends mom. (translate)

[Boethius]

If any of it is real, it looks rather like to spoiled children competing to be the centre of attention.

No, it is just two young people, one of whom apparently wore his heart on his sleeve.  Don't you remember what it was like to be young, I/O?

The discussion is about the two of you. That's why we are here and we are here to help. At least some of us are here to help. This place certainly has it's share of toolboxes that doesnt offer up much in the way of solid advices.

Oh, please.  You are the father of two and you still believe you can solve, over the net, the relationship problems of two people you've never met, living half a world away, based on far fewer words than a freshman college essay?  

You thought he was a weak man because he asked your mom for her wishes because you are the only child and it's obvious that you are spoiled. So did the sex occur? With all these terrific vacations I would hope so.

She never stated this.

At 25 my dear you only have a few good years left and then you start to go downhill fast unless you are a sport woman and are engaged in some rigorous daily training program.

Idjots, you're only 25.  Most (not all, but most) men aren't mature enough to marry until they hit 30.  As evidenced by this board, for some it's even much, much later.  I suggest you travel, read, build your career.  Learn who you are, and then pursue a relationship.  Good luck.  It will happen for you when you're ready.

[BillyB]

BTW Billy, if you worry about a lady discussing you or anything about you with her friends, family or other, I suggest you quit on RW's. They discuss everything...!!

I/O, you got me mixed up with the people who do care about the woman's feelings who just dumped the OP. The OP should move on to someone with less drama and he himself need to create less drama in his own life too. There are women out there that tolerate their man's drunkeness, infidelity, gambling, or drug habits and to freak out over what just happened in this thread is ridiculous.

People who are so sensitive that they would snap over an issue like this are not going to get along with many people in their lives. If a guy meets a woman that is not tolerant or very forgiving, it will not be a question of if she will dump him, it'll be a question of when because everyone has faults if one wants to find those faults and let it bother them, they will live to be an unhappy person.

BTW, I can't quit on RW because they won't quit on me! I also know they talk a lot cause I was married to one. I have no problem if they are bragging about me behind my back. I once asked a RW if she is bragging to her friends about how great a guy I am. She said "No, I don't want them to steal you away from me." There are some things that should not be crossed in a relationship or marriage and one thing is speaking bad about the spouse/gf/bf behind their back. If one feels a need to speak poorly of their significant other, they need to get out of the relationship and find another significant other.

Who knows, maybe the woman who dumped the OP is a very tolerant person but wasn't into him and one/any minor incident who break them apart? Maybe it's a good thing it happened now. I certanly wouldn't want to live a life walking on the edge where a person is always threatening a breakup/divorce over every little thing.

[kievstar]

Is the OP and ex the same person? Are some regulars on the board playing around again?

[brave girl]

At 25 my dear you only have a few good years left and then you start to go downhill fast.......

It is the stupid joke?? 
If it is not    brave girl

[GregfromGa]

No, it is just two young people, one of whom apparently wore his heart on his sleeve.  Don't you remember what it was like to be young, I/O?

Oh, please.  You are the father of two and you still believe you can solve, over the net, the relationship problems of two people you've never met, living half a world away, based on far fewer words than a freshman college essay?  

She never stated this.

 



Idjots, you're only 25.  Most (not all, but most) men aren't mature enough to marry until they hit 30.  As evidenced by this board, for some it's even much, much later.  I suggest you travel, read, build your career.  Learn who you are, and then pursue a relationship.  Good luck.  It will happen for you when you're ready.

So Boethius, what makes you think I cant solve this problem? Why are you here? You've graced us with your presence for almost a year now and I for the love of all thing good and holy cannot think of one single post of the 940 or so that you can call your own that has had and relevance. As a matter of fact you always come across as a smart ass. Color me not impressed with you my dear and feel free to leave my quotes out of your useless replies. This guy needed good solid advice. He got it. And the thing is Boe, I dont know if you're a man or woman because nothing you've ever tattooed your name to has stood out. You want to talk about her kicking the guy to the curb. The OP caught a big break.

[GregfromGa]

It is the stupid joke?? 
If it is not    brave girl

Its quite true Mrs Brave girl. Now if you feel this statement is not true then feel free to lets see a photo of yourself rather than that silly avatar of the lady with the silly hat.

[Boethius]

You can't solve the problem because you don't know the individuals involved.  You don't know what really transpired between them.  There are always three stories - his, hers, and the truth.  We can only give suggestions based on what someone presents, and it was apparent this young lady no longer has a romantic interest in this young man.

As for all your "good solid advice", exactly what was it?  What I  observed, primarily, was an attack on the young lady, telling her she will only have a "few good years" left.  Is that your great advice?  That women have an expiration date like a jug of milk?  Or was it the profound statement that "(T)hese gals from the FSU can be very complex at times."?  Almost every human being is complex.  

You didn't provide good advice, other than to move on.  You then proceeded to slam a woman for no real reason, in a fairly sexist manner ("Oh, let's see if your mother is hot or fat, then I can judge whether you have any value.")  Is that really how you gauge human relations, or the worth of a human being?  Why not also suggest she post a scan of her teeth for a proper examination?

Yes, idjot should have been dumped for having his mother text this girl.  It is, as all you men like to point out repeatedly, a RED FLAG.  A man who doesn't tell his mother to butt out of his relationship, or worse, asks his mommy to text a girlfriend, is not mature enough to be married.  A woman knows that this type of dynamic means MIL problems in the future.  That is particularly important for a woman who will be leaving her family, her job, her city, her country, everything familiar, to build a life with a man surrounded by his family.

I can offer an opinion based on information provided, but I'm not stupid enough to believe I, or anyone else here, can solve a poster's personal problems.  Suggesting you can, particularly to, let's face it, a kid, is foolhardy and, frankly, reckless.

Ed's advice on this thread I think, hit the mark the best.  These are young people who dated, and it didn't work out.  I will stand by my comments to idjot to enjoy life now, and to mature a bit before he marries.  It will make life much easier for him and his future bride.

[I/O]

Is the OP and ex the same person? Are some regulars on the board playing around again?

Maybe or more likely IMO outsiders playing around.

No, it is just two young people, one of whom apparently wore his heart on his sleeve.

Maybe but I remain very skeptical. At 25 (at least in my world) one is very much responsible for their own actions, somewhat thought through actions at that. At first I was inclined to agree with you but as I read the post through again I concluded it was not difficult to see a guy throwing it all out there in desperation but it was difficult to understand him drawing her attention to such a means of it being thrown out there. Therefore my view remains, an attention seeking grab to which she, if either of them exist in the situation as described, responded in kind. I'll get the limelight so everyone will agree with me and you'll be wrong, no I'll get it and you'll be wrong. Rather like forums at times............  

If I am wrong, and honestly speaking, I would be very happy to be so in this example, then at least the two people may catch a clue from my comments, megaphone diplomacy is NOT the way to resolve relationship, much less marital (If it ever got to that stage) issues. IMO the internet and for that matter forums are a wonderful source of information but are not the place to directly resolve relationship issues.

Don't you remember what it was like to be young, I/O?

C'mon..!! I'm not that old.............yet. Returning to usual form, bluntly, any friends or family would've handed my butt to me in an instant if I'd gone sobbing to them at 25 (or less) over relationship issues, so yes I do remember.....................

I'm not stupid enough to believe I, or anyone else here, can solve a poster's personal problems.  Suggesting you can, particularly to, let's face it, a kid, is foolhardy and, frankly, reckless.

I agree and anyone wishing to have their problems solved by this means is also foolhardy and reckless.

and it was apparent this young lady no longer has an interest in this young man.

Again, I see it differently. If she was so "not interested" she would not have commented here. IMO this is all rubbish or a good ol' fashioned p!ss!ng match, not untypical of what we called a "Lovers Tiff".

[Boethius]

At 25 (at least in my world) one is very much responsible for their own actions, somewhat thought through actions at that. At first I was inclined to agree with you but as I read the post through again I concluded it was not difficult to see a guy throwing it all out there in desperation but it was difficult to understand him drawing her attention to such a means of it being thrown out there. Therefore my view remains, an attention seeking grab to which she, if either of them exist in the situation as described, responded in kind. I'll get the limelight so everyone will agree with me and you'll be wrong, no I'll get it and you'll be wrong. Rather like forums at times............  

I see your point of view, and perhaps you are right.   

If I am wrong, and honestly speaking, I would be very happy to be so in this example, then at least the two people may catch a clue from my comments, megaphone diplomacy is NOT the way to resolve relationship, much less marital (If it ever got to that stage) issues. IMO the internet and for that matter forums are a wonderful source of information but are not the place to directly resolve relationship issues.

Yes, I agree with this.

I agree and anyone wishing to have their problems solved by this means is also foolhardy and reckless.

I think it comes from uncertainty, not getting the answers one wants, and hoping against hope to find the "magic pill" that will make it all better.  I'll assume you agree he isn't ready for marriage?

Again, I see it differently. If she was so "not interested" she would not have commented here. IMO this is all rubbish or a good ol' fashioned p!ss!ng match, not untypical of what we called a "Lovers Tiff".

Yes, I agree the response means she is not indifferent to him.

[tfcrew]

Dr Phil anywhere...............? This thread is rubbish if ever I have seen it. BTW Billy, if you worry about a lady discussing you or anything about you with her friends, family or other, I suggest you quit on RW's. They discuss everything...!!

Not only that, but it all this went unreplied to for a month and then [whoever it was] dredged it back up.
Dr Phil couldn't help this one.

[I/O]

I think it comes from uncertainty, not getting the answers one wants, and hoping against hope to find the "magic pill" that will make it all better. 

We all hope for silver bullets in various aspects of life at some time or another, most often wealth creation (Take a look at how many lottery tickets are sold every day) but they rarely exist and are almost never found.

I'll assume you agree he isn't ready for marriage?

You know, I really don't know about that. If and it remains a big if IMO this situation is real, they, and I use they candidly, might actually be closer to ready than any of us would care to concede from a so called older and wiser position. At the end of the day, the reality is they are still communicating even if by the strangest means or tactics. If the communications were dead then dead is dead but in reality this might simply come down to a lovers tiff. People, during lovers tiffs, can do and say the most immature seeming things.

Let's assume for a moment this is real (I'm really struggling with that notion). You've tended to (Understandably) come down on the side of justifying her on the basis of his immature actions. Your view may be justified but look at another side for a moment. They have apparently spent considerable time together in many locations over quite a period. Assuming she is more mature, she should have picked up on his sensitivities,  especially those which may cause him to become so insecure he would go to extreme lengths to draw her attention to his misgivings about their relationship. Again, given this is real, I shoot 50/50 to two spoiled kids trying to grab attention by out smarting the other. A few weeks missing each other might actually jerk them both into realising the real value of each other and the BS might pale into insignificance.

Who knows? I sure as hell don't...........................

[Gylden]

First of all, you have known her for one year and have traveled with her/both families (maybe not on each trip) to Italy, Russia, Egypt, India, Sweden. When did you have time to see any other girls?

It is easy to see why her family supports you, if you are spending that kind of money on them.

Brave girl must be very uneasy to finally see someone with deep pockets. 

Honnor her wishes and stop bothering her, start over with your search and I think you know it (via the name you have chosen "iDjots") Try to get a little smarter about the way you present yourself and your apparent wealth, as it will ALLWAYS confuse matters if you don't use some common sense.

Best of luck to you!!

[BillyB]

you have known her for one year and have traveled with her/both families (maybe not on each trip) to Italy, Russia, Egypt, India, Sweden. When did you have time to see any other girls?

It is easy to see why her family supports you, if you are spending that kind of money on them.

This thread should serve as another example that expensive, exotic trips does little to win a woman's heart. The trips should be saved for a woman that you're in love with and she's in love with you. Fiancee and wife preferably.

If the OP didn't take his lady on so many trips, he would've been dumped sooner to his benefit. He'd be out of that loveless relationship sooner and saved his money for a woman that is more deserving. A relationship built over a years time was not strong enough to withstand one little incident on the internet. The woman didn't love the OP. The OP can help himself by learning to identify the various types of women out there that's not compatible with him or making little progress with and do some of the dumping himself instead of waiting to get dumped while waisting months or years on a woman he had no business associating with.

[GregfromGa]

This thread should serve as another example that expensive, exotic trips does little to win a woman's heart. The trips should be saved for a woman that you're in love with and she's in love with you. Fiancee and wife preferably.

If the OP didn't take his lady on so many trips, he would've been dumped sooner to his benefit. He'd be out of that loveless relationship sooner and saved his money for a woman that is more deserving. A relationship built over a years time was not strong enough to withstand one little incident on the internet. The woman didn't love the OP. The OP can help himself by learning to identify the various types of women out there that's not compatible with him or making little progress with and do some of the dumping himself instead of waiting to get dumped while waisting months or years on a woman he had no business associating with.

This is an excellent post.

[iDjots]

Thank you all again for showing all interest in this discusion.
As i said before i wish to show my respect to Feya and not make this a bigger deal then it is.
So this is my last message here.

I said goodbye to her and wished her goodluck in finding a man that will make her happy and bring her a good life. I still don't know what happened. My theory is that she was not mature enough and not ready to leave everything she has in her current life, and was probably not ready to build a family yet. She might be ready in a couple of years.
Her choice was to stop caring and stop putting energy in our relationship. It is amazing how our mind works, we can put love aside and decide not love when its right in front of us. We loved eachother greatly and matched eachother perfectly. We had plans for the future. I even got her a great position on a bank here in Sweden with connections to Russia. We shared good moments and bad moments.
I think she knew that she would've a wonderlife life here. Still you have to be brave and you have take the chances, and you have to deserve it.
Some people just want to live their ordinary life's and not to risk it and i respect that.

Me i am fine and will find a wonderful woman to share my life and travels with again. I'm actually happy i did not go further with this, I'm walking out like a winner of this relationship.

I am amazed how close you all are in your theory's.  Goodwork guys. Someday I'll be wise and smart like you guys.
Take care and may life treat you well.

[GQBlues]

Well, always look at the bright, you're in Sweden and it's still heralded as one of the Top 10 Cities full of beautiful women. They even used Swedish lovelies as an example on the page by showing 4 of them.  

So many women, so little time.....Danish, Swede, and Dutch...yum

[CanadaMan]

Well, always look at the bright, you're in Sweden and it's still heralded as one of the Top 10 Cities full of beautiful women.

Yeah, just ask Tiger Woods! 

(Not sure about Sweden being a city though)

[GQBlues]

(Not sure about Sweden being a city though)

Ha-hah! now if only I can find where I put the words 'side' and 'having', then life will be grand. 

[rambler]

Jeeesh -  Look I was talking to my wife's Cousin all the way through half a dozen impetuous bust ups and time outs, before we were married.... now she is an angel bc she has the security she was looking for....

Faint heart never won fair maiden.

You always need a go between

Never giving  up is not the same as biding your time.

Are you cutting your losses or throwing away your investment?

Russian girls get pissed off like anyone else and they expect you show some backbone and get them un pissed off. - fast.

Here's what you do.

Wait....  in  few weeks months whatever you might get a sms, a call from Mom whatever...then

Book yourself and her into the Swisotel Moscow. Make sure you tell reception to give her a key.
Let her arrive several hours before you.
Send her for a sauna and swim in the 3rd floor before you arrive.

Tell her to be there in your room when you arrive. Arrive at 2 am.

Have Champagne on the 36th flr bar, propose, present a ring, set a date for the wedding 3 months later and let me know if that solves the problem.

You may 6 occasions when you are positive that it is all over.  No,  It is just a drama. Get back in the saddle - the same saddle....

She is obviously VERY pissed off that you talked about marriage and did not as far as I can tell propose, with a ring and name a date.  Very pissed off, and rightly so.  In Russia you make up your mind, propose and marry in 3 months.  You can take a while to make up your mind but don't hang around and tell her you are figuring whether she is too small a fish to keep and you might be throwing her back in the lake to see if you can land a bigger one. Whaddya expect!!?

R