Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[Jooky]

all im giving since the beginning of the topic is examples of what could be going on

Exactly the same as what I'm doing, so why are you arguing with me?  

Here's all I posted when all of a sudden I'm accused of not comprehending Russian (and told that the words 'hot tub' don't appear in this conversation, by a 'native speaker'

Nothing direct about cheating, I agree. She's talking to one party guy about a friend who passed out in the car and another guy whose house she left her dress at, probably where she spent the night. She invites him over to hot tub while her husband is away. Wink wink. Typical party girl stuff. Doesn't sound good to me. Really, who knows? Half of the conversation is missing.

if it was keylogger, does it mean she told herself to go to hell?

If it was a keylogger it could easily mix her conversations with two different people.

[BillyB]

I believe the OP indeed overreacted....

It doesn't matter if we think the OP over reacted. At a minimum he reacted to his wife's activities and behavior in this one incident not to mention maybe more in the past. The wife is looking over his shoulder constantly now. This is not the behavior of an innocent woman. His marriage is in DANGER because he can't live with whatever she's doing whether innocent or guilty. It doesn't matter what the RW posters are saying there's a very good chance the wife did not commit adultery. What matter's is the OP needs to have a talk with his wife. She can change her behavior to give him peace of mind and strengthen the marriage or she can continue to live life the way she wants stressing out her husband and putting herself in a vulnerable position to pick up a disease and passing it along to her family or getting pregnant. I have no doubt the RM party boys friends or another guy at the club would take her to bed the moment she lets her guard down. There's always guys at the club looking for women to F.

[Link]

I have been reading the posts here and in my personal opinion I do not like what's going on with her wife behaviour.
The best recommendation I could give to our man Jooky is: trust your gut instinct and do not allow yourself to be played for a fool. I could be very wrong on this but there are many things (hot tube, many guys and only 1 married woman, everything did at the husbands back, etc) that are very disturbing.  

There a lot of nasty and unscrupulous guys out there who will not respect a married woman, and will take her to bed if they can (especially if she's young and good looking), more even if the woman puts the ideal scenario and does not respect herself (hot tube only with male friends, drunk in a club, alone with many guys, leaving a forgotten dress, etc). This guy needs some peace in his mind and he cannot have it until his "wife" starts behaving in a non suspicious way.

[GQBlues]

It doesn't matter if we think the OP over reacted.

Well it matters to me. You folks had already gathered a lynching mob solely based in your own insecurities. The only thing left to do really is get the OP to do actual hanging.

One of the problems I see in these relationship are men who seriously lack any social skills and comprehension and thus looking for a woman to marry living from another culture. They have this pervasive inability to relate with women for a sustained relationship. That's why they are so adverse to dating at home, even RWs already living here. There's an opportunity for local women to actually witness these men's social skills during the course of dating before taking the plunge. They socially do not fit. That is more true than otherwise.

The OP over-reacted. He needs to get over is own insecurities pronto or this woman is definitely going to agree with her Mom's opinion. He's destroying the relationship with his wife who would defend her marriage to him to her own mother.

[GoodOlBoy]

The OP over-reacted.

Yes, Yes, Sculpto GQ.

But what to do with the "drunken" wife/mother who stays out all night with other men?

AND.....Lets not forget she invites "strange" men to their home, with his baby there? 


GOB

[Faux Pas]

Well it matters to me. You folks had already gathered a lynching mob solely based in your own insecurities. The only thing left to do really is get the OP to do actual hanging.

One of the problems I see in these relationship are men who seriously lack any social skills and comprehension and thus looking for a woman to marry living from another culture. They have this pervasive inability to relate with women for a sustained relationship. That's why they are so adverse to dating at home, even RWs already living here. There's an opportunity for local women to actually witness these men's social skills during the course of dating before taking the plunge. They socially do not fit. That is more true than otherwise.

The OP over-reacted. He needs to get over is own insecurities pronto or this woman is definitely going to agree with her Mom's opinion. He's destroying the relationship with his wife who would defend her marriage to him to her own mother.

GQ it would appear to me that you've had a serious overreaction to everyone's overreaction  The OP's wife has pretty much been labeled a slut by most here thats true. It's based on a preponderance of the evidence. The only defense for her came from the same source as the accusation. Her husband, and, he agreed that she could go. We have pretty much zero on the OP for information other than he "may or may not" be a Muddy fan and using a keylogger. Doesn't strike me as a completely bad guy because he 1) took care of the child and 2) is worried about his marriage. Attempting to fit him in your description of the social leper really doesn't apply here does it?

[Gator]

I'd be willing to bet the guy is using a keylogger.. records what she types but can't record replies. All chat programs I know of log both sides of the conversation.  Many internet chatrooms that don't need a program installed also don't keep logs.  

He didn't just 'stumble' across the chat innocently.

Lets say that at least my impression of the guy just went rapidly downhill.  She hid nothing, had consent to take the trip, they got drunk, crashed, she missed the bus but found a couple of guys at the party that would drive her back home.  The OP on the other hand is snooping around while she is gone sneaking to RWD at work to find out what his stinky pinky smells like.

A flash of brilliance after 17 pages.  Thanks BC.

The OP never said it was Skype.


hii98 and his wife deserve each other.   Don't blame just her or just him.  They are both culpabale, assuming the worse scenario.

It would be simple if there were no children.  Alas, they have a baby.  What a potential mess.

Muddy, is this one of your key logging buddies?  Or is it you under a different pseudonym?

[BillyB]

One of the problems I see in these relationship are men who seriously lack any social skills and comprehension and thus looking for a woman to marry living from another culture.

When it comes to marriage like these, there are TWO PEOPLE  who married into a different culture. It's not the only man's fault. Why does it have to be a fault? there are many good things about other cultures.

I've spent over 3 years with my ex fiancee mostly apart. I never sweated that she may be going out with other men. That's why I stayed with her so long. I trusted her. Every other day I called, she was never in an environment where there are music playing in the background except if it was in her home. She never answered the phone drunk although she does drink beer in small quantities. I could go on and on about her behavior patterns but it's her who earned my trust over time.

 I'm not talking about the OP getting his way. It's about protecting the family and family comes first. One night of infidelity willingly or unwillingly can hurt a lot of people. The OP can talk to his wife and get her into a family mode or he can resort back to his bad boy party mode where everyone is for themselves when he goes on those business trips as payback. As it stands now, the wife is happy when the husband is gone and the husband feels he didn't get a fair deal when he gave up his bad boy ways for the marriage life. He might have once went to bed with another guys wife. Now it hurts to know someone may be going to bed with his wife. Maybe deep down he knows how fast his wife can go to bed with a stranger at a club because it could be how they met.

[Misha]

One of the problems I see in these relationship are men who seriously lack any social skills and comprehension and thus looking for a woman to marry living from another culture.

It is too bad that we don't have more Russian men posting on the forum. I sure would like to know how the average Russian husband would react under the exact same circumstances  :evil: Something tells me he would not be greeting his wife with a kiss on the cheek and asking her how her date night out with the boys went.

[groovlstk]

As it stands now, the wife is happy when the husband is gone and the husband feels he didn't get a fair deal when he gave up his bad boy ways for the marriage life. He might have once went to bed with another guys wife. Now it hurts to know someone may be going to bed with his wife. Maybe deep down he knows how fast his wife can go to bed with a stranger at a club because it could be how they met.

According to what little the OP has said about his situation, that feeling is mutual.

[GoodOlBoy]

Something tells me he would not be greeting his wife with a kiss on the cheek and asking her how her date night out with the boys went.

Hey Misha.

You left out the "drunken wife" part of the story.

Example: Something tells me he (RM) would not be greeting his drunken wife with a kiss on the cheek and asking her how her date night out with the boys went. :evil:


GOB


BTW....Your right about one thing Misha, she wouldn't be pulling this cr*p with a Russian husband.

[BC]

Yes, Yes, Yes Sculpto GQ.

But what to do with the "drunken" wife/mother who stays out all night with other men?

AND.....Brings "strange" men to his home, with his baby there?


GOB

Objection your Honor.. Heresay

Why don't we just stick to the facts:

1. She discussed going to wherever to get together with friends.
2. He agreed and himself wanted a little break.
3. She overdid the partying
4. She called hubby to let him know she'd be late and had found two willing males to drive her back.
5. She got back home either still intoxicated or well hung over.
6. He has been monitoring her communications for an unknown period of time possibly installing device or software during her absence.
7. He has only partial information and asked for help here to figure it out
8. The evidence presented is inconclusive, native speakers leaning toward dumb talk, others irrefutable proof of wrongdoing.
9. The evidence presented may likely be from a chatroom with one or many individuals involved, male and/or female
10. It is not known who was at the party whether participation was all male, female or mixed.

Out of the basic facts, I read that the guy started worrying when she announced the delayed return, set up a keylogger since he knew she chatted a lot with the folks she was visiting and ended up with dubious results.  If he had been monitoring before, he would likely have been able to provide more than this one chat session.  Chats leading up to the trip would have been interesting, but he's probably still trying to monitor and just doesn't have a good chance to retrieve data or device since she's home all the time, can't drive and can't fly.  Hunnie, why don't you walk down to the 7/11 and get me a 6pack.. it's only 10 miles..

He got 'spooked' and that's about it.. definitely overreacted with snooping around that just exacerbated his anxiety.

But yeah, go ahead and prepare your pyre with glee.. or draw and quarter.. how about flay alive for better visuals? Maybe make the kid watch as a warning, so that it doesn't pass down to the next generation.

What a big deal over nuthin.. I'm outa this thread until something of real substance comes along.

 

[Jooky]

C'mon BC, you can't say 'stick the facts' and then make up 'facts' of your own.

4. She called hubby to let him know she'd be late and had found two willing males to drive her back.

Where did the original poster say this? I just reread his posts and I don't see it.

6. He has been monitoring her communications for an unknown period of time possibly installing device or software during her absence.

Possibly, but we don't know this. It's not a fact. He says he 'found' this conversation.

8. native speakers leaning toward dumb talk

Some native lean towards dumb talk. Other native speakers say this is bad behavior and there is most likely cheating going on. Mies stated that if the situation was reversed (her husband inviting female friends over while she wasn't around) it could possibly be a deal breaker.

9. The evidence presented may likely be from a chatroom with one or many individuals involved, male and/or female

A chatroom? Why is that likely? Pure conjecture and not a fact.

Out of the basic facts...

Then you throw in your own interpretation, just like everyone else. Where did she announce her delayed return? I seriously don't see this in his posts.

I agree though, big deal over nothing. There's just not enough information given.

[Misha]

BTW....Your right about one thing Misha, she wouldn't be pulling this cr*p with a Russian husband.

Reading some of the comments, I now understand why some RW will see a foreigner as a foolish лох easily manipulated, deceived and fleeced  :evil:

[Jooky]

In rereading the original post, trying to find where BC's claims come from I noticed that the original poster says:

she just left for the weekend to visit her russian guy friends

on a Tuesday! But maybe he meant "she just spent the weekend visiting her russian guy friends"?

Also, now I see the confusion over the quoted "slushayu poshla ty na...."

The conversation about her mom is a second conversation that started an hour after the first conversation ended. By the way, the original poster didn't mention it was a Skype conversation, it's mentioned in the conversation itself.

[Muddy]

BTW....Your right about one thing Misha, she wouldn't be pulling this cr*p with a Russian husband.

Thats because there are too many weak idiots(foriegners), one of morons who posts here even calls himself the DEFENER OF RUSSIAN WOMEN!

[GQBlues]

GQ it would appear to me that you've had a serious overreaction to everyone's overreaction   The OP's wife has pretty much been labeled a slut by most here thats true. It's based on a preponderance of the evidence. The only defense for her came from the same source as the accusation. Her husband, and, he agreed that she could go. We have pretty much zero on the OP for information other than he "may or may not" be a Muddy fan and using a keylogger. Doesn't strike me as a completely bad guy because he 1) took care of the child and 2) is worried about his marriage. Attempting to fit him in your description of the social leper really doesn't apply here does it?

Faux Pas-

It isn't an over-reaction on my part. Unlike the thread, there's ample enough 'evidence' here to support that observation. People jump to their own conclusions regarding this story.

You can also take KenC and ScottinCrimea's saga to further support that assertion. There were men rabid enough to accuse their respectives wives of being GCGs all along. It didn't matter that those two men were telling the audience their own take(s) in their respective marriages. Men jumped to damning conclusion based on nothing and despite the presence of information from Ken and Scott.

She went to visit friends living in Chicago. Inadvertently, she got drunk. Folks already made her out as a career alcoholic who's been doing this every weekend since she crossed POE.

I never said the OP was a bad guy. I said he over-reacted. I also said he is insecure. Why else would you think this woman would defend her relationship and marriage to the OP to her own mother and share that little skit in the monologue with her alleged hoser. Does that make sense to you?

One of the scanario folks need to embrace is this possibility. Men are feeding this man's insecurities which may undoubtedly and wrongly feed his fear and could potentially end a relationship with a woman who actually do LOVE him.

[groovlstk]

Thats because there are too many weak idiots(foriegners), one of morons who posts here even calls himself the DEFENER OF RUSSIAN WOMEN!

Muddy, here's my original quote that you have misinterpreted twice, now:

I've been a big defender of RM on here whenever the old cliches about alcoholics and abusers...

I know I'm SIMPLE and NAIVE, but unlike you I certainly know the difference between a Russian man and a Russian woman.

By the way, last night I watched Two Mules for Sister Sarah and stayed awake during the end credits to see if you had a role.

[kievstar]

One thing I have noticed the RW on RWD all had different translations into English on what was written which has given us foreign men different meanings on what went on.  I translated it myself this morning and I would have answered differently on prior posts.  I did not think the writing was from skype or icq and just assumed the OP only showed what his wife wrote.  I had no idea key logger only shows what was written by the wife.

From the womens point of view I think the OP did three things wrong (the RW did things wrong also):

1. Married a young girl not ready for marriage.  He thought her partying (OP did mention 24/7 drinking) would go away because he was rescuing her by bringing her to the USA.  Party girls do not change over night.  

2. OP puts work over family.  Travelling around for business and not teaching her how to drive and giving her a car.  She is bored and came across RM who want to have fun with her. He should have quit his work and stopped travelling.  OP said she could not travel within the country legally - this makes no sense to me unless he brought her across the Mexican border and never got her a visa.

3. No experience in dating women.  He was a desperate man who married a woman who knew had issues he did not like.  You see this a lot.  Foreign man marries a RW based on his lower head.  Has to do this since young attractive women are out of his league.  Gator talks about chemistry a lot over looks.  This guy went just for the looks.  

Do not assume this girl lives in a village.  Based on taking bus from Chicago to Wisconsin she probably lives in an areas of 2 million people including more than 30,000 Russian born. But with no car might as well be in Siberia.

Would be nice if the OP could write his story on here - 1st meeting up until now.  I think a lot can be learned.  There are mistakes by the RW and RM.  But she is not happy in the relationship and wants out.  It is well known in Chicago and Milwaukee area that many RW and RM marry.   The families who now live in America want this.  No different than the Arabs in Detroit.  5 years from now this girl will be back in her home country or married to a RM living in USA.  

 

[GoodOlBoy]

By the way, last night I watched Two Mules for Sister Sarah and stayed awake during the end credits to see if you had a role.

Let me guess.....The 2nd "mule" for Sister Sarah was Ambach ?


GOB

[Gator]

By the way, last night I watched Two Mules for Sister Sarah and stayed awake during the end credits to see if you had a role.

 

Let's be fair.  Muddy did not receive his full credentials as a mule.  A fully certified mule would not have sent his woman back to Ukraine. Instead he would have kept her around the house until she implemented her escape plan.  

All Muddy did was pay for visa petition expenses, pay for her flights, suffer the embarrassment of telling everyone he made a mistake, and use one of his two K-1 allotments. I forgot the cost of key logging software.

[BillyB]

One of the scanario folks need to embrace is this possibility. Men are feeding this man's insecurities which may undoubtedly and wrongly feed his fear and could potentially end a relationship with a woman who actually do LOVE him.

Thats a scenario, but here's a fact, the marriage is in danger because the wife is prone to putting herself in a vulnerable position to be taken advantage of by males. Action needs to happen and it's not going to be initiated by the wife.

If the OP installed a keyboard logger way before this incident, that tells me there could be other incidences that's got him worked up. He never understood the mumbo jumbo that she typed and as a last resort came here for a translation. Smiley face when he's gone is enough to tell her feelings for him. I don't think she loves him. What spouse in their right mind talks like that to friends unless it's the truth. He's stressing. The marriage needs a fix.

[Muddy]

Let me guess.....The 2nd "mule" for Sister Sarah is Ambach ?


GOB

LOL
The images are funny! 

Gator, the expenses were nothing, it was really worth it if you know what I mean pal:)

[Jooky]

Why else would you think this woman would defend her relationship and marriage to the OP to her own mother and share that little skit in the monologue with her alleged hoser. Does that make sense to you?

GQ, this conversation was separate, and with another woman, not the party buddy guy. She doesn't say she defended her marriage, she says she's upset with her mom's comments and that mom 'can't judge her'.

Why is mom picking that day to rant about her daughter's husband anyways? Maybe because the daughter told mom about her weekend with her friends and her husband's adverse reaction to it? Maybe she's upset because based on recent events she knows her mom is right?

We really don't know.

We know there is a one year old child in a one year old marriage. Was this a shotgun marriage? Did she file a K-1 while she was pregnant? There's too much missing information here.

[GQBlues]

Thats a scenario, but here's a fact, the marriage is in danger because the wife is prone to putting herself in a vulnerable position to be taken advantage of by males.

If the OP installed a keyboard logger way before this incident, that tells me there could be other incidences that's got him worked up.

Hhhmm, if the OPs installed a key logger ~ there's a reason for it and hence it's understandable?!?.

BillyB, is that a mistake or do you actually support that?