..." Relationships are a lot of work regardless of age,' says Psychologist Robin Kevles-Necowitz, a parenting and couples counselor. 'Dating someone with an age gap just adds another level of potential conflict. Couples who have maturity in the area of relationships, regardless of their chronological age, will confront the age gap with the same grace and skill they address all potential areas of conflict they may face.'
Issues of potential concern in age gap relationships and strategies for dealing with them proactively:
- Do you share common interests? Couples don't have to enjoy all the same activities, love all the same restaurants and watch all the same television programs, but without at least something in common, the relationship will be more difficult to sustain, regardless of differences in age. Consider both of your ages when planning dates together. There's bound to be a happy medium between mountain biking and opera if the two of you can't agree. Be fair in your relationship. Take turns engaging in one another's interests and discover new activities that you both enjoy.
- Have you discussed the issue of having children? Age gaps can play a significant role in parenting, perhaps more so than in the dating itself. If the older of the partners already has children, the younger partner may face slight difficulty assuming a parental role" especially if the children are not far off in age. For those who do not have children but wish to have them, several factors may come into play involving overall health of the couple and the joint ability to procreate. If possible, couples should address this very important matter prior to marriage.
- How do your lifestyles differ? Geographically, economically, stylistically'many factors contribute to form a working partnership. One's demographics can truly make or break a relationship. Though seemingly superficial, education level, socioeconomic status, occupation and other demographic characteristics may either ease or put strain on a relationship. Living arrangements may pose a problem if the couple cannot agree on a place to settle down. Being a night owl living with a morning person and vice versa may also cause relationship stress. To best discover your lifestyle compatibility, take the time to learn about each other's differences and go for a test run by living together before taking the plunge into marriage.
- Do you share the same morals and values? As you grow together, you will find that the ability to have good conversation becomes increasingly important. If two partners forever find themselves disagreeing on moral issues, unnecessary tension may creep into the relationship. In the best interests of the union, ascertain your individual positions on any important issues honestly and up front.
- Let's not forget about the aging process' Many things change with age, from physical appearance to mobility, sex drive, health, even preferences for pastimes and activities. Realize that the older partner may lose interest in certain things he or she formerly enjoyed and his or her health may also begin to deteriorate, requiring more of an effort from the other partner. And as much as we would all love to avoid it, death does become a very sad reality as people age. Couples should talk openly about the future, even about death, realizing that the younger partner and children may be left alone if one partner is significantly older.
Perhaps the best approach to maintaining a happy and enduring relationship within age gap situations involves listening to your partner's desires and needs, expressing your own needs and finding a healthy, livable balance between the two. Don't be afraid to get creative. Don't leave adventure out of the question. If you and your partner truly share a deep love for one another, with great communication and a little bit of compromise, the rest should fall securely into place".
Olga.
