Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[kievstar]

This girl will continue to drink and party.  I dated a girl like this for fun in Kiev for almost two years and she was 30 years old.  When I looked for a serious girl, I dumped her and bought her an apartment so she could continue her fun ways.  You do not change party girls.

If you live in Milwaukee area you know that Milwaukee (top 25 city in USA population) has more bars per person than any city in the World.  People from Milwaukee and Chicago drink more than any city over 100,000 you will find in Ukraine.  Men here get wasted often.  You married a party girl and took her to party land. If you live outside of Milwaukee in Wisconsin maybe worse as nothing to do.

Doll, I was going to help him by introdcuing his wife to the huge Russian population in Glendale and Whitefish Bay.  But based on what he just wrote I will not.  These Russians do not like the sport hunting Russian men  that Groove talked about above.  This girl is just fresh meat for these RM.  

I was wrong to post about keyboard logger but once a man comes on RWD asking about trust his marriage is over.  He now needs to realize he will be giving 60% of his assest to her and child support for 20 years.  Unless he accepts her behavior.

[GQBlues]

Reactionary tendencies? I will not apologize either for believing that certain morals should be upheld. I will not apologize for my belief that married men should not be out to the wee hours of the night with other women, and that women should not be out partying with men (regardless of whether they drink or not) leaving their baby and husband at home.

Predictably, my case in point. Who was asking you for an apology? I made a statement regarding how you instantly react to certain situation on little information to go on which parallels reactions of really insecure men ~ you do.

If you're wife went out with her friends one night, and for some unforeseen circumstances she wasn't able to come home as scheduled, or worst came home the next day - would have PM'd Muddy to get information on those keyloggers before she had an opportunity to explain?

Do I trust my wife? Yes, absolutely. I also value my wife for her behavior and her values.

I'm happy to hear that you do. That was my point.

[Misha]

I agree that drinking 24/7 is absurd, yet your use of the word "sadly" makes you seem judgmental, perhaps sanctimonious.  

I believe we have had this conversation before. You are right, I did find the right woman for me. If my wife would have been drinking 24/7 when we met, I would quickly have moved on.

If people want to drink (and drink, and drink) that is their choice. However, the problem is when a man marries a woman who exhibits certain traits before marriage and expects her to magically change just because she slips on a wedding ring. They will be invariably disappointed. Until proven to the contrary, I hold that you cannot change another person, as you can only change herself. Reading between the lines, it seems that the OP tried to change his wife, and tried to have her partying less. As I would expect, it does not seem to be working.

So, the moral of the story is that if you want a woman who does not drink and party (or anything else) after marriage, choose a woman who doesn't do it when you are dating.

Also, I will be judgmental and will state that I believe that a mother and father who drink too much will be detrimental to the well-being of a child. Sure, there will be countless examples to the contrary and we can quibble over how much is too much, but that is what I believe and I have yet to see any evidence to the contrary.

[Muddy]

If you're wife went out with her friends one night, and for some unforeseen circumstances she wasn't able to come home as scheduled, or worst came home the next day - would have PM'd Muddy to get information on those keyloggers before she had an opportunity to explain?

I have received at least 37 messages about keyloggers in the last 10 days, I dont answer private message about the keyloggers pal.
 

[Misha]

If you're wife went out with her friends one night, and for some unforeseen circumstances she wasn't able to come home as scheduled, or worst came home the next day - would have PM'd Muddy to get information on those keyloggers before she had an opportunity to explain?

You really want to link me with Muddy and his keyloggers. Will it make you feel better?

You see, if my wife or I can't come back home as scheduled, we have cell phones. There are times when I have been out will colleagues and my wife and I will agree as to when I will call her (she hates being home late at night alone). Likewise, if she is out late at night, she will call if she is going to return later than planned. Where exactly is the problem? As for my wife coming home the next day: she never has, and I never come home later than 11:30.

[GQBlues]

I have received at least 37 messages about keyloggers in the last 10 days, I dont answer private message about the keyloggers pal.
 

Not surprisingly, LOL.

You see, if my wife or I <snip>

Hmmm Misha, didn't think I really had to explain unforeseen circumstances. But no matter...

[BC]

My wife is lively and I relish such personalities.  She really enjoys a party, so she goes out with her friends 1-2 times per week.  When with RW, she comes home the latest (2 am). 

The difference from the OP’s wife:

-  My wife goes out with women friends, not men friends.
-  Almost all of her friends are married.
-  She calls me frequently and makes me speak to the other RW.

Gator,

She goes out.. that's all you know..

What you don't see, you don't worry about..

Is your wife a closet lesbian?

... of course not to all of the above.. you trust and that makes a universe of difference.

point made?

[Misha]

Hmmm Misha, didn't think I really had to explain unforeseen circumstances. But no matter...

You seem to be the expert on this matter. Give me examples of unforeseen circumstances where you would not have access to either a phone or a cell phone. Again, one can always find excuses for being inconsiderate.

[Doll]

if my wife were married to you she would be bored to death.

I would kill myself! 

[AnastassiaAsh]

Predictably, my case in point. Who was asking you for an apology? I made a statement regarding how you instantly react to certain situation on little information to go on which parallels reactions of really insecure men ~ you do.

If you're wife went out with her friends one night, and for some unforeseen circumstances she wasn't able to come home as scheduled, or worst came home the next day - would have PM'd Muddy to get information on those keyloggers before she had an opportunity to explain?

I'm happy to hear that you do. That was my point.

GQBlues, I think you are reading too much into Misha's words and are coming to wrong conclusions. I think Misha is not paranoid or overly cautious or a control freak. Not at all. It's just reasonable thinking and sticking to the values. If his wife went out with her friends, Misha would worry a little but that wouldn't be about trust between two of them. You are overstating it. I personally totally see this. I never go out late with anybody, leave alone with men. I don't go out at all by myself, only with my husband or mom, and that happens pretty rarely, once every 2-3 months. Married life with children is not a party, it's mostly work and responsibility, even on week-ends.

Gator, wow, I didn't really expect it, you guys have three kids if i am not mistaken...surprised, surprised, she is probably missing communication with Russian women a lot! 

[Doll]

Being drunk 24/7 does not sound real. I don't believe OP in this regard.

[GoodOlBoy]

GoodOlBoy would like to talk about the word "partying".

Call me "old fashion", BUT...Partying to me means going out with your men and women friends (maybe with your spouse, if you are married) and having a good time.

Correct me if I am wrong, BUT...I consider what the OP's wife is doing is dating, NOT partying.

She is going out on "dates" with single men (Russian?) and doing whatever all hours of the day and night and inviting them over to the house when the husband is not around (the coast is clear Sergei  :evil:).

I think the word "partying" is used in a very broad brush stroke today to condone all kinds of bad behavior.  


GOB


BTW....I would hate to be this womens baby, no milk all weekend....I would be pissed off!.......or worse yet....breast milk with alcohol in it?  :evil:

[Misha]

I would kill myself! 

That's okay, I would never have married you 

[GQBlues]

You seem to be the expert on this matter. Give me examples of unforeseen circumstances where you would not have access to either a phone or a cell phone. Again, one can always find excuses for being inconsiderate.

Getting abducted my martians is certainly a good example....

Anastassia,

I disagree. As you can see, I haven't even arrived to any conclusion regarding Misha. I doubt Martians fly over Canada to abduct anyone..

As for people doing what they do, when they do, how they do...we are not all alike. Being different doesn't make it either right or wrong however.

[Misha]

If his wife went out with her friends, Misha would worry a little but that wouldn't be about trust between two of them.

Of course. If my wife told me that she was supposed to be home by 11 and she was not in by 12 without calling, I would be worried. Car accidents do happen, along with a variety of other unpleasant things 

[Doll]

That's okay, I would never have married you 

OK. I am relieved now 

[Doll]

I felt like i was back in Ukraine with her being drunk 24/7 and my life here in america is full of responsibility with children and work and life in ukraine was filled with good friends and non stop parties...and what seemed like no responsibilities,  just like she had done ALL weekend.

So she was drunk all the time back in Ukraine? You married the girl who was continuously partying?  Don't get it.
You say children- plural. Do you have more than one?

[JR]

The OP asked if we feel his wife is cheating on him. There is no definative answer in the chat log but it doesn't look good. If she hasn't yet she will. Her behavior, if continued will lead to that.

So OP, she may or may not have cheated yet but she will!

And if you don't understand that you have bigger problems than that then you are doomed and no one can help you. 

[Doll]

There is nothing wrong in this chat though if she parties a lot then- maybe.
Come on, guys, we don't know much enough to judge.
How old is OP? And she? Who are the children he mentioned?

[JR]

There is nothing wrong in this chat though if she parties a lot then- maybe.
Come on, guys, we don't know much enough to judge.
How old is OP? And she? Who are the children he mentioned?

The child is one year old. The mother is already leaving to party overnight with men. Saying "maybe" is an understatement in my book. If she doesn't consent she'll probably get raped at some point.

[BillyB]

So OP, she may or may not have cheated yet but she will!
 

Willingly or unwillingly that is a possibility. If the OP asked his wife what she did last night and she answers "I don't remember, I was too drunk", that is a very bad answer.

There are Russian men in the States that understand some American men are marrying out of their league and their RW wives are not happy or attracted to their husbands and can easily be tempted by a handsome and exciting RM who shows up at the club. So what's the big deal of a night of ecstasy outside of the marriage? Pick up a disease, expensive and painful divorce, an unborn baby aborted so the husband doesn't find out or a child born that the husband may have to support till adulthood even if it's not his.

The OP's wife's actions of late is unacceptable. Ask your wife how'd she feel if she caught you writing "The wife will leave and I will be alone " to another woman or even worse....another man! She, especially if she's a RW, will be much less forgiving than many of the posters here.

[Doll]

The child is one year old. The mother is already leaving to party overnight with men. Saying "maybe" is an understatement in my book. If she doesn't consent she'll probably get raped at some point.

Her husband seems to be OK. What if it is her first time she got away from the baby?

[BillyB]

Her husband seems to be OK.

Doll, you are failing to understand that the OP's marriage is in danger of dissolving and he's looking for answers to the point he's talking about it on a public forum and snooping through the wife's mail and probably other things. He's not OK.

[JR]

Her husband seems to be OK. What of it is her first time she got away from the baby?

Home is where the heart is...her heart is not in this marriage or her child.

It may be her first time or tenth time. The OP didn't state. But one thing is certain: it isn't the first time she gave thought to it. This came from planning. Planning comes from desire. Desire comes from lack of fullfillment. Lack of fullfillment comes from......etc. etc.

The child needs to be protected. That is all I see.

[Doll]

Doll, you are failing to understand that the OP's marriage is in danger of dissolving and he's looking for answers to the point he's talking about it on a public forum and snooping through the wife's mail and probably other things. He's not OK.

I am not failing to understand that- I am failing to understand what is going on in this family, why he married the girl who was a party girl, why he let her go with her friends. He asks these questions here though he watch his wife do what she does.
In this regard - yes, I am failing, you're right